Chapter 49

OK. Here's another one. WOW! So close together! My husband had all kinds of things to add to this and it was HIS suggestion to end this one here. So the fault is his. Hmmmm, lots of loose ends to try to pull together…better get working!

Enjoy the reading and thanks for all the reviews!

Johnny was being truthful when he told Patty he wasn't going anywhere. He tried moving his arms, his heart beating out a loud rhythm in his ears from his fear at the tingling in them. One arm was trapped somewhere up over his head, the other was twisted back behind him. He couldn't feel anything from his waist down and wasn't sure if his legs were under him or ..or ripped off. 'What if I'm bleeding? What if they're broken and it's compound? I could bleed to death before they get me free! Would I feel that? I can't feel anything!' He swallowed and held his breath, trying to get his heart to slow and get his panic under control. He was scared, perhaps more scared than he'd been in a long time.

'Calm down. Patty's right here. He's trying to get you out.' He told himself. He could hear the big engineer grunt as he moved away the debris covering him. He took as deep a breath as the refuse pushing against his chest allowed and forced his body to relax. It wasn't as deep as he wanted or needed and that only served to rev up his heart again. Patty was talking to him again but he'd breathed in some dust and began coughing.

Outside the pile Patty heard the coughing and paused in his work. "Johnny? You ok in there?"

There was no answer as Johnny continued to cough then a weak reply. " 'm still .. ..still here."

Patty sighed and went back to clearing the doorway as much as he could. Johnny felt the pile around him shift and suddenly something was tightening around his neck, making his breathing harsh. He struggled, trying to get it to release as he tried drawing slow even breaths. That worked for a while then his body's demand for more oxygen forced him to breathe fast. He could hear the harsh restricted sounds of his own inhalations. Then another voice called to him.

Johnny froze trying to hear that voice again. It came, a familiar voice that made a feeling of comfort spread over his aching body. "Johnny, you still with us?"

It was Cap's voice. Cap was here. If Cap was here, then the rest of the crew was here too. They'd get him out.

He was relaxing with that relief when he heard his captain bellow, "Gage, answer me!"

Johnny's body jerked in instinctive reaction and he opened eyes he hadn't realized he'd closed. Cap was angry..? At him? He'd better answer. He put all the breath he could into a call and barely managed, "C..c..cap?"

"Johnny, tell us what's wrong." He could hear movement and could almost see in his mind his captain standing there, tall and rigid, a serious look on his face as he directed the rescue…his rescue.

He pulled in a slow restricted breath and pushed it out again in a reply, ". . . air . .way . . .blocked."

His captain immediately answered him, "Hang on pal, we'll get you out." And he could hear the reassurance in that promise. Johnny's eyes drifted closed, his chest barely moving as his breaths now came in sharp gasps. His head was swimming and there was a roaring in his ears. He tried one last call, one last time to tell them they needed to get him out now! Before it was too late!

"Hur . . ry…." He gasped out.

Whatever had tightened on his neck and his own body's reaction to the stricture had nearly closed off his entire airway. He had no breath left for calling out. He could feel his body becoming numb as his oxygen levels dropped. He knew he was suffocating and there wasn't anything he could do to stop it. His last fuzzy thoughts were of his friends …and Roy. His mouth formed that name as consciousness left him.

Roy hopped off the transport and looked around, hoping to see Johnny. The last building he'd been helping sweep had, thankfully, been empty. They'd sent two people with slight injuries to the triage center then he and his current partner, Darrin Becker, were told to head back to IC and take a break. Most of the train and the buildings it had crashed into had now been cleared and it was rumored that soon the first wave of rescuers would be released. He shuddered slightly as he thought about the numbers of dead and injured this incident had caused.

As he walked toward the table to check in, he nodded to several others he knew. Sad stares followed him and he blinked a little in surprise. Then Jason Schlemmer walked past him, stopping to slap his back in sympathy. "Sorry, DeSoto," he said, "He was a good guy, a great rescue man."

Roy frowned at him as he walked on past, shaking his head. Another hand on his shoulder caught his attention and he turned to look into Tom Dwyer's distressed eyes. "Hey Roy. Listen, if you need any help with anything, give me a call."

Roy managed a smile although he was totally confused, "Sure, uhhh Dwyer. I will."

Dwyer patted him, "Do. I know how close you two were." Then he turned and walked away, leaving Roy standing frozen, his heart beating rapidly. A niggling feeling was squirming in his gut, matching another in his brain and he wasn't liking what it was implying. He looked around a little frantically, trying to find someone without really knowing who he was looking for. His eyes keep catching on various faces: faces who looked at him with pity or silently turned away from his gaze. A tiny whimper escaped him as one thought gelled from the rolling feelings in his brain and gut. 'Johnny…'

He began to move faster through the area, partly to get away from the staring eyes. "Roy. Roy!" a voice hailed him and he turned, unaware of the desperate look now on his face. Mike Morton was hurrying toward him. One look at the serious resident's face and those squirming feelings turned into lead. He swallowed hard as his throat felt tight. "Johnny . . ." he managed in a strangled voice.

Morton stopped beside him, one hand on his arm but the look on his face told all. "Come over here Roy." The intern said even as he pulled the unresisting paramedic over to a more sheltered corner. Roy's blue eyes never left the intern's face.

"How. . . how bad?" He managed to stammer out.

Morton sighed, "He's uhhhh, been listed as Code F."

Hearing the words was like getting a physical blow. Roy staggered and wondered for a minute where all the air went. He felt himself being pushed down into a chair and a cup of something hot placed in his hand. "Take a deep breath, Roy. Come on." Mike urged. Roy did and his brain cleared with oxygen flowing back into his body but his soul started a low keening.

