Title: Gone Away

Author: Keir

Rating: R for swearing, violence, sexual situations

The Gist of Things: Kyou loves Haru, but will the ox realize it in time?

A/N: Can't stare at it any more. Spent way too much time editing; just want people to be able to read it (ffs)! Please enjoy~ ;_;

Kyou looked up sharply at the sound of the key turning in the lock of the front door. His body shivered in anticipation. He had been waiting all day, alternating between pacing and sitting and then pacing again. After a painfully long few seconds, the door swung open and Hatsuharu walked in, so tall and lean and handsome in his black suit. Kyou had nervously helped him pick out his blue tie that morning; he thought the colour made the other man's grey eyes more crystalline clear. He blushed as much from that thought as from the warm smile Hatsuharu sent his way.

The ox toed off his shoes and set his briefcase down, his gaze never leaving Kyou. The cat was blushing cutely and had already looked away. It had only been a few days since their confessions to each other. Both of them acted bashfully in the other's presence, timid and silly and stammering, as if they hadn't known one another all of their lives. Like two young people in love. Hatsuharu smiled, and he knew it was a foolish, giddy smile. "I'm home."

The cat glanced back at him, his blush deepening. "Welcome home," he replied.

"Just a moment," Hatsuharu said as he ducked back out into the hallway. When he returned, his arms were loaded with two long boxes stacked atop one another. They would have been too heavy to carry together for any other person, but being the ox had its advantages. He managed to kick the door closed behind himself and brought his burden into the living room. Once he set his load down on the floor, he glanced up through his bangs at the cat, whom he caught staring at him. He smiled again and the other man looked away with colour high on his cheeks. Hatsuharu straightened and sniffed the air. "Tea?" he asked after catching a scent.

Kyou nodded, then stopped and forced himself to reply, "Yeah." He was still getting used to the idea of being able to have vocal conversations again. He swallowed. "Green tea."

The cat cursed himself as soon as the words were out of his mouth. The ox could probably smell that it was green tea. Now he looked stupid like he'd had nothing else to say, and the ox probably thought he was stupid for not being able to carry a conversation; any time now, Haru would open his mouth and recant his words and he would sink back into miserable loneliness...

"A cup of tea would be nice," Hatsuharu said. Kyou fumbled in his rush to get to his feet to retrieve a drink for the other man, but the ox motioned for him to stay. "I'll get it myself."

Kyou watched out of the corner of his eye as the ox passed from his view. His fingers twined in the loose fabric of his pants, twisting and twisting. Did Haru think he didn't remember how he liked his tea? The younger man always took his green tea with a tablespoon of sugar and an inordinate amount of honey, enough to make Kyou lift his lip in distaste at the thought of it. What was the point in drinking tea if all you could taste was the sugary junk you put in it?

"Thank you."

The cat startled; he had been so deep in thought that he hadn't realized the ox was standing right next to him. Kyou glanced up. Hatsuharu was sipping his tea, eyes half-lidded as he watched the cat over the rim of his cup. The older man's muscles tensed; in his imagination he could feel the heat from the other man's body reaching out, entangling him until he felt like he couldn't breathe. "It's nothing," he managed to choke out.

Hatsuharu stood looking down on Kyou, ignoring the fact that the cup in his hand was uncomfortably hot. He wanted to reach out to the other man, to run his fingers through coarse orange hair, to tip that stubborn chin up and drown in crimson eyes and kiss him. He wanted to lay Kyou back, to cover his thin frame with his own body, to protect him and to make sure he knew he was loved. And, selfishly, he wanted to immerse himself in Kyou, to bring them both to completion. Together.

But he resisted the urge and walked past the sofa. Once he had settled himself on the floor and set his tea aside, he pulled the first box over to himself and opened it. He removed the paperwork resting on the top of the packaged items and rifled through the pages, perusing the words without seeing. No matter how hard he tried to focus, his eyes skimmed the print without really reading.

Unsurprisingly, his thoughts were occupied with Kyou. Even with his sincere love confession and its reciprocation, the cat was still wary about being touched. When Kyou would look at him so sweetly and Hatsuharu thought he was begging to be touched, to be loved, the slightest move by the ox might frighten the cat away. The orange-haired man might dissemble or flee outright and the younger man would be left wondering why.

