Diffident Urges…

Dodgy title. Lol I just thought it would be funny to write this since my recent fics have been so… sombre. Hahahahahahahahaha I've only ever pulled off one successful funny fic, let's see if I can do it again.

I'm basically just making everyone in Lost look like a moron. Please, take no offence, I love the entire cast, really I do. Apart from Echo. Or Libby. And I especially love Desmond so I'm trying not to mock him too much…

Oh and Annie… SHAWL lol

--

Desmond sat himself down in the damp sand, his fingers and toes massaging its rough feel to calm his nerves. His breath was uneasy and his whole body was shaking, not only from the cold but the anxiousness as well. His eyes seemed glazed but they were fixed on his personal attraction, so immaculate, the only flaw was the comparison to forbidden fruit. Desmond couldn't take his eyes off him…

Hurley came up behind Desmond panting with his fat chest heaving up and down from only a few minute's walk. He grunted almost like a pig as he collapsed down next to Desmond, his podgy little legs flying in the air as he lost his balance and starting to roll down the gentle slope of the beach. He called out for help, "Dudes! It's happening again!" Hurley toppled into the ocean and was drowning. He was still yelling for assistance but Desmond didn't even notice him. No one did but Jin who was helping tie up wreckage but he said nothing and smiled as he thought to himself in Korean, finally… the peanut butter's mine now.

"If only he knew…" Desmond whispered dreamily and ran his fingers through his hair in the wind to gain some attention. But he received none as the little group of men pulled out wrecks and fishing nets, their feet scuttling about the torrents of the shore. Desmond's gaze couldn't leave the sexy flexing muscles and the beads of sweat and-

"Today is gonna be the day that they're gonna throw it back to you!" Charlie happily sung out in a nasal voice alongside his upbeat and off-tone chords of his cheap acoustic. Desmond pouted and stared at Charlie beside him with contempt. One look at his bright red eyes and it was obvious he was truly out of it and under the impression he could play guitar. Desmond tried to ignore him but it was no use as he blocked his ears. "BY NOW you shoulda somehow realised what you-" Suddenly, Charlie's instrument was crushed to the pieces over his head and little bags of pot spewed out, and he was being dragged into the water by Desmond.

"You're ruining the mood, brother!" he shouted and held Charlie under until he drowned. When he finally let out his last breath, a few more little bags of pot floated to the surface. When Desmond sat back down, Daniel the hippie stole them all and ran away sniggering and congratulating himself repeatedly.

The six men reviving wreckage out of the waters were Jack, Locke, Kate, Jin, Sawyer and Sayid. Everyone was pulling their weight and tugging shafts through the wet sand and it was like the jackpot for Desmond who privately contained himself and his misleading sexuality. But he only had eyes for one man in particular… and his name was Sayid. It was that dark, rich skin that he craved and he couldn't deny his feelings anymore. "I wish I could tell him how I felt… we could be so great together."

Danielle was standing in his shadow the whole time and she laughed and snorted as she heard his cheesy affections revealed. Desmond looked over his shoulder, all the hurt fixed on his face and then she coughed awkwardly. "'Ere," she whispered in a fake French accent and threw a dirty rag at him. "'Ave a shawl, muahahaha!" and she ran off into the jungle in time to her 3-note song. But then the winds picked up fiercely and the shawl was blown out of Desmond's hand and right into her face where it smothered her.

"WHERE'S MY SHAWL?" Nikki screamed running out of the jungle to Danielle whose corpse lay on the floor. "Give it back, bitch!" she started slapping and kicking Danielle and the violence really built up as they ripped each other's shirts off. Juliet watched with amazement and she ran over and fought with them too, ripping off her shirt in the process because she wanted some action with the ladies.

Desmond didn't find this a turn on at all unlike all the six men on the beach. Sawyer turned to get a better view and he accidentally pushed Sayid backward into the ocean. Desmond gasped in horror, jumped up to his feet and ran down a little too eagerly to the soft waters to see if Sayid was okay. For a while he didn't come back up and Desmond was starting to panic.

And then, all in slow motion, Sayid emerged. His clothes soaking wet as he took off his shirt to reveal his hard-worked abs and biceps. His face sighed with a look of refreshment and the water dripped from his body, and he brushed back his smooth raven black hair. He's an angel… Desmond thought and he turned away with embarrassment, feeling his cheeks heat up.

"Desmond," Sayid's soft middle-eastern voice echoed through the air. He stopped in his tracks and turned around again with a bright smile on his face that he couldn't help fall into a pensive gaze on Sayid's body. "Do you want to give us a hand?" he asked and Desmond nodded enthusiastically.

"YES!" he cried and Sayid stared at him sideways. Desmond coughed to hide his humiliation and repeated a little more collectively, "I mean, yes, of course I will, brother." Sayid smiled a little and moved over to give him a spot to push. Desmond was only pushing the wood for a few seconds until his hand accidentally brushed against Sayid's and Desmond tripped and fell face-first into the water like a fool.

Everyone stopped and laughed at poor Desmond's misfortune but only Sayid was the one who pulled him out of the water. "Are you alright?" he asked and put a hand on his shoulder. Desmond smiled, my hero, he thought and nodded coyly. They went back to work but then Desmond exclaimed a short yell of pain as he moved his ankle. "What's wrong now?" Sayid gasped in alarm.

"It's my ankle, brother. I think I twisted it!" he cried like a baby. Sayid offered him sympathy and took Desmond into his arms, helping him hobble up back onto the beach where it was safer for him. Once he was set down with Sayid next to him he whispered, "I'm sorry." Sayid looked up in confusion.

"You have nothing to be sorry about. It was an accident, it could have happened to anyone." Desmond smiled and moved closer to him as Sayid took his foot and rolled up his jeans to inspect his leg. His touch was so delicate and soothing for the pain and Desmond was more than excited when he moved closer to his face. "Stay here, I'm going to get some ointment to rub on your ankle. You'll be fine." As Sayid was running back to the huts, Desmond did a little victory dance.

Jack laughed at them and then he turned to Locke slyly. "Quick! While they're not looking, let's make a run for it!" Locke grinned and took Jack's hand. They ran across the beach and hid behind a giant deserted palm tree where they stayed the rest of the evening to make out together in peace.

Little did they know, Ben was watching them from the branches of the tree and recording their every move. Suddenly, clumsy Ben dropped the camera and screamed 'FICKLE!' as Jack and Locke replayed the video, thought it was hot and ran away to watch it again. "I-It's not for me! Umm it's a present for Karl!" he shouted, trying to clear his name.

--

Meheheehehehhehehehe well I thought it was alright. What do you think, Annie?? SHAWL honest opinions now…

I've decided I'm going to try to kill as much people as I can in this fic. Don't ask why. I aim to have the entire cast but Sayid and Desmond dead by the end of this.

I think I'm really pushing it but whatever, it's not like anyone else hasn't written something that can be considered offencive. I don't complain, I just laugh uneasily and read another fic :)

WD's KIT-TAY…