"How?" His voice asked, at least it sounded kinda like his voice. The cup was pushed against his lips and he drank automatically. The warm fluid flowed down his throat but wasn't nearly hot enough to melt the block of ice his insides had become. He just knew that even a four alarmer wouldn't melt that block. In fact, he was sure it would never ever be fully melted ever again. It would take a special sound—a laugh, a word from lungs that would no longer breathe to melt it.

"He was doing search and rescue when a ceiling fell on him. The paramedic he was with, uhhh I believe you know him, Kent? Well, he witnessed the falling debris break Johnny's neck." Morton was saying. The name caught somewhere in his whirling brain but right now he couldn't think about that. Roy closed his eyes, hoping to stop the blurriness. "You take care of him?" He asked softly. When there was silence he opened his eyes and looked up. Morton was shaking his head. If it was possible the ice got colder. He knew what that meant. Then… Johnny hadn't even been brought to triage. And that meant his partner was already called and was one of those covered forms placed off to the side in the make shift morgue.

Roy's eyes were drawn to that tent even as his voice said "I want to see him."

Morton shifted, "He's not here, Roy." He winced at the look of faint hope in the blue eyes that looked up at him, regretting he was going to be the one to further extinguish the dim light in those eyes. "Last I heard, they're still digging him the rest of the way out. Ummm, your captain was with them."

Roy felt the tiny flame of hope die. If Cap was there, and had witnessed it, then it was true. His partner, his friend, was dead.

Morton saw that glimmer fade away before Roy gave a slow nod and dropped his head to stare down at his hands. Morton sighed, "I know that it might not have seemed that Gage and I got along." Roy gave a faint snort and Morton's lips twisted up in a weak grin. "Ok." He admitted, "We banged heads together more than a few times." He laid a hand on Roy's shoulder, "But I hope you know I really did respect him. He was a conscientious paramedic and a right decent guy." He gave a rueful look as he added, "Even if he could be the most exasperatingly stubborn, aggravating, maddening, mule headed, .. . "

Roy gave a bark of a laugh then his inhaled breath trembled roughly. "Yeah. That's my partner." He quietly agreed. Morton closed his eyes as his shoulders sagged. He would miss the cocky paramedic. In silent commiseration, he squeezed Roy's shoulder.

They stood there for a few moments then Morton straightened and with one last pat, left. Roy had no idea how long he sat there, his body numb, his mind buzzing with so many thoughts none of them really registered…except the thought that nothing would ever be quite as bright again.

When another hand tapped his arm softly, he looked up to see Carol looking at him. Her dark eyes were tearing and Roy felt his lips tremble. "He's really gone." He whispered and she sadly nodded as two tears slipped from her eyes to spill down her dark cheeks. Roy blinked his eyes rapidly and straightened up. He was still on duty—he still had a job to perform. Later, once he was alone, he'd grieve for his friend. Or perhaps, in the arms of his wife, they would grieve together for their loss.

"I'd better check in." His voice didn't quite sound right but at least it was fairly steady.

Carol gave him a watery smile, "It's already been taken care of. We need you to go with this next ambulance back to Rampart. Not too bad, one broken leg, one possible broken wrist and minor lacerations." Roy nodded and stood up. Carol's hand on his arm stopped his forward movement and he turned to her. "I'll be alright." He said in answer to her unvoiced question. He didn't add that it might take years.

Carol's lips twitched slightly into a sad smile, "I'll miss him." She softly said. Roy nodded. "Yeah. Yeah." What else could he add? He walked over to the ambulance that was idling nearby and helped them load in the gurney. Once everyone was in and secure, he climbed in. He sat in the jumpseat as the doors were slammed shut and two slaps sounded the all clear.

He checked over the splint on the man on the gurney, making sure the toes on the broken leg had a good pulse and were pink and warm then moved to see the two sitting on the bench. One guy looked at him strangely and Roy gave him what he hoped was a reassuring smile.

"If you don't mind my saying, you look like crap." He suddenly burst out. Roy pulled back slightly and blinked in surprise. The guy flashed white teeth on his dirty face, "Hey, I know you! You're one of those paramedics from my beat… uhhh 51's right?"

Roy nodded slowly. The guy stuck out his unsplinted hand, "Bob Pauling,* Guess I look different in civies huh."

Now Roy blinked as he shook the offered hand, "Oh. Yeah. You're uuhh deputy sheriff right?"

Bob nodded. "Yeah. Was riding that monster coming home from my vacation." He shook his head, "10 + years on the force and not so much as a fender bender then I go on vacation and get this." He waved to his splint arm. Roy nodded and checked the fingers sticking out, making sure they was getting circulation. Bob watched him closely. "So, DeSoto. What's uhhh, what's got you so glum?'

Roy didn't answer as he turned to check the vitals on the third man. That guy looked first at the paramedic checking him, then turned to Joe. "Bet I know. Bet he knew that fireman that bought it. I heard the ambulance guys discussing it while they were getting us in here. You know those guys are tight, just like you cops."

Bob's head swiveled around hard to look at Roy. "That true?"

Roy didn't look up as he wrote the vitals he'd just taken down on the pad he carried. "Yeah. I knew him." He heard his voice say and wondered at the hoarseness of it. Slowly he looked up and into concerned brown eyes. "He was my partner."

Now Bob's face took on a shocked look, his eyebrows shooting upward, "Johnny?" Then he shook his head, his mouth a thin line. "Don't believe it."

Roy's gaze went back to his paper. "He's been called already. Code F. It was witnessed." His voice caught as he added, "They're still digging him out."

