Summary: Yaoi. Naruto speaks about his past relationship with Sasuke, and how much it had affected him.

Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto. I wish I did though. But if I did I bet it'd be all screwed up.

Pairings: Mostly focuses on Sasu/Naru, but other characters are mentioned but not really their significant others.

A/N: So yea... the story was a spur of the moment thing and it may seem rushed so I'm sorry about that. Please read and enjoy! Flames are welcome since I want to accept criticism so I can improve with other stories. The characters are quite OOC... so please deal with me.

Nothing is Meant to Be

Naruto's P.O.V.

What did I do wrong…?

I thought I loved him and did whatever it took to keep him happy.

What I had forgotten along the way was who I was, and what it meant for me to be happy.

I guess I cannot put all the blame on him. In the end, it was really my decision to be with him and stay with him even though deep down, I knew that our relationship ended a long time ago.

Why was I so stupid…?

I wasted too much time on him, cried so much for him; I was abandoned by my loved ones because of him and felt myself expired ever so slowly… was it worth it?

I'll let you be the judge of that.

Flashback

I was 16 years old then. My name is Uzumake Naruto. I'm attended high school in Konoha, a small city in Japan that not a lot of people know about. I'm a sophomore in my school. My hobbies includes sleeping, pulling pranks, taking care of kids in an orphanage every Wednesday, and hanging out with my buddies and their girlfriends. Oh and before I forget, I happen to live on my own (even though I'm not of age) because my parents were supposedly super rich and had many good friends who were able to pull some strings to get me out of the orphanage when I entered high school (my parents passed away when I was still a baby and I have no living relatives and none of my parents' friends were able to take me in. I was told in the orphanage that my mother died in a hit and run accident, and my father died of an allergic reaction of some sort not too long after I was born).

Most of my buddies are guys I grew up with way back in daycare. I practically consider them as my brothers, and know I can rely on them whenever I have an issue. Their names are Inuzuka Kiba (who looks like a stray mutt), Nara Shikamaru, Akimich Chouji, Sai (who just recently joined the group), Gaara (the silent foreign exchange student who acts like my bodyguard), Rock Lee (who happened to look like Bruce Lee and has this obsession with green), and Hyuga Neiji.

Uchiha Sasuke, like Gaara and Sai, was new to the school. He was in one of my four classes in school, and always minded his own business. He always had the top marks in class, and I could never help but admire him from afar, since I sit in the very back of the class with my friends, while he sits in the very front. And unlike him, my marks suck. If we were back in elementary school, I'd cause a ruckus everyday in class, but since the start of high school, I've toned down by a lot and try to keep up with schoolwork with the help of Shikamaru – when he wasn't lazy – and Gaara, who became m best friend because he's always around me more than Shikamaru now, who happened to be dating Gaara's sister, Temari.

All right, fast-forward two months after school started: my crush for Sasuke grew everyday, and I even told Gaara about it. Even though he did not say much about it, I knew he supported me. Now, by this time, my marks in math class dropped SEVERELY. Even though I had no parents, I still worry about my marks because I wanted to go to a good university, and I didn't want to face Old Hag Tsunade, the principle of my school, and a close friend of my father's, so she treats me like family (her motto happened to be that 'with love comes great punishments', so I get pummeled a lot when I act out and she finds out).

The teacher suggested that I look for a tutor, but then I asked whether or not I could ask a classmate to help me out (of course, at that time I was hoping for either Gaara or Shikamaru). The teacher thought it was a great idea and said she'd be the one to decide (Kurenai is a very strict woman… disobedience means seeing Obaa-chan again and being told how many tests I've failed since school started…).

I stayed after class the next day, as did Sasuke. I assumed he had questions to ask Kurenai, being the smart goody-two-shoes he is. Kurenai told me to come to the front of the desk and meet my tutor. I did so but saw no one else besides Sasuke.

"Ah no sa… etto… Where's Gaara? Or Shikamaru?"

"Why would they be here?"

