Disclaimer: I own none of these characters. I write the characters according to my own views about them. In addition, I write them how I think they will react in the situations I place them in. So please refrain from leaving reviews stating they are OOC, since each person interprets such things differently.

First thing first, this fic is not possible without the amazing beta skills of kakashizgirl I love her nods Warnings this chapter:

Plotless, Insane, Lacks Common Sense, AR, Bad Language and Very Bad Humor-

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Read the Fine Print

Chapter One – How it Began

"There it is!" shouts Kiba, pointing fervently ahead.

Kiba, Sasuke, Naruto, and Lee have been traveling for about three days now, searching for an old temple in the middle of a colorful forest in the Land of Rain.

Coming to a stop a couple of feet away, they gaze around the area. It is all quite shocking to find such an open clearing, in such a dense forest area.

"There's no name on it," Sasuke says, starting to travel around the long forgotten wood and stone structure.

"Well, look how old it is," Naruto points to the top of shrine, "the roof doesn't exist anymore, probably turned to dust.

Noticing how low to the ground the shrine is they wonder if there is meaning. In addition, there are three visible stone stairways; is there one in particular they should choose?

Folding his fair toned arms across his chest, Sasuke makes the decision.

"I'll take the front one, Naruto take the left. Kiba go with Lee, be careful there may be traps."

Going cautiously up the ten-foot stairways, they all breathe a sigh of relief when they get to the top without incident.

Walking through their respective entries, they are welcomed with more nature. Beautiful wild flowers and thick emerald vines breaking through the floor and walls. With the roof completely gone, the shrine looks primordial.

On the far left wall Sasuke spots something peculiar, going closer towards it, he sees an engraved slab. Brushing away the foliage, he sees that the slab is more like connected panels.

"Look at this;" nodding his head toward the panels, "we're at the wrong one."

Three mouths drop open in pure astonishment. They went through hell getting into Rain country, since the land was always in turmoil. Civil War here, political coup there, the word unstable did not even cover it.

Now to find out they risked their lives on a supposed 'easy' mission, only to find that the one shrine they have come across in almost two days, is the wrong one!

"Fucking stomp me now," Kiba says in a hushed voice.

Naruto holds his head in both hands, so as not to bash it repeatedly into the floor.

Lee, always the optimist, gives a little hope, by using the discovery of the slab.

"It's not a total waste, at least we can explore."

"Our mission is not to explore, but to retrieve!" Kiba bellows.

"He's right our mission is quite specific and straight to the point," Sasuke pinches the top of his nose, trying to ward of an incoming migraine.

Their mission: find the Shrine of Amatsu Mikaboshi. Search and take the summoning scroll of Controllable Darkness... that scroll is supposed to be the item on Orochimaru's list of destructive artifacts. Once used, thousands if not millions of bats, will be at your disposal. The sky becoming midnight black for days, weeks at a time, on a whim.

"What away to spend a birthday!" Naruto, who had just turned 15 yesterday, pouted. "Battling an overgrown forest!"

"Don't worry. We will help you celebrate properly, once back in the village!" Lee says, flashing a 100-watt smile.

Taking a closer look at the slab, Sasuke sees a seal that has a white crane on a tortoise shell.

"Cranes symbolize fertility, right?"

He brushes away hanging flowers from the top of the seal, and seeing writing, Sasuke calls the other boys over.

"What's it about?" Naruto tries to look over Sasuke's shoulder.

Feeling the blonde-haired boy's hot breath on his neck, he begins to feel irritated.

"I don't need a steam bath, moron!"

Backing up, Naruto sticks his tongue out. Sasuke can be so mean!

"Then get the hell out of the way!"

Rolling his coal black eyes in exasperation, he moves to the side. Keeping ahead of the other ninjas showing it is still his find.

Once everyone has a good spot, Sasuke reads the inscription.

All those that wish to reproduce more of who they are,

All those that seek natural immortality,

All those that desire stronger lines,

Welcome to the Shrine of Ame-No-Uzume!

"Ame-No-Uzume…," Lee's eyebrows scrunch up in thought, "Oh! The Goddess of Fertility!"

"So what? The slab is promising fertility. I'm not shooting blanks... don't need it." Sticking his chest out, Kiba begins to strut away.

"It's not just promising that!" Sasuke is enthralled already with the slab. "It's speaks of producing stronger offspring."

"That sure can't hurt, I'm in!" Naruto dances around singing, "I'm going have a lot of kids" repeatedly.

"I'm not sure if I am fertile or not," Lee says quietly, "but if I can guarantee it, then I will."

Everyone looks at Lee then, his eyes downcast and mournful. It suddenly becomes a reflective moment for them. Lee and Naruto have no family whatsoever; they are truly alone in the world.

