"Life Long Forgotten"

By: fluffy pantoufle

"Irvine, Selphie… I'm glad you could make it in today."

Selphie Tilmitt shifted in her uncomfortable wooden chair, a look of concern on her face. The phrase "edge of your seat" was usually reserved for the movies, but it also described the only way to be at ease on a chair in Commander Leonhart's office. Her sparkling emerald eyes scanned Squall's face for a clue as to why he had called them in for a meeting. Over the years, however, the stoic young man developed the keenest of poker faces and was still about as indecipherable as Moomba gibberish. As far as she was aware of, there were no missions to complete or battles to be won. She had to admit, peacetime had been treating the SeeDs spectacularly; Selphie thought about all the time and effort she was now able to put into the Garden Festival and couldn't help the smile that spread across her face.

Irvine took off his cowboy hat in order to smooth down his long, mahogany-colored hair. "What's the news, Squall? Anything goin' on?"

The commander shook his head. "No, nothing that Garden needs to worry about." There was an awkward pause as Squall tried to think of a way to introduce his topic of discussion. Damn it, there's no easy way to do this…

"Tell us what's on your mind, Squall." Selphie offered another smile, this one meant to be supportive of her harried friend. She couldn't think of a reason for Squall to be so distressed, other than the recent debacle between himself and Rinoa. He wouldn't call a meeting for his breakup, though…would he?

"Well…" Squall wound his hands together on top of his desk. "Headmaster Cid usually talks to students about this, but for you two, well… I wanted to do it myself." Suddenly, an idea struck him and before Irvine or Selphie could speak, Squall was rummaging through one of his drawers. "Xu gave me these the other day for you guys…"

The cowboy and the messenger girl shared mutually confused glances at one another before Squall finally found what he was looking for. As if he had two pieces of porcelain, he handed them each a brightly colored pamphlet with Balamb Garden's insignia on the front. Beneath the symbol were several Garden cadets, clustered together in the cafeteria and looking far happier than normal for a military academy. Selphie held the pamphlet in her hands and read each word with excessive care, trying to wake herself up from this miserable dream.

In Full Bloom: Life After Balamb Garden.

"Squall, what the hell is this?" The tiny brunette suddenly seemed very large to Squall, for the combination of anger and bewilderment that seethed within her almost poured out of her ears. When in Hyne's name was Irvine going to turn and pinch her?

Unfortunately, Irvine was equally as perplexed. "Is this some kind of joke? Does Xu have candid cameras in here or something?" He started to chuckle in disbelief. "That wicked minx…"

Selphie normally would have scolded her boyfriend, but instead ignored him in lieu of answers from Squall. The commander couldn't meet her gaze, try as he might. "Guys, I know that this might come as a shock, especially because no one's been thinking about it much, but… Balamb Garden policy permits that only students that are twenty-years-old and younger are allowed to live and learn here." He paused and took in two lungfuls of air that didn't quite seem like enough. "This goes for SeeDs as well. Of course, you will still be necessary in the event that Garden is called upon to deploy its mercenaries. This can actually work to your benefit, you know…if you're living away from Garden, you might get different mission opportunities than you would if you were here…"

Commander Leonhart had very quickly exhausted his ideas. Nothing was going to make this news any easier. When he finally raised his eyes to meet his friends, he saw the tears trickling down poor Selphie's cheeks.

"This is our home, Squall…" The tiny girl whimpered, her fingers digging into the armrests of her chair. "Isn't there anything we can do?"

"What about Zell?" Irvine inquired. "And Rinoa?"

"They're in the same boat," Squall said simply. His expressions betrayed no feelings of uneasiness or grief. Little did they know that behind the desk, his stomach was churning like the tumultuous waves of a stormy sea. He took note of where his wastebasket was in the event that his nausea got the better of him.

Rinoa…she's not even SeeD…

"Of course, Quistis is staying to teach…" Selphie said to no one in particular. "And you stay, because Cid is retiring…" She leapt to her feet. "You're breaking up our family, Squall!"

"I'm not -"

"The hell you aren't." Irvine whispered, his reaction being much less volatile than Selphie's. "Where do you expect us to go?"

"Balamb, Timber, Winhill… I hear that the revitalization of Dollet is going well," Squall said. "You'd probably find great jobs there." His answer wasn't meant to be perceived as cold, but it was taken as such. At times like this, marble pillars and brick walls could still convey more emotion than Squall Leonhart.

"You're unbelievable, Commander." The cowboy stood, tipped his hat, and quickly exited the room. Matron's first rule was: if you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all. Irvine realized at that moment how applicable the rule truly was.

Selphie watched him go before turning back to Squall, who squirmed a bit in his swivel chair beneath her gaze. "Squall…does this bother you? Even in the teensiest bit?"

"Of course it does, Selph," he responded without a moment's hesitation. "I don't know what I'm going to do without you guys."

She put her hands on her hips and blew a strand of hair from her face. Her heart felt a pang for the young man, as she knew how difficult this decision must have been for him. Regardless, her overwhelming sense of camaraderie and family took over, leaving only feelings of betrayal. "I don't know either, Squall. But…I guess you've been living without us for a long time anyway. This shouldn't be too different for you."

