Kana: Hmmn…well, yesterday I was bored to tears so I had my freaking giant ass box of dental floss (bought for my Dark Walter cosplay – which sucks ass) eat my brother's head. I can see a school prank for Halloween in which I use my dental floss of death and string it up everywhere :D Awesome!

Disclaimer: ;-; does this emoticon scream "I own Hellsing?" No, it says 'WHAAAAAA! I don't own it!"

Note: Once again – I can't do accents. I am either afraid I'll mess it up or kill the character ;-; bear with me and don't hate me when I don't do French, German, or whatever the hell Anderson's accent is (I'm leaning towards Irish). I also use the Captain's fanon name Hans, only because I felt silly writing 'the Captain' over and over.

OOOOO

Fidelity

Chapter Four: Inquisition

OOOOO

Alucard stayed at the hospital after he was released. He stayed longer than anyone suspected, asking questions and prodding into businesses that were not his own. He slept in a crate in an old custodian closet and wandered the halls at night, looking for spare blood pouches and more doppelgangers.

There was a Wolfe one in the human wards, acting as a teller. Her jaw twitched when he came near, so he watched her rarely, afraid she might notice him. He did not know if her counterpart was dead yet and he would rather not face her Desert Eagles without guns of his own.

Neil's wife was a total shocker to him. At first he did not know why the woman did know wish to see him even though her lover seemed to be obsessed with him; but then she came to the hospital, and he realized why. She was a perfect copy of Rip Van Winkle, minus the gun, and if Joseph was right, she had reason to fear him. Alucard found great joy in standing close to her, grinning in a way that exposed all his teeth as Neil introduced them.

But he found no Police Girl or Integra. Nothing, not even after he asked Neil a second time. The man seemed frightened when he spoke of her, as if he was about to be struck down by god…

Or…

"Hey," Alucard made one of Neil's patient's scream as he dissolved from the ceiling. The doctor smiled up at him happily though, ignoring his human patient's whimpers of fear. "What's wrong?"

The vampire was scowling. "Does Integra work for the Vatican?" he asked.

"I believe so," Neil gently rolled his patient's sleeve to their elbow and wiped a patch of skin with alcohol.

And then he was paged. Even Alucard was curious when Neil's belt began to make infuriating beep noises at him, and he was sure that – if Neil had not shut if off when he did – he could have most likely killed it. He would have killed it in a terrible fashion: by nailing it to the wall and shooting at it with some form of strong firearm until it stopped being funny.

And if the damnable beeping thing hadn't gone off, Alucard would have probably smacked Neil around a bit, then asked him all the who, what, when, where, and freaking why – god, why!? – about Integra and her job at the Vatican…with himself…his Catholic self. Ugh, Alucard wanted to kill his Vatican self, but he didn't know if that would count as murder or suicide…

Something tugged at his coat. A part of Alucard's mind told him it was a child, yet another part told him it was a man. It was both. A combination of a child's immaturity and a man's thought pattern.

It was Pip.

"I thought you were dead," Alucard said bluntly to the ghost, which flickered in and out of existence like a bad signal on a faulty television. He should have been leaping for joy; if Pip was here, then something special was happening.

"That's some hello," Pip drawled, his voice was static as well. "I thought you would be beside yourself with glee or something. Do that freaky cackle you do or something. Or maybe you're grieving? Confused? Scared shitless?"

Alucard was not amused. "Shut up. How are you here, why are you here, and what happened that broughtyou here?" he demanded, the edges of his form wavering like black fire as his hair grew longer, floating ever so slightly. Ten more seconds and he was going to do something…batty.

Pip still smoked, even in death. He took out an ethereal lighter and a packet of cigarettes and lit one of them. Alucard noticed the brand and the empty spot in his chest throbbed slightly. Walter…Walter always complained about American soldiers only having that particular brand. But Alucard could no longer experience nostalgia, sadness, or anything of the sort, so the throbbing went unnoticed.

"I am neither dead in our world, nor alive in it either," he said, taking a low drag and blowing it to the ceiling. The smoke disappeared before it had floated a foot from his form. "So I can travel between the two."

"Has anyone tried to use this connection as a means of communication?" Alucard asked, his hair once again 'normal' and his outline clear and firm.

"No," Pip's expression turned grave, but Alucard wasn't sure. His voice was going in and out; the 'signal' was growing worse. "I cannot do that – to let people who have not died yet know of this side of the dimension would cause chaos. Besides – they're busy."

"Is Master still alive?" Alucard took a step closer to the ghost. "Is she injured? Tell me! Tell me now!" Pip made a small choking sound as Alucard dissolved into a mass of frantic shadow that pinwheeled like an angry maelstrom. "Tell me! Tell me now! How is Master!? How is the Police Girl!? WHAT! IS! HAPPENING!?"