Even though, Sasuke's clan is gone, he still has a brother out there. However, his brother ended the clan.

Kiba has tons of family and feels bad for the others.

"Well if all of you are going for it, so will I" showing fangs in a feral grin, "I'm no spoil sport."

Having it settled that all of them would participate, Sasuke finishes reading the slab.

In order to attain the above, one must first give a kiss of chakra to the seal.

"Pucker up jackass!" Snickering, Naruto makes kissing noises, enjoying Sasuke's irritation.

Deciding to ignore the blue-eyed idiot, he tries to figure out how to get chakra to his lips.

"All you have to do is concentrate on your lips, till you feel them tingle," Kiba can be quite smart when he chooses.

Taking the Inuzuka's advice, Sasuke begins to focus his chakra to his mouth. Starting to feel the tingly sensations, he moves his head to the seal... then he stops cold!

"What's wrong Sasuke?" Lee looks at him with concern etched into his features.

"When was the last time this thing was cleaned?" The Uchiha says, wrinkling his nose in disgust.

"You are such a prissy!" Naruto shakes his head amused at Sasuke's prim and proper attitude.

"Unlike you asshole, I care where my lips go!" A devious glint suddenly lit Sasuke's eyes. "But since you don't, you're more than welcome to kiss my ass!"

Kiba howls with laughter, while Lee blushes at the use of such language.

Naruto on the other hand is not amused at all, "Fuck you and the horse you rode in on!"

While Kiba rolls on the floor in mirth, Sasuke and Naruto continue to throw curses in each other's direction.

Seeing all this as a waste of time, Lee uses common sense. He cleans the seal in less than a minute.

"It's ready for you Sasuke."

They all freeze, swiveling their eyes to the clean seal. Even the aloof raven has the decency to look sheepish.

"Uh…yeah, thanks Lee."

Sasuke approaches the seal again, feeling a little nervous; he gently presses his soft lips to the artifact. Instantaneously, the seal glows and moves a quarter of the way down the slab.

"Whoa," they all say with awe.

"It moves with just chakra no jutsu," Lee eyes the slab carefully.

"Maybe it's some ancient chakra technology," Naruto says.

Sometimes the prodigy wonders how the blond boy can breathe, because obviously there is nothing up there.

"Chakra technology?!" Deciding he cannot even look at the buffoon, Sasuke tunes once again to the slab.

All of them cannot help the feelings of excitement and fear coursing through their bodies. No one they know of has ever come across something like this. They feel like Indiana Jones, ninja-style.

"Well what's next?" Kiba is trying to keep his cool. Even though he wants to dance around like an idiot, Naruto has already done the honor.

Clearing his throat with importance, Sasuke reads the ancient panel.

A sweet and strong kiss you have, traveler.

"Like he needs a bigger chip on his shoulder," Naruto sneers in Sasuke's direction.

"Your jealousy as usual, is quite amusing."

Sasuke turns back to the writing, missing Naruto flipping him the bird.

From this moment on, the seal will only move when the kiss has a taint of each previous jutsu.

For all to go well you must do each jutsu.

This is only for the brave.

Are you one of the brave?

Of course they all were, the testosterone passing through their veins, demands no less.

"Is everybody going through it to the very end?"

Naruto glares at Sasuke, "Damn right I am! I can't let you have all the glory!"

"Inuzuka equals bravery, hehe-- it's in my blood."

They look at Lee, who has been very quiet. He looks so forlorn; they can swear they see tears forming.

"What's the matter Lee?" Naruto puts a comforting arm around his shoulders.

"I only have one of the two things required," he says shakily, "bravery, but no chakra."

A solemn cloud descends upon them. How can they leave Lee behind? Since he, more so then anyone else besides Naruto, deserves such a great guarantee.

This is why; it is always good to know a prodigy. Sasuke comes to the rescue!

"Since you know the Lotus technique, you can open up your heart chakra. This will release your own power."

"But he needs chakra concentrated in his hands, in order to do the hand signs." Kiba points out.

"Well that's where we come in. One of us will do the hand signs with him. Just don't put thought into it; let him do the concentration."

"I think we should try it out first."

Naruto goes behind Lee and puts his hands on top of his. "You know how to do hand signs right?" Lee nods. "Well do the Flame-No-Jutsu."

Lee does the hand signs with Naruto, creating a tiny flickering flame in the palms of his hands. Gleefully, he bear hugs Naruto tightly.

"Thank you, thank you!" He shouts, "Sasuke no wonder you're considered one of the best!"

Keeping his aloof look in place, Sasuke beats his blush back with a broom as Naruto snorts at him with disrespect.

"All right, since that's taken care of, can we get back to it?" Kiba could not keep still. He loved learning new jutsus. Especially ones no one had used in like forever.

