Chap 1

"Roy, I'm back," Ed called from the door way.

"Welcome back! I'm in the kitchen," Was Roy's reply. As Ed entered the kitchen Roy turned to him and smiled. "How was the mission?"

"Troublesome and tiring. Where's my real greeting," Ed inquired as he leaned back against the counter and crossed his arms.

Roy graced him with a lustful smile, slunk his way over to Ed before grabbing him around the waist and pulling him snugly against his own body. He looked deeply into his gold eyes that he hadn't seen in over a month, ghosting his lips over Ed's rather silky warm lips, enjoying breathing Ed's air for a few seconds before colliding lips fully and trying to suck the life from his beloved. Ed smiled through the kiss, finally relived to have made it back home to his love. The only person he had left.

Finally braking for air Ed said, "Now that's what I'm talking about."

"Dinner's almost done," Roy replied, still smiling.

Ed shook his head, "I'm tired. I'm going to go to bed early."

"You aren't hungry," Roy questioned, astonished. He couldn't believe his ears! Ed, not hungry?

"I ate on the train. Night," Ed said as he turned and made for the second floor and bed.

Roy looked at the clock, it was only five. That was very odd. Ed always ate, wether he was tired after a mission or not. There's a first for every thing and this just happened to be that first, that Roy knew of anyway. They had been living together now for two years. Ed still did things from time to time that surprised him. There were things tho. Times when Roy couldn't find Ed in the house and then he suddenly shows up smiling like he was always there. Then there was the black bag. He always takes it with him on orders and Roy was never allowed to look in it. It was as if Ed had a sensor on it that alerted him when he got within touching distance, and then Ed was there with that smile to distract him and act as if nothing had ever happened. Everyone has secrets tho right? Did he really want to pry Ed's from him . . .?

* * *

Roy slipped upstairs after eating and doing the dishes. He entered the room as quietly as possible. He stood in the dark as still as a shadow until his eyes dilated and he could see, before making sure Ed was out. He moved silently thanks to his military training and field experience, the only good thing to come of it, towards the bathroom. Closing the door and stuffing a towel into the crack under the door, he turned the light on and went straight to Ed's drawer and slid it open. Roy didn't see the bag at first, but after some thought he carefully moved everything closer to the front. Peering into the drawer's depths he made out the out line of a bag. Roy stared at it with trepidation. What was he going to find? Drugs? Razors? Something worse then what Roy could imagine?

Finally plucking up his courage with the reminder that he needed to know if it was something hurting Ed, he opened the zippered pouch . . . What was he looking at? Drugs, yes, but pharmaceutical? Two bottles. "Isoniazid and Rifampin? What is that and what is it for? What's that, what's it for? What's wrong with my Edward," Were the thoughts that came to mind. It did make sense tho, his not wanting to eat and going to bed early. What was he supposed to do? How was he to help with this? Roy closed the bag and slipped it, and everything else, back into it's proper place so as not to warrant suspicion, changed, and slipped into bed. Sleep was slow to come, his mind was running possibilities and the most horrible disasters. In the end he knew he had to ask Ed what was going on; give him a chance to tell him personally before he looked it up himself. One was or another he was going to get his answers.

* * *

Ed woke up the next morning feeling refreshed and got in the shower before Roy. Usually, Roy was up first but seeing as how he went to bed early and slept for so long he woke up before Roy for a change. After he showered and he went to make breakfast for them, leaving his hair down to air dry the rest of the way. By the time Ed finished Roy was coming down fully dressed and ready for work.

As Ed was finishing up setting the table Roy grabbed him from behind and pulled him tight up against his body. He had slid his arms around Ed's waist and laid his head on his right shoulder to watch Ed's movements. Ed smiled softly; Roy was such a touchy feel-ly person. You wouldn't think he was that kind of person from looking at him. Always stern and serious any time he was in public. It was good though. It was what Ed needed. He was such a recluse and even though he played happy, cheerful in public he was rarely ever happy. That was why they fit so well together. One was what the other was not. They played "normal" for everyone, but that wasn't what or who they really were.

