Burn After Reading
ebonyquill

Summary: A teenage Ursa chronicles her daily (and sometimes incoherent) ramblings about various things including: her imminent execution, a military-obsessed father, and the ever-mysterious Prince Ozai.
Disclaimer: I don't own Avatar: the Last Airbender, Ursa, or anything else affiliated with the show. I own my thoughts (and indirectly, Ursa's).
Author's Note: This is most likely OOC. To be fair, the characters in this fanfic are younger and subject to be more 'crazy' than their televised counterparts. This was meant to be a simple writing exercise for a bigger Ursa project I'm working on.. basically I'm just writing something silly and chipper for a change. I've tried many times in the past to do a journal-style fanfic and now I've finally found the time to - so here it is. :)

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Date: It's a Wednesday.. or a Thursday. It's three-slash-four days until the Sun Festival starts. Oh, I wish I could have lived to see it.
Time: ..It's dark outside. Really dark. Like something could come out from the shadows unsuspectingly and kill me dark.
Location: Under my covers. This is subject to change - more specifically, to the gallows.
Mood: In one very sick word? Humbled.

Still no sign of execution party.

What are they waiting for? What is HE waiting for?

Oh... right, dawn. That's when most people are hung/shot at by a firing brigade... You hear about it in plays sometimes.

"You will be executed at dawn!" says the thundering man who might actually be a woman with a beard on his-slash-her face.

...Or something like that.

I don't want the last thing mentioned in my personal journals to be about the so-bad-they're-good Ember Island Players.

Um.. what does one say when one is about to die? They say goodbye to their families and friends - right?

That sounds pleasant. Time to say sorry, express love and thanks... instead of crying and begging for life. Yes, Journal, I will take the more noble route towards this whole about-to-die fiasco thing.

Well, here it goes:

Sorry, Grandpa Roku. I didn't know you, but I'm sorry your Avatar holiness spirit will be subject to my execution. I don't know if I already offended you by calling you "grandpa," but my father never really enlightened us about how he addressed you. I imagine you enjoyed being called "Daddy-kins" or something to that effect. I should try calling my dad that.. he will probably send his fleet after me. By the way, while I am in the stocks - could you please reincarnate into someone who will save my sorry butt?

Sorry, Grandma Ta Min. I really liked those beads you made me that one time when I was two. I still have them. I don't remember receiving them, but you know, the gesture was nice. (..I could have choked on those as a child.) Okay, not a good time to start with conspiracy theories. I know you're happy in heaven with Grandfather Roku. Please put in a good word up there. Unless you are reincarnated too.. if you are, please try to save me! Unless you're not powerful at all. Then don't bother. No offense.

Goodbye Grandfather Shang. I'm glad you decided to accept my parents' marriage on your death bed and by default, my birth. It was nice of you to leave that house in Ember Island to us. I am also glad that you have stopped sending bounty hunters after my father. Those were a little tramautizing to deal with during pre-school.

Goodbye Grandmother Lian - I didn't know you either. Actually, I don't know much about you. Mom usually starts shouting recipe names when your name comes up. I think it is her proper lady way of cursing. Er, thank you for the hair I inherited from you! It's very flippy. And flexible.

I love you, Mom. Thanks for pulling out all those gross bug things out of my hair when I was four, curing my dragon pox when I was eight, healing my hives from that gross jasmine plant when I was ten, and the other various ailments you have fixed to ensure my survival. Sorry it was all in vain.

I love you, Dad. Thank you for all that advice on war tact. (However, I think you should have waited until I could walk until you started dishing out the how-to's about destroying five Earthbenders with a single arrow).

I kind of liked you people labelled as my friends.

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Date: Still Wednesday or Thursday.
Time: A few minutes later than when I last wrote. (Could still possibly be attacked and killed by shadow-monsters.)
Location: Still hiding for dear life under my covers.
Mood: Anxious!

Face to palm. Five.. six.. no, seven times. Well I suppose it doesn't matter how much pain I inflict on myself. I'm going to shot at, fired at, fireball'd at, etc. in a matter of a few minutes or hours anyway.

