Disclaimer: I don't own anything about Naruto only the new things I have written here.

Chapter 1

Remembering

Sakura POV

I knew it before I have proof about it. When you are a woman you take care of yourself and are more aware of your own body than a man. I think this is natural for me, for all women in general. We have the responsibility and joy of being able to give life and bring another human being to the world. So I, as a girl as many others, was always in check of my own body. That's why I knew it even before the normal period of time of waiting symptoms and changes in my body. That's why I knew it even when I was in his arms, kissing him, caressing him, touching and holding his perfect and loved body against mine, exploding in the wave of desire and pure and eternal love I held in my hurt and hopeless heart.

The heart he had broken in the past with his decision and choice of life. The heart that loved him since we were mere kids. The heart that still loved him even in my anger, my pain, my sadness and loneliness. In the desperation and hopelessness.

Against everything and everyone who dared to tell me straight in the face that he was lost forever in his search of power and revenge. In my silence I kept hoping against hope. With the time I choose to stay quiet when I heard others talking about him. Badmouthing him. I felt terrible and I felt like I was betraying him. In the first times I defended him, I spoke on his behalf even knowing perfectly well that he was going to the dark and to the cruelty and evil possibly. Even when I ended up crying lonely and suffering his absence and his lack of love for me. But I understood why I decided the silence instead of my voice. I was angry at him. And I was beyond sadness and melancholy. I wasn't protecting him (in the only way I could in that moment, with my voice and my words) because I was pregnant with his child.

And even when I haven't told him I knew how he would react. What he would say and do. Left me. And our baby. I didn't hate my baby. I love it with my youth and inexperience. This was one of my dreams. Having children with that boy I have loved since I was an insecure little girl. I had one of my dreams. Maybe not like I dreamed it or expected it to be. But I was pregnant with his child. A tiny piece of him was floating inside my belly, growing and making me happier than ever. The other dream was to have his father with me, at my side. In love with me. Married. Happy. But that dream would never come true. I had accepted it finally. I think I was angry of knowing he wouldn't care about us, even if he didn't love me this little baby was his. But I knew. That's why I was angry at him even in his ignorance of the pregnancy.

I was stupid. I knew what could happen then. I was a sixteen year old girl. Perfectly capable of getting pregnant if I had sex. But when I remember that afternoon in the forest, when I met him after months of wanting to see him only for minutes, I chose to accept his kisses. I knew deep in my mind what would happen if we stayed in the moment. He didn't care or think about the consequences like almost all men. And I, who did care, decided to leave it to nature and life. It didn't matter to me. The possibility of getting pregnant was high and certain but I didn't care.

I surrender to his arms holding me, his eyes seeing me, his hands caressing and touching my skin, my body. Now when I think about it I had the strange thought of wanting to have a piece of him with me. Maybe that's why I didn't say no and remember him about birth control and babies. I knew I would have him with me only that afternoon and sunset. Only for me. Without words. I knew it. That's why I didn't care if I could possibly get pregnant. If he was gone again… if I lost him forever… at least I would have a little reminder of him. And one of my dreams could come true.

Why did I surrender to him? Why we made love that day? I knew my answer. I love him. I hadn't stop loving him even after all. That's why I gave myself to him and his demands. That's why. There's no other motive. I gave him my soul, my body and my heart that afternoon in every loud moan and high scream and harsh breath. In every loving glance I shot at him. I let him possessed me without complain or doubt, I let him to touch and kiss and see my naked body. I let him to made love to me, even if it wasn't love, many times. The first one was naturally, the special one. Unique. I was virgin. I'm sure it was his first time too. I could tell it in his behavior and nervousness masked behind his cold stare and indifferent face. In the way he held me and made me to loose control.

