Title: Beta Reader
Pairings: Gwendal/Anissina
Rating: G
Any Warnings: Crack.

Disclaimer: I own none of these very entertaining characters and am making no money off them, please don't sue me. Thank you.

A/N: Originally written on LJ for a friend who asked for a 'Poison Lady Anissina story'.

'Go away, Anissina. I'm asleep.'

'But you don't even know what I want! It's not an experiment, I promise.'

'I don't care. And stop poking me, dammit! I'm not a human pin-cushion.'

'Gwendaaaaal!'

He muttered a few curses under his breath as he sat up, pushing the blankets to his waist as he glared at the other occupant of the bed.

'Fine, I'm awake. Now what is so important?'

In answer, she plopped a large stack of paper between them, grinning as his eyes widened. 'Is this why you jumped out of bed so suddenly last night?'

'Oh, so you were awake. And here I thought you had been too tired out by all our activity…'

She waggled her eyebrows at him, and he rolled his eyes. Despite his best efforts, he could feel his face heat up, and he scowled when Anissina laughed. 'I never get tired of seeing you blush at the slightest provocation,' she said teasingly, and he quickly turned away at look at the paper before him in an effort to distract her.

'So what is this about?'

'It's my latest story,' she cried happily, tugging the pile of paper closer to her and lifting off the first sheet. 'I wrote it just last night. You can hear it now, and tell me if there's anything that needs changing.'

'Anissina, I have things to do—'

'Which is why I woke you so early. This way you'll have time to listen to this and still catch up with all your work.'

No help for it. He stifled a sigh as he settled back against the headboard behind him, crossing his arms and waiting for her to start. She grinned at him then, and clearing her throat, she began to read:

'Once upon a time, in a land far, far away, there lived a great and powerful queen, and her handsome husband. The queen was unhappy, however, because they had no children. So she prayed to the great Goddess of their land, and the Goddess said to her: 'Pluck the first fruit from the first tree you see outside my temple, eat it, and you shall be with child.'

The queen did as she was bid, and soon she and her husband were the proud parents of—'

'Let me guess: a beautiful baby with wonderful red hair, like the sunset, and eyes like the summer sky and of course she was talented and intelligent and resourceful—you have to work on your narcisstic streak, Anissina.'

'As it turns out, you're wrong, von Voltaire,' Anissina snapped at him, glaring at his surprised expression. 'Now do you want to hear what I've written, or would you like to write a story of your own?'

Gwendal raised his hands in negation, and she sniffed angrily before continuing.

'The queen did as she was bid, and soon she and her husband were the proud parents of a baby boy whom they named Gwendal. Prince Gwendal grew to be a brave young boy, talented with the sword and possessing great maryokou.'

'And very handsome, you forgot that part.'

'He would have been, if he hadn't interrupted me.'

'Alright, alright, no more interruptions.'

'Thank you. Now, on Prince Gwendal's sixteenth birthday, the queen and the king decided to hold a ball in honour of the ocassion. It was to be a grand affair and nearly everyone was invited. The king did not invite his sister, however, because she was a mean and horrible old woman.'

'That's a terrible message to send to children: ignore your relatives if they're mean.'

'I don't think you have much room to talk, Stoffel's nephew.'

'That was a completely different situation, and—'

'Right, moving on: When the king's sister came to know of this, she decided to attend the party uninvited, and have her revenge on her brother for this slight. So she disguised herself and entered the palace. When she was close to the prince, however, she threw off her disguise and revealed herself.

'It is I, your sister, foolish king!' she cackled, and the queen and the king quaked in fear. 'You shall pay for forgetting me!'

With those words, she used a dark and terrible form of magic to cast a curse on Prince Gwendal. 'One day, prince, you will cut yourself on a sword and fall into an enchanted sleep,' she cried. 'And you will only be wakened by a kiss from your true love, and who's going to fall in love with an ugly prince like you?'

'Hey!'

'I told you he would've been handsome if you hadn't interrupted me. Too late now.'