Bob continued to shake his head. "Still don't believe it. Gage has survived too much. I won't believe it until I see it in the Obits."

Roy froze as a hand settled on his shoulder. He turned and looked into Bob's face. "And don't you either. Don't believe into you see his corpse."

He gave the cop a careful nod even though that block of ice didn't ease any. After all, Cap himself had been there. A sudden slowing of the ambulance distracted him. He faced toward the front. "What's going on, Rodge?"

The attendant turned his head slightly. "Looks like a accident. Traffic's all backed up. I'll do what I can but it looks pretty solid from here."

"Well, everyone's stable here for now." Roy told him even as he pulled the biophone up. He informed Rampart of the delay and was told to continue to monitor his patients and give updates on vitals every fifteen minutes.

Cap hovered over his trapped man, pushing the debris away from Johnny's chest and upper body. Once he got enough away, he careful angled himself so he could get his own face down close to Johnny's. He carefully put his hands around Johnny's neck to keep it from moving while still pinching off his nose, then closed his mouth over Johnny's and blew as hard as he could. He could feel the resistance but there was enough movement he was sure he felt Johnny's chest rise a little. As he released he could feel exhalation on his cheek. He inhaled deep and did it again. He knew that it might not be much, but he was at least getting some airflow into the suffocating paramedic.

"C'mon Johnny." He growled, "THIS is NOT your year, not your time yet!" Breath. "We didn't lose you to that explosion." Breath. "We didn't lose you to two surgeries." Breath. "We didn't lose you to two different infections." Breath. "I'll be damned if you lose out now to a simple entrapment."

Around him, the others were working as quickly as possible to uncover the rest of Johnny's body. Cap felt someone bump him then a young sounding voice told him, "You just keep doing what you're doing there, Cap. I'll try and see what else is going on."

Cap shot a quick glance over into a very stained, dirty and very young face and concerned grey eyes. "I'm Joel Dobson, new paramedic. I've been working with Johnny this morning." The medic said as he pulled out a c collar. Cap shifted his hands as he gave his paramedic another breath and as he did, his fingers brushed the buckle of Johnny's chin strap. He paused, frowning as his fingers traced it, feeling it was nearly buried into the flesh of Johnny's neck. His eyes widened with knowledge as he announced, "I think I found part of the problem! Cut his chin strap!"

Joel looked confused at the captain's odd order.

Cap blew another breath into Johnny and shouted, "Just do it!"

Joel's hand immediately went to the assessment pouch on his hip, pulled free his scissors then he bent forward to carefully reach under the trapped paramedic's neck. As he tried to put his fingers between the strap and Johnny's neck, he realized, "Holy shit! This thing's practically embedded in his neck! No wonder he's not breathing!" He finally managed to get the scissors under the strap and snip. Then he carefully pulled the strap free and tossed the helmet aside. Cap had given Johnny another breath but as he leaned in again he felt Johnny inhale on his own. The sound was rough and raspy but Johnny was breathing.

Cap felt instant relief and leaned his forehead against his still trapped man's. "Of all the times for you to not lose your helmet…" He muttered. Behind him he heard a muttered comment from Mike. There was muttering then Chet's voice complained, "His helmet? Geez, Gage of all the rotten . .. " the sound faded off. Joel had his fingers pressed into Johnny's neck and joy filled his face as he turned to Cap. "Pulse is good and strong. He's pinking up now."

Joel was right, the bluish cast had left Johnny's face and lips. With his chest now cleared of debris, it rose and fell with his respirations. Joel carefully fastened the c collar around Johnny's neck and made sure it was snug but not inhibiting his airway.

"There's an awful lot of blood on him." Marco commented.

Joel nodded even as he ran his hands over the other man's shoulders and arms. "Not his. We had a guy bleed out on us earlier." Marco nodded, noting the younger paramedic had blood splattered on him as well.

"Why didn't I feel his pulse in his wrist?" Cap hadn't realized he'd spoken out loud until Joel answered.

"His arm was trapped up over his head. That would've interfered with blood flow." Joel began running his hands over Johnny's chest, feeling his ribs. "Cap? You wanna put some pressure on that cut on his face?"

Cap nodded and took the 4x4 handed him, grinning once when he saw it was a worried looking Mike who handed it to him. Johnny's body was now completely uncovered and all of his shiftmates were kneeling near him. Beyond them, Captain Bardoff and Patty watched. Bardoff had heard rumors about the unusual closeness of 51's A shift. Now he was seeing it.

All eyes went back to the patient when Johnny groaned and moved his arm. Cap placed a steadying hand on his paramedic's chest and soothed. "Easy Johnny. We got ya. You're gonna be fine now."

Multiple breaths were let out in a whoosh as brown eyes fluttered open and a scratchy voice asked, "Cap?"

Hank smiled down into the still glassy eyes, "Yeah, John. I'm right here. We all are."

Joel leaned forward, grinning. "Hey Johnny. I need to check your eyes here."

"Kay." Johnny blinked his eyes as the light shone into them but was slightly relieve it didn't hurt. Maybe that meant he'd escaped a head injury…other than the cut on his face, that was. "Great. For once no concussion. Yea."

"Looks like it." Joel nodded. "Can you tell me what happened?"

Johnny sighed, "After Kent blew up I followed him in here. He was acting more…normal like, making comments about what a mess this place was and how I …" He slowed down in his explanation. Cap tightened his grip on his shoulder, "If you don't remember pal, that's ok,"

Johnny rolled his eyes to look up at his captain. "oh, I remember." His husky voice held a bitter tone. "I remember every little thing he said and what he didn't say right up until I told you my airway was blocked."