Knowing I will only have this moment of sex and love with him it caused to show him everything I felt for him. I was nervous at first and ashamed. But if this was my only chance of bringing a little of light and love to his dark path I would make him remember it forever. I was free then. I wasn't nervous or ashamed anymore. That's why I did it. That's why I made love to him. Because I love him I will always forever. Even now that I feel so angry and bitter. It's a consequence and I have to accept it. Even if now I don't want to see him or hear him. The truth will hurt me so much. Knowing he doesn't care about that time, about me, about our unborn baby. I decided to pretend he has died. It's better than the truth. And it's easier for me to handle it. He would never know. And I am in peace at least with that.

The only doubt I have in mind about the moment we shared naked in the middle of the forest rolling in the grass and trying to fuse with the other is why he did it. Why was he there and didn't run or ignore me? Why was he just staring longingly and tiredly at me? Why his expression softened and a little smile pop up in his face? He didn't love me. He doesn't love me. The one I have decided to pretend is dead and buried six feet under. I think I saw loneliness in those beautiful eyes of his. Oh God! How I loved those black eyes! I believe he was down in that moment. Feeling lonely. The loneliness can be a powerful weapon to make you do things you usually don't think doing. And that sharp loneliness in his eyes broke my heart into million of pieces and I just wanted to let him know he wasn't lonely in the entire world.

I wanted to convince him to come with me and leave everything behind him. I try to do it with my love through making love with him and I try to do it with my broken voice and tears when everything had ended and he was saying "goodbye" without being affected by my crying and suffering and plea. But deeply I knew I wouldn't succeed. He was still so griped in his hate and vengeance and despair. And I hadn't the power to make all that disappear. I would never have it. And he was gone again. And the only proof of what happened that day between the two of us is this little being growing inside me. I had frozen his father in my memory and my heart and soul, erasing his kisses and hands from my body, remembering the way he surrendered himself when we were making love freely and carelessly and I could maybe thought he felt something, maybe little, for me in every profound moan he gave, and every silent scream he let escape, and in every desperate breath he took.

But I'm lying to myself. He maybe cared a little about me for being one of his first team members and the pink haired girl from his classroom. His companion and the chick who declared her love for him when he was leaving Konoha. But that's all. He doesn't feel anything special for me. I correct myself: He didn't felt anything special for me. The one I have frozen in time. Because the one he is now I don't familiarize with the image of the cold and lonely and smart kid I knew. That's the father of this baby and the one I made love to. Not the present he. And even knowing very well they're the same person after all and that I love the both of them truly and deeply, it's easier this way. The father of my baby is dead. The other one is just a ghost mirroring him darkly and painfully. An enemy I could not forgive for what he has done till now and with I could not be living peacefully.

He's now like ice. He was before cold and serious but he had kindness in his deep eyes and he was lonely. Now he's just an enemy full of hate, power, vengeance and blindness. I could no let myself fall for him again using the disguise of the former boy he was.

Sakura POV

It was three months ago when I had sex with him. That afternoon when I was walking home with Kakashi-Sensei and Naruto I knew perfectly that I was going to get pregnant. Almost 100. I didn't use any kind of birth control and I was in my fertile days. I felt trepidation and fear of knowing all this notice could cause in the near future. In my future. I was only sixteen. I wasn't married. And the man who I slept with was an enemy now. But I took a deep breath and smile imaging our baby. If I didn't get pregnant well I would accept it too. So I left it everything to time and I tried to relax and treasured the moment I had experienced with the boy I loved so much.

Sakura POV

When the first month passed I knew it certainly. The symptoms appeared and being a woman and a medical ninja I tested myself to have the scientific proof of it. I was happy and I cried hours smiling sadly. But I didn't know then how I would handle this situation with my parents, with my friends, with Kakashi and Tsunade-Sensei and with everyone in Konoha. I passed nights lying in my bed trying to look for answers and solutions.

Two months more passed and I was very pregnant to regret it. I love my baby. I was going to have the baby even without him. I would be the father and the mother of this little boy or little girl. And this immense love gave me power and will and security and I knew that I could handle everything that could happen next. When I discovered that… I was ready to tell it to the world. And so I did it.