Why. Can't. I. Keep. My. Big. Mouth. Shut?!

Real last words: All you need is love.

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Date: Definitely Thursday morning.
Time: Birds are chirping. The sun is out.
Location: Still cowering under the covers. I think I've developed a hunchback.
Mood: Even more confused.

Being philosophical (reference last entry) isn't the best course for me. I nearly spit out my tea laughing re-reading that statement and at the fact that I had actually wrote it. All you need is love? Ha-ha-ha.

Well, the battalion hasn't come yet. I haven't been murdered. That's always good news. It's always a winning morning when I haven't been split into five pieces yet.

However! He could just be biding his time and choose to execute me when I am least expecting it.

Ah well. I might as well explain myself. I have time - or do I?

Whatever. This is silly. Everyone is going to know exactly why my head will be cooking on a spit when the executioner announces my offenses before setting a nice hefty fire to the rest of my body. I should probably share my version of the story. My version is probably the most embarrassing, but nonetheless the most truthful one.

It really does hurt to write about stupid things you've done.

Onwards! Last night, Chan and I decided to take a walk around the palace courtyard.

I know what you're thinking, Journal. There are many things wrong with that sentence. I will address them all so that whoever is reading this does not think I am a complete lunatic. ...You don't, do you?

Sentence: Last night, Chan and I decided to take a walk around the palace courtyard.

"Last night" - I hate staying out late. However, last night was special because my father's naval friend's son, Visu, returned from the war. (He was discharged due to the fact that he had gone temporarily insane and tried to kill everyone - including his superior officer - he met. He seemed perfectly fine when I saw him.) Anyway, his parents threw a large dinner in his honor to celebrate his return and invited everyone in all the land. No one said a word about Visu's sanity when they saw the abundancy of delicious foods and enticing entertainment his family offered. Food? Entertainment? Insanity? Sounded like a great party to me, so this is why I was out late last night.

"Chan and I" - Yes, this is the same girl who I have dedicated pages and pages to (including some diagrams of voodoo dolls). Yes, her nose is stuck so high up that I can see her brains. Yes, she convinced the twelve-year-old me that she could Earthbend with the aide of some sneakily hidden rocks - I still have the scar on my knee to prove it. And yes, my mother always stresses that I should be like her. (Stay down vomit.) But my stomach was about to explode because of my careless over-stuffing of delicious foods. Furthermore the moon was full, the breeze was heavenly, and Chan had asked very politely if I had wanted to join her.

"Decided to" - This implies togetherness. That we, mortal enemies since a little after our births, had agreed upon something. This is just the first step. Next we will be declaring peace between the Earth Kingdom scum and the Fire Nation. Ursa made a funny.

"Take a walk" - See "Chan and I." My stomach was in no condition to walk. (This isn't a vomit story if this is what you sickos are looking forward to.) But the moon was so pretty.

"Around the palace courtyard" - In the middle of the night? That is madness. However, Chan argued that the panda lilies would beautiful in the moonlight. She also argued that everything else in the courtyard would be beautiful. (I only cared about the panda lilies. How can they be white AND black?!)

I am not over-analyzing any sentence ever again.

Well... Chan and I did go for a walk around the palace courtyard. Surprisingly there were already a few people there. The Fire Nation court was very lenient as to who they let into palace walls. Chan - curse her - was right about everything being more beautiful in the moonlight. I had already seen the palace courtyard numerous times in passing, but only during grand parties when they were filled with people, dancers, and other various performers.

We had started talking about casual, friendly things. The welfare of our parents, whether Visu was really crazy, how cute turtleducks were... and then somehow it all turned for the worst. Chan had brought up zoos and mentioned how nice it was that the royal family had saw it fit to invest some money for a zoo in the capital city.