"I want you to stay home today," Roy said as he moved to the other side of the table to sit and eat.

Ed paused, surprised by the abrupt change, "What about the report?"

"It can wait for tomorrow, or you can tell me tonight when I get home," Roy replied.

"But, I'm already dressed. There's really no reason for me to stay home when I normally go in anyway," was Ed's rebuttal.

"A day to rest before returning to work should be a good thing, besides I'm the boss. I say you take the day off," Roy said in that authoritative finality voice Ed found irritating most times.

Ed shrugged, he knew that when Roy set his mind to some thing he went through with it to the end. That was how they got together in the first place. Al had died and Ed didn't see the point in living, so there he sat in the tub with his arm transmuted into his blade and he was about to slit the major artery in his arm when Roy burned the door to ash and restrained Ed. After that he refused to leave Ed. Roy swore he would keep Ed alive. Things got so much more complicated than that as time went on. All it took was one incident and everything was set into motion.

Ed was still a walking zombie and all Roy could do was set a routine and try to get things back in order as much as possible. As Ed was in the shower, only moving on auto pilot, Roy stood outside the door just incase anything happened. And it did. Roy was standing out side the door as usual when he heard a loud thud. His heart stopped a half beat before he was moving as fast as he could to get in and see what had happened. Roy couldn't describe the relief and ache that pounded through his heart at the sight. It seemed as Ed stood in the shower his right mind came back to him and he was sobbing uncontrollably. Every inch of his body heaving or shaking from the sobs.

Ignoring the water Roy kneeled down beside Ed and gathered him into his arms. It wasn't until Roy noticed the water turning frigid cold, that he try to move Ed. As he pulled them up he realized just how naked Ed was, and how sexy he looked all wet. Trying to suppress a deep blush and sudden boner, Roy dried Ed off and got him dressed and in bed before to turned to take a cold shower and change into dry clothes. But that was only the begging of things.

So resigned to his fate, not that it was bad or any thing, Ed sighed but nodded his head in acquiescence. Roy nodded his approval as well and they ate in relatively comfortable silence. As Roy finished his breakfast he got up and put the dishes in the sink to be done later. Ed got up as well shadowing Roy's movement. Roy took Ed into his arms and buried his face in the still damp golden hair and took a deep breath. He loved Ed's smell; apple from the shampoo and a deeper omnipresent smell Roy couldn't place a name for, except just plain Ed.

"I love it when you leave your hair down," Roy said as he took another deep breath.

Ed smiled. Roy was the only reason he kept his hair long any more. Before it was only because he was on the move so much and had more pressing issues on his mind then to deal with his hair, but now that he stayed in one place more he could cut it. Ed enjoyed having Roy so close all the time tho. Touching his hair or smoothing it out or breathing in the scent of it; he'd never touch his hair if it meant having a reason to keep Roy close to him.

"I'll keep it down today, for you. Just come home soon."

Roy couldn't help the smile that pulled on the corners of his mouth. Just the idea of Ed home alone with his hair down dressed in his usual home attire, a wife beater and boxers, was enough to turn him on, but to add that he was doing it all for him and what they might do after he got back was enough to keep him tented for hours. Pushing aside all the yummy images of Ed doing naughty things as far back in his head as possible he gave a quick nod and kiss before turning to put his boots on and leaving.

Ed smiled. He knew precisely what Roy was thinking about and it just made his heart feel like bursting that much more. He loved Roy so much, but at the thought of his own future Ed's happy thoughts dimmed and his elated heart felt like weights had been slammed on. Fully depressed again, Ed turned back to the sink and started the dishes. Contrary to how Ed had started feeling that morning, he wasn't feeling so well any more. Finishing the dishes he went back up stairs changed into his usual house clothes and went to bed.