"I thought you said I'd meet my tutor and thought you'd choose Shikamaru. Doesn't he have the highest marks in class?"

"Yes, but he sleeps more than he works and would be an unhealthy influence on you. Sadly enough, I think you've picked up some of his habits already. Instead, I've decided to assign Sasuke to be your tutor. Sasuke, he's all yours."

Sasuke, the Boy Wonder, the teenage Adonis, my wet dream man, is my tutor.

"What's up, Dobe?"

That was the start of our unhealthy relationship.

So Sasuke and I decided to meet at my house to do the studying. As my marks improved, so did our relationship. It was a few months later that the teen asked me out.

It was during lunch, and I, as always, was with my buddies and their girlfriends. Neiji was in the middle of his intense dream about fighting with giant caged birds when Sasuke comes up to our table, a hoard of girls behind his back, asking to talk to me in private. Of course, I had an idea as to what he wanted because we've expressed our feelings a bit during studying sessions. Not to mention the telltale specks of blush on the guy's face, that shouldn't be there unless it has to do with something embarrassing.

Excusing myself from the table, I whispered to him about where I wanted to meet him so he had a chance to ditch his followers. 5 minutes later, we met up, and after another 10 minutes of heartfelt talk, we became 'boyfriend' and 'boyfriend', a.k.a. 'devoted-slave'.

I thought I was happy. I was dating the most popular boys in school, and he only had eyes for me. We had a lot in common, but our personalities were complete opposites.

As I started inviting Sasuke to meet and hang out with the guys more, I couldn't help but always feel some sort of tension in the air with Sasuke and the guys with their girls. At first I thought it was my imagination, but that all changed when my own friends slowly turned their backs on me.

I didn't notice it at first, because I was so happy with Sasuke. But, a few months after we started going out, I started to feel smothered. He was always around me, and even if he wasn't, we were always talking, one-way or another (whether it's through the phone or MSN). I began missing my buddies, and decided to call everyone out together to just hang out. The answer was practically simultaneous: "Sorry Naruto, but I'm busy. Isn't Sasuke there to keep you company?"

I was beyond shocked. Most of these guys were the ones who I hung out with when I was still in diapers! Why are they ditching me?

I had a group convo on MSN, one without Sasuke. I had nagging feeling that the reason they wouldn't want to hang out, let alone talk to me in school, is because of Sasuke. No one seemed to be willing to talk about it, all but Shikamaru.

"Look Naruto, it's not like we have an issue with you, but it's your boyfriend that's the problem. You may not notice it, but the way he looks at us… it's as though he's ready to kill us. Hey man, I'm glad you're happy, but I don't think I can deal with a guy who wants to kill me for being your friend. Not to mention, I can't get my girl to stop talking about your guy. So yea… call us if you need anything."

So that was it. Basically, unless I leave my boyfriend, I won't have any friends anymore. Terrific. Well, I thought that as long as I have Sasuke, I don't need my friends then. Sasuke knows me and keeps me happy. Who needs friends when you can have such an awesome boyfriend, right?

Well, as the months progressed, Sasuke had become very clingy and violently possessive. I cannot go one day without calling him unless I wanted to hear him rant about how worried he was that something happened to me or claim that I didn't love him anymore. Then again, I can't help not call him either. Was it because I was so lonely, or because I was desperate to keep this failing relationship from sinking any deeper than it already was…?

I still tried to talk to my former friends, and even once ditched Sasuke to hang out with one of them during lunch. Frankly speaking, that day I felt happier than I had in months. They didn't need to know about that though. Of course, I expected Sasuke to find out somehow, which he did, and I expected him to be pissed enough to do something violent, which he also did.

Right after the lunch bell, I was debating whether or not I wanted to look for Sasuke to have lunch with, when I spotted Kiba before he entered the cafeteria and called out to him. When he saw me, he grinned and came up to me. I asked him whether or not Hinata was around, and he tells me no, which is when I asked him to have lunch with me instead of the guys in the caf. When he asks why, I simply said, "Sasuke's gonna be in there."