"…"

With an exasperated sigh, Selphie stormed out of the room. The pamphlets remained on Squall's desk. Irvine's had been folded and unfolded, leaving a series of tiny creases and grooves over the faces of the cheerful cadets. The commander picked it up and scanned its contents, realizing that he had never done so before. It was a bunch of impersonal fodder, words and phrases that didn't sound like Cid Kramer at all. Of course, perhaps the reason why it sounded so distant was because neither Squall nor anyone else ever expected this day to come… Their days in Garden just seemed limitless.

"…whatever."

The single word uttered from Squall's lips sounded foreign and bizarre. For a seventeen-year-old antihero, it seemed perfectly fine. For a twenty-year-old fledgling headmaster…

Needless to say, Squall needed to bone up on his vocabulary a bit.

Good morning, and welcome to Gaia Railways. Due to minor construction along the route, our journey today from Balamb Town to Timber may be a bit bumpier than usual. We expect to arrive at the station in Timber in approximately one hour and forty minutes. Relax and enjoy your trip.

Rinoa gazed up at the ceiling as the sonorous female voice saturated the air. That was one thing she always pondered - why was it that people always stared to the sky when they heard a voice or sound that they couldn't place? Even she was guilty of the act, generally catching herself in time to see everyone else around her looking up at a wall clock or cloud, as if they were the keepers of the voices.

She was tempted to ask Zell, but closed her mouth as soon as she opened it. Her companion was sprawled out on the opposite end of the wraparound couch, eyes closed. Angelo was unconscious as well; the pooch had taken the liberty of occupying the available bed, to which neither Rinoa or Zell complained about. Until about ten minutes into the trip, they hadn't planned on falling asleep, but there was just something undeniably comforting about the mechanical ebb and flow of a train ride.

While the sorceress felt a bit queasy on trains, it was obvious that members of SeeD loved their special cabins. Really, all one had to do was ask Selphie about trains in order to get a forty-five minute explanation on how they were quite possibly the greatest form of transportation ever. Thankfully for this particular trip, Zell's relaxed state spoke just as loudly as Selphie, sans the actual volume.

Surprisingly, he hadn't said much when they boarded the train. Rinoa could tell that he had a lot on his mind and wasn't willing to draw out of him more than what he would volunteer. Instead, she rummaged through her knapsack and found a cherry-flavored lozenge which she now rolled around her tongue, savoring the taste. It reminded her of her mother…she always had a jarful next to her piano.

How cute…

Zell was a fidgety ball of neuroses and energy while awake; Rinoa almost expected him to look the same when taking forty winks. Every muscle in his body was relaxed…it must have felt nice, especially for a martial artist. When your body was your weapon, letting it loosen was likely a most welcome treat. With his unusual coif of hair falling in his face, Zell looked like a Chicobo at rest.

Suddenly, a thought crossed her mind.

"Lilia?"

Before her very eyes, the image of Lilia appeared - Rinoa mused that it almost seemed to be a very anticlimactic way of summoning a Guardian Force. The ghost was sitting on the floor, leaning against the wall nearest to the raven-haired girl. "May I help you?" Suddenly, she slapped her hand to her forehead. "Hyne, I feel like a genie."

"Have you been here the whole time?"

"Yes, I have…" Lilia trailed off, seeming uncharacteristically aimless. "Call it an effort to make you feel less obligated to entertain me."

Rinoa's lips curled into a confused frown. "Why do you say that?"

"I'm just lost in my own thoughts, I suppose." She lifted her chin to the ceiling and closed her eyes. "Ma Dincht… I lost my right to be called 'Ma,' haven't I?" The sorceress was about to respond, but Lilia simply lifted a finger. "She's a remarkable woman for letting Zell do this… It's selfless."

Ma Dincht truly was an exceptional woman - Rinoa nodded in agreement to Lilia's statement. They were heading into a situation with no predictable outcome. Mothers had a tendency to fear for their children's safety and would do everything in their power to shield them from danger, mercenary or not. Of course, it wasn't as if Zell's mother wasn't willing to protect him, but… She was aware of the fact that a life filled with doubt wasn't very fulfilling. Rinoa was blessed to not have the doubts in her life that her companions had.

Not only that, but Ma Dincht was confident. She knew that no matter the outcome, Zell would not move her from his heart. That was her boy, through and through.

"Do you think me selfish, Rinoa?"

It was an interesting question indeed.

"I…I don't know," The young woman answered truthfully. "There's a part of me that wonders what's going to happen to Zell if this…goes bad, I guess… And it scares me. I wonder whether or not he actually has to see his father if he's broken in order to feel whole." She paused, momentarily reminiscing about the countless conversations she shared with Zell about parentage. There wasn't a doubt in her mind that this was something he always wanted. "But then I realize that I never met anyone who needed their family more than Zell Dincht. Good or bad, he'll find a way to make it work in his favor." Neither of them spoke, instead listening to the quiet, wooden drone of the train as it raced over the tracks. A shiver crept its way down her spine, and she had to convince herself that it was merely due to the presence of a ghost in the room.