Cap looked puzzled, "Then… why the…" Johnny dropped his gaze and Cap felt his jaw tighten. "Oh."

Johnny gave as much of a nod as he could, "Yeah. He started in on how with my intelligence I was more suited to working with my hands on cars. He said he'd 'put in a good word' for me here as he figured they'd be hiring. Then he told me I could start by cleaning up this room."

Johnny sighed. And Chet turned away, anger on his face as Marco began a fast low mutter in Spanish. Johnny was continuing, "I just wanted to get him—and me, out of here. I could hear the place groaning like an old woman. So I agreed with him and told him I would take him up on that offer as soon as I got some cleaning supplies. Then I heard the ceiling give THAT sound and well…."

Cap nodded, "And that was it."

Johnny sighed again. "Pretty much. I told him to run, dove to push him out the door and get myself out too. He backed away from me into the doorway and before I could get there, it all came down."

Joel consciously relaxed his jaw. If nothing else, his question had proved there was nothing wrong with his patient's memories. "Ok Johnny. Your memory is obviously fine. Where all do you hurt?"

Johnny blinked, his face wrinkled up as he clearly thought about it. "My . .my face hurts. I could feel blood. My arms are tingling." He took a deep breath and gave a faint grin, "That felt good. Chest was tight and my airway was blocked off but it's better now."

"Your chinstrap was choking you." Marco told him.

Johnny blinked up at them, "Really? My helmet nearly killed me?" They nodded solemnly. Johnny made a disgusted sound, "Geez Cap. My helmet?"

Cap sighed, "I know. Of all the times I've fussed at you to tighten that chin strap and the one time you did . .." He shrugged.

"You weren't breathing when we found you. Cap started rescue breathing on you." Mike told him.

Brown eyes met brown eyes and the younger man gave a grateful look to his captain. "Thanks."

Cap smiled. "All in a day's work."

"Especially when you work with Gage." Chet exclaimed, "OW! Damn it Marco, I'm gonna put pads on those elbows of yours."

Bardoff and Patty exchanged grins at the antics of the men before them. Then Joel leaned in again. "How about the rest of you, Johnny?"

Johnny's happy smile vanished and he swallowed hard. "My .. .my neck is really sore. Stiff—like after a car accident. My arms are tingling." He flexed his fingers slightly. "I can barely feel them or move them." He glanced at Cap, then his eyes closed. "I can't feel anything below my waist at all."

Marco scampered off the pile and quickly returned with a backboard. Joel had cleaned and patched the cut over Johnny's eye and together the experienced crew carefully rolled their teammate onto his side. "Hold him there." Joel commanded as his hands slid down Johnny's back. "Ok, roll him onto it." They did so and Joel went down to Johnny's feet. He carefully pulled off Johnny's boots then ran the end of his scissors up first Johnny's left foot, then his right. There was no reaction. He pinched Johnny's little toe.

"OK Johnny, I'm gonna check your feet. Let me know if you feel anything."

Johnny swallowed again, "Kay. Whenever you're ready."

Joel slowly pulled his hand away and dropped his eyes. Marco's dark eyes met Chet's, seeing mirrored in them the same fear. Mike took a deep breath and let it slowly out.

Johnny's face blanched as he realized what was going on. "He's already done it." His voice was flat and soft. Cap placed a hand on Johnny's shoulder and patted him. "Yes, John."

Johnny's eyes blinked rapidly. "Cap?" His voice was faint and shaky. Cap tightened his hold. "What ever it takes, John. We'll all go through it together." He held the paramedic's gaze for a long moment, then Johnny's eyes flashed from face to face. In each he saw the same concern and the same resolve. "We are with you, little brother." Marco told him softly in Spanish.

One corner of Johnny's mouth turned up. "Thanks." He breathed. Then his eyes widened and he sucked in a breath as his body stiffened. Instantly Joel was back up at his side. "What's going on? Tell me!"

"Back! Cramping 'cross shoulders!" Johnny gasped out from a clenched jaw. Joel reached behind him and could feel the rigid muscle. In the background he heard someone calling Rampart and giving them a heads up. He turned slightly to take the handset, releasing the hand he'd held the backboard steady with as he reached with the other. Cap let out a curse and caught the younger man's hand. "Where the hell this come from?"

Joel looked at his hand, surprise in his grey eyes at the fresh blood covering it. He looked at the backboard, now seeing blood beginning to drip from it. Carefully he shifted Johnny's leg and found the back of one thigh soaked in blood. "Roll him again, he's got a cut back here." Cap grabbed Johnny's head and shoulders, while Mike grabbed his middle and Chet braced his legs. Together, they placed Johnny on his side and held him securely as Joel slit his pant's leg. Marco pulled the fabric away, revealing a long groove angling up from his knee almost to the cheek of his butt.

Joel's face blanched, "Damn. Damn. I didn't check. I didn't see." He chastised himself quietly. He took the 4x4's being handed him and wiped the blood away. More welled up. He sighed and before he could ask for it a large pressure bandage was before his face. He applied it then looked at the Hispanic man next to him. Marco grinned, "We've had a good instructor." His dark gaze shot toward Johnny then met the grey eyes once more.

Joel nodded. "Yeah. He is a good instructor." He watched the bleeding and when the bandage began to soak through, he placed another on top. He was going to have them roll Johnny back when he noticed his patient was panting.

"Uh oh." Marco muttered. Joel looked confused but Cap guessed the problem. "Your stomach?"

