A/N: This had been bothering me for a while, and I promised myself --and others, you know who you are-- that I'd upload it. So here it is! Just a few warnings before I get on with it: don't trust me updating. Maybe I upload two chapters in a row, or maybe I'll give you one and not upload at all, or in months… So don't kill me for it. So you won't be so confused, Naruto and Sasuke are like 19, share an apartment, and go to college. Think Big Bang Theory, Leonard and Sheldon, m'kay? That's about it… Enjoy!

Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto. If I did, Uchihas wouldn't be so dead.

Meet The Uchihas

Chapter 1: Lucky Number Seven

Strategy 1: Always Ask First, Giving Reasons To Why He Should Accept Your Request

"I want to meet your family."

Naruto was losing it, Sasuke decided, as he choked upon the morning black coffee he had been pacifically drinking mere seconds ago, making the blonde on the other side of the table yelp in alarm and half-jump out of his seat.

He was probably just joking, Sasuke told himself, as Naruto bit his bottom lip guiltily --hard enough to draw a bit of blood, he noted-- and rushed over to the brunette's side.

Maybe he had misheard Naruto, Sasuke contemplated, as the other people at the café started looking over to them curiously, watching Naruto pat Sasuke's back with one hand and rub the back of his neck sheepishly with the other.

There was always the possibility of it all being a dream, Sasuke mused, as his violent coughing subsided and he cleared his throat instead, while Naruto softly indicated him to breathe in and out, now rubbing his back tenderly.

Naruto was fucking serious, Sasuke realized, as he glanced at the blonde only to see a tentative grin curving his lips up, expecting Sasuke's answer on the matter in hand.

"No."

"Whaaat?!" Naruto's face fell drastically "Aww! Come on, S'uke! Why can't I meet 'em?"

"Because I say so." Was the simple answer he received. Sasuke took another sip from his, shockingly enough, intact coffee, as if nothing had happened. The blonde pouted.

"B-but, Sasukeee!" He whined "You know my family, and pretty well, for that matter!" The stoic Uchiha just raised an elegant ebony eyebrow at him. He put the coffee mug down on the table "So?"

"So? So?!" Naruto straightened up, showing his true height to the whole café, who still had their eyes glued to the two boys "My family considers you part of my family, you bastard!"

"Again: so?"

"I want to be part of your family as you're part of mine!" Naruto kneeled down to match Sasuke's height as he sat, and took the pale hands into his own tanned ones "And I have a speech to convince you." Sasuke looked a bit hesitant about accepting, but he sighed in defeat.

"Go ahead." The blonde took a deep breath.

"I wanna get kicked out of the kitchen by the girls during Thanksgiving."

"You did get kicked out, remember? Hinata was willing to go very violent if needed to--"

"--Do. Not. Interrupt. Jerk." Naruto threatened him. He took a second deep breath "I wanna freak out when I loose your nephew at the park. I wanna glare along with everybody at your sheltered cousin's newest boyfriend. I wanna waltz with your brother because we're so hammered. I wanna steal bacon from your dad when he's not looking. I wanna help your mom clean the attic. I wanna hear your gramps' same war story over and over again, and be surprised every time."

The blonde took a second to examine Sasuke's expression. He seemed to be considering it, and there was the tiniest of smiles fighting to grace his lips.

"The point is, Sasuke, I wanna be there. Be part of it, 'cause it's part of who you are, and I love you. Yet it's up to you, and only you, whether if you're going to let me be there or not."

One his soft and rare smiles was now settled in Sasuke's features without a doubt. Naruto swallowed.

"So? Whaddya say?"

"I say… That's one of the sweetest speeches you have ever given me." The brunette squeezed Naruto's hands, making him grin foxily "And?"

"And you give me a lot of speeches."

The grin widened a notch, lighting up Naruto's face, and Sasuke could hear the excitement of it all in his voice "And?"

"And I think that…" The dreamy smile turned into a deep scowl abruptly "…Not in a million years. Now let go of my hands, loser." He shook said members off his own, and stood up with his black messenger bag, leaving the café and abandoning both the blonde and the coffee.

"B-b-but, but…!" Naruto blinked once or twice, before crossing his arms tightly and huffing "You fucking prick!"

Meanwhile, the other clients and the café's staff just stared.

Strategy 2: If You Can't Convince Him, A Third Party Will

"Naruto wants to meet your family."

At least, it seemed Kiba was saying that. Sasuke couldn't be sure, with Bat Country's guitar solo booming into his ears. He took out the ear plugs that provided him of such a thing.

"What did you say, Inuzuka?" He asked a little bit too loudly, still half-deaf from the music, earning himself shushes from the other people in the library. Kiba sat across from him.

"Naruto. Your family. Know what I'm talking 'bout, Uchiha?" Kiba leaned in, whispering harshly "He has been bothering me all week about it, and complaining to me that you won't let him meet them. So be honest with me, buddy," The Inuzuka's eyes narrowed slightly "Is the Uchiha pack a bunch of freaks or somethin' like that?"

Sasuke blinked, and then looked down to his medical textbook.

