Ages ago, I did this for New Moon, and Marcy loved it. She challenged me to redo it for Breaking Dawn. I couldn't resist a Marcy challenge. :D
JUST FOR FUN
1. Go to youtube dot com in another tab or window
2. Type in "American Pie Don McLean"
3. Sing THESE lyrics instead of the real ones
4. Smile
Not so long ago…
I can still remember
When Bella drove a big red truck
If the floor were wet she'd slip
I could always count on that girl to trip
Since she was always plagued with rotten luck
But with Breaking Dawn that all changed
Because in that book the plot got strange
All our jaws were dropping
When Bella's heart was stopping
I guess that Stephenie never said
That "vamps can't have kids because they're dead"
Who knows how we got misled
The day Renesmee arrived
My, my Mr. Vampire guy
You knocked up your wife
Conceived a life
Your very first try
And your human girl looked you right in the eye
And said "She's living…I don't care if I die"
"She's living…I don't care if I die"
The wedding was great of course
With Alice as the vital source
The kids at last said "I do."
But Jacob came and threatened the groom
After he mistakenly assumed
That they'd play checkers on their honeymoon
Well they took a boat to Isle Esme
Bella got bruised to Ed's dismay
He told her "no more sex"
Which made her very vexed
Snorkeling and hiking got old fast
With black lace things how could he last?
Finally Ed's resistance was surpassed
That's when Renesmee arrived
My, my Mr. Vampire guy
You knocked up your wife
Conceived a life
Your very first try
And your human girl looked you right in the eye
And said "She's living…I don't care if I die"
"She's living…I don't care if I die"
Meanwhile Jake formed his own pack
Since he was the heir of Ephraim Black
And he didn't want the baby killed
He described Edward as "the burning man"
And agreed to go along with his stupid plan
Of puppies…but Bella, of course, wasn't thrilled
Rosalie's wrath no one dared provoke
Bella's voice rasped bad whenever she spoke
Edward knew she was dying
Because he agreed to "trying"
From within the baby tried to sprout
Jake did CPR with a shout
Edward bit her uterus to get her out
The day Renesmee arrived
We were singing
My, my Mr. Vampire guy
You knocked up your wife
Conceived a life
Your very first try
And your human girl looked you right in the eye
And said "She's living…I don't care if I die"
"She's living…I don't care if I die"
Burning, yearning, Bella was turning
Our grossed-out stomachs were all churning
From watching our heroine vomit blood
Edward injected venom in her heart
She suffered silently and then woke with a start
Then sensations bombarded her like a flood
She kissed her man and then said "oops"
Killed a mountain lion in one fell swoop
So self-controlled for someone new
Edward said "honey, let's screw!"
They never really made it to the bed
They did it on the floor instead
Only their fourth time since they were wed
Two days after Renesmee arrived
We were singing
My, my Mr. Vampire guy
You knocked up your wife
Conceived a life
Your very first try
And your human girl looked you right in the eye
And said "She's living…I don't care if I die"
"She's living…I don't care if I die"
Jake imprinted on the half vamp kid
Of the tragic triangle the plot was rid
Causing our jaws to drop again
Sea monster and puppy fall in love
A blessing seemingly from above
Because now he can just be Bella's friend
The kid was as charming as her dad
And could share her thoughts, I might add
They were having such a blast
That of course it couldn't last
Irina saw in Renesmee an immortal child
And got the Volturi all riled
An army of witnesses Carlisle compiled
The day Renesmee cried
We were singing
My, my Mr. Vampire guy
You knocked up your wife
Conceived a life
Your very first try
And your human girl looked you right in the eye
And said "She's living…I don't care if I die"
"She's living…I don't care if I die"
We meet Vlad, Siobhan, and Kate
And a million vamps we can't keep straight
And learn that Bella is a shield
She frustruated little Jane
When she desperately tried to inflict pain
Defeated the Volturi had to yield
With Bella's powers Edward was ecstatic
Even though the battle was anticlimactic
Nahuel arrived from Brazil
And no one ended up killed
At home as she tried to unwind
She at last let Edward read her mind
The one thing he'd always been denied
From his new red-eyed bride.
We were singing
My, my Mr. Vampire guy
You knocked up your wife
Conceived a life
Your very first
And your human girl looked you right in the eye
And said "She's living…I don't care if I die"
"She's living…I don't care if I die"
We were singing
My, my Mr. Vampire guy
You knocked up your wife
Conceived a life
Your very first
And your human girl looked you right in the eye
And said "She's living…I don't care if I die"
"She's living…I don't care if I die"