It was to be expected, he chided himself. Kyou had been hurt for many years, even by Hatsuharu himself. He shouldn't push the cat so hard if he needed time to heal. The ox needed to rein himself in, especially his libido. He needed to be responsible and work on his self control.

Easier said than done. It seemed like it was getting harder and harder—sometimes very literally, he thought sardonically—with every hour that passed in the cat's presence. That was also to be expected when his love was as beautiful as Kyou.

He was taking another sip of tea when the other man surprised him with a show of curiousity. "What's in the boxes?"

Hatsuharu looked up and smiled. "Usually I try not to bring work home, but...this time it couldn't be helped." He set the paperwork aside and began emptying the open box until its contents lay around him. Twenty skateboard decks in the first container and he hadn't yet unpacked the second. His fingers brushed over one's smooth surface. "I'm on a deadline crunch. Next season's designs need to be decided on by midnight so they can go into production, but the concepts were late. I was supposed to have them last week. The art team has put me in a bind, so tonight I need to go over these product renders..." He let his vocal train of thought trail off as the other man slid from the sofa to kneel on the floor. Hatsuharu watched, holding his breath as Kyou studied each design in turn. The other man's fingertips glided over the colourful surfaces. Hatsuharu felt his heartbeat pick up at the sight of the cat's painstaking examination. There was no help for it, he thought to himself; he was acting like a foolishly lovestruck teenager.

"This one." The cat pushed a particular deck an inch toward Hatsuharu.

"Why that one?" he asked quietly. He didn't want to startle Kyou and end such a perfect moment, not when the cat was acting so normal.

The older man lifted a shoulder without looking up. "I like it."

Hatsuharu smiled. He would choose that one for no other reason than that Kyou liked it. Sappy, but there it was. "Nine more left to pick, then, though there are more to consider in the second box as well. What about this one?"

Kyou made a face. "No."

The ox almost laughed, not offended in the least by such a curt refusal. The quick, honest opinion was something that was simply written into the definition of Kyou. "Why not that one?"

"Boring colours," the cat dismissed it with finality. He was already back to scanning the other models. Hatsuharu agreed with the assessment and set the rejected design aside. Kyou was studying a certain board with a pensive frown. "This one seems familiar."

"The artist of that design in particular has been with the company for years. Skateboards with their art used to be the most popular some time ago, before I was with the company, but the numbers have declined the past couple of years."

"No wonder." Kyou snorted derisively as he continued to mull over the design in question. "I remember something that looked almost exactly like this from high school. He's just recycling crap if even I can recall something about this design. He's gotten stale and boring, predictable."

Hatsuharu held his breath at the allusion to the cat's absence, but Kyou didn't seem to take note of his own words. "I have thought about dropping this artist's concepts from the lineup before," the ox conceded, a pensive frown taking over his mouth. "But I also have to consider the ramifications of cutting the product of someone who has contributed their artwork for so long..."

The cat scoffed. "If you don't do anything, he'll never get his ass in gear and get better. Cut him this time and tell him to produce something worthwhile next season or whatever," he said, easily dismissing the ox's concerns. "He's wasting everyone's time right now with his crappy work."

"Her 'crappy work,' actually." Hatsuharu smiled as Kyou's eyes widened just the tiniest bit and his shoulders hunched forward. The cat had always had some sort of awkward fear of hurting a woman's feelings.

"W-Well, that doesn't change things!" Kyou sputtered after a moment. "A half-assed job is a half-assed job!" he added vehemently.

Hatsuharu felt his heart swell at the sight of the cat bristling with bashfulness. "I love you, Kyou."

Wide crimson eyes shot up, looked straight into grey, then away. A blush suffused the cat's cheeks. Hatsuharu chided himself for startling the other man. Every fiber of his being was urging him to reach out and pull the cat to him in an embrace. He fought the urge and tried to salvage the moment. "What about this one?" Eventually he drew the cat back into conversation. They whiled away the better part of an hour discussing the rest of the models. Hatsuharu's tea had long gone cold by the time he remembered its existence. His fingers traced the rim of the cup as he tried to keep his emotions in check.

"Haru? Haru!"

The ox blinked and shook his head. "Hmm? Sorry."

