A/N: this is one of those plot bunnies that raped my mind until i agreed to at least start the story. i got a little into the second chapter before i decided to post this. i plan to update fairly quickly if people like this. i like to get things done sooner rather than later, i just have to work out where exactly i'm taking this.

and i feel i should mention, i'm not being homophobic by making Roxas a girl, i just like to torment him (i never really forgave him for leaving Axel and allowing Sora to kill his buddies coughDemyxcough).

DON'T BE PUT OFF BY FEMALE ROXAS! normally, i wouldnt like a female Roxas, but you can quote me when i say that 'my female Roxas has more balls than at least half the male Roxas's i have come across in fanfiction'. too often Roxas is presented as a very very feminine man. my Roxas may be a girl, but she can kick most male Roxas's pansy asses. read on, and i shall prove it or eat my words.

Plot: The KH cast has been reborn with full memories of their past life. Roxas, however, has been reborn as a girl. When Axel shows up the day of Demyx's gig at a local bar/club, well, what's a girl to do? And when the Organization (more specifically Roxas's) past starts coming back to haunt them, well, the shit hits the fan. Akuroku. Zemyx. RikuNami. SoKai. ZackxCloud and others.

Disclaimer: lol i so don't own kingdom hearts...

...

Roxas Strife really didn't mind being a girl. She had been of the female persuasion for the last 18 years and quite enjoyed it. The only discomfort came from the knowledge that she had once been, in a past life, a man. The worst part was that not only that most of her family and friends knew this, but no one else, as far as Roxas knew, had switched genders. Roxas remembered being in Organization XIII and she knew that she had acted manly enough during her short existence as a male Nobody. Though Roxas had been rather small and skinny in her past life, as well as in her current one, she didn't see that as a valid reason for her to suddenly be gender switched.

Roxas blames her memories for her personality. Granted, she liked herself, at least as much as any girl these days. But it was undeniable that she made a point to act less feminine than the average girl. She did not wear dresses. Her Aunt Larxene probably had the most fun with Roxas's gender change. Almost every Christmas since Roxas had been born, Larxene had taken it upon herself to give Roxas the pinkest, frilliest dress imaginable. Roxas, in turn, had begun to buy her dear aunt an assortment of masculine products: men's cologne, boxers, and just last year when she'd ordered a prescription of male enhancement drugs. It was a quiet battle between the two and, to be honest, Roxas didn't take too much offense to her aunt's teasing, verbal or otherwise. Since Larxene had gotten her heart, she'd become less of a sadistic bitch and more of just a bitch.

Roxas truly believed she hadn't changed much from the Nobody Roxas she remembered. Other than the gender change, much of her personality and habits hadn't changed. She still wore a lot of black, hung out with the same group of people, and had an affinity for keys. She even developed an odd obsession with the heavy metal band The Organization (the significance of this was not lost on Roxas).

She also had a knack for sewing and affection for Romantic Comedies, but we're not going to talk about that.

Roxas had adopted a somewhat punk-rocker look. She made an effort to wear gender-neutral clothing for the most part. Spending a lot of time shopping in stores like Hot Topic and Cosmic, she naturally owned a lot of skull and band t-shirts, though she did not shy away from showing a little cleavage. Boy-in-a-past-life or not, Roxas was pretty damn proud of her sizable breasts, and was not afraid to show them off.

Aside from her clothing choices, Roxas made an effort to be a tomboy in her mannerisms as well. Though she wasn't particularly good at sports, she was still better than the average cheerleader or prep complaining about cramps to get out of playing dodge ball. She did have a knack for fencing, and spent the last three years of high school as the head of Twilight Town High's fencing team. Her twin brother, Sora, was also very skilled at fencing, but hadn't taken the liking to it that Roxas had.

Being a girl, Roxas was actually glad to be small and skinny. She was now pretty close to average height for a girl her age, and her skinny yet nicely shaped physique made Roxas very popular with both the boys and the girls.

Yes, even the girls were hitting on her. She supposed it was to be expected, with her determinedly unisexual way of dressing at her angsty I-don't-take-shit-from-anyone attitude some of the student body were fairly convinced she was a lesbian. That, and because she'd never actually dated anyone before. After she was seen rejecting every man (and woman) that would be brave enough flirt with her, those who hadn't known her as the male Nobody Roxas suspected she might just be asexual. Or arrogant, the jury was still out on that one.

