A/N : - This is my first fanfic, I am a bit worried about it, I have a few more Chapters and would love a beta if anyone is offering. Plot direction advice will also be considered. Thanks for reading.

Based on the TV series, forgive my NYC ignorange, I am just a girl from London who doesn't know her Coco Chanel from her YvesSaintLaurent.

Did you ever hear them church bells toll, Means another poor boy is dead and gone.

As Blair Archibald stepped out of the black limousine into the New York rain a black umbrella opened above her head, shielding her black Chanel shift dress and black Phillip Treacy hat from the inconvenient weather conditions. Normally she would thrown the driver a smile, Paul was always there with an umbrella when it was raining, an extra hand when she had almost shopped till she dropped, she had nicknamed him "Sir Paul" ever since on her wedding day he had placed his jacket over a puddle so that she could walk over it without ruining her Jimmy Choos or getting splashes on her Eleanor Waldorf gown just like Sir Walter Raleigh had done so many years before for Queen Elizabeth I.

Paul had made sure that she arrived in perfect condition, for what proved to be a perfect day. How could it be anything less than perfect? She was marrying the man of her dreams and with Eleanor Waldorf and Anne Archibald organising an event it was bound to be spectacular.

Her father's French chateau was the setting, and it seemed to all the guests almost as if Harold had ordered in spring, it was only February but blossom and flowers adorned every spot making both the architecture and the wedding party look beautiful. It was a small wedding nothing like Blair had imagined her wedding to Nathaniel Archibald would be, there was no meringue gown, instead she wore a simple fitted gown made by her mother, no legion of bridesmaids and groomsman just Serena for her and Chuck as Nate's best man, page six made mention of the event but they were not invited. It was intimate and beautiful and the best day of her life.

But today wasn't her wedding day that was two years ago; this was the worst day of her life. Today was her husband's funeral.

Today Blair didn't want to be sheltered from the elements; she wanted to feel each drop of rain, to smell the garbage stacked outside the cafe beside the church, to hear the crunch of snow under her feet.

Blair walked towards the large imposing church, ironically she and Nate were originally supposed to get married there, it was somewhat of an Archibald tradition, instead they had promised to have lots and lots of christenings there, they were both only children and had agreed on having the large family that neither of them had had growing up. Blair had never thought that the next time she visited that church it would be to say goodbye to her husband, to Nate.

As she thought of it her knees gave way ever so slightly, for a moment the façade of serenity slipped and the enormity of her grief was apparent. In a moment she felt it all, time slowed the cars driving down the street were still, she looked around, Nate had a good turn out, half the upper east side had congregated outside, all of them head to toe in this seasons best, all head to toe in black and all looking at her. She wondered for a second what they expected, she knew that they were waiting for something, as much as Nate was loved, this was the gossip girl generation, and even funerals were fair game.

Was she supposed to stay calm and serene, keep it together for Nate, and not embarrass him at his final party, it's what Blair Waldorf would do, Blair Waldorf, the ice queen of the Upper East Side who upheld etiquette at all times. But she wasn't Blair Waldorf anymore she was Blair Archibald and Blair Archibald had just lost the love of her life the only man who had ever loved her for herself not for what they wanted her to be.

Blair Archibald wanted to go home and take off the 4 inch heels, rip off the hat which was making her half blind. To pull off the Chanel dress and put on one of Nate's sweaters and lie down on Nate's side of the bed like she did so many times when he was out or even just watching TV in the other room. That's where she should be surrounding herself with him whilst he was still there before the scent of him faded, before his presence was diluted by the never ending stream of mourners and after that people trying to get her to move on.

Move on to what, before she married Nate she was Blair Waldorf, daughter of Eleanor and Harold, but without them she would still make sense. Blair Archibald doesn't make sense without Nathaniel Archibald.

She started to turn around to give in to the urge to run but before she could take a step she was enveloped in arms as strong as Paul's but as slender as her own as she gave into the hug holding tight, holding for dear life to her human buoy, her Best Friend Forever. Serena had been there when she had gotten the call; they had been having one last blast before Serena went to travel the world. They were out at Butters, it was horribly unfashionable now the girls of Constance and boys of St Jude's had found somewhere else to call home in the 7 years since they had graduated, but nostalgia brought them there and as they laughed and cried and said farewell the absence of the glitterati was greatly appreciated.

They had been in the car when the call came in, at first when Blair had started screaming Paul had thought that the girls were just reverting back to being teenagers but as the sobs started he knew that something was not right. Blair had given the phone to Serena, wanting the offending item as far from her as possible. As Serena listened to her step-father Bart Bass on the end of the phone say how sorry he was, the emergency room staff did everything they could, they worked on him for an hour, that it was just a freak accident, that no one could have predicted the storm, his boat had been smashed on the rocks, he was just in the water for too long. Her heart broke, not for one time fling and life long friend, Nate was dead and it hurt a lot, but Serena's heart broke for Blair. Her best friend who found happiness in the place she always knew she would, who threw away the map, got lost, but still made her way home, made her way to Nate.

As Serena held her on that cold winters day she opened her eyes and with all of New York watching her she watched someone else.