"At least try to pay attention!" The cat sighed, eyes on the ox's drink. "I'll get you more tea." Kyou braced a hand against a board and leaned forward to grab the cup when the deck under his hand slid across the wood floor. Hatsuharu's hands flew up, grabbing the cat's shoulders to brace him and stop his headlong tumble. Their eyes met in shock.

Hatsuharu's heartbeat sped up once more. His hands felt like they were absorbing the heat of a fire; the other man's skin was so hot, even through his clothes. Kyou was staring up at him through his bangs. Cute, Hatsuharu thought. His mouth raced before his mind. "I want to kiss you."

"What?" the cat rasped.

"I want to kiss you," the ox repeated, voice gone deep and strained. He was at his limit. Kyou made a small noise and whether it was assent or not, Hatsuharu took advantage. He lowered his face to the other man's, lips taking the cat's. It was the second time he had ever kissed Kyou; the lips against his were chapped and rough and wonderful. Kyou made another noise that vibrated against the ox's mouth. It only served to drive him more wild with passion. His hands released the cat's shoulders and lifted to hold either side of the other man's face. He tilted Kyou's head back and when the cat's lips opened to gasp in breath, Hatsuharu took further advantage and let his tongue plunge inside.

It was slick and hot and even more wonderful. One of Kyou's hands came up to grasp his wrist, fingers burning against the ox's skin as their tongues rubbed against each other. Hatsuharu marveled in the contact, in the taste of the cat's saliva, which was mostly that of green tea with a hint of honey. Kyou's scent was invading his senses. The ox was losing control of himself. Only Kyou had that effect on him, only Kyou. Hatsuharu rose up to his knees; he wanted to push the other man back, cover his body with his own until flesh lay against flesh. He felt feverish all over.

Tan hands struck out and shoved him in the chest. The unexpected action caught him off guard and sent him backward to land on his ass. He stared across the gap, breathing hard. The cat was gulping in air just as harshly, his eyes averted. "I'm sorry," the ox apologized raggedly. "I shouldn't have... I'm sorry."

Kyou swallowed with effort; his mouth was full of the taste of overly sugared tea, the way Haru liked it. The strong reaction of his body terrified him. How was he supposed to think when his heart was beating so fast and all his emotions were pouring over? His hand traveled up to cover his eyes; for some reason they were watering. He couldn't allow the ox to see him that way. How embarrassing to be so weak.

"Kyou, are you all right?"

What could he do when the other man was asking him that with so much concern in his voice? Such a gentle voice. He couldn't look at such an earnest face and retain the ability to speak. "Wha—" His voice cracked but the ox waited for him. "What are we to each other, Haru?"

"I don't understand the question."

Kyou leaned back against the sofa, resting his forehead against his knees, legs curled in toward his chest. "What are we besides...friends. Or cousins. Or..." the cat mumbled. He was tense, fingers digging into his legs. His whole body was on alert; he was expecting the ox to try to move closer, like he always tried to, but the other man stayed where he was. Did he want him to move closer? If he did, then why did he always shy away? His chest ached. Of course he wanted the ox to come closer. In his dreams, Haru would take him into his arms, so gentle and tender. The ox would lay him down, unbutton his shirt. His skin would be cold but the other man would lay kisses all over his body until he was overflowing with warmth. His mind would be reaching into bliss; he would be touched and loved.

But he wasn't deluded; he knew what happened next in his dreams. They would take it away from him, take away his happiness. Then he would be exposed and those beautiful grey eyes would hold nothing but disgust for what he really was.

"Does it matter?" Hatsuharu asked pragmatically, mystified by the sudden question. He wished he knew what Kyou was thinking because whatever was churning through his mind was obviously important to the other man. "I love you. That's all that matters to me."

"I don't..." The cat sucked in a shuddering breath. "I don't want you to say you love me until you know what I am."

"You're Kyou," Hatsuharu asserted. "And I love you."

The orange-haired man's hands clenched into fists as he banged them against his legs. "I told you to stop it!"

"Kyou." The ox leaned forward, grasped the cat's left hand. The other man violently tried to pull away but Hatsuharu held on no matter how hard the shorter man thrashed. It took less than a minute before Kyou slumped against the couch, red faced and panting, refusing to look up from the floor. Would it always be like this, the younger man wondered, every time he wanted to touch the person he loved?

