(EDIT 8/3/09: Fixed some grammar/spelling in the first four chapters, and took out a couple of the swearwords.:D)

Yay! First Naruto fic! Needless, to say, I don't own Naruto. If I did, Hidan would break out of that damn hole and Shikamaru would have hell to pay. (Even though I think he's cool too…)

This is dedicated to all of the manga fans, who, like me, are close to tearing their hair out every week because Hidan and Kakuzu STILL haven't appeared in the anime. And anyone who thinks Sora is a whiny little bitch. XD

One more thing before I start, this story is set 2 years before the Chuunin exams. Orochimaru's village, Otogakure is portrayed as a smaller, more evil version of Konoha, in a way… Anyway, just bear with me, and please, enjoy. 

Ch. 1

"How about this one then, Morita Hiromaru, Sound village nin, 20,000 ryou."

"That's the latest one?"

"Yeah. This was only issued this morning. Highest of the fresh bounties. Nothing less for you, Kakuzu-san."

"Fuck, it reeks in here. Hurry up, damn it."

"Shut up. Wait outside."

"Gladly. I'm out of here before the smell of shit and rotting corpses sinks into my fucking clothes."

"No change there."

"What'd you say?!"

"As I was saying, the first to hear about it?"

"Oh, fuck you anyway."

"…Yeah."

"Good. Let's go, Hidan."

"Finally."

A few more complaints and a slam of a door, and the two Akatsuki were gone.

…

A few hours after they had left the bounty station, twilight was falling, and Hidan and Kakuzu were already racing through the rocky outcrop outside Otogakure. Their prey was located in the mountains behind the village. As per usual, Hidan broke the silence.

"Damn it, Kakuzu, you know our real target is on the other side of the continent? The Jinchuuriki?"

Kakuzu did not falter or slow his pace.

"This is just a side-trip. We'll be done in a few days."

Hidan rolled his eyes.

"You and your bounty shit. Why the hell do I have to come on these 'side-trips' anyway, seriously?"

Kakuzu paused before replying, casting an impatient glance at his stubborn partner.

"This guy's head is worth 20,000 ryou. A bounty that big doesn't come without risks."

Hidan cocked an eyebrow, and a smirk appeared on his face.

"What, are you saying you need my help?"

Kakuzu made an incredulous noise.

"You're always giving out that you don't get enough sacrifices through Akatsuki missions. This way, you're satisfied for a few hours, and I get my bounty."

It was one of the rare moments where Kakuzu left Hidan speechless. But not for long.

"Yeah, yeah, like I'm gonna swallow that shit. You're just too fucking lazy to do your own dirty work. Bastard."

"Shut up."

Kakuzu stopped without warning, and stared straight ahead, over the boulders. Hidan was unfazed. He caught up with his partner.

"What no comeback-"

Kakuzu flung out his arm and caught Hidan squarely in the midriff, stopping him in his tracks.

"What the fu-?"

Kakuzu whispered harshly to Hidan.

"I said shut the hell up! We're here."

Kakuzu motioned with his head. Hidan, following his gaze, spotted a jounin of the village running across the bridge that linked Otogakure to the mountain shrine. The jounin's jacket was covered in dried bloodstains, and he held a reddened katana in his right hand. His black bandana, emblazoned with his village's note sign and his facemask left only his eyes to be seen. He looked around fervently, and then continued his journey to the shrine. Hidan frowned.

"How the hell do you know that's him?"

Without a word, Kakuzu produced a wanted poster. Hidan stared at it in disbelief.

"He wears that's stuff all the time? Fucking weirdo."

Kakuzu groaned at the irony of it all.

"Well, what are you waiting for?"

Hidan blinked in surprise.

"You're not even coming to watch? Asshole-"

"I have to keep watch here."

Indeed, Kakuzu had lost all interest in his bounty once he had made it to the shrine. No one was following… good.

Hidan glanced quickly from Kakuzu to Otogakure, and then up to the shrine. He stood up, silently.

"Whatever. I'll wipe the floor with his heathen ass."

