Summary: Riku finally tracks down a bitter Sora, and convinces him to return home.

A/N: Beating, abuse, emotional disturbances...you get the picture. Enjoy.

Breathe

By: Kane's Light

I didn't want to talk to him, to see him, to hear him. I wanted nothing to do with him, but as usual he found me.

It was strange to see him with his hair all messy, strands sticking out every which way. I wanted to laugh, but I didn't. It might have been his eyes, lit with something similar to hatred or maybe fear. Perhaps it was the mud still soaking through his previously white shirt. Either way I didn't laugh and I think that was for the best.

I can't remember when he first reached out to me or made a sound. But I do remember the feeling of mud drying on my arms and rain soaking through my shirt. Looking back I think that his tears felt the same way.

At the time I know I was confused, or at least I was confused about not being confused. That moment...it was just so right. I'm sure that every romantic claims that about every fond memory, but there was nothing fond about that night, not now. Not ever.

"Why did you leave us?" he asked. His arms were like vices squeezing me until all the air left my lungs and tears pricked at the edge of my vision, then again it may have only been the rain.

"It was just something I had to do," my voice caught in my throat and though it came out in a soft wheeze Riku heard and I can only assume he understood, after all he had left us too.

"Are you coming back?" and he squeeze me impossibly tighter, perhaps he wanted to hurt me, to bruise me, so I couldn't forget him. I know I began to lose my vision, but at the time it didn't bother me nearly as much as his fingertips pressing softly into my back.

"I don't think so," it was more of a gasp than anything else and Riku finally released me. It hurt to be able to breathe again. It still does.

"Why?" I had forgotten how beautiful his eyes were, he was. I'm sure my heart ached but it had more to do with the mud tainting him than anything else.

"It's just something I have to do," and he punched me. I didn't even see it, but I'm sure I should have felt the tensing of his frame being so close to mine. I remember being thankful I had only a small amount of air in my lungs to lose. I don't think I ever got it back.

"It doesn't make sense," his eyes were blurs of frozen fields, "we've all been through so much together."

"Exactly," I coughed out and Riku slammed me up against the door frame. I couldn't stop coughing, but I don't think that was what made him so angry.

"So all that searching for us was just so you could run away?" Riku leaned into me and snarled at my lack of response. I suppose I should have said something, anything really, but I didn't. Sometimes I wish I had.

"Sora?" he snapped as I was catching my breathe, but it was of little use because looking into his harden features stole it away again, "what are you playing at?" Even in the deepest pain and most burning anger he was still beautiful.

We stood there, him nearly crushing me with his body alone, and me feeling more defeated than when I watched so many die. He shook from time to time and occasionally he shook me as well. I know my teeth chattered a lot, but I still don't know if it was because of his suppressed rage or the cold. Perhaps it was a bit of both.

"I'm going to go back inside," I'm sure he wanted to punch me again. I felt his body tense, strung like a bow, "you can follow if you want." He didn't release me for a long moment and it took him longer still to follow me.

There was thunder and only candlelight because the storm had long ago claimed my power. His hurt was tangible and the bitterness hung heavily against us, more suffocating than even his earlier blows.

"Are you always alone?" he was still concerned, hurt but he still cared. He wanted to see me in pain and yet protect me at the same time. It was an odd combination. It still is.

"Mostly," I moved to sit on the floor and he warily followed. It was uncomfortable, like sweat drying on warm skin, but I wanted us both to be. It was leveling the playing field or something similar to it.

"Why?" the anger was nearly tamed and I ached to feel that rage again, bruising me. It was so much easier that way.

"Just something I had to do," he tensed again, "just stop asking." I'm sure he hated me right then, but he loved to hate things. I'm pretty sure I picked that up from him.

"Kairi doesn't smile anymore," at the time I guessed he was trying to hurt me, "not many people do." I was wrong.

"If there's nothing to smile about, why bother," I can dimly remember linking my arms behind my head and leaning back into a wall. I knew Riku didn't appreciate the gesture. I just didn't know how much.

Thinking back on it I never really knew much at all.

"What happened to you?" Anger always suited him.

"I grew up, Riku," he was nearly growling.

"We all did, Sora," his spite wasn't unexpected but his sudden lunge was.

Before I could react he was in my lap, pinning my arms painfully behind my back. His entire weight crushing my legs and chest. I could have screamed. I could have fought. I probably could have done a lot of things, but with his lips pressing so harshly against mine I couldn't really think. Only feel the harsh nips slicing me open and the demanding tongue claiming me from the inside out. It hurt, a lot, but then again it was easier than talking.

