Family Guy Fanfiction

Family Guy Fan fiction

Stewie Note

Ch.1

-TV-

-News-

Tom Tucker: "…and that's why the mayor is giving free taffy rather then handing out tax returns."

Dianne Simmons: "he also says the same for the samurai sword owning citizens here in quahog. That won't be part of it either, Tom."

Tom: "and speaking of Asian-based weaponry, here's our Japanese...(cuts to whisper towards Dianne) Japanese right?"

Dianne: yes, Tom, Japanese..

Tom: (clears voice) ok yeah…so anyway…our great Japanese-American correspondent- Trisha Takanawa! Trisha?"

Trisha: "Thank you tooom. I am here today at the Quahog mall once again to decuss the fine things in life such as aaaaart…(walks over to reveal something new). I am to present for you and our viewers the new stores involving aaaart…in the maaall. These new stores here just had a grand opening todaaaay. Three new ones! "(f)ART: a modern world", which shows us the goodness of outsider aaart (she then walks in and looks at an odd painting that looks similar to her only with an umbrella sticking out of her head in many colors). Huh…yeah… (Walks out and into another one). Aaaaand here we have Hotel Classico, a art shop with the more standard kind of painting. We can also get the local artists to join here as well and even put their own art on the wall with…(walks over again to reveal the next area) The Starry Starry café, here you can have a bite to eat along with your artistic friends. (Walks over to counter)

Young Clerk: Hi! Welcome to the Starry Starry Café! And what would you like?!

Trisha: oh helloooo. What's the special here? What would you recommend?

Clerk: well…at the moment so far I like the Mona Lasagna!

Trisha: (awkwardly looks at the camera for a few seconds of silent) This is Trisha Takanawa asking "Do you like cheddar? Because that line was rather cheesy…" and signing out."

Tom: "Thanks Dianne"

-Cut from TV-

Peter: "Holy…freakin'…COW. Why are we not there??"

Lois: "Peter, look around, we are there."

(camera reveals them to be in one of the stores while they are behind a large painting that looks similar to the design of their living room)

Peter: "huh…ok" (looks around at all the things unknown to his environment)

(some kinda of magical montage of him checking out everything goes on next)

Stewie: (stares at a painting of flaming buildings, flying planes, desperate poor people, and a large overpowering-looking man over them with a large laughing gesture) "…someday…someday…" (Snivels).

Chris: (runs up to Meg with a framed painting pointed towards him self) "Meg! Meg! You gotta come see this!" (jumps around)

Meg: (sighs) "What? What now? What is it?"

Chris: (giggles) "I found this painting….AND IT LOOKS JUST LIKE YOU!!"

Meg: "Really? Let me see"

Chris: "ok!" (hands the painting over and runs off laughing)

Meg: (takes the painting, flips it around to see an image of a sad clown and looks up darkly) "Chris, you son of a bit- …hey it does kinda look like me!"

Brian: (appreciates a picture of a woman and her best friend running in the park)

Stewie: (walks up to Brian) "Hey, dog, I just saw this painting of a fire hydrant and I have fifty bucks saying that you can take a pee on it."

Brian: (stares at the painting showing no attention to Stewie)

Stewie: "Hey, dog! Dog…dog…dog….DOG! DOG! DOG! DOG! DOG DOG! DOG! DOG!..."

Brian: (deep in his mind he is reminded of the fond memories of the good times with Jillian)

Stewie: "HEY! DOOOOOOOG!"

Brian: (gets slapped in the face) "hey what the hell??"

Stewie: "Finally!! Geez, man! Where were you?"

Brian: "right here. What?"

Stewie: "geez your like that Kevin guy…"

Flashback

Actor: "ohhhh…he's staring off! He's spacey! So he's like me! Kevin Spacey! HA-Ha! What the hell does that have to do with anything?? It's just my name!! Geez!"

End Flashback

Brian: "sorry. It's just that I've been thinking lately…"

Stewie: Thinking of what? Doing the doo in my toy box yet again?"

Brian: "No, no. I just been feeling lonely lately. And I been thinking maybe it's about time I look for someone again. And no- that was only once with the toy box."

Stewie: "Riiight. I'm onto you, Dog."

Lois: (approaches) "well, Brian, you need to start dating again. I mean come on! When was the last time you went out with someone?"

Brian: "Since her…"

Lois: "Who? Julian?"

Brian: "yeah"

Lois: "oh come on you can do better then her. She's such a nitwit! Although…she did has a smoking body and golden gray-free hair and a sweet…"

Brian: "huh?"

Lois: "Just date again."

Peter: (walks up slowly inching nearer to Lois) "Lois. This work of art is staring at me. Help!"

Lois: (sighs) "just be sure to land a good one too, Brian. So you won't end up with such a dumbass."

Peter: "LOOOOOIS!!"

Lois: "Ok! Ok! I'm coming!"

Peter: "That's what HE said. Ahehehehe…"

Stewie: "Damn and to think I was made by those two. I can only imagine how the kid of Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes must feel."

(Something outside the store shines in Stewie's eye)

Stewie: "oo! SHINY! The best friend of babies and stoned teens!"