"Uhhh huhhhh." Johnny moaned, his eyes scrunched tightly shut. Saliva began to drip from his open mouth. Joel looked up bewilderedly at Marco who grimaced. "Johnny and injures equal . .. " He didn't need to finish as the sounds of retching cut him off. Johnny moaned at the pain the abdominal cramping sent through his body. Chet was wrapping a bp cuff around Johnny's arm and Mike was saying. "That's correct, Rampart. Pulse was 87 now 120. respirations 16, Victim is now vomiting. BP is …" He looked up at Chet who looked back at him as he removed the stethoscope from his ears. "BP is 84/58." Mike repeated then held the phone out to Joel. "They want your assessment now." He smiled to reassure the young medic. "I already told them his age and what happened. They know he was in respiratory arrest too."

Joel tried to keep his face neutral but his heart had sunk to his knees. He had failed his patient. His first solo patient, and a man he really admired and he had failed him terribly. He swallowed then concentrated on keeping his voice calm and professional. "Patient was caught in a ceiling collapse and states that he took hard blows to the top of helmet. Patient has no light sensitivity with pupils equal and reactive. Patient states his neck is stiff and sore with tingling in his arms and no feeling below waist. Patient can move fingers and arms but not legs or feet. No reaction with applied Stransky or Babinsky. Patient has a laceration about two inches in length above his left eyebrow. Patient also has a larger gouge extending from just below his uhhh, his umm, gluteus maximas to just above the posterior of his knee. Bleeding has slowed but not stopped. Patient is breathing fine but there is some swelling in his neck from the stricture of his chinstrap. Bruising marks the area as well. There is slight difficulty in swallowing."

Joel took a deep breath as he ended his report and kept his eyes from looking toward Johnny and the men surrounding him.

"Ok 51. Start an IV D5W large bore needle. Sounds like your patient is suffering from shock and maybe some dehydration. Take spinal precautions if not done already and update on vitals in fifteen if still in transporting. Get him in here as soon as possible."

Joel repeated the instructions back again looked up to see Patty motioning. "Ambulance is here. Uhh, Rampart? Patient is experiencing severe intermediate muscular spasms of his back and upper shoulder area." He paused, hoping some muscle relaxers or some thing would be prescribed. He knew Johnny was shocky and knew the continued pain would only make him worse.. To his disappointment he heard, "Negative on any medication 51. Patient was struck in the head and has a facial laceration. A head injury must be ruled out here."

With regret in his voice he acknowledged, "10-4 Rampart. Ambulance is on scene. We are transporting." He replaced the phone and was surprised when one of the 51's crew handed him an IV set up already.

Johnny had been rolled back and the straps retightened on the backboard. The firefighter grinned at Johnny, "I gave it to him." He pointed to Joel with a nearly evil grin. "Unless you really wanted to do it yourself again."

Johnny gave a faint half grin. "No, Chet. That's . . .that's ahwright. The kid needs the practice more'n I do." It was clear to see the paramedic was hurting and his shiftmates were trying to distract him and keep him conscious. Joel pushed his own anger at his failure down deep and smiled at his patient. "I don't think Rampart has their patient do their own IVs."

The one called Chet snorted, "He's done it before. He could do it again."

Joel figured they were still teasing as he inflated the BP cuff and palpitated for a vein. "There's a good one in my left forearm." Johnny suggested.

"Isn't that the one you speared yourself?" Chet mused. Johnny nodded, "But more because I'm right handed. Harder to spear one with my left hand into my right arm."

After the second stick Joel saw the flash in the chamber and taped it all down. It was as he was adjusting the drip that he realized what was said. His eyes widened as he looked down at Johnny. "you're serious! You really started an IV on yourself?" Johnny closed his eyes and gave a weary sounding sigh. "Had too. No one else around could do it."

"He got bit by a rattler out in the boonies. Had to take him in on the back of the engine. We were over 30 minutes from Rampart." Chet told, his face changing as he looked at his obviously hurting friend. Spasms hit Johnny's back again and his body stiffened.

Joel looked at him, "Wow. I didn't know you could do a self IV."

Johnny flashed a faint smile. "Neither did I." He scrunched his eyes and rode out the pain, his hands tightening into fists. Marco and Chet exchanged glances. "Can't you give him anything for the pain?" Chet asked.

Joel shook his head but Johnny answered. "No. Hit in head again. Can't give anything til Doc clears me."

Cap patted his injured man's shoulder and looked at his crew. "Well then, let's get him outta here and to the hospital." They lifted the backboard up and Joel found himself holding only the IV bag. Patty had grabbed the biophone and Bardoff had the drug and trauma box. " 'Saat Brackett on phone?" Johnny slurred and Cap exchanged glances with Mike. Both men were clearly worried. "No. I didn't recognize the voice." Mike answered for Joel.

Johnny nodded. "Yeah. Bet they called in butcha help for this." Cap pulled Joel slightly back as the other three moved Johnny onto the waiting gurney and into the ambulance back.

"He doesn't sound good." Cap's eyes were filled with worry.

Joel sighed, "He's going into shock. The IV will help stabilize him. Don't worry sir, we'll be at Rampart soon and I'm sure they'll take good care of him."

Cap smiled at that. "They always do." He watched the young medic enter the ambulance and put the ambulances O2 on his patient. "I'm gonna put a nasal cannula on you, Johnny. Looks like they're outta masks."

"Good, "Johnny's voice was weak and slurred, "Hate the masks; can't talk." Cap shook his head at that. "Figures that would be your complaint, Gage." Johnny tossed a half-hearted grin at his captain as he looked once more at his dirty tired paramedic. "John? We'll be seeing you as soon as they release us pal."