At that moment the 'connection' broke, and Pip winked out of existence on that realm, leaving just the hysterical Alucard in the room. And just as Pip left, Neil returned wheeling someone gently into the room – meanwhile, the poor bastard of a patient had not seen Pip, but had seen Alucard talking to thin air and would be permanently scarred for life – so Alucard snapped back into his usual form, complete with the unfazed, sardonic smile.

"I'm sorry about the room," Neil said gently to the patient. "But the doctors couldn't decide whether to place you here or in the human ward."

Something grunted softly, and Alucard knew that grunt. And if Alucard could not feel nostalgia, sadness, or anything of the sort, then he certainly did not feel curiosity when the Captain was carefully transferred from a wheelchair to a bed, his chest covered in bandages with a red splotch beginning to form in the center.

But he was able to feel elation as his mouth curved into a malicious grin, exposing teeth and all as the Captain looked his way with a stoic expression – as usual. The werewolf cocked his head in the manner of an inquisitive dog and began to study Alucard. The vampire was deemed safe and the Captain moved on to viewing his surroundings. And the poor patient had given up calling for a nurse in favor of passing out – the low-level vampire had obviously seen too many things today.

Neil saw Alucard staring at the Captain with the eyes of a shark, and grew worried. "You two know each other?" He had heard of werewolves and vampires being enemies but…what the hell was he saying? There was no such thing as werewolves – though this new patient was not wholly human and…and…

Why had he come to the conclusion 'werewolf'? Neil's brow furrowed as he probed his own mind, searching for the answer.

Meanwhile, Alucard had gotten 'the look'. A look that had been proved to make people – and vampires – drop dead on the spot. An insane version of a child's grin when they receive a new, fun toy. The glasses he usually manifested disappeared in a plume of black vapor, leaving the excited gleam in his eyes out in the open.

Alucard turned to Neil. "No, I don't know this man. Not in the least."

When Neil came back to check on the Captain, he found Alucard's coffin resting at the foot of the bed instead of in the janitor's closet.

OOOOO

Alucard could fly planes; he could wield just about any weapon with ease; his aim was perfect. And yet he still refused to use the damn straw in his blood sacs.

"I thought you vampires were all about cleanliness?" Joseph asked as Alucard used his long tongue to lick the inside of a torn pouch clean.

"Oh really?" Alucard tossed the pouch away, waiting a moment and making a satisfied murmur when it landed a few feet away with a plop. The other patients eating jell-o and turkey sandwiches around them made disapproving noises. "I prefer the smell of blood to potpourri."

Then he began to watch. Joseph sat calmly as Alucard stood up and walked smoothly to the fruit section, hissing – as was his custom – at any human in his way until he came upon the apples. Using a keen vampire eye, Alucard selected three apples and balanced them on his fingers while walking back to the table. Show off, Joseph thought.

Alucard gave on to him then stretched his mouth wide – another custom of his – and ate the apple whole.

"Who's the third one for?" Joseph asked.

That was when Alucard drew his arm way back and stuck his tongue between his teeth. Joseph tried to stop him but it was too late – Alucard threw the apple across the entire cafeteria, nearly seventy feet, making a few people shriek in fear. He expected the apple to hit the ground, eventually burst open and send bits of fruit everywhere, and then for Alucard to be forcibly detained and given tranquillizers.

But the apple never made it to the ground. A hand shot out and caught it, and that hand was attached to Hans. The werewolf stared at the apple – from what Joseph could see – then dropped it nonchalantly. He felt pity for the poor people staring at the half naked, bandaged lycanthrope as the Captain began to walk towards them. The pristine gauze was no longer marred by bloodstains.

Werewolves healed fast.

"How did you know he was watching you?" Joseph asked as the Captain scanned his face, making him look back. Hans's eyes never glared, they never narrowed, and they never shined like Alucard's. All they did was stare, and it was a little unnerving.

"I smelled him," Alucard's nose wrinkled. "He stinks of dog and…" he trailed off. What was that other smell? It was something familiar and friendly, like the scent old gunpowder and wet grass from his old lives (once again, no nostalgia was felt). "And…"

Joseph's eyes widened as something from Anderson's memories made the cogs in his brain click. "That's uranium and napalm."

At that moment Alucard finally felt a normal human emotion, one of the few that remained in a vampire. He felt something that he had promised himself that he would never let cloud his judgment again, something he was infamous for.

Alucard felt deep, monstrous anger that filled his entire being and made his form once again shift into a trembling mass of blackness that seemed to rear up behind him. The shriek of his remaining spirits made the pots and pans in the kitchen shake and rattle, only adding to the commotion as patients realized what was about to happen.

But he did not care. The only thing Alucard cared about anymore was the fact that Seras's Harkonnen had rounds containing napalm and uranium and the rest of the world faded into red. There was a slight squeal as his leather jumpsuit stretched itself over his body and his eyes glowed in fury.

"You attacked my fledgling!" Alucard roared as a few hands reached out from the black mass he had spread out around the Captain. He did not dare summon the few hundred souls that he had left – in his mind it was because he did not want to lose anymore until he was sure about this world, but in reality it was because he was scared that Schrödinger might be among them. "What happened!?"

