Tears poured down his face as he burrowed further into the darkness. The shadows would protect him for now, they always would. They'd stay with him, shield him, and hide him from the world until morning when he'd don that same old mask and continue as if nothing was wrong. That was the way it worked now, the way it would always work. He knew…there would never be any relief from this damned routine.

Morning light would come soon, would relieve him of his emotions, bringing back the controlled mask that held everything in place. Until then, all he could do was curl closer and feel. Feel and pretend none of this had ever happened. A bitter smile curled onto pale lips before consciousness abandoned him entirely.

Teal eyes peeked open and cautiously peered around him. It was quiet. Good, he'd be safe to move then. Quickly, he scampered out of his corner, well lit in the morning sun, and dashed about getting ready for the day. He shimmied into his all-too-tight clothing and did up his boots and a hurried fashion that clearly showed on the messy laces. Finally, he swiped a comb through his wild, reddish hair before exiting the small room. The moment he was outside the cool metal door, the blaring sunlight pierced his eyes. He flinched lightly and covered his discomfort with a huge grin.

"'Hayou, nya!" He shouted to the officers moving about their morning duties. A few paused long enough to spare him a smile and a friendly glance, but most continued on as if he wasn't there. The boy wasn't discouraged, though, at least not visibly. He knew people had work to do and common courtesy was a dying art, after all.

"Kikumaru!" A stern voice shouted. The redhead flinched and turned to the other with a sheepish grin.

"Hi, nya." He mumbled quietly.

The man peered down at him from behind his half moon spectacles, his brown eyes piercing and Kikumaru hated them. Every time he saw them, there was a twinge of regret in his heart at the memories they brought up.

"Get to work. You have a duty shift in one hour. Be prompt." His voice was steely, with no emotion behind it.

"Yes sir!" Kikumaru bowed and watched as the stoic man walked off. It hurt, it always hurt, to remember the ones he'd left behind, his dear friends that were no longer with him. Vaguely, he wondered if the were still mad at him for leaving or, indeed, if they even remembered him at all. He swallowed the lump that thought brought to his throat and continued on.

He stopped outside a small, brown building with peeling letters indicating it was the Mess Hall. He didn't like this place, he never liked this place, but it was all he had now. He took a deep breath and replaced the grin on his face before entering the hall. There were people everywhere, bustling around the tables and the food dispensers, trying to get their fill of food before it was all gone. Kikumaru joined them and snagged food from various displays. They tasted like ash and would always stick in the consumers throat, but it was food nonetheless and it was all they got.

Sighing, he remembered back to a time when everything was simple and nice. When he'd wake up each morning to greet his friends at school, bouncing about with his usual chipper actions. He'd always had a talent, he found to get people to smile, involuntarily or not. He treasured it. He treasured that special place where he could be himself and stay with those he loved. He didn't want to let it go. But he had to…

He remembered the day it had all changed. He was meeting his best friend, Oishi, at a café near the school where they often went just to talk and hang out. It was fun and he was able to forget everything and just live in the moment. But just like that, the fairy tale ended, and with it, his happiness left him. He remembered smiling at his friend while consuming large amounts of sugar that he was sure were gonna be the death of him one day, when a large crash came from outside. At first, no one thought anything of it. Someone probably just dropped something, there was no need for concern. But – and oh how he cursed himself for this – being the curious sort he'd always been, Kikumaru just had to go and check it out. Oishi had tried to stop him, telling him it was nothing and that they should stay out of people's way. But he didn't listen. Oh, why couldn't he have listened? If he had, maybe it wouldn't have turned out like this, maybe he'd still be here…

Kikumaru shook his head lightly. He could almost here the resonating 'boom' that blew out his eardrums that day. He could feel the warmth comforting him, shielding him, keeping him from the brunt of the deadly blast. He could hear the screams, feel the tears, as he realized what had happened, as he realized his friend had died for him. That had been the day the war officially started, the day the enemy dropped a bomb on the city. That had been the last time Kikumaru had ever seen Oishi's smile, filled with warmth as he protected his dear friend…

After that, Kikumaru Eiji had left. He stopped talking to all his old friends and moved away, trying to run from the memories. After a while, he joined the military, faking his age and entering the forces of the world, losing his naivety in the process. The world couldn't know that, though. He still had the talent to make people smile and he was going to use it. His smile may have hid the depths of pain, but if it could bring a true facet of happiness to another, he'd gladly hide some more. There was only one person that could make Eiji truly happy now and he was dead, passed on with time and the cruelty of the world. But never, never would he die from Eiji's memory, that he would swear to. He would never let anything in this world let him forget his dear friend and oldest companion. That man would forever stay in his heart, undisturbed, that he would be sure of, no matter how happy it would make him in the end. For no matter what, Oishi was the only one that could hold his heart, he'd never give another that chance.

Clearing his head of such thoughts, Kikumaru rose and continued to his duty shift, falling back into the routine that had come to dominate his life. And maybe someday, he'd be able to see those forgiving emerald eyes once more, be it in death or dream, and he'd be able to look back without the constant guilt that weighed on his heart. On day, finally, he'd be able to return to Oishi and utter the words he longed to say. "Tadima, Oishi. Tadima, my love."

--

Note: Tadima means "I'm home."

Wow, that was incredibly angsty. Sorry, Eiji. Speaking of which, what color are Eiji's eyes, really? I kinda guessed from this blurry picture, so I don't really know if that's right. Anyway, hope you enjoyed it.