'With this curse, the king's sister disappeared in a puff of smoke, and the queen whacked her husband on the head for forgetting about his sister and causing this whole mess. Once the king had recovered and all the guests had been sent home, the queen and king made their son promise never to take up his sword again. Prince Gwendal agreed, though he was unhappy about it.

Since he could not fight anymore, Prince Gwendal started overseeing the administrative side of running the kingdom. He began spending many hours locked up in his office, and because he was so unhappy about giving up the sword, he stopped smiling. He soon developed wrinkles, and his default expression became a very scary scowl.'

'Now you're just being mean.'

'Do you want Prince Gwendal to have bad breath, too? I thought not. Anyway, Prince Gwendal's mother tried and tried to set up meetings with many beautiful women so that one of them might fall in love with him and break the curse if he were ever to prick himself with a sword, but Gwendal's scary scowl drove them all away.

In time, Prince Gwendal had a brother, Prince Conrart. Conrart grew up to become the best swordsman in the kingdom, and this depressed Gwendal very much, especially when he was stuck in his office and Conrart was outside in the courtyard, practising his swordplay.

Finally, Gwendal found that he couldn't take it any more. He left a note for his mother and father, asking them not to look for him, and ran away, taking only his favourite quill, a change of clothes, some money, his knitting needles and his stuffed dog Peeches.'

'Why'd you have to drag poor Peeches into this?'

'It's a stuffed dog, Gwendal. A little perspective, please. Now hush, we're getting to the good part. 'Prince Gwendal crossed the border into the neighbouring kingdom, and decided to stop at the first inn he saw. Unfortunately, night had already fallen, he was in a deep and dark forest, and the nearest town was still a day's walk away. He had no choice but to sleep wherever he was. Prince Gwendal was not used to staying in the forest, however, which was why he didn't notice he had chosen to go to sleep right under a dragon's nest.'

'Impossible. How in Shinou's name could he have missed seeing a dragon's nest?'

'He just didn't, alright? Now shut up and let me continue. Prince Gwendal was woken that night by the sound of the dragon's great wings flapping as it flew to its nest. He jerked away from his spot on the forest floor, and as he saw the dragon's monstrous form above him, he yelled in fright.

'Help!' he cried. 'Help, help! Someone please help! Help!''

'Repetition is the sign of a non-creative mind, you know.'

'Prince Gwendal looked around worriedly while the dragon swooped down on him, when suddenly a figure stepped out of the woods.

'I will save you!' she cried.

Gwendal stared at the woman in awe as she pulled a long tube out of the bag slung over her shoulder. 'Here,' she said, handing it to him. 'Aim for the dragon, then use your maryokou and blow through this tube as hard as you can.'

He nodded without question, and did as he was told. To his surprise, a ray of light struck the dragon, and it changed its course, away from them.

'Ha!' the woman cried. 'As I expected! Change-Your-Mind-Kun works perfectly!'

'Who are you?' Gwendal asked the woman, and in reply, she pulled off her cloak to reveal her beautiful face, and her long red hair.

Her name was Anissina, and she was intelligent, resourceful, smart, and could do anything ten times better than a man could.

As we have seen, she was a brilliant inventor, and she roamed the land righting wrongs wherever she found them—with the help of her inventions—and the grateful people of the land called her… the Poison Lady Anissina—you better stop laughing, Gwendal, unless you want Prince Gwendal to be a hunchback, too!'

'But why Poison Lady?'

'Because her signature move when fighting off the bad guys is to use her Poison Potion, and you would know this if you had read the other books in this series!'

'Series?!'

She waited pointedly until his chuckles had stopped, cleared her throat, and began again: 'The grateful people of the land called her… the Posion Lady Anissina, and she was a hero. Gwendal immediately fell in love with his rescuer, and asked her if he could stay with her. Despite her reservations about this strange man armed only with a quill and his knitting needles, Lady Anissina agreed to let him travel with her, because she was kind-hearted to a fault.'

