Can't you see?

That boy had been hanging around here often since a few weeks ago.

That boy, Tamaki Suoh, with his blonde coloured locks, his happy smile that smile that made my son smile, his lively movements, his -never-ending-telling-stories- voice.

That boy, that boy who probably thought I was the worst father in the whole world because he shut his mouth when I looked at him, and shivered when I talked to him.

I remember the horrified look in his eyes at the Ouran festival. He looked at me as if I was some kind of monster, but I am, indeed, fairly used to that.

It wasn't like I cared. I couldn't care less about what that brat thought of me.

It was just that he thought of me the same way as my own son, and somehow that hurt.

-ButThat'sASecretIWon'tTellAnyoneEverEver-

There was no way that kid could actually understand -that happy kid- that kid that lived his life in a foolish daze of happiness.

He didn't, - just simply couldn't- know how hard it was to work, work, work your way up to the top.

He didn't know how hard it was to stay there with the weight of the world pressing down on your shoulders and not being crushed. He couldn't know that all I really wanted was -still is- to protect.

-BecauseIDoCareMoreThanAnyoneDoes-

Nor did that kid knew how he could destroy everything by doing what he did. Maybe he could make the mistake to fall in love with a boy, maybe he could pronounce proudly he wouldn't care about the world, just because he was a Suoh.

-ButAnOhtoriDoesn'tHaveThatLuxury-

At first, he just came here because I told my son, my youngest son, to get on good terms with him, for it would surely strengthen our position in this tiny little, too-big-to-fight world.

He came to do homework, to talk about this club they were in.

But lately, he'd been coming for nothing else than my son.

Not only the fact that he said he wanted to talk about that club in the middle of summer vacation, but also the fact that I saw them kissing in the hall - this had led me to the conclusion that the boy and my son were -most likely- not discussing school-related things in his room.

-ThatLoveWillDestroyEverything-

My first thought was to drag that blonde out of my house, to make sure he and Kyouya would never talk again, to be angrier than I ever was.

But the thought just left when I saw my son smile. Smile, like he'd never ever smiled before.

It wasn't that I wasn't angry anymore -not that I approved- but I turned around again and pretended to not see it.

I still don't know why I did that.

-MaybeItWasBecauseForTheFirstTimeKyouyaWasHappy-

So, the boy continued coming ever so often, I continued to pretend not to care, to not know and the world continued to turn.

As long as the world still turned, I guessed it was fine.

As long as I could at least see my son smile for at least a little amount of time, if I could at least see him obtain the happiness I couldn't, I guessed it was okay to pretend I was blind.

-I'llLetTamakiTakeCareOfHimWhileICan't-

I wasn't such a horrible person as the blonde thought. Neither was I such a horrible dad as Kyouya had thought.

The only thing I was - was protective. The only thing I was being was a father.

My dreams had faded, died, withered away. I had said hello, said goodbye, said farewell to happiness. I had lost everything, and work was all that remained.

-IWon'tEverLetMySonsMakeTheSameMistake-

If they survived me, they could survive anything. If they had the strength, the will, the courage to stand up against a person like me, then there would be nothing in this world that would hold them down.

If they could only face what they feared the most, find that one thing more important, there wouldn't be a dream they couldn't reach.

I had never been 'wrong'. I had never meant to hurt. I had never wanted to see my son turn into this hollow shell.

But I shall wait, and I shall see how he works his way out of it.

-AndWithTamaki'sHelpItJustMightBeALittleSoonerThanIExpected-

But, as I predicted, smelled, knew, saw coming all along, Kyouya did what an Ohtori never should.

He gave up.

Just like that.

Without a warning, Tamaki had slammed the door and hadn't returned. In a moment -a flash-, a painful heartbeat, I had seen my son's happiness walking out of the door.

And there was nothing I could say, do, or give to make him smile again.

-WhichHurtMoreThanICanEverExplain-

It wasn't that I didn't want to tell him that everything would be alright. It wasn't like I didn't want to run upstairs, ask him how he felt, and maybe, somehow, make things a little less painful.

