Synonymous, a naruto fanfic

Warning: Manga Spoilers.

I was really annoyed on Sasuke killing Itachi part that it made me write this. For Itachi's memory… I'd like a more obvious SASUSAKU thing going on. Too bad Naruto's not a romance series. Sorry if sucky. I might do a counterpart… might. Only, if I receive re--bleeep-- (do you people get the not-so-obvious hinting of giving this retard author the not-so-obvious hinted object??)

Disclaimer: Never did. Never will.

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SYNONYMOUS

.:white:.

pure. unblemished. untainted. unsullied. innocent.

—

-.-

—

He killed his brother.

—because he killed his clan

—his family

—his life

Only to find out that he was forced to

—kill…?

(the Uchihas)

—protect…?

(Konoha)

(…him)

And now he hates himself

—for killing him

./ …Itachi... I don't... \.

—for killing the chance…

(though he never admitted that he wanted it to happen)

(…because never would it happen)

—

of getting his old family back.

./ I don't want to fight anymore…\.

You walk through isolated halls, your footsteps slow and uneven. You hold your clipboard, scanning your patients' records. From scrapes to fractures, fever to pneumonia, a simple cold to cancer, you hold your patients' lives at your hands. You are a medic nin and this was an everyday thing. You go directly to the hospital just after your daily morning routine of rummaging your closet to look for your missing coat, eating a healthy breakfast of toast, saying goodbye to your mother who only woke up, and dashing out your house to avoid your mother's scolding.

—but all of this makes you happy

Then, when you get there, you tell yourself that your mother was right. Toast won't fill your stomach. So there you are, groggily making your way to your first patient, feeling a little drowsy. You look at your watch and it's already past six in the morning. So you tell yourself to get coffee afterwards or suffer your shishou's yelling because you slept in your office again.

—and then you remember your patient and that you are five minutes late.

And then you started running. No. Sprinting in the lower grounds of the hospital. Not many know and are permitted to go into the lower levels. Just you, your shishou, Shizune-san, the hokage, some (highly capable) medics and even ANBU

—because, after all

It was Konoha's very own mental ward.

—you were assigned to him.

There you are, right in front of your patient's room. Panting and clutching your chest. You wipe your forehead with the back of your hand and tuck in some of your pink hair (you knew very well that it was all in disarray and that you look very unattractive right now) take in a deep breath and

Knock.

You knock once, twice, thrice until you twist the doorknob and enter. You meet white walls, bright white lights, white tiles, white bed and bed sheets, white lamp

White

White

White

And dark hair.

"you're late"

And then you meet face to face with your patient. His black

—beautifully black

Eyes look into your own. Standing in front of him makes you remember your hair, which was as you would call it 'being hard'. You remember your forehead, which always was the center of insults. You remember your pink hair, which actually annoys you to no end. Even your height, which is smaller than most of the people in your age, you just seem to remember all. You always get uncomfortable being with him being so perfect

—because

You feel inferior. You feel uneasy because someone so intimidating

—so pretty

Is looking—staring—at you right now. Makes you feel all self-conscious. He makes you feel that you are standing at the presence of royalty. Of the gods. If he was the king you must be the servant. A poor, useless, ugly servant. It's like a duck standing next to a swan. Something inside of you wants to scurry away, far from this man. But no, you don't

Because there's also something in him that makes you stay. Be attracted like a moth to a flame.

Because.

Because

Because

He's…

"Sasuke"

And then you feel light, you no longer feel unease. You smile.

He feels your lightened mood and smirks—you convince yourself that maybe it's the lack of facial muscles—you know he just doesn't smile. Sasuke and smiling just didn't fit. But you can tell how he's happy, just by looking into his eyes. You see yourself at his shining onyx orbs. You see green and pink.

You'd remember your childhood days and your dire wish to see yourself and only yourself in his penetrating dark eyes.

Then laughs echo in your mind at the memory of yours and Ino's petty rivalry and at how much she'd been jealous of you being assigned to Sasuke.

"I'm sorry, I'm late. My alarm didn—" you were cut off, usually you'd punch the living daylights of whoever was rude enough to do that to you, but once again

You don't.

Because right now your patient has his hands securely wrapped around your waist and his head snuggly fit at the crook of your neck. Because his actions would both thrill and scare the shit out of anybody. Because he isn't joking, he never did.

Because right now Sasuke is worried for you.

"you're safe, right?"

"yeah, I am" and then you hug him back.

"That Dobe really IS stupid enough not to notice" you hear him say.

"He quite didn't understand the meaning of 'I like you' even when slapped right in his face… poor Hinata, she was so blanched when the nurses brought her in." you add giggling thereafter. Like everyday, you inform him about the latest happenings. About Naruto, Kakashi, rookie 9 and just about everything under the sun. You became his personal newspaper. And for you, he was the world's greatest listener.

"How'd the other Hyuuga take it?" he says. Your lips tug into a smile as to how Sasuke refers to

"Neji? After Naruto told Hinata the 'I like ramen too HInata! Wow, you must be more in love with ramen than I am! I don't talk to them you see' line… I swear that line has got to get in the movies… god you should've seen it… Naruto running around the village screaming for Neji to stop throwing kunais at him." You explain lowering your voice at some parts for emphasis. You broke into a laugh as he just sits up straight watching you.

After more laughs and his short replies, Sasuke asks you something again.

"…So, how's Kakashi?"

Then comes more laughs

"oh look, it's time"

You say the line as you say everyday. Cheerful. Ironic that using your sweetest possible tone, you voice out the most dreaded part of the day.

