Author's Note:

Well I'm back, and with another installment in the Things As They Should Be stories. I hope that people enjoy this one, I've been wanting to write it for a long time. If you haven't read the stories that led to this one I don't think it's a problem. Remember, this is a parody and so things won't always be perfectly cannon but I will do my best. Please remember to review! Thanks for reading!

Things As They Should Be: A Trip To Rivendell

Chapter #1:

"Listen to this," Arwen said to her husband Aragorn holding a letter that a courier had just brought. It was a rather pleasant day and the King and Queen of Gondor had been sitting in a quiet garden. "It is a letter from Sam."

"Who has gone crazy this time?" Aragorn asked. He did not sound as if this was an unexpected event and Arwen wasn't even a little shocked that he had asked such a question. But she did shake her head.

"No one," Arwen answered, "he is throwing Frodo a surprise birthday party and has invited us."

"Hmm," Aragorn mused stroking his beard as he thought, "I don't know whether we should…"

Some people might have found it a little odd that Aragorn did not immediately decide to attend the birthday party of a dear friend, with whom he had shared many adventures. Once again Arwen was not surprised by his actions. Aragorn's hesitation seemed quite natural in fact.

This would be because not all that long ago another very close friend of theirs, Legolas, had gone insane. Seriously and disturbingly insane. Driven out of his mind after reading one too many Mary Sue fanfics the elf had decided to do a little writing of his own. It would take a long time for the mental trauma to wear off any of them who he had forced to listen to him read it.

"I suppose it would be safe," Aragorn said finally, "after all, Sam if probably the sanest of all of the hobbits." Of course, what Aragorn didn't say was that that fact did not actually make Sam sane by normal standards. "And surprise parties are always fun," Aragorn concluded.

The day of the surprise party was cloudy, and it looked as if it might rain soon. The guests were gathered in Sam's house. It was decorated for the occasion and there was a great cake in the kitchen, which Rosie was standing guard over as Merry and Pippin had been eyeing it predatorily since they had arrived.

"It is a good thing that I planned an indoor party," Sam was saying to his guests, "seeing as how the weather isn't all that great."

Aside from Arwen and Aragorn there were quite a few other guests crammed into the house. Gandalf, Bilbo, Elrond, and Glorfindel were seated in one corner. Gimli, the ghost of Boromir, and Legolas were talking as they drank the finest ale in the Shire. Merry and Pippin were plotting on methods of getting to the food.

"Where are your children?" Arwen asked Sam.

"Oh they are staying at our friends' house," Sam answered, "things have been a little hectic here as we got ready and I thought they might get underfoot."

That was a lie however. The real reason was that Sam was worried about the corrupting impact this assembly might have on his poor innocent children. It was a valid fear given the occurrences of past get group events, namely Legolas and Aragorn's horrific attempts at fanfiction and Faramir's club devoted to the hatred of Denethor.

"So when is the guest of honor arriving?" Aragorn asked.

"Actually I am already here," Frodo said from behind Aragorn. The King of Gondor jumped three feet in the air as he turned to face the hobbit who had snuck up on him.

"Mr. Frodo!" Sam cried in shock.

"Surprise!" The rest of the guests chorused, though it sounded a little weak.

"We did not expect you for another hour," Rosie scolded Frodo.

"Well," Frodo shrugged grabbing a mug and filling it with ale, "I knew that you were planning a surprise party and I decided that I would rather do the surprising then be surprised."

"But how?" Sam gaped. "I was so careful to keep it a secret!"

"Pippin told me," Frodo answered simply.

"He dragged it out of me," Pippin defended himself as Sam turned to glare at him, "honest I did not mean to. He was just too persistent. And he had food!" Frodo chuckled, shaking his head. Rosie put a hand on Sam's arm to keep him from throttling Pippin.

"We will sing a song in honor of your birthday," Legolas told Frodo, "and I believe that Bilbo is going to recite some poetry."

"Actually," Frodo said, "I have something of my own that I would like to read."

From behind his back Frodo pulled out a large stack of parchment. The top parchment proclaimed, "Frodo Saves The Day: A Trip To Rivendell", in large ornate letters. Under that was the words, "A Fanfiction Masterpiece that defiantly is better then any written by elves or men."

"Eru save us," Elrond breathed.

"GET TO THE DOOR!" Gimli bellowed

He joined the party attendees, (except for Bilbo who didn't understand what was going on), as they all stormed the door. But when they went to pull it open they discovered that the door was locked. Only Boromir, being the only ghost there, was able to escape.

"Have fun suckers," he called behind him as he went.

"Damn you ghost/man/coward!" Aragorn shouted through the door.

"So no one wants to listen to my poem?" Bilbo asked in a confused voice. He was ignored.

"I took the liberty of locking the door so that you could listen without interruption," Frodo told them all calmly as he took a seat. Sam was privately regretting the decision to give Frodo a spare key. Frodo flipped to the second page of the pile of parchment. "Ahem. A dedication: To Legolas for inspiring me to chronicle events according to my own memory and giving myself the credit I so richly deserve."

"If I ever find out who introduced you to Mary Sue fanfiction their death will be horrible and painful," Gandalf muttered to Legolas. "Forget turning them into anything unnatural, I am going to ask Pippin to eat them alive."

"I would never eat someone alive," Pippin snorted.

"Pippin if you were forced to go without food for over a day you would eat rotting Oliphant that's been covered in mud," Sam snapped, still angry at Pippin for ruining his meticulously planned surprise party.

"You know not to sound pretentious but I would have thought that maybe I would have been the one to inspire Frodo to write," Bilbo said. "After all, I spent so long carefully writing down my adventures. I hadn't even realized that Legolas had written something."

"What Legolas wrote," Aragorn informed Bilbo, "was torture. Pure torture masquerading as literature."

"You are one to talk," Glorfindel growled. "Or have you forgotten the Christmas story that you subjected us to? The elves were delivering toys, Legolas was smelly, Gimli was dumb, and you were the hero. Is this ringing any bells?"

"Maybe…"

"And to think I was disappointed that I missed the Christmas get together," Bilbo said. He had gone very pale. Frodo began to speak, and everyone followed Bilbo's lead and went pale.