deeefinately awful. i hate sues. i dunno if this is working, i'm trying to make her believably sue-ish but also funny. Aaaanyways this is probably only going to last as long as I'm bored because i don't like it especially much. review if you've got ideas for where it could go, or anything to say. thankees.

Day Two:

This is not exactly going how I had planned.

Today I was woken up at some ungodly hour by Pippin dumping water on my face. Then I had to walk for eight hours in the freezing cold and pitch black – I mean, this is why people sleep at night, not go gallivanting around the country – and oh my god one of my stiletto heels broke! Those were expensive! Ugh! So like, I had to go on with one broken shoe and practically broke my ankle clambering over piles of rocks and then I fell flat on my face into a ditch. Fuck! And got covered in mud and my clothes got all ripped up and I was naked but it didn't even matter because no one even bothered to look at me! They just threw some spare clothes down and now I'm dressed like a man and I have no shoes!

Grrraugh!! I am the Princess of Eagles!! I am a Fairy Elf Mermaid Angel child!! I am not meant for this kind of torture!!

And to top it all off they eat dried meat all the time, and I'm a vegetarian because animals are people too and I can talk to them and stuff, but like, I have to eat, right? So it's like, eat dirt or die. So I've been eating little pieces of dried fruit and drinking broth and that's like not enough for a healthy girl.

Starving, muddy, shoeless, and angry. That's me. That is what I've been forced into . And you know what? I'm starting to think it's all stupid old Gandy's fault. He's the wizard, right? And so like, what if he's enchanting the others to make them hate me? No one in their right mind actually would, so like, it's got be some kind of conspiracy sabotage type shit. God I'm mad. Gandalf the Grump just wrote himself a death wish because I'm not going to save him from the Balrog now!! Uh uh hell no!!

But tomorrow, things change. As soon as I have a minute alone I'm going to meditate and do magic and change this stupid quest to how I want it to go! So there. I am Ravwyn!! I will find my true love and I will go down in history as being the greatest and most beautiful and most powerful and most spunky and most greatest warrior and best!

Goddammit Gimli's poking me again.

Day Three:

By the power given to me by the Goddess I hereby make myself reader of minds and conjurer of anything I want.

Thank you.

Day Four:

Hahaha. Yesssss.

Day Four, Reality:

Why had they ever thought she was dangerous, or mad, or unrespectable? How could they have possibly thought she was anything but wonderful?

No, Ravwyn of the Eagles, Fairy Mermaid Elf Angel Princess of her people was the most beautiful, the most amazing creature any of the Company had ever laid eyes on.

Her hair was a deep blood red, flowing in gentle shining waves down to her waist, and her large deep violet eyes spoke of sorrow and kindness and power and were framed by heavy black lashes. Her skin was alabaster pale, like moonlight upon marble, and her voice was clear and beautiful. Her travelling gown was practical but beautiful in it's satiny perfection, and clung to every curve. The Fellowship was wholly entranced.

Gandalf smiled fondly at her and called her the daughter he had never had. Boromir looked at her sideways and lusted after her in secret, though she rebuffed him whenever he approached her; Aragorn gazed upon her with admiration and barely veiled desire, and had started doubting his love for Arwen; Legolas composed songs in her honor and gallantly offered to carry her belongings; the hobbits flocked to her side and begged for a song from her beautiful voice and Frodo was soothed by her mere presence; but Gimli fought.

Gimli was seeing two Ravwyns with his strong-willed Dwarf eyes. The one she wanted him to see, and the one he knew was real: meaning her eyes were disproportionately huge and alien-like in her skull-white head, her lips looked like they'd been made from wax, her body was clearly plastic, and her hair looked like the Little Mermaid on crack. When Gimli managed to cling to this truth for longer than ten minutes, he realized that she was evil and began to form a plan to get rid of her and to protect the Ringbearer from her influence – but it was slow going, because even though she didn't pay him much attention and was least focused on keeping him in control, her spell was still quite persistent and he had to constantly struggle to stay in character and not go rushing off to pat her knee and tell her fondly that she was more beautiful than the hardiest Dwarf lass under the Mountain.

But Gimli the Dwarf was made of harder stuff than most. He was a Dwarf, and he was stubborn and had a will as strong as mithril. As long as he was around to stop it, the ruin of this Quest would not come at the hands of a plastic surgeon's miracle.

There you go.