Long Time No See, Partner (Or: The Four Times Neku Sakuraba Ran)

I. - Passions

The first time is a desperate tangle of arms and legs and shouts and moans. They're not having sex because they're in love; they're having sex because if they don't, they'll surely kill each other instead. Joshua is pushed up against the alley wall and Neku is fucking him and they are both sweating and Joshua is so tight, so tight. Joshua's fingernails dig into his back and Neku bites Joshua's neck and they don't kiss. They don't need to kiss. Neku remembers the way Joshua's head tips back as he comes, the way that 'Neku' spills from his beautiful lips.

Neku drops Joshua and runs after his post-orgasmic gaze has cleared. What the fuck was I thinking? This was such a mistake. He had only been worried about Shiki and Beat and Rhyme and frustrated with Joshua and… angry. At everything. So angry.

They don't discuss the incident.

II. - Apologies

The second time is a few months after he escaped the Game, and he's finally happy. He has friends, he's learnt to trust, and he's getting on with his life.

Everything is good, so the fact that he's standing outside of Joshua's flat comes as a surprise to him. Well. Not quite a surprise. He needs to apologise, he knows that. But for what? For treating him like shit, for the "incident", for… being Neku. He deserved it. Joshua isn't a bad person; if he was a bad person, Neku wouldn't be here right now.

He's not expecting Joshua, with a towel wrapped around his almost-too-thin waist and his hair wet from the shower, to look so goddamn fuckable. Neku pauses, his apologies dying on his lips. Instead, he gazes at the boy he once abandoned.

"Long time no see, partner," whispers Neku.

Joshua stares at him with those gorgeous purple eyes and Neku pushes into the flat, kicking the door shut behind him and forcing Joshua up against the wall. He devours Joshua's mouth in an animalistic wave of passion. Joshua doesn't resist or complain or even mutter something sarcastic, just moans as Neku takes him again. They do it four times that night. That's four more than Neku ever intended, and he loves every minute of it.

He's gone before Joshua wakes up.

III. - Regrets

The third time is weeks after the second, maybe months. He's still got friends, things are still okay. He's still guilty. Him and Shiki aren't an item any more – that didn't work out. Neku knows the reason why.

He's gazing at the Statue of Hachiko, remembering. He remembers meeting his partners for both Weeks One and Two here. He remembers Joshua educating him about this statue, and the way he never listened to a word the more educated boy said. He regrets that now. He remembers meeting his friends after the whole ordeal had finished. In a way, this little dog has seen him through some of the turning points of his life. In a way, this little dog is his most faithful friend.

And, suddenly, Joshua appears. Neku blinks, steps back, wonders if he's finally gone crazy.

"Neku, Neku, Neku," Joshua says. "Long time no see… partner."

Neku falters, and Joshua steps forward, and suddenly Joshua's mouth is on his and the voices in Neku's head are screaming and Joshua is fucking him in a room and Neku doesn't know how they got there and they're both coming and Joshua is collapsing on top of him, panting. Neku's head spins; everything feels surreal. He could've been dreaming, for all he knew.

"Are you going to run away this time? Are you going to abandon me again?" Joshua whispers into his neck. Neku bites his lip. Joshua, usually full of sarcasm and confidence and ruthlessness, feels so small and vulnerable in his arms. His words are harshly spoken but Neku knows better: he knows he could break him if he wanted to. May have already broken him. He runs his fingers through Joshua's hair. The sense of control, of dominance, is strange.

"No. I'm not." He realises it isn't a dream when Joshua drapes a possessive hand over his chest and hums, evidently satisfied with that answer. Neku feels a pain sharp somewhere deep inside him.

Joshua sleeps, and Neku exits the room quietly, his heart quietly crying.

IV. - Reunions

The fourth time is much, much later. Years have passed and everything's changed. He hasn't spoken to Shiki or Beat or Rhyme in years. That stage of his life is over. He has no family. He's losing grip on reality, days blurring into weeks blurring into months. It's no use trying to hold down a job. Depression grips him. He spends his days in his squalid flat for which he is struggling to pay the rent or roaming Shibuya thoughtlessly, restlessly. The moon waxes and wanes as moons often do, and that's the only way Neku knows time is actually passing.

He's in Udagawa now, staring at the spot where his favourite mural used to be. It's long gone now, the wall covered in graffiti and teenagers' attempts at expressing themselves. Neku ignores the "lavi 4 allen"s and "linali is a stupid whore"s, instead trying in vain to see the messages that used to speak to him so much underneath all the mess. He fails.

Udagawa seems to be his only way to remember. He died here, and so a part of him lives here. He places a hand on the wall.