A flash of black, and he was gone. Hidan, however, was not top of Kakuzu's worries at the moment. Though Hidan had never met him, Kakuzu knew Orochimaru through Akatsuki, and news from Sasori's spies, and he also knew what he was capable of. He'd heard too, that Orochimaru was planning to wipe out Akatsuki, just as Akatsuki members were ordered to kill Orochimaru on sight.

Kakuzu would not take that chance here. Here, in Orochimaru's own Sound Village, which was crawling with his underlings. It would be suicidal.

No, not even Hidan and himself could take them all, including the Sound Five. Kakuzu hoped Hidan wouldn't want to replenish his supplies in the village, his Akatsuki gear would stick out a mile. Kakuzu was glad he hadn't mentioned Orochimaru to his partner, he probably would have jumped at the chance to sacrifice one of Konoha's Sannin.

A faint, choking noise told Kakuzu Hidan was finishing up. Hidan had grasped the need for a silent kill well, but… Kakuzu groaned angrily. The fool would be starting his after-kill ritual now. They didn't have time for his stupid prayers.

Kakuzu leaped silently around the edge of village to the bridge, then to the shrine. Night was almost upon them, and he blended well with the coming darkness. Arriving at the shrine, he slid back the temple door and surveyed the scene before him.

True to form, Hidan lay across his Jashin symbol, several pikes and a katana protruding from his chest, scythe buried in the wall behind him. A motionless figure lay face down in a puddle of red only inches away. The shrine walls were flecked with blood. Kakuzu picked the corpse up roughly and slung it over his shoulder.

Glancing at the door again, he stepped over the stained tatami mats and nudged Hidan with a foot.

"Get up. We have to leave."

Hidan opened one eye.

"Kakuzu, I told you a million fucking times before, I got to do this."

"Just hurry up will you?"

"I can't rush this either! Shit."

Kakuzu froze. He could hear footsteps on the bridge. He kicked his prostrate partner.

"Get the hell up, now!"

Hidan's eyes flew open.

"Ow! What's your problem?"

But Kakuzu was already at the window.

"Move! Now!"

Hidan sat up, alarmed by the urgency in his partner's voice. He plucked the katana out of his chest, with a grimace. The door flew open. There stood another jounin, as well as the shrine priest, a look of horror on his face.

"Oh shit."

Hidan tore the pikes out of his body and jumped to his feet, bleeding profusely. The jounin started making handsigns, and the priest cowered behind him. Kakuzu quickly flung both of them across the room with a blow from his arm. The priest hit his head on the offering table and collapsed. The jounin hit the door, but managed to send shuriken flying in Hidan's direction. Hidan's scythe came slicing through the air, deflecting them all. Kakuzu smashed the window and jumped through it, bounty in hand.

"Come on!"

Hidan frowned, not wanting to leave the ninja alive, but the sound of more voices and feet outside caused him to leap out after his partner.

Shouts, shuriken and the occasional kunai followed them as they leapt down to the river under the bridge. Hidan easily deflected the weapons, and couldn't resist making an obscene gesture at the now crowded shrine before Kakuzu pulled him in the murky water. The shrine vanished from sight as the current swept the two Akatsuki and their bounty away from the chaos they had left in their wake.

…

"Kabuto-sama!"

The crowd of villagers parted as Kabuto approached the shrine and the scene inside it. A chuunin ran out of the temple door to meet him. Kabuto stopped in his tracks, and the villagers looked on anxiously. The chuunin inclined his head before reporting.

"Kabuto-sama, two shinobi have escaped by the river. A tracker team has just begun pursuit."

Kabuto nodded.

"Who did they get?"

"Sir. We gathered that the jounin Morita Hiromaru was their target. They have taken the body with them. The chief priest, Yuu, is also dead. Jounin Morita Hiroshi is injured."

Kabuto smiled coldly.

"Bounty hunters. Well, that's one more betrayer off our streets."

The chuunin looked puzzled.

"Sir?"

Kabuto fixed his eyes on the shrine.

"Morita was wanted for murder in his old village, and recently, in this one too."

Kabuto laughed.

"Hiroshi-san was probably on his to kill him when he stumbled on this."

The chuunin waited for him to finish. Kabuto glanced at back at him.

"You're dismissed. I must see this with my own eyes."

"Yes, sir!"