"I find them quite normal." Kiba snorted, and sat back, placing his hands behind his head "Then they must be weird. You aren't exactly the epitome of normal, if you know what I mean… Didn't you scare three psychiatrists away, after all?"

The darker-haired boy gave him the Uchiha Death Glare™ "Actually, Inuzuka, it was Sabaku who scared three psychiatrists. Get your facts right." He looked away "I only scared two…"

Kiba snickered "Whatever you say, Uchiha. Anyway, let's get real now. Why won't you let Naruto meet mom and dad? Does he embarrass you, maybe? 'Cause I've heard the Uchihas are really high class, and it'd make sense that you didn't want to introduce such a peasant like Naruto to them…"

Sasuke sighed tiredly, and turned his hands into fists to scratch his arms "Naruto doesn't embarrass me."

"Is your family the one that embarrasses you, then?"

"No," The Uchiha groaned "Nobody fucking embarrasses me."

Kiba tilted his head to the side "Not even an especially overly-cheerful Lee on an especially overly-cheerful day at the mall?"

"Not even him."

"Then why won't ya take Naruto to spend the holidays with your family, damn it?!" Kiba exclaimed, getting shushed instantly, making his cheeks redden, though one couldn't tell because of the red triangle tattoos on his cheeks and his tan skin.

"I'm not telling you fucking why! Figure it out yourself-- use the head on your shoulders once in your life, will you?" Sasuke said as loudly as one could when whispering. He placed the ear plugs back on their place, and mouthed a 'get the fuck out of here' at Kiba, who grumbled something, but stood up and left anyhow.

At the library's entrance, Naruto was waiting him. The blonde looked at him hopefully "So?"

"He's not budging, Blondie!" The brunette scratched the back of his neck and shrugged "I'm guessin' he's serious about not letting you meet them. Sorry."

"Oh, I'll make him budge." Ocean blue eyes narrowed dangerously and a smirk took over Naruto's face, giving him a sinister look "You just wait."

"Dude. I get your point and everything," Kiba started "But you gotta act so doctor Frankenstein about it?"

"Hiya! This is Sasuke and Naruto you're reaching. Right now we can't talk to you because we're having hot steamy sex."

"No, we're not."

"Don't ruin the tape, you asshole! Uh, anyway, y'all know what to do, don't ya? All you have to do is leave your thang right about… Now."

BEEP!

"Sasuke. You're living with someone else and didn't tell us?" A whistle "You're going to be in so much trouble, young one…" The man over the line chuckled "This is me, Obito, calling on behalf of your mother about Christmas! We're holding it at your parents' home this year. You coming, or there's no need to buy you a truck full of tomatoes?"

BEEP!

Strategy 3: Use Public Advertising

Inari was happy.

No, scratch that-- Inari was ecstatic.

It wasn't every day, after all, that his father had a day off at the police station, and used it to spend it with Inari at a football game. Even grandpa had come! And that was an uncommon event all by itself, as the lazy old man would have preferred zillions of time staying at home and being pampered by his daughter than going to see a bunch of grown men act like animals over a piece of leather.

So, Inari was ecstatic, eating his hot dog as they waited for the half-time to stop, watching the message board turn and turn.

"Hey, dad," The little boy tugged at his step-father's sleeve, pointing with his hot dog towards the message board "What does it say there?" Even though he couldn't read, Inari knew that most advertises had lots of colours and pictures. This one, however, was white with black bold letters. He had seen one like it once, about saying no to drugs, but this didn't have the same letters.

Kaiza turned to the ad, and cocked his head to the side "It says 'Sasuke, let me meet your family'." He chuckled "Hey, Tazuna. Take a look at that!"

Tazuna, the oldest of the three males, squinted to read the ad, before bursting into laughter "Well, isn't someone a pushy girlfriend! She must've paid a whole lot of money to put that up!"

"At least my salary in a year," Kaiza said, ruffling Inari's hair "Inari, when a girl does that, you take my advice: run."

Inari beamed at him and gave him a thumbs up "Okay, dad!"

"I SAID FUCKING NO!" A few rows down, a pale boy with a backwards black cap yelled, seething, as he threw his soda at the blonde boy that had been sitting next to him. As the blonde choked on his shock, the pale one stormed off, stomping at every step he took.

"S-Sasuke!" The blonde exclaimed once he recovered from the impact, going after the other one "I had to pay more than what a cop wins in a year to put that up! Believe it!"

Tazuna blinked. Kaiza blinked. Inari took a bite from his hot dog.

"I guess then he must've spent a whole lot of money to put that up and stick to his pushy boyfriend's ways." Tazuna commented. Kaiza sulked next to him.

"More than my salary in a year."

Strategy 4: Get Him Into The Mood To Say Yes

"Hi, Sasu." Naruto greeted the brunette with a little smile.

"Exactly how many nicknames do you have for me?" Sasuke asked him, and heard Naruto snicker behind him, before feeling a gentle yet firm grip on both of his shoulders.