Bringing up the royal family between two very, very eligible girls was troubled waters. The royal family consisted of Fire Lord Azulon (think that grumpy uncle you keep the Firedrinks away from plus colossal Firebending ability), Fire Lady Ilah (she has very nice hair), Crown Prince Iroh, and.. Prince Ozai. Shudder. Gulp. Bad onomatapoeia.

Everyone knew that the very single Prince Ozai had been in military training for the past three years. He occasionally visited the palace during his holiday intervals, but his visits were too brief for anyone besides close family to know about them. The only reason it was common knowledge was because the maids who fixed Prince Ozai's room would automatically blab if his sheets had been used.

Noble families who had daughters around Prince Ozai's age eagerly awaited his permanent return. His older brother had been married nearly a generation before. (His wife held me when I was a baby. I'm told I should be honored.) Prince Ozai was the only hope left for current affluent families to firmly secure their families' influence for at least another hundred years.

Chan's parents were adamant about this kind of stuff.

My parents are related to the Avatar. My father grew up on an island. He doesn't really care.

Chan's mother became friends with my mother at the Royal Fire Academy for Girls when they were youngsters. My mother kind of cares.

(Had to clear that up so you understand how stupid I was in the rest of the conversation.)

Our conversation somehow travelled to... living arrangements?

"I'd hate to leave the capital city. If I lived in the palace, I would never leave," Chan said with a damsel-like sigh. Fake - fake - fake.

I had shrugged. I don't think it came across underneath my five-hundred-kilogram dress. "I don't think I'd want to stay cooped up in the palace. I'd visit the beach as frequently as I could."

"Really?" Her stupid patronizing eyebrow rose. "Where exactly did you have in mind?"

"Ember Island, I suppose. My grandmother died there. If she found it peaceful enough to have her final resting place there, it can't that horrible." I now realize I made two social suicide invitations: 1) I admitted to liking Ember Island. (Noble families only had vacation houses down there. It was no proper place to raise a family.), 2) I mentioned death. (We're supposed to be big on respecting the dead and for some reason this includes not mentioning anything about the actual death including the what, where - oops, why, how, etc.)

Chan laughed. It was similar to the annoying twitter of a monkey-hawk. "You are much too simple, Ursa. Are you saying that the palace is not good enough for you?"

"Not exactly," I bit the inside of my cheek. "I mean - it's beautiful. I would just choose to get away from it as often as possible."

"Why? Don't you find the people in the palace rivetting? Some of the greatest heroes of the Fire Nation have walked in its halls." She was getting nostalgic. I was ninety-eight percent positive that I spotted a tear brim over as she thought about the greatest heroes of the Fire Nation she mentioned.

I stayed silent for once. I really should just have remained mute.

Chan continued with her sickening verbal admiration for the royal family. "And to think that Fire Lord Azulon is completing such a prodigious trek to annex the Earth Kingdom. Crown Prince Iroh has already begun to follow in his father's footsteps. I believe Prince Ozai will beautifully orchestrate the downfall of the Earth Kingdom alongside his brother. The Fire Nation will be victorious."

Yeah - she actually used the phrase 'prodigious trek.' Chuckle-chuckle.

"I just think it's a tad moronic to try to better your ancestors in endeavours they've already achieved. Why not start anew with your own dreams? Maybe choose to be Li, the greatest Tea-maker in all of the Fire Nation," I had replied. To all future Li's of Fire Nation royalty: maybe tea-making isn't the best career choice...

On a heavier note, why did I say that? It just happened to be one of the ideas that had been crawling around in my mind, just asking to be shared with someone.

But not with Chan.

"This coming from the granddaughter of Avatar Roku?" Chan almost sneered, but of course, her pure face could not contort itself in such a suggestively demonic manner.

I shrugged again. "I'm not planning to stop wars, master all four elements, and marry my childhood sweetheart."

Chan's brown eyes lit up. I should have realized her mind was stirring with thoughts of the verbal trap she was going to encase me in. "So you are saying that following in your ancestors' footsteps would be moronic? What about Prince Ozai? I hear that he is going to the front line to fight for the war against the Earth Kingdom. A valiant effort, no? He is also following his ancestors' footsteps. He's not attempting to make a name for himself except for those available to him in the military - things his ancestors have already completed."