What happened next was that I was sitting under one of five the staircases within our school and eating lunch with Kiba. Out of all my friends, he was actually one of the best listeners there were. So, while eating our lunch I began spilling my guts out to him. I told him how unhappy I've felt as of late, how violently possessive Sasuke can be, and how it's so different from how it once was.

Kiba looked thoughtful, and before he could say anything, we both heard the door slamming. Since we were hidden behind the staircase, we couldn't see who it was, but I had a feeling that it was Sasuke. The person stomped up the stairs, and then I heard another door slam. I looked at Kiba.

"I know I may be paranoid… but I think that was Sasuke…"

Before Kiba could respond, the door from upstairs slammed again and stomped halfway down before we heard someone say:

"Naruto. Do you know Kakashi-senpai is?"

The voice was calm, but sounded like it was containing some sort of anger.

"Uhh… no?"

I slapped myself. HE DIDN'T KNOW I WAS THERE! Why'd I have to give it away?!

"Thanks."

Then, back to the door slamming and disappeared he went. By this time, my head was on my knees as I imagined the talk we would have later.

"Naruto," I looked up to see Kiba pinching his nose, "Why are you so afraid of him? Sure, I understand that you really care about this guy, but he sees you as nothing more than property. Buddy, he's practically a pit bull. Even if he is loyal, he's gonna hang onto you until YOU end this, or he dies. Otherwise, you're stuck."

So that was my lunch with Kiba. What he said made me think a lot. I proposed to Sasuke that perhaps we need some distance. When he asked why, I told him some truths behind it, which it the fact that I feel as though he's smother me, and the fact that Jiraiya and Tsunade were going to take me on a trip, so I wouldn't see him so much anyways.

Well, he bought what I told him, and everything went smoothly for about 3 days before I left to a village where Jiraiya's old friend lives in. It was called the Village of the Mist. Eerie, but pretty cool all the same. That was when I met Haku, a beautiful live porcelain doll of a man. For one week, I was always with this man, and for one week, I gave him a bit of my heart.

So I cheated sure, but I don't regret it. It was a small fling that both of us knew wouldn't last, but it was fun. By the time I went back to Konoha, my feelings for Haku all but vanished, like it never happened at all. Of course, at night I would think of him and I think this is the beginning of my mental state breaking slowly. After this fling, it made me question my relationship with Sasuke even more. First of all, when I was with Haku, I would have all these wonderful feelings and I was really happy. Perhaps it was a really intense infatuation, but the fact that I was able to experience such strong emotions that i haven't for so long really made me feel more loney and empty than ever.

I was still unable to fully reconnect with my friends, and Sasuke was as clingy as ever. It got so bad that if he heard some of his still stalkerish fan club bad mouth about me, he'd deal with them personally (one girl who's name i don't even know came up to me and called me stupid-homosexual-whore; the next day her face was messed up and swollen and she had a cast on one arm. When asked what happened, she said she got stung by a bee and fell down the stairs, of course I thought different;y).

I started sleeping with the 'Great Uchiha', in hopes of forgetting my problems with my 'friends' and hoped our relationship continues to grow. Besides, I heard somewhere that by sleeping with that one person whom you love with all your soul, you would never want to leave him.

Perhaps that was only for a handful of people, because I couldn't stop thinking of leaving Sasuke as the months passed.

One day in school, I made some stupid comments about how the men in Europe were hotter and bigger than the men in Japan. It was a joke though, but Sasuke thought otherwise. When he came over to my house after school, I was violently pushed to my bed, had my clothes ripped from my body and was practically forced to have sex with Sasuke. I really had no choice, either I gave my consent, or he would have had his way anyways because he had me almost tied to the bed. When I said ok, he prepared my hole with barely anything, and the next thing I knew I was being forcefully entered. Thankfully, it did not last long, and I was nowhere near climaxing. That may have been my closest experience to have been raped, but nonetheless, I was still physically hurting, and slowing breaking apart mentally.