Johnny raised his hand as much as he could and waggled his fingers. "Thanks again, Cap, See ya, guys." The door was slammed tight and Cap gave it two firm raps. They all watched as the ambulance slowly made its way down the badly pocked street. Hank felt a hand clap his shoulder and looked down into the sincere hazel eyes of his fellow captain. "That's a good kid you got there. Good instincts, lotza guts."

Cap nodded. "Yeah." The hand slapped him. "He'll be fine Hank. I have a feeling he's too stubborn to let this get him down for long."

Cap grinned weakly at Bardoff. "Gary, I could tell you stories on that boy."

Bardoff nodded, his face totally sincere. "That's sounds like a date over some tall ones."

Cap nodded. "You're on, Gary. Once all this mess is over, you are definitely on." Then his manner hardened and he looked around. "Now. Where the hell is Kent!" Everyone stopped and looked around but the other medic was no where around. Then one of the lineman from 48's spoke up. "Cap? Cap? You mean that other green medic?"

At the firm nod of both captains the lineman pointed off, "He got onto the transport back to base. I saw it when I came out with Lopez there for the backboard."

Hank looked at Bardoff, fire in his dark eyes. "I'm gonna kill him. After what he did to my man…again.. no jury of my peers would convict me."

Bardoff steeled his look, "Hank? I think you should tell me what you know first, then I've got something for you 'bout this morning." Hank nodded and gave a condensed version of their time with Marcus Kent at 51's including the way the medic acted toward Johnny once he was hurt and ending with the scene at his birthday party. Marco, Chet and even Mike chipped in here and there with details. When they were done, the men from 48's were shifting their feet and muttering darkly. Bardoff turned to Patty, "Tell them what happened today." He growled. Patty did, leaving nothing of what he heard, thought or saw out. Once he was done there were two angry engineers, four spitting mad linemen and two pissed off captains.

Hank's eyes snapped fire. "That's it. This time he's done. He'll never work fire service ever again." Bardoff nodded. "We need to talk to the chief. Now." Hank agreed.

As Patty and Mike walked over to their engines the mostly silent calm Stoker growled, "I'll kill him. For what he did to Johnny this time, I'll kill him myself."

Patty nodded, "I'll hold him for ya."

Mike grinned and shot his fellow engineer a grin. "You know." Patty mused as he stopped by his rig. "We might not have to. If Wart finds this out, he just might do it. I mean, he seemed pretty fond of the kid when I saw them together this morning . .. "

Mike frowned, "Wart? Who's Wart?"

Patty laughed. "Oh. DeSoto was rescue man at my station back when I was still a lineman. He worried so about everything I tagged him with WorryWart, Wart for short."

Mike gave a short burst of laughter. "Sounds like our Roy." Then he stopped dead, a serious look on his face. "Oh. God. Roy." He turned and headed toward his own engine. "Cap? I just had a thought …"

Cap nodded as he climbed up into his seat. "Bet I had the same one. Roy."

Mike nodded. Cap sighed. "Let's get back to base. I need to report this…" He sighed again and finished with, "And find my other paramedic."

The ambulance bumped slowly along the broken up street and Johnny tried to remain as limp as possible. Tightening up only exacerbated the spasms in his back and made his head pound worse. He looked over at Joel who was taking his BP, his focus on the meter.

Johnny had noticed that Joel hadn't looked him in the face since he'd gotten off the horn to Rampart. Even though he ached something fierce and his throat felt swollen he knew what he had to do for the young medic. "You didn't mess up as bad as you think. You would have found the bleeding as soon as they lifted me."

Yep. Hit it in one. Joel's head snapped up and faced Johnny. "I missed a potential life threatening injury. I . .. "

"You've had a helluva lot thrown at you in one day. Your first day as a paramedic even!" Johnny tried to shake his head. "My God, Joel! I'll be surprised if half of you trainees stay in after this! The amount of deaths, maiming and devastation we've seen today is enough to rattle the hardest vet." He could see he was making some headway with the kid and pushed it more. "Joel. I'm rattled."

At that the kid made eye contact. Johnny was serious. Him? John Gage? The man who had done the first defibrillation in the field was rattled?

Johnny's voice was soft. "I know I'm gonna be booking time with the crisis councilors. Most of us will. Those that don't will probably burn out soon after this."

Joel fiddled with the stethoscope. "I didn't even take your vitals. Those other guys did. They even contacted Rampart."

Johnny gave the kid a half grin, "Those guys, as you call them, are my shiftmates. And they help Roy and I out like that any time we have our hands full. And believe me, you had your hands full. You had a patient you were sure was critical, who had been in respiratory arrest and was exhibiting signs of partial paralysis…" Johnny's voice caught on that and he swallowed.

Joel was closer immediately, "Johnny? Are you having trouble swallowing? How's your breathing?"

Although Johnny hated motherhenning, he knew that the kid needed this so he was completely truthful. "My breathing is fine. My throat is a little tender when I swallow or move my jaw but not bad. It was just…." He paused and closed his eyes.

Joel knew and laid a hand on Johnny's upper arm. "I'm sure the paralysis is temporary, Johnny."

"Yeah. Hope so." Johnny forced his eyes back open, refocusing on what he had been saying. "You were doing an assessment on my ability to feel. That was important at that point. The guys couldn't do that, and I bet they felt like they had to do something. So they just did what they've done before." He attempted a slight shoulder shrug. "you did right. You got me in a c collar and got me on a backboard. THAT was important. Like I said, you woulda found the cut."

Joel realized what the older paramedic said made sense and it did make him feel better that he hadn't done the vitals check. He did another one now, calling in to Rampart to report his findings. He was pleased to see Johnny's BP was up slightly and his pulse had come down. He adjusted the drip as ordered and smiled at Johnny.

