A/N – ok, I am trying this again. It might start off feeling somewhat similar to Across The Lines, but hopefully you'll be able to get that this one is going to be much different. (Hopefully) This is for ChupaChupa (who by the way is an awesome beta) who will not be satisfied until the Rin/Sakura fanbase has grown and someone else decides to write stories of them aside from me.

Hint hint guys.

Girl Disappearing

By: Azfixiation

xxxxx

A hand pushes at my throat, silencing my cries, as an all too familiar body presses against mine. Waves of nausea surge through me as I'm held in restraint. My brother, if one could call him that, only lets out a growl of pleasure as I struggle. He knows I am not going anywhere. After all, this isn't the first time we've been here.

"I told you to relax, didn't I?" he coos by my ear, his hot breath making me shiver in disgust. His other hand trails down my naked abdomen; fingers reaching just far enough for him to notice the dampness between my legs. "You always enjoy it," he adds just before biting down on my neck.

I moan involuntarily, tears threatening my eyes as I glance to Rider hiding in the shadows. Shinji knows she is there. It was he who ordered it as her Master. While he only sees it as another sick source of pleasure, little does he know that she is the only reason I can stand this. It is her understanding gaze that gives me hope that one day I will escape this. That I am not as disgusting as he says for being unable to control the urges in my body.

I keep my eyes on Rider as she helplessly watches him enter me with his fingers before my head lulls back onto his shoulder, the pleasure washing away the shame and disgust. If only it could wash away the stain he leaves on my heart.

He wins again, my body disobeying me as he relieves me of the horrible stress Zouken has cursed me with. "See little sister, how can it be rape if you enjoy is so much?" he asks as he hovers above me, his fingers quickly being replaced with something even dirtier, something more pleasurable.

"I still hate you," I spit at him, my last stand to defy my wretched body. His hand flies to my face, bruising me in its wake no doubt.

Rider jumps up at my yelp, hardly able to control herself from interfering. He may be her master but she is mine. Tears pool in my eyes as I notice her helpless expression, both of us knowing any interference will only make things worse. Instead I shut my eyes and wish for it to be over, the pleasure and the shame washing over me, causing a familiar self-hatred to rage inside of me once more.

--

"Sakura, wake up," a gentle voice calls out and immediately my arms wrap around the body hovering above me. My lips seek flesh, the remaining worms inside my body stirring at the memory as tears fall from my eyes. I hear a moan, and shaken from my haze, I realize it's not Rider. "What the hell are you doing!?"

I pull away to look at Rin in horror. She quickly moves from the bed, her concerned eyes flashing anger now instead. "I'm sorry," I whisper as the tears fall harder, my body instinctively curling into itself. "I thought you were her. I didn't mean it. She was always the one who was there but he took her away," I cry harder, my arms wrapping around my knees as I pull them closer to my chest.

"It's okay," she says as she sits back on the edge of my bed, her hand coming to rest on my shoulder. The sister thing is still new to us, at least the part of being free to try to act as such. After all that has happened I would much prefer to be alone so that I may grieve the loss of Rider as I wish. I would no longer have to worry about the desires inside of me, nor the darkness.

However, Rin won't let that happen. She stays by my side constantly, insistent upon helping me. At least four times she has offered to move her bed to my room, or offered to let me move into her room. Twice I have blacked out as my "dark" self, and once I have kissed her. Not counting what just now happened.

"Please Rin, just leave me be. You can't help me," I plead with her; half wishing she would listen and half wishing she would scoop me into her arms the way Rider used to hold me.

Doing neither, she settles for simply saying, "I'm not leaving you again, Sakura," with her blue eyes gazing into mine. I want to hug her but the intimate contact makes me feel awkward so I push her away instead. Literally.

She quickly moves out of my grasp, once again questioning my fragile sanity. "Isn't this what you want?" I shout as I wipe away the remaining tears. I sit on my knees on the bed to slowly make my way towards her. My body stirs in excitement as I get myself worked up once more. "Do you want to sit here and watch what your psycho little sister is truly like? Do you want to hear about how I miss the way Rider use to hold me; the way she used to touch me to wipe away the memories of Shinji's abuse?"

