Title: Conduct Unbecoming

Pairing: Brenda Leigh Johnson/Irene Daniels

Disclaimer: Oh if only I were so blessed. But I'm not. Not mine.

A/N: I am appalled by the steaming lack of the Closer femslash. So I rectified the situation.

"Say," Irene breathed in between a frenzy of kisses. "Say it again," It was a plea that Brenda felt her trying to convey with each press of their lips, tongues. "Please, Brenda…"

They had all but stumbled into the bedroom after dinner, after they made Willie Rae comfortable in the guest room, said their good nights. Brenda had kicked the door shut behind them, their bodies meeting instantly as if they had been separated for months. Mama may have given the two women her blessing, but Brenda wasn't completely comfortable with overt signs of affection under her mother's unwavering scrutiny.

Now, in the darkened privacy of their bedroom, they were free to say and do everything that had crossed their mind in the course of the day. "Say it, Brenda… please," Irene tugged insistently at the blazer that restricted her hands from Brenda's bare shoulders.

"I love you," Brenda obliged, dropping her shoulders to allow Irene to pull her free of the offending clothing. "I love you, Irene, I love you."

Irene sighed, a quiet, choked sound before discarding the blazer on the floor, pressing her lover's body against the closed down with her own. She cradled Brenda's face in her hands and pulled it to her with another desperate kiss. "I love you, Brenda." It was barely a whisper, as if she were afraid of the words. "I don't think there was ever a moment when I wasn't in love with you."

Their movements suddenly stilled, one moment wild, the next deliberate and honest. Irene met Brenda's eyes only for a flicker of a moment before dropping her hand to the back of her neck, nuzzled her face into the crook between shoulder and neck. "I love you." She repeated.

Brenda wrapped one arm around the younger woman's waist, the other hand resting on the back of her hand and held her. Eyes shut, she felt the steady rise and fall of Irene's breathing, the quiet breath on her neck. It was as if every emotion that they had held back over the past four months had been wrenched free by those three softly spoken words with a violence that threatened to undo them both.

The fear of their relationship being discovered by the squad, by Pope, by their families. The fear of rejection, of failure. The irresistible tug of joy waking up next to one another, or seeing one another smile. The deep-seated heat of desire that settled in their bellies when they kissed. The uncertainty and anxiety of facing each day, dreading the moment when one of them slipped up and their relationship revealed. The resentment that they had to conceal their happiness. The unreserved contentment they felt only wrapped in each other. The knowledge that neither of them had ever felt this happy, this safe and comforted, with anyone before. The devastating potential of losing one another.

Saying I love you was not a light declaration, it couldn't be. Uttering those words was a confession of all their fears and feelings. It was binding, giving life to every unspoken thought and emotion. It made all of their worries that much more acute. It was a confession of vulnerability, for both women.

It was overwhelming, and Brenda felt like crying. Not because she was sad or even because she was happy, but simply because she was swept away in the torrent of emotion, of gratitude and adoration for the younger woman, the intolerable anguish at the thought of losing her. Engulfed by such ravaging emotions, the only reaction that was forthcoming was tears. Refusing to submit to the sting behind her eyes, she held Irene closer, tighter, clung to her as if drowing.

"I need you Brenda," Irene admitted, and Brenda was not surprised to feel a cooling dampness on the skin of her shoulder.

Brenda felt her composure crack, but she swallowed hard and pressed her lips to the top of Irene's head firmly. She maintained the kiss until she was certain of being able to trust her voice, "I know, sweetie." She murmured, smoothing the younger woman's hair affectionately. "I know, we'll find a way to make this work, I promise." The words she spoke were as much for her own benefit as for Irene's.

When the younger woman didn't answer, she framed Irene's face with her hands and lifted it until their eyes met. "Us, Irene. That is the only thing I care about." She said vehemently. "My life is about you now, about us. The rest of the world can… go fly a kite for all I care." She smiled faintly. "I need us."

Irene mirrored her lover, reached up and rested her fingertips along the curve of Brenda's jaw. "Us." Irene repeated, crisp dark eyes searching her face. "Do you mean that?"

"I do." Brenda promised. "It doesn't matter how many bad guys I put away or how many years I put in on the force, I'm still just Brenda Leigh. When I'm with you, I'm so much more." She dropped her eyes self-consciously. "I want… you make me want to be more. And I can only be that with you."

Irene tilted her head to one side, leaning into Brenda's touch. Her eyes fluttered shut for a moment, when she opened them again she was smiling. "In that case, I think Brenda Leigh Daniels sounds nice… I…"

Brenda pulled the younger woman close again and silenced her with her mouth.

The End... for now.