But as said before, most of her family and friends remembered her from Organization XIII, and even those who were not in the Organization had found out one way or another why Roxas was so determined to reject any possible suitor.

Axel.

Yes Roxas had kept her promise, she was waiting. It was hard to go through life seeing the people around her reuniting with lovers and friends while she sat around twiddling her thumbs and hoping that Axel won't be too surprised that Roxas was now no longer a "he".

Roxas made it very clear that she was not an emo. She did not go around cutting her wrists and writing death poems. But it was hard to avoid the angst when she remembered the pyromaniac. She couldn't help but wonder if fate was mocking her somehow, taking away the one person she wanted to be with more than anything, and changing her gender to boot.

It's frightening to think of how many nights Roxas would lie awake and wonder what happened to Axel. Why wasn't he here? Why hadn't she seen him yet? What would he say if he knew Roxas was a girl now? Would he still love her? Did he perhaps already know and had no intention of ever seeing her again? Was he even alive? Did he hate her? And then Roxas would undoubtedly fall into memories of the past, so to speak, thinking of her time in the Organization, her time with Axel, and the way she left it.

And that's when the guilt set in.

Roxas wasn't sure how she felt about leaving back then. At the time, she'd felt like she had no choice. Being a Nobody was hardly desirable, and she, Roxas, had remembered the uncontrollable need to be complete, to be whole again. She had been so different from the other Nobodies because Sora was still alive, and Roxas was uncontrollably drawn to Sora. Roxas was sure, in the end, that it had been worth it, she'd convinced herself of this over the past collection of years. Still, as she remembered her life before, with the Organization, with Axel, she could no longer comfortably deny that she had felt nothing for the redheaded Nobody. At the time Roxas had been convinced that Nobodies couldn't feel, but in her memories, she knew there was an unquestionable affection between herself and the pyro.

And every night she hoped Axel still felt it as much as Roxas did.

So Roxas waited. Just like she'd promised. For the past 18 years she's waited for the green-eyed pyro to find her. She'd imagined all the ways the meeting could go, good and bad. It was partly her fear of rejection that kept Roxas from actively seeking Axel out herself. Sure, she'd Google him from time to time, or search his name in a random school roster or on the 

internet or, if she was particularly bored or desperate, the phonebook, but it was difficult when she only knew his first name.

But her insecurities left her with very little self-motivation at times, and after putting time into searching for someone only to come up empty time and time again, she was often left more depressed than before. Her best friend Demyx had gotten her through some of the most difficult times. He'd perhaps been the only one who understood how close Axel and Roxas had been, and he knew how hard it was for Roxas to wait for someone she wasn't sure could accept her. But Demyx, ever the optimist, constantly assured her that Axel would stop at nothing to find Roxas again, and no matter what he would love Roxas just the same.

And now Roxas sat at the kitchen table. She'd returned home immediately after school and was desperate for some sort of distraction. It was still another 5 hours before Demyx would be playing at the club, and Roxas was having trouble keeping calm. Of course Demyx himself showed little to no signs of nervousness, and he'd jokingly told Roxas that morning that she was nervous enough for the both of them.

Roxas was pretty sure she was nervous enough for a couple dozen people at this point.

Roxas twirled a spoon in her hand anxiously and was just beginning to wonder if 5 hours would give her enough time to dig to China, and therefore relieve a hefty load of tension, when Sora bounded into the room, Kairi, Riku and Namine following close behind.

"Roxas!" Sora came up and embraced his twin sister affectionately before pulling away to look at her, a serious expression on his face. "How do you feel? Nervous?"

Roxas laughed and pushed Sora back gently so she could stand. The accompaniment of her friends was a welcomed distraction. "You're acting like I'm the one playing tonight, not Demyx."

"I know," he said, leaning against the table and folding his arms. "But it's a big deal and you're, like, best friends and all."

Roxas smiled. Sora had that effect on her. Even in her most crappy of moods she couldn't help but cheer up around her brother and his constantly sunny disposition.

"I'm nervous as fuck Sora," she ignored her brother's expression at her word choice. "Well, more anxious than anything. I just want everything to go well for him. God knows he deserves it."

Sora nodded, letting his sister's less than ladylike vocabulary go for the moment.

"You guys are coming tonight, right?" Roxas looked at the other three expectantly.

Kairi practically bounced on her heels. "Of course!" She chirped. "Where Sora goes, I go." She giggled as Sora sat down in one of the kitchen chairs and pulled her into his lap. "Besides, we want to support Demyx too you know."