(Stewie walks over to where he saw the shiny thing and stops to where a strange black object is)

Stewie: "Hello. What's this?" (guides his and down to it only to be touched by two other hands. One is of a chicken and the other is an hot Asian preppy kid.)

Hot Asian Preppy: "Watashi wa kira!"

Chicken: "BAWK?"

Stewie: "Hey what the hell?! Go away, damn you!" (pulls out laser and shoots a beam at the Asian kid)

Chicken: "BAWK!!"

Peter: (walks out of the store) Hey, what's going on here?

Chicken: (turns to see Peter)

Peter: (looks over at chicken)

(both have a stare down)

Peter: "YOUUU..AGAIN…"

Chicken: "BAWK!"

Peter: "Come oooon…"

(they charge each other making an intense fight by the mortal kombat soundtrack)

(One Epic ass kicking later….)

Chicken: (Lying crushed under a scrapped car)

Peter: "There ain't no party…like an S club party…cause the S club party won't stop!" (Then walks away) "Come on, Stewie. Let's go home."

Stewie: (examines the book he now has obtained and looks on the front, reading the front contents) "hmm.. I say…Death Note…very interesting.."

Peter: (walks off into sunset) "come on, family, let's move out!" (then everyone does a dramatic walk off into the sunset scene)

Chris: (jumps up pumping up one arm) "WOLVERINES!!"

-Back at home-

(The Tv is on and Chris is watching it)

Announcer: We now return to…That's So Raven on the Disney Channel!

Some Girl: "Oh no! You threw all this meat all over me!! I can't touch meat because I'm I vegetarian!"

Raven: "Now that's a bunch of Bologna!"

(audience laughter)

Chris: "Now this show's comedy is more crap then Brian's Novel he's been working on."

(awkward silence)

Chris: "What? Do we really need a clip for that?"

Lois: (calling from the other room) "Chris! It's time to take your shower now!"

Chris: "oh no. I can't! The evil monkey is taking one now!"

Lois: "Don't make excuses, young man, just do it!"

Chris: "aww...ok." (Begins to walk upstairs and is stopped in fear of the evil monkey at the top of the stairs)

Evil Monkey: (Is in a towel and shower cap, pointing darkly toward Chris).

Lois: "Chriiiiis! You better be in there!"

Chris: "Yes, Mom!" (runs up in fear of what she may do)

-moments later-

(Chris and the evil monkey are standing there in the shower together)

Chris: "so…uh…see any good movies lately?"

Evil Monkey: (turns head slowly away in humiliation) ook ook…

-Stewie's Room-

(Stewie is in his room reading the rules of the death note in the book)

Stewie: "I say, so if you write the full name and think of the face while writing down the death to the last detail in this book…it will happen in here? Excellent! This will be more fun then a barrel of monkeys!"

Flashback

(Stewie is in a large barrel full of monkeys attempting to pull on his every limb and hit him and cause disastrous torment.)

Stewie: "Ahh! Holy S!t! Holy S!t! Who the hell even came up with that saying?? MOMMYYYY!! WAHHH!!"

End Flashback

Stewie: Now to see if this even works…(he looks out the window and spots an unexpecting bystander and tries to write his name down)

-to that guy outside-

Odd effeminate man with moustache: (looks into a grocery bag in one arm) "well... ah sseem to have some goooood healthy stuff in here. Now ah can start ma diet. (pulls out phone)

Voice on phone: helloooo?

Guy: Hey you'll never guess what..

Voice: What?

Guy: Ah got the stuff!

Voice: really?

Guy: really!

Voice: No waaaaay!

Guy: Waaaaay!

(a giant truck comes toward the guy)

Guy: Oh noooooo!

(Boom)

-Stewie's room-

Stewie: (looks out the window). Dammit! He got hit by a truck before I could hit him with a truck! Wait… what was his name again? Oh well... I have another idea..."

(He writes in it:

Meg Griffin

July 1, 2008

Rupert gives it to her)

Stewie: "Ok... It should happen in about" (puts three fingers up, then two, then one)

Meg: (walks in) "Hey Stewie, have you seen my purse? I think I lost it somewh-" (trips over stewie's teddy bear Rupert and slides in the bookshelf making a book to hit her in the nose at an angle. Then she falls on the floor)

Stewie: (eyes are wide) "whoa… yeah I'm not cleaning that one up." (Walks away and has another idea, goes down into the kitchen to see Lois)

Rupert: (is in the hallway for some reason)

Peter: (walks out of the bathroom) "oh boy, that felt good" (walks over and trips on Rupert, slipping past Stewie, hitting the book out of his hand)

Stewie: (stands up) "AGH! DAMN YOU, WRETCHED COW!"

Peter: (notices he has Stewie's pencil in his knee and curls up into a ball) "ahhhhh…..ahhhhhh…..ahhhhh…..ahhhhh….ahhhhhh"

(Quagmire comes up randomly in Stewie's room)

Quagmire: "Hey, kid, come here I wanted to show ya-" (notices Meg on the floor) heh heh…ohhhh riiight" (but notices it's Meg) ohh…eeew… ah well…(looks at the camera) hey, wait a minute I know what you are thinking. I'm gona do something weird to a dead body. But no! no! I'm not going to. I mean come on! It's Meg! Meg! (walks away)

(moments later)

Quagmire: (comes back in) On second thought….

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