Hatsuharu pulled Kyou's arm toward himself despite resistance, pried at the tense fingers until they uncurled. He lowered his face until his cheek rested against the captive open hand. Closing his eyes, he nuzzled against the fingers, the stubble on his cheek rough against the tanned skin. As the tremors in the other man's arm stilled, he brushed his lips over the bared palm. The ox opened his eyes to find the cat staring at him. "That wasn't so bad, was it?" Hatsuharu murmured. Kyou made no move as the ox kissed his fingertips. "I need to know," he said, lips trailing along the skin, the other man's scent intoxicating him. His fingers traveled up Kyou's forearm until they brushed over the ever-present bracelet; each bead was perfectly round and smooth.

Kyou cried out wordlessly in terror and tried to twist away, but Hatsuharu was prepared for it and held fast. "This..." He planted a kiss against the inside of the cat's wrist above the hammering pulse point, fingers still moving over the bracelet. "Is this why you're so afraid?" Crimson eyes were averted as the ox kissed the wrist a few more times, biding his time for a response. If nothing else, Hatsuharu thought to himself, he was patient.

"...You haven't seen it. You don't know what I really am," Kyou said softly. His body went lax as if the fire inside him had gone out. "Nobody could love that."

"It's true. I haven't seen it," Hatsuharu agreed, "though every Juunishi in the family knows about the curse of the Cat." He let his fingers slide back and forth over the soft skin on the underside of Kyou's forearm as he let his mind wander. "If you don't want me to tell you I love you, if it makes you uncomfortable, then that's fine," he said quietly. He looked up from his contemplation of the cat's arm, grey eyes serious and determined and direct. "But if you're asking me not to out of a misplaced sense of self-pity, then please stop. You should consider my feelings, too. I've had to repress my emotions all my life and I don't like it."

Kyou had the decency to blush. He felt like he might die on the spot from embarrassment but his heart challenged that thought by beating even faster. It made his situation even worse; he was sure the ox could sense the pounding tempo through the hold on his wrist. To top it off, Hatsuharu was staring at him with that stern look, making Kyou feel like a naughty child being scolded. Kyou was older by birth but he had been stunted by his time in limbo. He was still as he had been as a high school senior, and while he had gone away, Hatsuharu had continued to grow and mature, both physically and mentally. The ox had a job and a life and his own concerns without the cat adding to them.

"And also..." The cat blushed guiltily as Hatsuharu's voice brought him around from the same self-pitying thoughts he was being lectured against. "I want a promise from you," the ox continued. "When you're ready, show me this." His right hand encircled the bracelet; his left reached out and laid flat against the cat's chest, right over his heart. "Show me all of this. Everything. And when you do, let me finally say 'I love you' if I want to."

Kyou ducked his head in assent to hide his vulnerability.

"Just don't make me wait forever. I'm already anxious to say it more," the ox murmured, his voice a warmhearted tease to try to take the sting out of his earlier words. He leaned back, let the other man go. The cat obviously needed some space after such a direct conversation and he wouldn't begrudge him it though his body had ideas of its own.

The ox tried to redirect his attention to his neglected work, eyes traveling over the scattered product renders. They had decided on two possibilities and one certainty for the fall lineup, and he had yet to delve into the second box's contents. His watch told him that only a scant two hours remained to him before midnight. It was the first time he had been handed such responsibility by the company and he wanted to make the best judgments possible. Every choice was weighted by sales trends versus the politics of the office. It wouldn't do to anger some of the more prominent people in the company, like the artist he had discussed with Kyou earlier, but... Some things couldn't be helped. He had decided he wouldn't sacrifice his personal integrity even if it meant dealing with consequences later on.

A noise from the vicinity of his midsection brought him out of his thoughts. He laid a hand against his complaining stomach with a sigh. "There's still so much to do, and only so much time... I suppose dinner will have to wait," he muttered to himself.

"Idiot!"

Hatsuharu looked up in surprise at the vehemently shouted word, expecting to see the cat avoiding his gaze, but Kyou was staring straight at him. The older man's face told that he was annoyed and exasperated; it was a look the ox knew so well. Any sane person might have been cowed or annoyed in return at that glare, but Hatsuharu felt overcome with love. This time the ox blushed, light pink creeping over his pale cheeks. He was definitely acting like an infatuated teenager.