* * *

Roy walked in the door and stopped; the lights were off. Had Ed gone some where? Roy turned on the light over the entryway and removed his boots and striped off his coat and hung it up before moving through the house in search of Ed. As Roy flipped the lights on in the bedroom he heard a groan and realized Ed was in bed and turned the lights off. He moved over to the bed as Ed rolled over and sat up as a cough racked his body.

"Hey, you okay," Roy questioned as he sat down next to Ed on the bed.

"Yeah, what time is it?"

"It's six. I got tied up at work. Don't tell me you slept all day long," The concern in Roy's voice was palpable on the cooling night air.

"Yeah I guess I did."

Roy suddenly remembered Ed's black bag and the contents in it. "Are you sick Edward?" He tried to keep his voice curious. He wanted to give Ed the chance to explain first.

Ed was suddenly glad the lights were out; he could feel the color in his face drain away. Had he found out, had someone told him? No, he couldn't have; taking a deep breath Ed felt his lungs constrict and he ended up coughing. Once he regained his breath he realized Roy was rubbing circles on his back and trying to get him to drink some water. Just how bad was that fit of coughing, that Roy had time to get water without him noticing?

"Ed . . . I . . . last night I saw what was in your black bag . . . Ed, what is it for? How sick are you?"

Ed's breath stopped all together in that moment and he felt light headed. It was out; Roy knew he was sick. Would he run not wanting to catch it once he told him specifically what was wrong? Would he not want to be with him any more? Would he ship him off some where and start dating some one else? Panic rose in his heart like a tsunami and in the pail light from the bathroom Roy could see the utter fear and panic in his loves eyes and feel every tense line in Ed's back; and his heart nearly broke. How long had Ed been hiding something this important from everyone? Roy gathered up the now shaking body in his arms and rocked him back and forth murmuring soft reassuring nothings into Ed's ear until the shaking subsided. With Ed still in his embrace Roy couldn't wait any longer for his answers.

"Ed, baby, what's wrong," He asked with a ting of his own fear in his voice. He needed to hear it from him, so he could help.

Ed sniffed trying to fight off the threat of tears, gathered his courage, and spoke, "I . . . God, don't worry you won't get it, I already asked and since you got the vaccine you're safe, so you don't have to worry, please just don't leave me!"

The desperation in Ed's face and voice made Roy pull his blond lover further into his lap; placing soft kisses on every inch of his distraught lover he could reach. "Babe, I'm not going anywhere. I would never leave you. Please, please tell me how sick are you?"

"Very," Ed said weakly, "They said I've only a year maybe two at most. But . . ."

"But what Ed?"

"That was a while ago when they told me . . . I've only a year or less now."

Roy sat in stunned silence, his brain refusing to digest the facts he was just given. Finally he regained enough thought to ask, "When did you get sick? How . . ."

Ed was crying now. He didn't want Roy to know. He wanted to go on pretending everything was fine, live out his days happily with Roy at his side, but Roy deserved to know. "When Al died. The town we were in had an out break of something. I hadn't known what it was. By the time the symptoms appeared it was too late. It's already spread and it's slowly killing me," He said softly as tears slipped from his eyes silently.

"You still haven't told me what it is," Roy said his voice devoid of all emotion.

Ed didn't even try to lift his eyes to see Roy's face. That was it. Roy didn't want him anymore. Ed's heart shattered and sliced his insides to little red ribbons. He knew it had all been to good to be true. Roy didn't need him to hold him back. He didn't need some one dying on him. Ed couldn't stop the sobs that suddenly shook his body with such violence he started coughing again to the point where he was gagging on it. He covered his mouth hunched in on himself as again Roy tried to calm the coughing. When he regained control he looked at his hand; it was speckled with dark spots. Moving his hand into the light to get a better look he heard Roy gasp sharply.

"Blood! Ed, tell me, please," Roy knew what it was now, but he had to hear it from Ed.

