Names for Words
a story by ggb
based on Natsuki Takaya's Fruits Basket

Tohru lives in a very small world. There are shoes here, her own glass cup, and a squeaky floorboard in the room called kitchen. There is father. There is mother. And there is Tohru.

Her world expands a little whenever she goes outside. Yes, there are things such as sidewalks, cats and clouds. Each time, Tohru meets them like old friends she has forgotten and remembered again. She counts them like numbers: shoes on concrete; whiskers in the window; today, there are no clouds. (There are acceptable variables.)

It was on a day with yellow shoelaces that Tohru realized that even if she wasn't there to see them, the things that existed outside were still outside and didn't disappear. To prove this, she opened the door and looked outside. Then she closed the door, went to the window, and looked outside again. Still there.

Tohru decided this was called truth. There are things that exist in this world that we can't always see.

--

Tohru has two stuffed animals: Oh! Bear-san and Pistachio. Oh! Bear-san is a bear. Pistachio is not.

For a long time, it was just Oh! Bear-san and Tohru. Tohru would read, or at least pretend to read, to Oh! Bear-san, and Oh! Bear-san would make, or at least pretend to make, English tea for Tohru. They had grand adventures, like Climbing the Mountain or Going to the Grocery Store with Mom.

Pistachio came later, and she was adopted by Dad because Dad had found her on the street on his way back from the library. Dad said Pistachio looked like she was lonely, and he thought Tohru might like to take care of her. Dad helped Tohru give Pistachio a bath in the sink, and Oh! Bear-san rested indifferently half-buried under Tohru's pillow while everyone made a fuss. When Oh! Bear-san and Pistachio were formally introduced, however, they became Very Good Friends. Dad said he was glad Oh! Bear-san and Pistachio got along so well. Tohru was happy because Oh! Bear-san and Pistachio could keep each other company when she wasn't with them.

Finding a stray friend and loving them for no other reason than knowing she exists in this world -- this is called faith and family.

--

Tohru's father disappeared when she wasn't looking, and she knows, somehow, that even if she keeps looking, even if she looks everywhere and forever, he's gone. Her father is gone. He's just gone. Inside Tohru's chest, under her hand where Tohru can feel her heart go love-dove, love-dove, there is an empty feeling.

This is called death.

Oh! Bear-san and Pistachio don't understand. Mom does, but Mom doesn't speak to Tohru.

This is called loneliness.

--

When her mother walks out, a black silhouette framed in the doorway, Tohru thinks, "Mom is leaving."

There were shoes, and there was a cup, and there was a squeaky floorboard in the room called kitchen, and there was Tohru. Just Tohru.

Tohru sits on the floor and pulls at the lace on her socks and thinks about death and sidewalks, cats and clouds. She thinks about the empty space around her heart and wonders what it must look like. She wonders where Mom is, and she believes in faith and family and truth.

She waits with loneliness curled up like a cat where her heart should be. Tohru waits.