'You turned Gwendal into a sidekick? No, you turned him into the Poison Lady's sidekick?!'

'Better than being stuck in an office scowling at the paperwork all day, don't you think?

During the course of their travels, Lady Anissina asked Gwendal many times why he would not take up the sword so that he could help her in her work, but he never answered, because he did not wish for her to know about his curse.

Because he could not fight with her, Gwendal started to write about Lady Anissina and her adventures, wanting to help her in any way he could. Soon his stories became famous all over the land. Word of the wondrous Poison Lady Anissina reached even the ears of his mother, the queen, and she summoned Lady Anissina to her court so that she might meet this remarkable woman.

Gwendal did not want to return to his kingdom, but he could not tell the truth to Lady Anissina. He had no choice, then, and had to accompany her to his home. He decided to disguise himself, somehow, and on the day that Lady Anissina and Gwendal went to meet his mother the queen, he had wrapped himself in a long cloak and covered his face with the hood.'

'Why would the palace guards let a cloaked and hooded man have an audience with the queen?'

'This is a fairytale, Gwendal, it doesn't need to make sense! Now let me finish!

When the queen met the Poison Lady Anissina, she asked her to relate the most famous of her adventures, the time when she had defeated twenty five sandbears with only one bucket, her sword, and her brilliant invention, the You-Can-Fly-Too!-Kun.

'Certainly, Your Majesty,' Lady Anissina said to the queen. 'Here, Gwendal, you stand here and act like a sandbear, and I'll just swing my sword at you like—'

'Did you say Gwendal, Lady Anissina?' the queen cried, springing from her seat. Seeing his mother stand up, Gwendal panicked, and tried to run away from her. Again.

He forgot he was wearing a cloak, however, and tripped, causing Lady Anissina's sword to cut his arm as he fell. Immediately, he fell into an enchanted sleep.

'Don't worry, I know just what to do!' Lady Anissina said, as the queen gasped in shock at seeing her son again. Especially now that he was unconscious.

Lady Anissina quickly knelt on the floor next to Gwendal, and pinched his nose with one hand. 'It's a new technique I've developed,' she said, opening his mouth with her other hand. 'It helps bring people back to consciousness,' she explained, leaning down to breathe into Prince Gwendal's mouth.

Almost immediately, Prince Gwendal opened his eyes, and sat up. The queen was overjoyed, and thanked the Lady Anissina for saving her son. The queen and the king immediately decided to hand over the kingdom to their firstborn son, now that the curse was lifted.

But Gwendal shook his head. 'Let Conrart be the king,' he said. 'I want to continue going on adventures with Lady Anissina.' He turned to the Poison Lady Anissina, and took her hand in his. 'May I continue being your scribe?'

'Only if you'll marry me,' she replied, because she realised now that she had broken the curse only because she had fallen in love with Gwendal, too.

And as soon as they were married, the Poison Lady Anissina, and her scribe Gwendal left the kingdom, off again to continue their adventures. The End.'

Anissina looked up at Gwendal as she finished, and smiled proudly at him. 'So, what do you think?'

'I think I'm going to go back to sleep, because clearly this was all a horrible nightmare.'

Gwendal slumped back to his original postion and drew the covers over his head, ignoring her affronted look. 'Just be sure to let me know when you're going to publish, because I'll schedule a long, long campaign away from the kingdom,' he called, his voice muffled by the covers.

'Hmph. I don't mind, really, as long as you don't schedule it for tomorrow.'

He peeked out of the covers at that, feeling uneasy about her tone. 'Why?' he asked suspiciously.

'Well, that story got me thinking, and now I wonder if it isn't possible to actually make You-Can-Fly-Too!-Kun…I've already got the plans ready, all it needs is a little tweaking, and I'm sure it'll be ready for testing tomorrow—Gwendal, are you listening to me? Gwendal!'

A/N: Thanks for reading, all comment and concrit is welcome. :)