"Making him aware of who he is in exchange for eternal peace isn't quite that selfish, maybe." Rinoa shrugged and looked to Lilia, who had a small smile on her face. "Can you agree with that?"

The specter nodded. "I think so."

Both women decided to bide their time by watching Zell as he began to toss and turn. Rinoa sighed - quite often Squall did the same thing during the night. Sometimes it was easy to forget that her friends were mercenaries; riotous dreams came with the territory. Interestingly enough, since becoming a sorceress Rinoa noticed that her dreams became much more calming and fantastical. During the night, she was lying on a white-sand beach while her friends were battling a losing war with their misshapen memories…

"Poor kid," Lilia whispered. "He usually has pretty quiet dreams. Nothing like this."

"Really?" Rinoa was genuinely surprised. "I would think that everyone I know has nightmares at least four times a week from what we've seen in our lifetimes…"

"Deris used to have nightmares that were somethin' awful." The blonde recalled the memory of her husband and smiled, glancing away from both Rinoa and Zell. "Night terrors, they called 'em. He'd wake up screaming in the middle of the night, and I'd have to calm him down. I remember Zell waking up a couple times as a baby to that sound."

Rinoa let out a breathy laugh. "Trying to liberate Timber can do that to you…I know." Not realizing that she never divulged her freedom fighting days, she was surprised to see Lilia stare at her with rapt attention. "I was a member of the Forest Owls with Zone and Watts at one point a couple years ago."

"Were you now?" When Rinoa nodded, Lilia blinked her bright cerulean eyes in disbelief. How did this conversation not occur earlier? "Zone and Watts…they're good boys. They had great fathers. Amazing families, really. How did they grow up?"

"They're wonderful guys," The young sorceress said, smiling. She was happy to forge a common bond with the mother of her best friend. "Watts just absorbs information like a sponge, and Zone…is a character, to say the least."

Lilia simply smiled in response, the expression in her eyes indicative of the memories surfacing in her mind. Rinoa tried to imagine Zone and Watts as young boys in Timber, but couldn't do so without a comical image popping up. Zone had always been so attached to his naughty magazines that to see him without them was nearly impossible. And Watts! Even as a man, he was overwhelmingly polite and meek, almost the antithesis of a man involved in resistance.

"I'm probably going to leave you for awhile once we arrive in Timber," Lilia said wistfully. "I expect that I'll be seeing many of my old friends…you will, too."

"Ghosts?"

The blonde nodded. "I'd like you to follow me, and not talk to anyone else - with your gift, I suspect that it must be hard to distinguish who's alive and who's dead, eh? Don't want you talking to a ghost in the middle of the street and making yourself look insane!"

Rinoa nodded. "Fair enough." She knew that it was quite difficult, judging from her first experience with Janquais Cyncad. Not only that, but in a city like Timber there were bound to be countless ghosts that met untimely demises; unlike other locations, almost everyone in Timber was a contributor to the resistance movements of long ago. The thought of so many with unfinished aspirations left the sorceress with a bitter taste in her mouth. She imagined having all of her goals snatched away from her in one defining moment, but the scene came up murky. Hopefully, beyond this moment, she'd never have to think of it again.

As they both again began to mull over their thoughts, Lilia slowly disappeared. Rinoa's answer did not satisfy the ghost - if anything, she felt more troubled than ever before.

Selfish… I know I probably could have done this on my own. Of course. But…I know my purpose. When I find my husband, I'll find my peace…what's wrong with wanting to share that with my son?

Meanwhile, Rinoa found herself concerned for Zell's well-being. He was strong of both mind and body, but she wondered how much the young martial artist could take emotionally. Barring Amaris - who everyone knew was a little batty, probably from working all those years in the library - Zell never had his relationships challenged. His friends were steadfast, his mother doting…this trip shook up everything that he ever stood for.

Slowly, Rinoa leaned forward and situated herself on the couch so that she was lying on her stomach, her chin resting against folded forearms. In this position, she was only several inches from Zell's sleeping form, the citrus scent of his shampoo flooding her senses. Something about him just seemed so Hyne-damned vulnerable, and Rinoa wanted to believe that she could make everything all right. With a tentative hand, the sorceress reached out and laid her fingertips against Zell's golden strands, stroking them gently. His hair was surprisingly soft despite the incredible amount of product it must have required to keep it standing so straight in the front.

I want to protect you, Zell…

With her hand slowly caressing Zell's hair - back and forth, back and forth - Rinoa closed her pretty hazel eyes and lulled herself back onto the white-sand shores of her dreams…

A/N: Ah! I don't really know how I feel about this chapter...just another transitory piece. I think that once they actually get to Timber it'll be a lot more exciting. However, I do like the drama that's now going on at Balamb Garden. Personally, I always found it funny how fanfiction authors just assume that the gang hangs out at Garden forever - wouldn't you want to move on after awhile? Maybe, maybe not, BUT... I started a new FF8 saved game the other day, seeing as I haven't played it in years and years... And the little computer in Quistis's classroom states that all Garden students must leave after turning 20, regardless of whether or not they made SeeD. Interesting, eh? I never knew that. Hopefully I have shed new light upon ye! ^__^