Roxas ignored the twinge of jealousy she felt at seeing her brother and his girlfriend sitting so casually together. Once again they were united. Once again Roxas was left feeling empty, only this time, it wasn't because she lacked a heart.

"Yeah," Namine said, stepping forward and hugging Roxas in greeting. Namine was just about the only person outside her immediate family that Roxas would let inside her personal bubble. Namine had always been a source of comfort for Roxas. They were really close, and Namine has provided the kind of feminine support she needed when dealing with her memories. It's not to say that Roxas didn't like Kairi too, but the redheaded girl hadn't been there with the Organization, she hadn't been a Nobody. So needless to say, Roxas did not hesitate to return the embrace with sincerity.

The silver haired teen stepped forward into the kitchen, arms crossed. Roxas could hear the smirk in Riku's velvety voice when he said, "don't get too comfortable Nami, I'll get jealous."

Namine pulled away and smiled at her boyfriend. Riku would often joke about the possibility of Namine and Roxas running away together someday. This of course was based entirely on the fact that the two of them had been Sora and Kairi's Nobodies. Riku never seriously believed the two of them actually had any romantic feelings for each other. Riku's time dealing with Roxas and the Organization, however brief, had given him a pretty good insight into where Roxas's affections resided, and even though Riku and Roxas never really got along, he still had the decency to avoid the redhead's name.

Roxas scowled and tightened her grip protectively around Namine, letting out a quiet growl as she said, "Careful, Riku, cross me and I swear I'll kidnap Namine and elope."

Riku only rolled his eyes in response. He was well used to such idle threats from Roxas by now, and made no effort to retaliate.

"Come on you guys!" Sora said tightening his hold around Kairi and shifting her slightly. "Can't you two be in the same room without bickering?"

Riku and Roxas turned to Sora and said in near unison: "No."

Namine chuckled and patted Roxas's arm affectionately before returning to Riku and clasping her hand in his. "Sorry Roxas but I don't see marriage in our future."

Roxas rolled her eyes and said in a mock hurt voice, "B-but Namine! I thought you loved me! My heart…is broken." She clutched her chest and looked dramatically to the side.

Kairi giggled and snuggled against Sora who said, "Honestly, Roxas, you're never this cheery. I'm starting to worry…"

Roxas rolled her eyes and threw the spoon she was still holding back onto the table. "It must be the anxiety. Once Demyx's thing is over I'll be back to my usual angsty, passive aggressive, fuck-the-world-and-everyone-in-it attitude. Don't you worry."

Sora rolled his eyes and stood, allowing Kairi to hop off him so he could wrap his arms around her waist from behind. "Yeah, whatever, Rox. Listen, we're going to the grocery. There's no milk for breakfast and Dad's out of those cracker things he likes, then we're driving over to Demyx's before we head to the club. You comin'?"

Roxas shook her head. "No thanks. I have to shower and my clothes are still in the wash. Just come pick me up before you head over to Demyx's and I'll ride with you guys."

Sora shrugged and smiled. "Sure thing. Just make sure you're ready on time! I'll call you."

Roxas said her goodbyes and walked upstairs to take a shower. She moved her radio into the bathroom, hooking up her iPod and cranking the music louder then necessary, hoping the noise would distract her a little.

She spent a good 30 minutes in the shower, taking the time to thoroughly wash her hair, shave her legs, and just enjoy the warm mist knowing no one was home to complain about the water bill.

Stepping out of the shower she turned the music down slightly so she'd be able to hear the phone when her brother called, and padded down the hall to her room.

It was times like these she felt most aware of her femininity. Roxas stood in front of her closet, staring at the mass of clothing within, wondering what to wear. This wasn't some soccer game or high school party, this was important, and, dammit, Roxas wanted to look good!

She finally decided on a reasonably low cut black top painted with silver designs and sporting the Japanese symbol for "love". She pulled on a pair of dark jeans, slid into her purple checkered Vans and grabbed a set of wristbands off of her dresser. She'd left her favorite earrings at Demyx's place a few days ago and figured she'd pick them up when she got there. Running down the hall Roxas threw on her black hoodie and began rummaging in the bathroom for her eyeliner and mascara.

Roxas had applied the eyeliner, and was twisting the cap of the mascara when the phone rang. Letting her music play, Roxas raced down the hall, mildly surprised that it was her cell, not the house phone, that was ringing. She'd assumed Sora would call the house, since he knew she was home, but upon picking up her phone she realized it was Demyx, not Sora, who was calling her.