Kabuto leaped over the rest of the crowd and into the shrine. His nose wrinkled as the smell of blood reached him. In a second, he took in all the necessary information hat would have to be reported to Orochimaru.

That strange symbol painted with what looked like dried blood, heavy bloodstains inside and outside the symbol. The shuriken buried in the heavily damaged wall, the broken offering table by the two casualties, and the broken window.

It was easy enough to figure out what had happened, but something didn't quite fit. Kabuto could see instantly that Morita's body had lain in the pool of blood closest to him, and that he must have died from severe blood loss, probably from multiple wounds. That made sense.

But the pool of blood inside the symbol… It was just as large as Morita's, if not bigger, and Kabuto could see that there was more blood leading to the window. That didn't make sense. No one could survive that amount of blood loss, let alone escape through a window. Could the assailant's teammate have carried them? No, according to the report, there had only been two, and one was carrying Morita. It would be too difficult to make a quick escape carrying two bodies.

Kabuto bent down to the level of the two medical ninja, who were reviving Hiroshi.

"Has he spoken yet?"

One looked up.

"Only mutterings. He should be able to communicate soon, we're healing his concussion."

Kabuto stood up.

"Inform me when he can."

"Yes, sir."

The ninja turned back to their work. Kabuto looked around once more before heading for the door. A plaintive voice stopped him.

"...to-sama… Kabuto-sama…"

Kabuto spun around. Hiroshi was awake. The medical ninja motioned for Kabuto to come. Bending down again, Kabuto looked at Hiroshi intently.

"What happened, Hiroshi-san?"

The man took a deep breath to steady himself.

"They took nii-san..."

The man's eyes suddenly widened.

"They were…they were monsters…!"

"What did they look like?"

"Two...two men in black cloaks."

Hiroshi sat up suddenly, causing the other three to lean back.

"Is he dead?"

Kabuto took a few moments to calm Hiroshi down again, but he could not stop interrogating him yet. Two men in black cloaks… One of the medical ninja voiced Kabuto's question.

"Who? The priest?"

Hiroshi shook his head fervently.

"That man! He was – he was there!"

The three followed Hiroshi's finger to the bloodied symbol. Kabuto turned back.

"No, he escaped."

Hiroshi let out a troubled sigh and fell back.

"I couldn't kill him either…"

Kabuto stood up and walked out.

"That's enough for now."

Kabuto was troubled. Both of the Morita brothers were formidable, and all that blood…

Two men in black cloaks.

Kabuto sped up. Orochimaru-sama would need to be told as soon as possible. Especially if Akatsuki were involved.

…

"So Kakuzu-san has another new partner."

In his private lab under Otogakure, Orochimaru chuckled to himself. Fortunately, he had never been paired with the temperamental ex-Waterfalls nin, but he could recall many a time when Kakuzu had come back alone from missions, much to Pein-sama's chagrin.

But from what Kabuto had told him and what he had discerned from it, this new member was much more interesting than Kakuzu's other misfit companions. His ability to withstand fatal attacks (Orochimaru hesitated to call it immortality) was obviously the reason why he was paired with Kakuzu.

"Our tracker squad has already been sent after them, Orochimaru-sama. I'm sure they are gathering information as we speak."

Kabuto's voice took Orochimaru from his reverie. He turned to his subordinate.

"Very good, Kabuto."

He fingered his old Akatsuki ring.

"I have an order concerning the tracker squad, however."

Kabuto stepped forward.

"What is it, my lord?"

Orochimaru smirked.

"You will join them in pursuit. And you will bring your ninja info cards and record their next confrontation. I wish to study their jutsu."

Kabuto frowned slightly.

"Orochimaru-sama, there is still business I need to attend to in the village-"

"This is more important. The village can do without you for a few days."

Kabuto knew he wasn't going to get anywhere with further protesting, so he reluctantly agreed.

The mission must have been of great importance to Orochimaru; he sent Kabuto after the trackers at first light.

.. .. ..

Woo, first chapter. The scene is set. I'll eventually be changing the filter to Hidan and Orochimaru, cos there's not enough fics with them as the main characters. XD And I still have no idea whether this should be in the humour section or not…  Probably now. Not too sure about the title. I was never good at choosing titles =_= Ah well! Review if you like what you see so far. 