Harry lolled around in his room at Privet Drive, bored out of his skull. Ceilings, he decided, weren't all that interesting. In fact, they were boring—more boring than just laying there. And of course, there were no letters from his friends or a way to see them to alleviate his ennui. But he'd be damned if he'd spend his summer staring at walls. A wicked grin spread across his face as an idea took root and blossomed in his head.

July 6

Made Petunia v v mad when painted walls of bedroom chartreuse. Vernon nearly had an apoplexy. Dudley had small seizure when came home. Think he may have been tripping out when he came home anyway by size of pupils, but could be wrong. His face was v amusing anyway. Told Petunia and Vernon to send bill for repainting to Dumbledore. Gave owl address and told them Dumbles is magical guardian or something.

July 8

Vernon demanded Dumbles send 'real' money. Reminded him galleons are solid gold and size of lorry hubcaps and he stopped demanding. Scurried off, I think to the bank. Came back wearing funny grin.

July 9

Petunia asked Vernon where the money from gold hubcaps went. Vernon refused to answer. Still has funny grin.

July 11

Wrote Dumbledore. Asked about pointy hat tricks.

July 12

No answer from Dumbles.

July 13

Answer from Dumbles. He said he won't explain them.
Am sulking

July 15

Got letter from Ron—thought he wasn't supposed to be writing me. Said he'd be happy to show me pointy hat tricks when we got back to school.
Thought he was shagging Hermione.

Ick.

July 21

Sicked Mrs. Figg's cat on Dudley. Screamed like little girl when he chased him up a tree. Did not know Dudley knew how to climb trees. Also never seen fat jounce that much. Not pretty.

July 20

Letter from Dumbles. Says sorry that Ron wrote me and he has been punished. Dumbledore also said someone with experience should show me pointy hat tricks.
Am finding the idea distressing. Regretting writing Dumbledore with that question.

July 21

Not sure why Dudley smells like strawberries. Can smell him from across the kitchen, over the bacon, and Petunia keeps giving him funny looks.
Wrote Sirius. Asked if he could rescue me. I know Sirius likes to play the part of the knight, since last visit to his cave was v educational.

July 25

Think Dudley is shagging Pieres. Walked in on them when Petunia and Vernon were out. Snogging on couch.
May have nightmares for weeks.

July 31

Happy birthday to me! Happy birthday to me!

A/N: There will be more! Sporatically! Inspired by and modled after The Very Secret Diaries (a LOTR parody thingy that I lol at every time). Needed to write something that wasn't Blood Mage-related and here we are!