Flipping the phone open she held it up to her ear. "Hello?"

"Rox?"

Roxas frowned at the cautious uncertainty in her friend's voice. "Hey, Demyx. What's up? You okay?"

There was a pause on the other side and Roxas unconsciously bit her lip. Demyx's mood was making her very uneasy. Perhaps the nerves had finally caught up with him?

Even Roxas didn't believe that.

"Uh, well…" Roxas could almost see Demyx shuffling nervously. "Uh, hey, Roxas, you remember, um…Axel?"

Roxas could feel her face pale at the mention of Axel. Demyx knew good and well Roxas remembered him, and Demyx's attitude along with his awkwardness made Roxas panic slightly. She immediately went to worst-case scenarios. He's dead. He's married. He never existed in the first place (well, that one was sort of true, but whatever). Roxas reached out and steadied herself against her dresser gripping the phone tightly and trying to stay calm.

"Yeah…" Her voice was husky and breathless. She wasn't sure if she wanted to hear what was coming next.

"Well, I just saw him."

It was a moment before Roxas was able to form coherent thought. "You…you what?"

"Yeah, he stopped by my place about five minutes ago. He was looking for you. Said he found my address in the phonebook after he saw I was playing at the Oblivion tonight. I…gave him your address..."

Roxas's brain was screaming. Axel. Axel was coming. Here. Now. She didn't even have time to be embarrassed over the girlish panic she was only barely able to suppress.

"Oh, God…"

"I'm sorry!" Demyx cried frantically. "I didn't know what to do! I knew you'd want to see him, and I knew you were coming over here later but I figured it be better if you two talked alone and you-"

"No," Roxas mumbled dully sliding to the floor. Her body was practically overflowing with emotions right now, the most prominent ones being anticipation and fear. Unconsciously Roxas fingered the key necklace she was wearing. "No, Demyx, I'm glad you did. Um…Y-You didn't tell him that…that I'm a girl did you?"

"No! No! I thought, well, I thought you'd want to tell him yourself, right? …Should I have said something, you think?"

Even as her insides were melting into a boiling pool of panic and death she found time to smile slightly at Demyx's worry. "No I'm glad you didn't. I wouldn't want you freaking him out and then him…not coming or whatever." She shivered, hesitating slightly before asking her next question. "Um…how did he, uh…" she sighed heavily. "How did he look, Dem?"

Roxas could hear the slight smile in the man's voice. "Same as always, Roxie."

Roxas shut her eyes, ignoring the nickname, and smiled into the receiver. "Thanks." She paused. "Look Demyx I'd better go. If he's coming I'm gonna need a few moments to mentally and emotionally prepare myself."

"He'll still love you, Rox."

Roxas opened her eyes and mumbled an uncertain, "I hope so."

"Call me afterwards, ok?" There was a firm seriousness to his tone.

Roxas stood, walking down the hall and towards the front door, intending to sit on the porch and await the man who would effectively determine her future happiness.

Her voice shook a little. "Of course." She unhooked her iPod, silencing the music, and slid it into her jacket pocket. Placing an earphone in one ear she headed towards the foyer.

"And, seriously, Roxas, if you can't make it tonight, for whatever reason, I totally understand!"

Roxas could hear the sincerity in his voice. Demyx's first gig was tonight, and here he was, telling his best friend she didn't have to go just because she was possibly about to be rejected by the only man she will ever love.

"Don't be stupid, Demyx. No matter how emotionally devastated I am I will be there tonight. Promise."

Roxas didn't miss the happiness in the man's voice. "Good luck, Roxas."

Roxas nodded even though she knew Demyx couldn't see. She reached out and pulled open the front door. "Yeah, thanks. I-"

The whole world seemed to stop as Roxas took in the sight before her. There standing on the porch, one hand hovering over the doorbell, was Axel.

...

A/N cliffhanger. mm delicious. so, whatcha think, worth continuing? i like Roxas in this, boy or not, he's still pretty kick ass. i know the beginning was a little crappy...but it'll get better if you REVIEW. just tell me what u liked, hated, and if i should bother finishing it. i have no plans as far as how many chapters to make this. if i do decide to continue, i might revise this a bit (i'm really not that proud of the beginning, i struggled a bit with it, but...acceptable). i'll gladly take suggestions for that too.