Johnny gave him a smile but it broke off as his face twisted in pain. Joel frowned. "I wish they had let me give you something."

"Not your call." Johnny forced out between his clenched jaws. He felt the ambulance stop, then back up. He nearly wept for joy. Soon he would get some relief. Joel pulled loose the IV bag and moved toward the door just as they swung open. Wilson, one of the attendants who knew Johnny clapped his shoulder, "Good luck Gage. You might have a wait, it's been a madhouse in there."

Johnny rolled his eyes. "Don't I know it. And thanks guys."

A nurse stepped forward with a clipboard as they wheeled him into the hospital. "Name?"

"John Gage. We called in from the crash sight. His latest BP was . .. " Joel started but the nurse cut him off with, "Yes. The firefighter. We got it. You can go." She pointed off to the side. "Wheel him over there and leave. We have more coming in."

Wilson patted Johnny's arm and rolled his eyes at the paramedic, "Told ya." He looked at a very bewildered Joel. "C'mon kid. You can ride back with us. Be better that waiting for other transportation."

Joel hesitated but Johnny spoke up. "It won't be this way all the time. It's just during this disaster. Normally you'll go in to the treatment room and give your report to the docs. But this is ok. Leave your notes here and I'll make sure they get put into my records."

Joel nodded, placing the slip of paper into Johnny's hand. Johnny took a long deep breath of the sweet O2 then told him, "You'd better take off the O2 also. They're gonna need it in the ambulance and I'm sure they'll hook me back up in the treatment room. Joel was reluctant to remove the O2 since he knew that Johnny's O2 SATs were probably still low, but he supposed the older medic knew more about hospital care than he did. He removed the cannula and switched off the tank, stifling a chuckle as Johnny made faces and wrinkled his nose from the itch left by the line. "Thanks a lot Johnny. For everything."

Johnny gave the kid a sincere smile. "You're welcome. And thank you for all you've done." Then he gave a big grin and winked, "I'll be seeing you out in the field."

Now Joel smiled and pointed his finger at Johnny. "Count on it." With that, he turned and exited the hospital.

Johnny sighed and tried to look around but the c collar prevented much movement and none of the voices he heard around him sounded familiar. His eyelids started to droop with no distractions or anyone keeping him alert and soon Johnny faded away.

Engine 51's brakes hissed as Mike pulled the engine to a stop. Engine 48's echoed right beside them. Hank turned to address his men even as Bardoff faced his. "I'll report you men in, so go ahead over and get some chow. Bardoff, Nolan and I have some business with the Chief. The three men nodded and watched as their captain left beside the other captain and Patty.

"Finally." Chet's voice cut through the silence. Marco faced his friend. "What?"

Chet looked at his shiftmates, "I said finally. Finally that A**H**** is gonna get what he deserved long ago."

Marco nodded, his normally jovial face grim with worry over his brother.

"Too bad Johnny had to be the one to pay for his inadequacy yet again." Mike sighed.

The look of elation dropped from Chet's face at that thought. "Yeah." He muttered solemnly.

Marco sighed, "You think he's gonna be alright? I mean, you think his legs … I mean his neck and all…."

The other two's faces reflected the fear they, too, faced for their friend. Mike looked down at his hands, "He's already been through so much this year, now this?"

Chet made a scoffing noise, "Ahhh, Gage will be just fine. He'll bounce right back just like he always does. He's like a stubborn cold that way, ya just can't ever really get rid of 'em."

Mike looked angrily at him while Marco looked shocked. "Kelly! I can't believe you said that!"

Chet looked surprise at the animosity coming from his shiftmates. "What? Whadd-i say?" He protested.

"You said you wanted to get rid of Johnny." Mike ground out as Marco shook his head and muttered darkly in Spanish.

Chet now flushed red then pale as he shook his head frantically, "No! No I didn't! I would never say that!" He looked horrified at the thought.

Mike glared at him, "Yes you did. You said he was like a cold and you wanted to be rid of him. No one likes a cold, Kelly. Everyone does all they can to kill it."

Chet blinked at them, raising his hands beseechingly, "No! That's not what I meant! I didn't mean I wanted anything bad to happen to him! I . ..I just meant I … that he was resilient! That he can . .. . I didn't mean I wanted him gone…" He sighed and dropped his head and hands. He sighed heavily as the other two turned their backs on him. "Look guys. I like Johnny—a lot. And I would never wish anything bad on him." He looked at his hands, still dirty from digging Johnny out. "I'm as worried as you are. I was just joking, trying to make it …easier." He finished softly.

Mike and Marco exchanged glances. Marco tilted his head toward Chet who now looked the epitome of misery. Mike sighed and looked thoughtful before he gave a firm nod. "We know you are, amigo." Marco told him as he put a arm over his shoulder.

Without another word, the three headed off for the chowhall.

Bardoff and Hank announced to the check-in attendant that both crews were back, then Hank asked. "Where's Chief Hauts?" The aide blinked at him then pointed over toward a segregated area. The three men nodded and headed over. Hank rapped on the standing frame around two L shaped tables and a large paper-strewn desk. "Chief? Ya got a couple minutes?"

Chief Hauts was seated behind the desk with two other Chiefs standing near him, all pouring over a large map. As Hank spoke they raised their heads and Hank recognized one of the other men as Chief Sorenson. Hauts gave a quick smile that turned quickly into a look of solemness. "Ahhh, Hank. Good, you got my message. I want to first tell you I'm so sorry. To you and all your men."

Hank looked bewildered, "Message? Sorry? About what?"

The three chiefs exchanged glances. "About Gage, of course."