"Tuberculosis, I have tuberculosis."

They sat in silence. Ed new what would happen now. Roy would ask him to pack his things and leave. But the longer he sat and waited the more he just wanted things done with, he didn't want to sit here in the circle of the arms of the man he loved, listening to his heart beat and soaking up his warmth. Using all the control he had he got up and moved away from Roy and went t the closet and paused with his hand on the door knob.

"I'll have my things packed and I'll be out of your way tomorrow morning."

Roy was thrown off balance at the change in topic, and the absurdity of it left him temporarily speechless for a second time that night, be for his emotions came hurdling back. "What the hell is that supposed to mean?"

"I know you don't want to spend your time and effort on a sick body. There's no point in me stying here and dragging you down with me. You shouldn't have to wait around for me to die before you find some one else," But what ever he was going to say next was lost as Roy jump to his feet, spun Ed around, and slammed him into the wall.

"Do you really think you mean so little to me? That the second I thought you worthless I would toss you out," Roy was pissed now. Had Ed really thought what they had was so weak?

"I know you can do better then me? I don't know how you ever tolerated being with me."

Roy stopped his lover there. He kissed that smart mouth gently but throughly, pouring his soul and all the love he had into the smaller man. "Ed, I love you so much. I could never let you go."

Ed broke at the tenderly spoken words. It was more then he could ever hope for. "Do you really mean that," Ed asked searching the dark eyes for any sign that this was all a game, but found nothing more then utter truth, love and devotion.

"You know I do. I always have."

Ed lunged forward the last little bit of space remaining between them and locked his arms around is lovers neck; cling to his last life line because his life depends on it. The relief was crushing and lifting at the same time for Ed's world weary shoulders and heart, and again he broke down and cried, but this time from a sense of love and peace in his life again. Because with out a doubt Roy loves him. Roy gave the blond in his arms another tight squeeze and backed up enough to see his face.

"What do you want for dinner? Your choice tonight."

Ed pulled a disapproving face. He still wasn't hungry but he knew he had to eat or he would worry Roy even more. "Ummm . . . I don't know, what ever you want."

Roy's face darkened at the response but he fought it down and nodded. "All right. Will you sit with me while I make dinner?"

"Of course," Ed would spend every second he had with the man because his impending doom was coming closer and closer and he wanted all the time he could steal.

"Ed, I also want a list of the effects this is going to have on you. I don't want to be surprised and I want to know how I can help, as much as I can."

Ed's gaze dropped to the floor as he frowned. He really didn't want to give Roy the details. Not because he didn't want the help or anything like that, but because he didn't want Roy to know how weak he was. He did begrudgingly nod and walked off to get a piece of paper and a pen as Roy moved down to the kitchen to start dinner. When Ed came back he had a folded piece of paper with him and placed it under his arm to pin it to the table. Roy wasn't going to push the issue; at least he had done as he asked with out much of a fight, at least externally.

"Have you thought about quitting the military yet," Roy asked carefully, his back to Edward.

Ed was quiet a few moments before he spoke, "I have. The day I quite will be the day I can no longer rise from bed. This is to be spoken to no body. I don't want anyone to know until they have to," Roy was silent, stirring items in the pan. "I'm not going to sit around the house doing nothing and waiting for death to find me sitting on my ass. I refuse to let this fuck up what bit of a life I have left. I won't let this effect the way I live Roy, I won't."

Roy nodded before turning around to look at Ed, "I'm going to respect your wishes because I know I would do things the same way, but I'm not going to send you on difficult missions knowing you might not come back. I can't live with that; knowing I sent you out on a job you would have difficulties with, were you at full strength."

"That's going to look awfully suspicious you know; all of a sudden I'm taking missions below me. If people start to question me I'm going to send them to you, and you better have something to tell them that will throw them off the trail."

"I'm sure I can come up with something . . . I love you Ed."

Ed gave Roy a small sad smile, "I love you to Roy."