"I don't exactly know what you're getting at." I really, really didn't. She just unleashed a complete haiku-riddle-thing and I was in no condition to comprehend it - I was tired, my feet hurt, my stomach ached, and I didn't even get to see allegedly-mad Visu pull any crazy shenanigans.

"Would you call Prince Ozai a moron because he doesn't see the need to distinguish himself from the military fame of his family?" she had said this so quietly that only I could make out what she was saying if I strained my ears to hear her. Sneaky brat. "I mean, he just spent three years in the military. There are rumors that he doesn't take orders well. Apparently, he doesn't even like the military and is just doing it to please his father."

"Well, then he is a moron." No, I'm the moron. (I said it quite loudly, too. I illicted stares.)

Chan had risen an eyebrow and said snarkily, increasing her volume, "Are you calling the Prince Ozai a moron?"

"Did I stutter?" I had said. I would have been so proud of that come-back if it didn't 'come-back' to haunt me.

"Maybe you should have."

Shit. Descending. Into. Pants.

Of course I turned around to meet the very prince in our conversation.

I'm pretty sure I could have Firebended the hell out of everyone in that room with the heat that rose up in my cheeks.

His tone was condescending and his face was annoyingly calm.

So - unbearably - annoying.

"Forgive me, your Highness," I had started - that's right, started - I should have stopped right after 'for'. "But I don't believe it's polite to eavesdrop."

What, in all Agni, was I thinking? Apparently Visu's insanity was contagious! At least that's what everyone who had heard thought. (I saw it in their shocked looks as their eyes said, "It was nice knowing you.")

I just reprimanded one of the most powerful men in the world after I insulted him behind his back! I don't think I realized that I had committed suicide because I continued to stare at him casually. The pink in my cheeks had even started to fade.

Oh boy, but the rudeness I had used in my tone took the cake in all things awful. I usually only reserved it for Chan when she really, really annoyed me. (Her presence probably triggered a domino effect in my mind. Something along the lines of 'Hey mouth! Mind, here. Chan is right there being sneaky and stupid. You're allowed to be a complete bitch.') I had used that voice on the beloved Prince of the Fire Nation, the son of the scariest man I had ever met.

Prince Ozai's face was a mixture of contempt, shock, and more contempt. (Maybe this was just my imagination.) Finally, his face became void of all emotion as he tensed the muscles around his mouth. "You are the one who insulted me."

"If you hadn't been eavesdropping rat, maybe you would have understood the context of our conversation. For all you know, I could have been complimenting you!" Crazy spat out of my mouth. Maybe my tongue will be cut out...

"Maybe things have changed in the past three years, but generally, the word 'moron' did not coincide with positive connotations," Prince Ozai had replied. I could tell he was trying to strain his anger. I'm sure that if I had been a boy, my head would have been in the North Pole and the rest of my body would have been in its South counterpart.

I just kept going. "Maybe things have changed in the past millenia, but generally, eavesdropping like a common snake is considered rude!" I hadn't been talking about anything important with Chan. Our conversation was probably the general mold for every other exchange of words occurring that night. But I was immediately and fiercely defensive about it.

Prince Ozai's golden eyes narrowed so thinly that they looked like they were going to disappear. It was too late to apologize at this point. I was on a wicked streak.

This is when the realization began to hit me - I had called the Prince a rat and a snake or had at least implied it. The red tint returned to the apples of my cheeks. I dropped my hand to my side. Apparently, I was angrily pointing and shaking a finger at him. I continued in a voice just above a whisper. "I thought you were supposed to be in military training to continue on some prodigious trek."

I meant it as a question! A question! The inflection in my voice betrayed me once again. Even after I heard myself say it, I realized that I had vaguely offended him.

Or maybe my hint was what he did next.