Hank sighed, "Oh. Yes. That's why we're here. There's something you need to know about that situation."

Chief Hauts came around the desk and placed his hands on Hank's shoulders, leading him over to a chair and gently forcing him into it. Hank looked even more puzzled by his boss's behavior and glanced at Bardoff who shrugged his puzzlement as well.

Chief Hauts sat on the edge of his desk and the other two moved closer. "You know you all have our deepest sympathy. You and your crew. I understand he was quite close to his partner and his family. I will immediately grant any time off DeSoto needs for … ahhh, making arrangements."

Hank nodded but his face showed he still didn't understand. The other Chief stepped up, "I'm Chief Conrad. I knew Gage before he became a paramedic. In fact, I encouraged him to go for the program. He was a excellent rescue man and I followed his career after he left 10's. He was an excellent paramedic as well."

"One of the first and best," Chief Sorenson nodded as he spoke.

Hank sat back, a growing horror starting ice-cold deep in his belly and spreading. His dark eyes widening in realization, he looked from the men in front of him to Bardoff and Patty, seeing the same comprehension dawning on their faces. "No. You mean… Johnny?"

They nodded and then they looked confused. "Hank? I thought you knew? I mean, you were there when they were digging him out, right?"

Hank felt his vision close in as his breathing sped up. "He was alive; alert. When we put him into the ambulance he was talking to us." He slumped in his chair, his eyes closing, "Oh God. He must've stopped breathing again. There musta been something more wrong than just his helmet. He wasn't breathing when we pulled him out. I …I thought when I got him breathing again he was going to be alright. I can't …can't believe he's …."

Bardoff stepped forward and laid a hand on his fellow captain's shoulder as his own head bowed. He, too, thought the scrappy young medic would make it.

But now the three Chiefs were looking at him bewildered, "You said you… pulled him out alive?"

Hank nodded, but his head stayed bowed and his eyes closed, trying desperately to keep the moisture gathering there inside.

"Yes." Bardoff's gruff voice cut through the silence. "Like Hank said, the boy was blue, not breathing, when they first uncovered him. He was apparently being straggled by his chinstrap. That new firedoc cut the strap while Hank was doing that breathing thing on him and the kid started breathing again. They got him excavated and he woke up, told us all what had happened and they put him into an ambulance and sent him off."

The Chiefs exchanged more serious looks. "Let me get this straight." Chief Hauts leaned forward. "Hank?"

Hank raised his head and opened his eyes. He looked into his boss's face. Chief nodded to him. "Bear with me, Hank. You excavated Gage,"

Hank nodded.

"And he wasn't breathing but you preformed artificial respirations on him and he began breathing on his own."

Hank nodded and looked back at Bardoff who wore a confused look as well. The older captain shrugged, having no idea where the Chiefs were going with their talk. He turned back to the intense scrutiny Chief Hauts had him under.

"Yes, the other medic, uhhh."

"Joel Dobson." Patty supplied. Hank nodded his thanks, "Dobson. He took care of John and they left together in an ambulance for Rampart.

Chief Conrad leaned forward. "And. Gage's neck…?"

Hank frowned, "He told us it felt stiff and sore. Dobson had him in spinal restraints." He shook his head and sighed. "Johnny told us he ….couldn't feel his legs." His voice was soft.

Chief Hauts nodded, his expression thoughtful. "So. When you last saw Paramedic Gage, he was backboarded in the back of an ambulance accompanied by Paramedic…" He hesitated, "Dobson, but Gage was alive and alert albeit injured."

Both bewildered captains and one engineer nodded.

"And Paramedic Kent didn't treat him or aid you?"

As the name was said, the three Chiefs were surprised to see the blatant hostility on the three men's faces. Patty began a low growl, Bardoff's scowl could freeze a waterfall, and Hank burst out with, "Kent! There's no way I'd let that SOB come within a mile of John Gage even if he was the LAST paramedic on earth!"

"Why?" Chief Conrad finally had the nerve to ask.

"I'll start," Hank growled. He told the gathered Chiefs more about Kent and his treatment and attitude toward Johnny, keeping it less personal but detailed. Then Patty began his tale, telling about how Kent taunted Johnny, how he acted toward rescue work and finally how he behaved at the room where Johnny was trapped. Bardoff backed him up with what he'd seen, his face dark as he described the partial chalk mark. When they were done, it was the Chiefs' turn to look outraged.

Chief Conrad had his jaw clenched so tight his lips were white, Chief Sorenson was muttering darkly, and Chief Hauts eyes were flashing fire. "Vogal!" He bellowed. Immediately an aide's head popped into the enclosure. "Sir?"

"I want Fireman Marcus Kent in my presence YESTERDAY!"

Vogal blinked but nodded his head. "yyy…yes sir. Ummmm, sir? Many of the first shift have been released. He mm might be . . ."

"I DON'T CARE IF HE'S ON MARS! FIND HIM!"

Vogal gulped and disappeared.

Hank looked at Bardoff who looked at Patty then all of them looked at the Chiefs. Chief Hauts had sat back in his chair but had turned his back on the rest. "Someone tell 'em. I'm too pissed right now." He growled.

Chief Conrad sighed and began.

Various firefighters hurried in and out of the tent, aides ran back and forth, carrying papers, changing charts, shifting various positions on the maps. Everyone was busy… until a scream of purest outrage froze them all instantly.

"HE TOLD YOU WHAT?"

*Bob Pauling was the deputy with the guys at the treehouse in epi "Virus" And yes, Joel didn't do a full assessment. Cut him some slack, the kid's had a really bad first ever day. Like most of us, he'll think back on everything later and know what he missed and never miss it again.