"Well, well, what's this? Neku Sakuraba… Long time no see, partner."

Neku sighs. He still hears Joshua's sarcastic, lilting voice echoing in his head sometimes. I'm pathetic.

"Don't tell me I'm being ignored." A giggle.

Neku rests his forehead on the wall and closes his eyes, trying desperately to block out that voice. He's an adult now – he should be getting on with his life. He shouldn't be grieving for someone who isn't even dead. That stage of his life is over. The Game is over. Shiki, Beat, Rhyme… They're all gone. He needs… He needs to forget about all this. Maybe he should move away from Japan altogether. Maybe he could see the world… It would be running, but running away had to be better than this. He was used to running.

"Neku, Neku, Neku. What's wrong, hmm?"

Neku feels someone touch his arm and he opens his eyes, twisting round and falling back. No one has ever interrupted him here. The place is usually deserted.

He stops. Stares. No. It couldn't be. So he was hallucinating now, was he?

The figure who couldn't – couldn't – be Joshua gazes at him. There is no hint of humour on his face; it's a mask of pure indifference. Things never change, it seems.

Neku can't move. His head roars and his stomach churns. "J-Joshua?"

"Your face is priceless, Neku," Joshua murmurs, stepping forward ever so slightly. "It seems some things never change."

Neku stares at Joshua. He had always gotten the feeling that Joshua could read his mind. He tries to back away, only to find he can't move an inch.

Joshua smirks. "Feeling a bit trapped, Neku?"

"What are you doing to me?!"

"I'm making sure you don't run away… Like all the other times." His face hardens. "While my powers are lessened in the UG, I can still hold you here. And I will. Until I've said what I want to say."

"What do you want?" Neku thinks that he's going to cry. He's at Joshua's mercy – he's never been at Joshua's mercy.

"Is it a crime to want to… reacquaint myself with an old friend?"

Joshua is suddenly close to Neku, and purple meets blue. Joshua has hardly changed; Neku has changed so much. Neku is taller, thinner, has more lines on his face. His headphones are long gone, pawned off someplace because he'd rather have food to eat than unnecessary accessories. Even now, he's wearing an old pair of jeans, battered trainers, and the only relatively nice shirt he held onto. His hair is longer, more unkempt, and his eyes are haunted.

Joshua is as impeccable as ever – his hair is a bit lighter, he's a bit taller, his eyes are sadder than ever, but he's still the same Joshua. He's still got the same smirk, the same giggle, the same tongue that darts out to wet the same slightly chapped lips.

Neku feels the spell over him break suddenly, and he falls to the floor. Joshua leans down and puts his mouth against Neku's ear. "I've been searching for you for a while. Why have you been hiding from me, hmm?"

Neku pales. "I… I haven't."

Joshua exhales, and Neku feels soft breath tickling his ear. And then Joshua's lips are on his, and they are as soft and perfect as Neku remembers.

Joshua steps back and holds out a slender hand, offering to help Neku up from the floor. Neku considers it for a few moments before gripping it and standing up. Their hands fit perfectly together.

Joshua lets go of his hand and Neku's heart sinks. He reaches out a finger to touch Joshua's cheek, but the grey-haired man knocks his hand away.

"No. Not again. We've made too many mistakes. I know you're just going to walk away. You know you're just going to walk away. Let's not get our hopes up." Joshua's voice is emotionless.

Neku doesn't respond. Joshua turns away. Neku reaches out a hand to touch Joshua's shoulder. "I'm not going to leave," he insists.

"Maybe not now," Joshua replies, and Neku hears the resignation in his voice, "but you will. Eventually. And I'm not going to let it happen again." He faces Neku, their eyes meet, and emotions pass through that gaze that could never be put into words.

"Goodbye, Neku."

"Joshua, no!" The other pauses. "Joshua, I… I…" His words fail. He tries again, knowing this is the only chance he'll have to say it. Deep breath. "I… I love you."

Joshua looks at Neku. "Do you?" he asks, not unkindly, but… sad. Resigned. It's the voice of a man that's accepted the fact that he'll never have what he wants. "Do you really?"

And then he is gone.

A bitter, metallic scent hangs in the air. Neku stares at the spot where Joshua disappeared, and then turns. He walks away, picking up speed until he's jogging, picking up more until he is hurtling down the street. He has to go, he has to run, he has to get away…

Joshua appears from a nearby corner. He hadn't teleported far, but he is panting – it's still a lot of effort to do stuff like that in the UG. He watches Neku's retreating back, and his expression, his eyes, his whole being, say the three words he could never had said to the boy himself.