Kyou frowned and rolled his eyes. "If you're hungry, all you had to do was ask! I'll make us something." The cat moved to stand and suddenly remembered the ox's cold cup of tea. He sighed in irritation and, avoiding the skateboard decks scattered across the floor, crouched to pick up the younger man's neglected cup. "I'll get you more tea but I'm not ruining it with all that crap. Honestly, the amount of stuff you put in it is gro—" His eyes glanced over and he froze as he realized just how close he was to the other man, a sense of deja vu tingling up his spine.

Their faces were inches away from each other. The ox was staring at him, his lips slightly parted, colour high on his cheeks. The cat was entranced. Without thought, Kyou leaned forward, closing the gap and kissing Hatsuharu, a brief brush of lips. The scent of cologne filled his nostrils and the ox's stubble chafed his skin; obviously the younger man had forgotten to shave that morning. Kyou gasped in a breath, breaking contact as the thought ran through his head how sexy it felt to have the ox's stubble running over his skin, something so completely masculine, so markedly male.

The cat blushed and pulled away but then a hand was entangled in his hair and he was yanked forward. Their lips met again, but this time Hatsuharu's were hot and insistent, the furthest thing from chaste as his tongue penetrated the cat's mouth a second time. The ox moaned into Kyou's mouth and the orange-haired man answered in kind. Their tongues wrapped around each other, testing and tasting. The ox's lips moved as if he would swallow the cat whole. His fingers tightened as he pulled the older man even closer. Kyou made a sound of distress as he lost his balance and fell forward against Hatsuharu; the hand that held the disregarded tea cup jolted, the cold liquid spilling over the cat's skin and the floor.

For the second time that day, Hatsuharu found himself pushed backward by a shove to his chest. "What the hell did you do that for!" Kyou shouted, voice gone hoarse. The cat had shot to his feet, the tea cup—now almost empty—still gripped in one hand, the other covering his mouth. He licked his lips, savouring the taste of the ox.

Hatsuharu stared up, his face straight. "You started it," he stated calmly. The cat shone with outrage at being blamed, and that made him all the more sexy to the ox. Inside, Hatsuharu was delighted by this forceful interaction, something he was afraid he would never experience again only a week before.

Kyou bristled with indignation at the accusation. "Like hell I did! It was you with your...your tongue...and—!" Hatsuharu quirked a brow, enjoying watching the cat squirm, which only infuriated the other man further. Kyou bared his teeth in a snarl. "You can't just do something like that! You have to ask permission first!"

"Why? You didn't ask for mine," Hatsuharu pointed out in his practical manner. Kyou paled and sputtered, searching for a rational justification that didn't exist, and the younger man was enthralled in watching it more than he thought he ought to be. When the cat finally strangled his own indignant vocalizations and stood quiet and mortified, the ox asked, "Can I kiss you now then?" Grey eyes were guileless; Hatsuharu somehow kept his face neutral.

The cat's colour rose again. "No!" he denied fiercely. "You—! Just..." Kyou stifled an undignified noise. "Just clean up your mess, you stupid cow!" he yelled, voice rising an octave in desperation as he turned on his heel to retreat.

"Kyou, to answer your question earlier..." The ox stared at the cat's tense backside, thinking about the skin beneath the clothes and how badly he wanted to explore it with fingers and lips and tongue. "I consider you my boyfriend."

Crimson eyes widened as the cat froze on the spot; his heart wanted to leap out of his throat. There were so many things Kyou wanted to say, but he wasn't ready yet. "Get back to work!" he choked out, voice gone husky. "You'll be late if you don't hurry it up, stupid!" Risking a glance back over his shoulder, he found the ox staring at him with a little teasing smile on his face. He felt the blood rush low in his body. "Dumbass!"

Hatsuharu's smile widened as Kyou retreated into the kitchen. Riling the cat up to a blushing, shouting mess was definitely one of his favourite things to do, he decided. He had missed the cat, missed this silly squabbling.

Lovestruck teenager, indeed. The ox went in search of a towel to clean up after the spilled tea.

It amuses me to write Haru working for a company that sells extreme sports gear. X3 Amuses, I say!