He had started to growl again, a low rumble bursting forth from the center of his soul. I pressed into him, taking all that anger, all the hurt he wanted so badly to give. It was a useless gesture and served only to anger him more. Perhaps that was my plot all along. I doubt that I'll ever know.

He ripped away from me, his eyes cold and his body taunt. I'm sure he wanted to say something, but instead he slammed me harder into the wall. I was out for only a moment and when I came too there was a blinding whiteness, an infinite inferno burning me that had nothing to do with Riku's tongue leaving cooling trails of impossibly hot saliva from my neck to my navel. When I attempted to move he bit me harshly on the shoulder, but some of my breathe had returned and I can remember aching for him to steal it away again.

He was retracing all those trails with nips that hurt too much to have drawn blood. I was sweating, but as my vision came back I realized he was too.

We were muddy, and wet. It was sticky and uncomfortable, my eyes still burn occasionally from the memory. I'm not sure when he managed to get my pants off or when he lost his, but I'll never forget my anger at him leaving his shirt on. It was such an odd thing to be angry about, but then again we were, still are, the furthest things from normal.

I suppose I must have groaned or maybe I was panting too much, but for whatever reason his eyes had flashed up to mine. There was hurt, and a lot of anger, but most frighteningly there was loneliness and I had felt that once to often not to sympathize.

It wasn't rape, but it wasn't exactly enjoyable. He was hard and frantic, pushing against me and grabbing me with just enough force that there were stars, and I vaguely remember being disappointed at not having seen them in such a long while. But his kisses were the worst of the entire night. They alone left me aching for more. They stole my breathe away, just like I had asked him to.

The heat of moment died down with our panting and his disgusted groans. He looked even more beautiful rumpled, uncomfortable, zipping his jeans up. His eyes met mine for another heart clenching moment and then he had me pushed up against the wall again, a sluggish ill timed threat.

"We needed you," he whispered in that broken voice he rarely used, "Kairi still does." He kissed me then, a lingering thing of softness and petals. I ached for the anger of earlier. This hurt so much more.

"Do you?" I still couldn't catch my breathe. He sighed against me and for the first time in a long while I almost wanted to return to sunlit beaches and salty ocean breezes.

"Yeah," he was shaking, but there were no tears, but at the time, then again, I could only feel mine.

He scrambled away from me, allowed me the courtesy to get dressed without searching eyes. He had already tasted all the scars, and he hadn't even allowed me to see his. He might have been blushing when I moved to stand shakily in front of him, then again it could have just been a trick of the light. There was no anger as he stood up, only a softness he had long ago taught me to love to hate.

"I'll visit sometime," and as he walked slowly towards the door we both knew it was a lie. He cast a weary glance back at me as he opened the door. It was still raining, but the thunder had passed and was already wet, filthy, for reasons that had nothing to do with the weather.

I think I smiled at him, or maybe I had tried. His wave was the saddest thing I had ever witnessed. It still is to this day. The little half wave, a careless greeting broken by the exhaustion lacing his posture. His hand was up, and then limp by his side, too heavy to be the temporary salute he had meant it to be.

But then he was gone, with the door shut softly behind him. I guess I should have cried, but I suppose I should have done a lot of things.

It was a full year later and somehow I found myself walking the beaches of Destiny Islands. My pockets heavy with a guilt I thought I had long past forgotten. The sun was too cheerful, dancing with the ocean, the breezes too soft caressing my skin. It was uncomfortable.

There was no rage, only contentment. There was no hungry burning me to continue walking. I had no desire to be there, and yet I was. I must have been a testament to his power over me, my inability to wash myself clean of the memory, my continuing lack of breathe.

"Hey, stranger?" someone called to me. I think I gave the man the same wave Riku last gave me. I can't really remember, but it caused him to forget his next words. It left me in peace.

I didn't know where I was going until I was standing in front of our old cave, growling much the way Riku had.

I wasn't surprised when I didn't find him in our secret place, but I was when Kairi tackled me to the ground in a hug so fierce my exhausted body couldn't stay up. She was laughing, and crying. I remember feeling uncomfortable at the feeling of his soft breathing, her gentle body. I had been craving the harshness for much too long.

She was whispering my name, a broken plea, that I could say nothing to. She was asking me questions that I had no ability, no right, to answer. Then there was Riku.

His little half smile as he watched us from the shadows. It wasn't until he had pulled me into a hug tight enough to crush my bones that I realized the ache was gone. His head was buried into my shoulder and the worst part of the entire thing was his fingertips pressing softly into my back.

I think we all cried, but then again a lot of things are only a stretch on what probably happened. After Kairi left screaming for the whole town to welcome me back, Riku stepped away from me.

As I followed him into the weak daylight; I realized that I could finally breathe again.

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