I couldn't stand being near him without feeling depressed and chained. I couldn't talk to any of my friends because they're scared of him and worried about their girlfriends' obsession with him. No one seemed to have noticed my spiraling depression, not even my boyfriend.

One day, Gaara came up to me during lunch (Sasuke was back in class, asking something from a teacher) and told me to call him anytime after school.

Right after one of my nightly talks with Sasuke (which has to last half an hour, and no less), I called Gaara.

What started as an awkward conversation eased back to what was once 'normal' between the two of us. That night, Gaara and I spoke for hours, reminiscing about the good old day, sharing old secrets, and talking about what's happened to the guys now.

"Naruto… why wouldn't you talk to me?"

"I tried Gaara, but as of now, I don't see myself getting too much chances because of Sasuke…"

"Does Sasuke have that much control over you? Seriously, what the hell happened to you Naruto? You once had not morals or principle. You did what ever the hell you wanted, and always joked around. You always laughed, Naruto. Now, it looks as though you're dying."

What Gaara said made me cry. It was true. Sasuke was taking over my life. I'd dream of leaving him, but I was so scared of what would happen to him. I rarely laugh anymore, because with Sasuke, everything is so predictable. There's no fun being around him anymore. I cannot even think of anything to say to him anymore, because I think I've shared everything there is with him already.

And then, as though Gaara's word actually hit me hard on the head, I thought, Seriously, what the HELL am I doing? Who am I? Who was I?

"You're Uzumaki Naruto," (did I speak out loud?) "You were my best friend. You were a loudmouth idiot whom everyone loved. Now, you're nothing but a puppet of who you once were. I barely even recognize you anymore. Naruto, I loved you very much, and I supported you when you decided to date Sasuke. If you still want to be with him, I suppose I still support you now. But really, is he worth your tears? Is he even worth your happiness?"

The present

I am alone now. I am free, and I'm slowly rebuilding myself to the man I once was. I thought I loved him and did whatever it took to keep him happy. In the end, what I had forgotten along the way was who I was, and what it meant for me to be happy.

I guess I cannot put all the blame on him. In the end, it was really my decision to be with him and stay with him even though deep down, I knew that our relationship ended a long time ago.

I still have my friends, but in my eyes they are not as trustworthy as I thought they once were. Sure, they were there throughout my time of need when Sasuke and I broke up, but they were not there when I REALLY needed them the most.

I thought I was happy. In a way, I was when we first met and started going out. Too bad that it didn't progress any further than that.

I'm trying to be the person I once was, and although it's slow, I'm getting somewhere. Now, it's almost like it was a bad dream. It was a new school year, my friends are all still so stupid and goofing off while I watch them, and Sasuke is still always being followed by a group of giggling girls. All seemed normal.What more could a guy ask for, right?

Normal P.O.V.

Months later…

What started out as a 5-man group project slimmed down to a 2-man project, since the other three weren't able to make it to Sasuke's house. Instead, it was only Naruto and Sasuke.

The project was for music class, where they had to compose a song and act as a band. Minimum was a 3 man group, maximum was five. The students had no say about who they can have as a partner, buts how many people they wished to be in a group with. Hence why Naruto and Sasuke were in the same group.

Now, if only they could pay attention to their own work instead of noticing the warmth radiating off one another.

If only the project assigned was due the next day, so they would be more diligent with their work.

If only they would get up or something, instead of staring at one another.

If only the other group members were with them, so they wouldn't have kissed.

If only they could control their teenage hormones and long ago emotions for one another.

If only there was someone in the house, so they would know to be quieter.

If only Naruto knew what he was doing, so later on, he would not be even more confuse and once again become the thing that he's been trying to run away.

If only… if only… if only…

But not everything is meant to be what you want anyways.

A/N: so how did you like it? any questions? I would love to hear anything that you would like to say. Thanks ever so much for reading this story! Cheers.