This comment sent him completely over the edge. (Chan had forgotten to mention that Prince Ozai was suspended from training for a week because of insubordination due to a sensitive incident with his commanding officers.) All the muscles in his face hardened and his eyes blazed with fury. He opened his mouth to yell at me. "You know nothing of manners!" he bellowed.

I just stood there without any time to grasp a steady come-back or apology because he turned quickly and stalked off into the dark palace hallways.

At my left side, Chan was silently smiling.. I am going to kill her.

They can execute me for murder, too.

Somehow I think hitting the Prince where it hurts merits a worse punishment.

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Date: Late Thurdsay morning. Three days before the Sun festival.
Time: Apparently not doom-making time.
Location: My vanity chair. I am no longer in hiding. After all, I am Avatar Roku's granddaughter!
Mood: Insane. (Or is this a characteristic?)

I just re-read my last few entries. Maybe I'm being a little dramatic. Surely Prince Ozai isn't too butt-hurt. I mean, he was in military camp for Agni's sake. A few misplaced words from a small, defenseless girl can't offend him too badly. It's not like I called him a little Earthbender girl or something.

I just called him animals.

Not very nice animals, but you know.

But I only insulted him for something that he couldn't help but do (eavesdrop). I was talking quite loudly.

Maybe I'm so sheltered that that little exchange was blown completely out of proportion by myself. It is probably a daily conversation (and/or battle) between the Prince and his favorite buddies... I could be that favorite buddy.

He probably doesn't even know who I am.

You can't hold a grudge-slash-deathwish on a person you don't even know.

It's not like he can just go up the Emperor's private guards, give them my description, and hope they kill the right girl with long black hair, hazel eyes, and pale skin.

Maybe they'll kill Chan by accident.

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Note to self: Silk does not make good noose. Ask Mai-Lin to fetch the rope-ier afternoon dress.

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Date: Thursday evening.
Time: The moon is out. Werewolves, ooh.
Location: My room.
Mood: Calm. Are you surprised? I am.

I have survived another day.

Ursa: 1, World: 0.

Hm. That doesn't seem right. I should probably include all the times that the world has beaten me mercilessly.

Ursa: 1, World: 53.

This is a rough estimate.

List: Events in Which the World Defeated Ursa.

Sort: Most recent.

53. Caused her to insult the beloved Prince of her country. More than once.

I like third person.

52. Impaired her judgement when choosing walking partner.

51. Tricked her stomach into consuming more than it could carry. Resulted in delirious food coma-like symptoms: walking with sworn enemies, insulting sovereigns, etc.

50. Attempted to destroy itself (the world), by being convinced that visiting a crazy man's welcome-home banquet was a good idea.

Okay, that wasn't a bad idea. I just blame it because it was an integral part of that night in general.

49. I don't really remember what I was going to put down for this. I originally just made this list to further re-write the stupid things that happened to me last night. It doesn't really help me. I just thought writing them down would pass the time.

Yeah. Journal, I am still expecting someone to annihilate me.

Not a joking matter.

Well, it kind of is unfortunately funny.

(If this really is why I die.)

I mean - if this is the reason for my execution, I wish I had some thrown in some more insults in there.

Like the crazy state of his hair, the completely insane look in his eyes, the way his face turned red, etc.

You know - personal shots at his appearance. That would have made me laugh regardless of the outcome.

...I should have called him a gorilla-bear. When he was really angry, his neck kind of scrunched up like a gorilla-bear's.

It was kind of cute.

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He has pretty eyes.

The way his hair was messy suited him.

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Not to mention a smoking hot, military-built body.

Not that I noticed while I was insulting him.

Noticed a lot.

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54. In some sick joke, made the pheromones in the air make her attracted to said Prince.

FOREHEAD. TO. PALM.

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Author's Note: I haven't released anything new in a few years and this is my first A:TLA fanfic, so please be kind enough to leave a review. Tell me what you liked, hated, never want to see again, etc. I'm planning about three to four more chapters for this side-of-a-side project so I'd love the criticism now. :) Have a swell day.