I pause for breath in front of her and smirk when she doesn't move away. I reach my arms up around her neck and hold in the moan as our bodies press together. "Are you waiting for me to black out and hurt you again? Or perhaps sister, you're waiting for me to kiss you again. Is that it? I'm pretty sure I heard you moaning earlier."

She holds her ground to my surprise, her stance proud as she gazes down at me. Her eyes hold a sense of stoicism mixed with frustration and also a bit of sadness. With the worms encouraging the hormones in my body I thrust my mouth towards hers, pressing firmly against her soft lips. Her lips part as she gasps in shock and I take advantage of the situation by sliding my tongue into her mouth, sliding it over her own. She doesn't respond to the kiss, yet doesn't pull away either and eventually I regain control over my own hormones.

"You're disgusting," I continue pushing her away from me once more. "I don't want your pity. You could never understand. Just go."

I lie back on the bed and close my eyes as if to go back to sleep in the hopes that she would get the point. I will hate myself for this in the morning, but tonight I am too tired to care. Even Shirou who lost Saber couldn't understand. Rider was all I had. She was the only bit of love I have ever held in my life. She was mine, and I lost her because of that sick scumbag.

A few moments pass before I hear the door sliding shut behind me and after a minute I take a cautious glance to make sure Rin has truly left. Bile rises in my throat at the thought of everything I put Rin through though I've no idea how to control the emotions that threaten me whenever she is near. I can only hope that she truly doesn't leave me and that one day I will rekindle the light that died inside of me when Rider was taken from me.

--

What the hell is her problem? She's sitting here serving breakfast acting as if nothing happened. She giggles at Taiga who's fighting with Illya over something completely insignificant. She talks to Shirou about the news. With me she smiles, warm and caring and without a hint of the malice that was dripping from her voice last night. Does she remember it?

Dealing with her mood swings is becoming commonplace. I'm not entirely sure why I'm putting myself through this anymore since nothing I do seems to help her. It's not as if you can help someone who doesn't want the help in the first place. Perhaps it's simply time that I stop.

"Excuse me," I say finally, making up my mind as I leave the kitchen. Just because she was abused doesn't mean I have to let myself fall so far that I let her take it out on me and abuse me. I wish there was someone I could talk to about it all. Maybe someone with some divine advice but who would understand? They would only think ill of her, and me too for letting her do the things she does to me.

What would they do? If they loved someone would they allow them to have their minute of happiness in a forbidden kiss or would they push them away like some sort of dejected freak and only cause them to hate themselves more?

And so I go about getting ready for school as I let the thoughts bounce around in my head. The same thoughts that haven't left for the few weeks since this has started. Certainly she wasn't this way before Caster got a hold of her, or was she? Has she just decided to show me this? I can't imagine so; it's such a shameful way to act with someone.

I grab my bag before I leave my room, and freeze in my tracks just outside of her door. I pause to listen to the murmurs on the other side and though I know what is happening I find myself unable to move. Has she truly lost her mind?

It's only a few seconds before Shirou bumps into me, knocking me into motion as he pulls her bedroom door open. He nearly tackles her to the floor and Illya stops next to me, wrapping her arms around my left one. Shirou looks to me for help as Sakura begins to cry in his arms. All I find myself able to do is shrug.

After all, she says I'm the disgusting one. Maybe I was the wrong one to try to help in the first place. "Let her kill herself trying to bring Rider back. She won't listen to reason anyways," I force out finally.

Her eyes quickly shoot up to meet mine, betrayal and pain flashing plainly in them and for a moment I find myself wavering in my resolve. I'm sorry, they beg but the weight of everyone's stare is too much for me. Shirou and Illya's confusion is evident as they look back and forth between the two of us, finally seeing the smallest glimpse of what I have been going through.

Before the frustration of everything could really gather in me I bent down to pick up my forgotten bag and did what I've become so well known for at school - I acted like a stubborn brat and turned my back on my sister. As I pulled my shoes on to leave the house a pang of guilt flashed through me but it was too late to change what had been done.

It has to be done though, or she will think she can always treat me the way he treated her.

Angry at myself, and more so at the situation we find ourselves in I clench my fists as I head out the door. Certainly Shirou will be able to take care of her just this once. I deserve this little break, don't I?