The Uchiha finishes the panel, eager as well to try this new jutsu.

If true, complete this first jutsu, once done you will feel heat in your loins.

Worry not; this first jutsu is preparation for the following ones.

The boys do the hand signs, Naruto helping Lee with his. They all feel the heat the panel spoke of, except Kiba feels a little more than that.

"Damn! My balls feel like they're on fire!" Kiba clutches his groin with one hand, using the other to fan them.

Naruto starts to beam a goofy look, "You shake my nerves and you rattle my brain," he starts to sing.

The other boys do the chorus, "Do wap wap."

"Too much love drives a man insane," Bushy Brows starts to do the twist.

"Do wap wap."

"You broke my will, but what a thrill," Sasuke dramatically puts his fist to his down turned head.

Kiba does the end part with a thrust of his petite hips.

"Goodness, gracious, great balls of fire!"

They all look at each other, before busting out laughing at their silliness.

"It was so cool that Jiraya-sama let us listen to his record collection," Lee says, catching his breath.

"Yeah, they had some pretty cool American songs to dance to back then," Kiba turns his back to them trying to peek at his privates.

"Everything still seems to be in working order," he sighs with relief.

"Well, Tsunade-obaa-san, says it's not that she's old, but that it just takes longer for stuff to get here," blue eyes wide with innocence.

Sasuke and Kiba look at each other, then at Naruto.

"It's called denial," they both say at once.

"You're probably right; she hates it when I call her obaa-san," Naruto looks thoughtful.

"Well, you're only as old as you feel," Lee pumps up a fist, "to the Power of Youthful Thinking!"

The others groan and give the boy with a bowl-cut amused looks. They could not help but be happy though, at least Lee was truly starting to enjoy himself. Sorrowful and mournful looks just did not look right on him.

"Time to give a kissy to the seal, asshole," Naruto just loved rubbing Sasuke the wrong way!

Giving the blond butt-head the slit throat signal, the raven presses his lips once again to the seal. As before, it lights up and moves another quarter of the way down.

Massaging his lips first, all that chakra there making them feel as if they had fallen asleep, Sasuke begins the reading of the next chore.

You are indeed very brave, you will benefit greatly.

Now you must think of one who is either friend or foe, blood or wave, which has power such as you or is greater than you are.

Keep their image strongly in your mind when performing this jutsu.

Remember the number that appears in your mind's eye, very important!

"Everybody ready?" Sasuke eyes each one as they nod.

"You have that person clear in your mind?" he asks sternly.

"Can we go ahead and do it already?" The Uchiha was irritating Naruto. "Why don't you make sure your mind is focused, bastard?"

Sneering at Naruto, Sasuke prepares himself. "Don't forget to remember that number."

The young shinobis initiate the jutsu. They all sport a blush once they finish.

"It was like, he was inside of me," Kiba says toeing a crevice in the floor.

Naruto has no desire to focus on that mutual feeling. Moreover, being nosy as hell, he asks the others their numbers.

"Mine is seven," Kiba says proudly.

"I wonder what importance the number has," gazing in thought, Lee says, "My number is three."

"Hey! You got the same number as me!" Naruto claps happily.

"Five is mine," Sasuke was a little sour that his number was only second highest.

"Oh get over it bastard!" Naruto chastises him, "Be lucky you got a number at all!"

Before Sasuke can give a classic retort, Kiba breaks in.

"Hey let's get this going again, I can't wait to see the next jutsu!"

He was not the only one, they were all quite curious to see the next challenge, wondering if they would get any clue to how fertile they would become.

Getting his lips ready, Sasuke bends his head once again to the seal, giving it a quick peck he backs away to see the new development.

You are now on the last stairway to obtain your greatness.

"This is it, the last jutsu," Naruto says nervously.

"Yeah," the rest of them agree with nervousness as well.

You have shown great determination thus far.

Can you triumph this last obstacle?

If you do this last justu, what feels like eternity, will only be a moment.

Show your true worth!

The young men do the hand signs, but because of what happens, Naruto barely finishes helping Lee.

The pain hits them like a 4000-ton asteroid, and even that does not truly describe it! It feels as if their insides are being ripped to shreds, just to be put back together piecemeal.

Even the usually indifferent Uchiha cannot contain his agonizing screams. A misery that only suicide can erase drapes over Naruto. Like an animal on its last leg, Kiba howls and snarls, slamming himself against a wall. Poor Lee curls into a fetal position, crying like a newborn babe.

The little ninjas literally feel their balls shrivel, only to feel a fierce tearing where their sack was. Even the boys' rectums receive no mercy. A drill would have felt better.