"Lay still 'k? I'll get the needles ready" he does what he's told as you get yourself ready too.

Technically, injecting people is like a piece of cake to you, an elite medic nin. But here you are trembling while he isn't looking. Wanting to stab that piece of needle through your skin not his. Having hot, staging tears prick your eyes as you hastily wipe them of. You are a professional. A ninja. And you were ordered to say to anybody who asks

'I'm giving him medicine. It's for the stability of his mind.'

So every time you say that to Naruto, he believes you because he knows you care for Sasuke. When Kakashi asks, you say the exact same thing, he believes you because he believes that if something involves hurting Sasuke is ordered to you, you'd refuse and even fight against that idea. And when you say that to yourself, you can't help but cry because you know that you are lying.

You know this isn't gonna make him better. You know this is killing him. Painfully. Slowly.

So why'd you accept this mission?

For money?

For honor?

For Sasuke…?

Not to call you weak? He'd said you already had gotten much stronger. Because you can kill him now? Take revenge on him? You wouldn't dare. Because Konoha's reputation is in stake? This might even be their downfall, purposely killing the last Uchiha.

…Because he asked you to?

Suddenly you see him inside the council court guarded by five anbus. The elders sit with smug faces as you see yourself stand beside the hokage.

--"he's mad! He's insane! He should be locked up in a mental asylum!"

Right there and then you were ordered to be his medic. Your eyes meet. And even you have this downcast look upon your face, his eyes look at you almost comfortingly as if wanting to say that he's glad.

--Glad that you're his guardian? His killer?

So during your first session with him you were almost enthusiastic about it. If nothing goes wrong, then he'd be cured, you say. That is, until you were given that needle. At first glance you can say it is medicine. But you're better than that. After sniffing a small amount of the liquid, you instantly knew its components. Poison.

You scream at your own sensei. The godaime herself. You wail at the mission ordered to you.

You didn't know.

You don't know anything. Because you weren't there when Sasuke told of the horrific past the first hokage's clan has put upon his own. Because you weren't there to know about his punishment: stripping of his ninja title. Because you didn't know that your own shishou let him die because she, herself is part of the first hokage's clan.

--"his head decapitated along with the shame of the Uchihas?(you know he'd say that his death would not suffice his family being put to shame) or this?(where he dies slowly while others may think he's at his best condition. Pride of his clan intact) You choose."

You should've known.

You should've known that everything important to him is gone. His clan. His pride. His life.

What he has now is

"Sakura…?"

Reality snaps back. You still are inside the white room as Sasuke waits for you patiently. You bite the inside of your cheek. You spaced out again.

"uh yeah, sorry Sasuke."

You walk to him and hold his arm. You tap the needle and let excess liquid ooze through.

You wonder why he didn't fight the elders.

He only came back to Konoha for what? Just to tell the elders that he knew what they've ordered Itachi to do? To come snap the words 'I'm alive' in their faces? To let themselves feel the feeling of getting caught? To get killed?

But maybe something else, you think. Because the Sasuke you knew wasn't irrational like this. He isn't goddamn stupid.

…because he wanted to tell you that he's sorry?

Ha. Wishful thinking. So maybe Sasuke really is mad. Mad enough to come here and get a death sentence.

You think that maybe it is better if he didn't come back. No Sasuke is better than dead Sasuke.

"Get better, Sasuke. Get better."

All lies.

So you just watch as the liquid finally gets in his system. It's awfully quiet. All until he speaks up.

"I'm sane as you are. You know that?"

You stand still. Your whole body freezes. It's amazing to think that he may well be psychic. So maybe he does know what's happening to him.

That he's dying.

"so whatever I'll say is true"

He must know.

You, of all people, know the choice of words and the tone of people waiting to die. You experience them almost everyday. And you know that he…

--He has been waiting to die. And it scares the shit out of you.

You try to block your senses. This has been going on routinely.

You say the thing you always say—Even though you knew that he never did listen—your voice trembles as always. "Sasuke… c-could you just tell me tomorrow?"

"Sakura, listen to me."

Command. Not a request but a single, solid command. It's weird that even thinking of listening to his next words makes your heartbeat faster, make you sweat. It's not like you're being interrogated but it sure feels like it.

"…I want you to know that."

Here it comes.

It's funny that you'd not-so-long-ago wish for this to happen and when it does you can't help but have this intense want to run away.

The words he says

Every.

Single.

Day.

Scares you.

But it wasn't meant to be like that, you've dreamt of this. But you must be happy, you must. So you wonder why your hair is practically stuck onto your forehead like glue because of sweat, why your face looks like you've seen some horror movie come alive.

Awhile ago you were having a civil conversation with him. A nice, pleasant interaction of friends. All until that stupid needle.

You got happy.

You got nervous.

You got mad.

You got distressed.

And then the happenings just awhile ago just come flushing down. It all comes to this:

You, being pulled down his hospital bed, being enveloped in his warm, warm embrace.

So there you are, embarrassed because you know he hears your rapid heart pumping. You gasp at the intimacy and feels your body go numb…

As he will look at you and—

"I love you."

—Smile.

You cry

Not only because those are the words you've always been dreaming he'd say to you

Not only because you're there perfectly placed in his arms

Not only because you both know he doesn't have any time left

Not only because between the sobs you say you love him too

It's just

Just because

Because Sakura and crying are synonymous.

So…? What do you feel?

-.-kaila-chan-.-