"Let me handle this," said a voice, and Alucard instantly had a small golden cross shoved in his face.

The No-Life King was about to cackle at whoever had thought that he would be affected by such a thing when he noticed something. The cross was roughly hewn, with sharp edges and imperfect measurements. Nothing like the gilded or gold and silver plated crucifixes today. It hung on a leather strip that was fraying where the cross was attached.

It was his old cross.

The sudden surprise of seeing it again made something extremely odd happen to Alucard. All of his muscles promptly contracted, making him freeze up and topple over to the side disgracefully, still surrounded by the shadows and looking very silly.

"Wha­-at?" Alucard breathed in disbelief, unable to scream – as his throat felt like it was inside a noose.

"Vampires suffer from myotonia congenita, and they freeze when startled," said the voice again, and Alucard's eyes swiveled in their sockets, searching for the bastard that had put him on his back.

Another thing he didn't know about this world. Since he was able to eat like the vampires here could, Alucard obviously was affected by other things about them too.

When his muscled finally began to loosen, Alucard was able to look up and stare at himself right in the face.

Dressed in shining armor made of pure silver – which must have hurt – Vlad Dracula was a sight. His hair was perpetually long and pulled back with a silk red tie at the nape of his neck, though a few brave strands had broken free and floated around his long face. He slipped the cross back around his neck and watched Alucard with bright green eyes that seemed to mock him more with every passing second.

And at his side was Integra, looking the same as she had at her desk in the Hellsing Manor. Nothing about her was changed, and that was enough to convince Alucard that she was truly resilient to everything that came at her.

OOOOO

Kana: (facedown on the floor) I'msososososo sorry. ;-; I did not mean for this update to take so long, but there was school and my aunt coming over and all the hectic crap that comes at my family on a daily basis and the fact that I'm almost as lazy as Hirano, but blah. Anyway, I wanted to make this PERFECT, but I'm not so sure.

Here's the daily lesson in shit: my vampires do suffer from myotonia congenita in this world – which I'm very proud of :D. It is a disorder that does affect humans but is the raining trait in a species of goat called the fainting goats. It makes the muscles of either the legs (in the goats) or the hand or arms (in humans) contract and freeze up until they loosen back up again if they had not been used in a long period of time (or, in the goat's – and Alucard's…- case, if they're startled…is anyone else thinking of Alucard as a goat?).

Review Responses:

Relks the Disturbed: O.O Whoa…you really hate Millennium…alrighty then, I guess I can't argue with that. Thanks though ;)

MegFallow: Nyhahaha! Your prediction was correct. Integra does work for Dracula! I thought it would be interesting to see their positions reversed.

KURRYdaJIGGAmonkey: Hmmn, Alucard as Jack Sparrow…BRB, I need to go look up a crossover…anyway (back) I think Alucard would have a gun inside his jar of dirt :P Seras will be coming soon, but don't laugh in her face. Cause then AlucardXSeras fangirls would come and eat your ass, and we don't want that (nopenope).

Cannot fathom a PenName: (cackle) lovely joke sweetie, lovely joke XD Hmmn…I want Vlad to fall into my world, then I would take him to school and he would be my love puppet (snuggles nothing in particular).

ThroughtheShadows: You're very welcome hun! :D I do so love Anderson (and Maxwell, but only cause he's a crazy fuzzy and deserves to be petted) when he's not being murderous and all that crap. I know the children's ward thing was terribly OOC, as Dracula did eat children (Vampire Nazis eating babies! Sorry…I blame my friend ;-; ), but Alucard is a little smarter than he had been as the Count, so he wouldn't kill children then have an entire hospital after him.

Master of the Boot: Alucard's an ass no matter where he is, don't you know this by now? :D Integra's always a little crazy, but she usually covers it by going 'IDIOT!' every so often. Yes, a vamp loving Anderson, freaky no? Its horribly OOC, but Anderson is a little loveable during the orphanage scenes, so I figured – hey, what the hell – and turned that LUV towards vampires. And yes, if I name the Alucard counterpart 'Vlad', he is the armor wearing, curly haired, mustachioed one. I love that moustache :D

vaders aprentice darth squi...: I'm afraid I've had you dying for quite some time ;-; anyway, now that chapter 94 is out, this story is REALLY AU. UBER AU. Out the WHAZZOO AU. Yeah…oh well :D.

Anemoi: Hmmn…(imagines House smacking Alucard with his cane) I think I made Maxwell too much like him in this fic…ouch…

PrincessVictoriaAnnMacbeth: (patpat) Its okay, we all do that from tiem to time.

End Responses

Kana: Vlad – Alucard interaction next chapter! Will Integra be used as a tug of war dummy between them? Will Alucard ever stop freaking out? Will Vlad be suffocated with a hospital pillow? Review and stay tuned!