A stinging becomes a raging inferno in their chest. The terror they already feel intensifies. Was this a heart attack placed upon them?

Only one thought they share through this inhumane ordeal: What have they ever done to deserve this hell?

It all comes to a sudden halt. The shinobis cannot believe it! It was as if none that they experienced has ever happened! Was it a dream? Hell no! They knew it was real, but why did they not feel any remnants?

The ordeal leaves them shivering and shaking. They don't know what to think or believe. Soon they do though, when the most high-pitched scream a person can muster, echoes throughout the shrine.

"My bullocks!" Kiba's pants are around his ankles, and he is grasping something that is no longer there.

Sasuke, Naruto, and Lee are terrified. None of them want to know if they too, have lost the family jewels.

Kiba by now, in a state of pure panic, is clutching his groin crying his eyes out. What would made it comical, if the situation wasn't so horrid, was his jumping up and down like a two year old having tantrum.

Sasuke walks up to Kiba and backhands him. Kiba at first looks at Sasuke like he has lost his mind, but thinks about his behavior and decides to look contrite.

"Where did they go?" Naruto looks around himself and even shakes his pants.

"It's like they just disappeared." Sasuke now has his pants down in wonder of this development.

"What is this hole for?" Lee using his flexibility stares at the now vacant spot. "It's so small."

"Damn, can't even get my pinky in there!" Yet, Kiba continues to poke it.

"Then what the fuck is the point in having it!" Naruto is extremely unhappy about having an extra and apparently useless hole.

Lee has an idea, but his mind refuses to fathom it. However, he is quite happy when Sasuke says there has to be another panel.

Sending a quick prayer to Kami, Sasuke prepares his lips for the last time, kissing the seal with more passion than usual, he almost sobs with relief when it moves.

You have now attained all that you desire.

"Fuck you man! Losing my nuts was way not in the desire arena!" Kiba can barely contain his hysteria, again.

You are most worthy and brave.

"You can take those compliments and stick them up your ass!" Naruto yells, as if the slab can actually hear him.

A man of your spirit is quite rare indeed.

"We're rare alright, how many men have their sac disappear!" Sasuke rolls his eyes at how this could have happened to them.

Now you must go to the man whose image you kept during the second jutsu.

He is the only one who may give you his seed.

"Please tell me it's not saying what I think it's saying," Sasuke went paler than usual and began to tremble.

"I might well slit my throat now, 'cause he damn sure will, if I come to him asking for his sperm." Naruto contemplates which would be more effective, the kunai, or the shuriken.

Kiba slaps them both out of his hands. "Don't give up yet! There may be a way out of this!" Even though he knows that this is probably a bad dream without end.

What a great honor you have bestowed upon him! This should strengthen bonds or make new ones!

"Humph, you mean make new graves," Sasuke still cannot stop trembling; he holds his knees to keep them from knocking.

It is our hope; you remembered the number that flashed through your mind.

That number dictates how many births you can have.

"Well at least something went our way Lee," Naruto is still contemplating suicide; he is just keeping it more under wraps.

Kiba on the other hand, drops to his knees, "Seven fucking ass kids," he says quietly, "Kami strike me now, please!"

"Aren't you all missing it?!" Lee shouts, "We are the ones who get pregnant!"

"Yes, we know that," Sasuke's speech is quite shaky. "But what's done is done; we just need to know all we can."

Kiba puts both his hands behind his head, and pulls it down between his legs and lets out a mournful sound.

A sound they wish to make as well. What were they now? Men who were able to give birth? Alternatively, were they women with dicks?

If you felt an inner glow in your loins during the first jutsu, praise Goddesses!

You are indeed strong, for you can have more than one child at a time!

"If they weren't all long gone, I would kill them myself painfully, for coming up with this shit!" Kiba looks up from his legs and snarls.

"Mine g-gl-glowed too," Naruto stutters; it just all seems to get worse for him. Suicide is becoming less an option and more a necessity!

"Mine didn't," Lee says a little too cheerfully.

"Must. Be. Nice." Sasuke says coldly as Lee is the only one free of that curse.

Now become with child within 90 suns.

If you do not, you will become a eunuch, painfully.

Sasuke had suddenly develops a tick. Even after all he has seen and done in his life, this in his opinion topped it all!

"What the fuck?!" He screams, literally.

"You mean we will get punished if we don't get pregnant!" Naruto joins Sasuke in screaming.

"We have to accomplish it, in less than 90 days," Kiba feels a total helplessness cover him.

Your gestation period will be 4-6 months, the more children in the womb the longer the gestation.

May you have many blessings and much happiness!

Kiba is just about to smash it to bits, when Sasuke puts a hand on his head.

"Don't! Maybe we won't be the only ones to suffer this," he said winking evilly.