A ridiculously fun story of St. John "Pyro" Allerdyce joining the Brotherhood after Apocalypse is defeated and Gambit and Colossus join the X-Men.

John/Wanda, Lance/Kitty, Pietro/Tabitha, and random other things.

Pyro's Ultimate Mission

Chapter 1: Moving In

The Brotherhood house was clean beyond recognition since Mystique's return. She had demanded they scrub the house from ceiling to floor, she had repaired the Todd and Pietro shaped holes in the wall, and put food back in the kitchen. She had even demanded they take Todd outside and spray him down with the hose, it wasn't a whole lot of improvement, but she had convinced him to take two showers a month instead of just one on the threat of death.

Though Mystique was strict and frankly, really mean, it was better with her around, they thought. They always had food, and money, and there were nights when Mystique wasn't even home at all.

But one day, someone came to the house.

He didn't knock, he just pranced in, dropped his bags in the doorway and looked around.

"Oi!" he called. "Where can I put my stuff?"

"…Pyro?" Pietro said, raising an eyebrow at the redhead.

"Yeah. I'm moving in."

"Says who?" Mystique said as she finally approached the door.

"Me, myself, and I," he replied with a smile at Mystique. "Remy and Piotr joined up with the X-men and I didn't fit in down that-a-way so I decided to come here."

"Fine. There's an empty bedroom up the stairs, second room on the right," Mystique said, rolling her eyes. "I'm leaving for the day, if I come back and the house is in ruins, it's on your head," she said, pointing at Pyro.

With the Acolytes, Pyro had grown accustomed to getting the blame for house-hold related accidents, as he was the youngest and smallest, and thus easiest bullied. Here, he was the oldest, but still smaller than everyone except…Toad.

He frowned, but took his things up to the room that Mystique had indicated. He threw the bags down and hurried down the stairs.

"What's for breakfast?" he asked cheerfully.

"What is he doing here?" Wanda sneered, looking up from her breakfast.

"I live here now, Sheila!" he said, smiling at her, and taking a seat.

"Why?"

"Well I didn't wanna be all by my lonesome since my mates scampered off to the X-men," he said, propping his feet up on the table, his chair leaning back on it's back two legs.

"Feet off the table!" Wanda yelled, her spoon emitting a blue glow.

Pyro pouted. "Fine, fine, be that way." He removed his feet from the table and crossed his arms over his chest. "This isn't gonna be as fun as I hoped, is it?" he asked, looking at Pietro.

"Wanda's just a killjoy," Pietro said as he fixed his breakfast at rapid speed. "Ignore her."

"Shut it Pietro!" she snapped.

After breakfast (Pyro ate cereal straight from the box, he wasn't a fan of milk), the boys crowded the living room to watch TV and Wanda stalked off to her room. They laughed raucously at the ridiculous cartoon Freddie had picked for the morning, and upstairs, Wanda slammed her door.

Pyro fit in well with the boys of the Brotherhood. They were loud and sometimes immature, and Pyro was a lunatic. It all worked out very nicely.

Of course, on Saturday, Pyro was on the roof with his flamethrower, making 'beautiful' fire creatures, when he saw someone approaching the house.

An X-man!

The tiny one, that could walk through walls, to be more specific, he couldn't quite remember her name.

He shot two huge beams of flames down to flank the door, forming huge gargoyle like creatures, complete with fire-axes that blocked the door.

"What the-? Hey! Someone let me in!" she yelled.

The door opened. "Pyro knock it off!" he heard Lance yell.

Pyro sighed, making his creations join him on the roof, and allowing the young X-man entry into the Brotherhood house.

He sat on the roof for a little while longer, but it looked as if it might rain soon, so he made his way back inside to fix himself a bite to eat. Fred and Todd were in the living room watching more cartoons, Pietro was nowhere to be found and he assumed Lance had taken the tiny X-man to his room for the day. Wanda was sitting in the kitchen reading a book and absentmindedly eating a sandwich. She glared at him when he entered and then went back to reading. He fixed himself a sandwich (ham, tomatoes, with jalapeño peppers) and sat down beside her.

"Whatcha readin?"

"Go away."

"Interesting book title."

"Leave me alone."

"You're not very sociable."

"Go away, Pyro."

"It's John, anyway. I'm not in my uniform."

"That's a dull name."

"Well you American blokes can't pronounce my real name, so I'm just makin' it easy."

She shrugged and continued reading, finishing her sandwich after a couple more bites, and scowling at the noise Toad and Freddie were making.

"Could you two be quiet?" she yelled.

"Anything for you Poopkins," Toad yelled back.

"Don't call me that, Toad!"

"Seems Toad has a bit of a crush on ya, Sheila," Pyro noted.

"Unfortunately, yes."

Pyro studied Wanda for a minute, with a grin. She was pretty in that scary, unstable, mean kind of way. And feisty. He liked feisty. He may just have to give Toad some competition…

The moment this thought occurred to him, Pietro zipped into the room.

"Why're you staring at my sister, huh?" he asked sharply.

"I'm not staring," he said, looking down at his half-eaten sandwich.

Pietro glared.

"Do you blokes just hang 'round here all day?" Pyro asked him. "Don't you have girlfriends or a jobs or somethin?"

"None of them do. Except Lance, on the first part. They claim they don't need jobs because they just mooch off of Mystique," Wanda said. "And she made them go back to school, so they can use not having time for a job as an excuse too."

"Made you?"

"Well, that mutant hatin' principal left to run for mayor, and Mystique got her job back," Toad said from the kitchen. "And she un-expelled us," he added. "And told us she wouldn't pay for our meals if we didn't come to school. Except snookums, she doesn't have to go."

"You don't go to school?" John asked, looking at Wanda.

She shook her head.

"Well at least I won't be all alone during the week."

Wanda really wished she went to school now.

"Why don't you go to school?" she asked him, scowling.

"I'm too old for school, Sheila."

"Don't call me that."

"How old are you?" Pietro interrupted.

"Almost twenty if I recall correctly."

"Not quite old enough to buy us booze," Toad said sadly, hopping into the room.

"I can just zip in and steal it, like I did last time," Pietro said, looking offended.

"It's not good to use the same approach twice, yo."

"True," Freddie agreed, not leaving the living room.

Pyro could only laugh. It seems that in a time of peace, the only thing the Brotherhood got up to was petty mischief. But that was better than being a perpetual do-gooder like the X-men. Rescuing kittens from trees and the like. Definitely not his style.

Pietro ran out of the room and up the stairs. "Lance! Are you still alive in there? Stop sucking face and get lunch!" he yelled.

The floor started to shake uncontrollably.

"Fine! I'll leave you alone!" Pietro ran back into the kitchen. "He hates it when I do that."

"Obviously," Wanda muttered. "You're a tactless idiot."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"I think she means that interrupting more intimate activities is rude and immature, mate," Pyro said. "I don't know though, it's always been fun to me."

"I guess it's a guy thing," Pietro said.

"It must be an idiot thing," Wanda corrected.