It wasn't like I didn't care.

It was just that somehow, I couldn't show it.

I still believe I've never done anything wrong. I still believe my sons should be stronger, stronger than I was.

They should always be strong enough to fight this horrible life, the pain inside.

-ButThisIsAFightNoOneCanWin-

He didn't eat for a week. He soaked his very essence in work and I only watched.

I watched and watched and stared and stared and with every second I felt something inside hurting more.

I didn't really know what caused the pain, but something inside wouldn't leave anymore.

-SoThat'sWhenIDecidedItWasEnough-

Knock. Knock.

"Please go away!"

He sounded so damn pathetic, so like me when I was younger, when the world was too much to fight.

It was too similar to how I never wanted him to sound.

"Don't talk to me like that!"

And I sounded so cold, so cruel, so uncaring. So like I never wanted to sound.

"… Father? I'm sorry. Come in."

So I did, ignored the sudden hardness, bitterness, hatred in his voice. I looked at him, and he looked at me, his dead, black eyes staring telling me if you're gonna pretend to care, just go die already.

But I wasn't pretending. I wouldn't.

"You haven't eaten for a week. If you keep this habit up, I'll need to hospitalize you."

He didn't answer, but just looked down in response.

This is what I wanted to fight, to make sure he never needed to feel this kind of pain.

But it seemed like I failed.

"Just what are you doing?" I asked him.

He looked up, a little confusion in his eyes.

"Is it because of the boy, Tamaki?" I continued, even though I already knew the answer.

"No," he lied. "It's nothing. Please don't worry about me."

But he's my son, how could I not?

-IReallyDoLoveHim-

He just refused to see it.

"Kyouya," I sighed, walked up to him.

His eyes were red, and as good as he could act, I saw. I saw the pain hidden underneath the mask, I saw that horrible guilt, that look he didn't want to show.

-AndItHurtLikeHell-

My hand fell down on his shoulder, suddenly and firmly, because it's the only sign of affection I could give him.

"If you are going to give up on this, how could you ever fight for a whole company, keep it standing, make it greater than anyone else?"

He stared at me, with nothing but nothing in his eyes. He looked at me as if I was as stoned as a dumb teenager -

- and he didn't know how much it hurt that he can't believe I care.

"If you're an Ohtori, then don't just sit here whining about that kid. Fight for him, fight for what you want," I had told him and my voice sounded so cold and hard it really didn't sound like I was trying to console him.

I turned around again and walked away, until there was that sound I wouldn't forget.

"Dad…?"

It was the first time he actually called me 'dad'.

-AndItMakesMeSmileForMoreThanAFewSeconds-

"What is it?"

"… Thank you…"

When I walked away and closed the door, there was this weird, alien feeling.

It was almost like, for the first time, Kyouya knew that I honestly cared.

-I'veNeverBeenHappierIGuess-

That blonde's been coming a lot more since then.

My son has been smiling a lot more since then.

The world still turned, and I still pretend not to care.

But there was something essential that had changed.

There was no shiver anymore when I talked to Tamaki, no horrified look, no you are the devil in person.

He didn't think I was such a horrible person anymore, and neither did Kyouya.

-IKnowMySonWillReachTheStarsOnHisOwnNow-

Yay! KyouTama! XD ... Wait, why am I cheering? I don't even like this pairing? XD Well, I HOPE YOU LIKE IT JINTA! This was originally a KyouKao story, but I thought the plot would go -coughwhatplot?cough- just as well with KyouTama, so jinta and I were talking and I said I'd change it for her.

So, yeah, this story is dedicated to her! Since she's awfully awesome! D

Aaaaand: thnx to my wonderful BETA Perdendosi. She's just too awesome for words. You rule!

AND YES THE ENDING SUCKS! And, well. I don't think Kyou's dad's so horrible. He just wants to protect his sons, I guess. Everyone their own way of doing that, riiiight? So, I wanted to write this. Yay! Cheers for Jazy.

Now, let me return to the KyouKao-ness. -nod, nod-

Please review?

- Jazyrha,
... Just Jazyrha XD