"My, my, Sasuke. You're so tense! How 'bout I give you a massage, eh?" Without waiting for the answer, Naruto slipped Sasuke's plan grey t-shirt from him, and started rubbing his shoulders. The Uchiha frowned for a moment, but then fell into the touch, closing his eyes.

He hadn't gotten a massage from Naruto in ages. He had forgotten how good it felt.

Sasuke let out a pleased sound, and Naruto grinned inwardly. He hadn't lost his touch just yet.

Naruto moved from the shoulders to the back and massaged it, too. They were at it for almost an hour, and then the blonde stopped, making Sasuke sigh in disappointment as he opened his eyes.

"Thanks, loser. I really needed that." Naruto was smirking seductively now at him "I figured. After all, med school is so hard… I should know, I go with you. Besides, the holidays are always a stressful time, and you're such a workaholic… I guess I deserve a prize for helping you relax. Don't you think so, Sasuke?"

"Yeah." Sasuke slipped back into his t-shirt "Tell me, Naruto, what you want as a prize?"

"Oh, I don't know…" Naruto pretended to be pondering it "…Maybe you could… Introduce me to your family?"

Sasuke smirked back at him "Nice try, hot stuff. The answer's still no."

"Hiya! This is Sasuke and Naruto you're reaching. Right now we can't talk to you because we're having hot steamy sex."

"No, we're not."

"Don't ruin the tape, you asshole! Uh, anyway, y'all know what to do, don't ya? All you have to do is leave your thang right about… Now."

BEEP!

"Hi, Rave'. It's me again, Rab'. Aunt Miki's really pushing for an answer, and I have a championship comin' up. So when you're ready, and it better be soon, call her directly. Hurry up, you. It's only two weeks for Christmas, and if you're not there this year, heads are gonna roll. By the way, who's Naruto?"

BEEP!

Strategy 5: Good Ol' Bribery

"Sasuke, do you know where I'm coming from?"

"From the mall." Sasuke said absently, not bothering to look away from the muted TV set.

Naruto nodded "Correct. And guess what I got?"

"Clothes in other colour than orange."

"No," The blonde sounded mildly peeved, but he didn't let his grin fall from his face "It's something much more better than that."

"It's 'much better', moron," Sasuke finally tore his eyes from the TV and fixated them on Naruto "And what could possibly be better than you realizing there's more colours in the rainbow?"

"Hey, you're one to talk, bastard!" Naruto exclaimed angrily, a vein popping on his right temple like every time he was annoyed, and pointing an accusing finger at Sasuke "All you ever wear is blue and black, and black doesn't even count because it's a shade, and it's not--"

"--Off topic, Naruto." Sasuke interrupted the rant with an exasperated tone "Just tell me what you got."

The grin was back full force "Right! It's something real special, and just for you, the most amazing person who has ever walked on the face of this planet!"

"Quit the ass-kissing."

"You know you like it. Anyway, I got you… Drum rolls, please…" Naruto took two tickets from his back pocket "Tickets for Avenged Sevenfold!"

"WHAT?!"

On the other side of the city, in middle of her yoga class, Haruno Sakura looked up and blinked, convinced she had just heard her medicine major peer and platonic love, Uchiha Sasuke, screeching. She shook her head, brushing it off as hallucinations caused by being exposed to his sexiness for too long during classes.

"Uh-huh! That's right! And they can be yours on one condition!" Naruto informed him, raising an index finger to prove his point.

"What condition?" Sasuke clasped his hands together, as if praying, looking at the blonde in a mix of adoration and disbelief. He bit his bottom lip when Naruto's grin turned into a smirk.

"I get to meet your family."

Onyx eyes narrowed dangerously "That's playing dirty, you fucking…"

"I know. So," Naruto waved the tickets in front of Sasuke's face, taunting him "What's your choice? Lots of head-banging and sick guitar solos combined with excellent lyrics on exchange of visiting other Uchiha people? Or would you rather stay in this apartment, and get as only music a drunken Kiba singing Christmas carols?"

It was a tough decision. Naruto knew that, and thought he was pretty sure of Sasuke's answer.

So he couldn't help but to be surprised when Sasuke stood, his trademark sarcastic smirk in place, and just shrugged.

"Ah, well! I'll just have to wait 'till the next time Avenged Sevenfold comes to Konoha, won't I?" He winked at Naruto and left towards his room, leaving the blonde to gape like a goldfish all by himself.

Strategy 6: Act Angry

"Loser, make some room, will you?"

Naruto just puffed his cheeks, looking oddly like a hamster, and turned around. Shikamaru blinked at his antics, and then looked over at Sasuke, who if anything, appeared vaguely amused.

"Okay, Uchiha, spit it out-- what are you two fighting about this time?"

"Naruto over here," Sasuke said "Wants to meet my family. And I," He motioned to himself "Being the big mean monster he says I am, won't let him."

"You're too small to be a big mean monster. You're a little mean monster." Naruto mumbled, Sasuke smirked.

"You're talking to me again? Ah, damn. Just when I was starting to enjoy the silence!"

Naruto snapped his head in Sasuke's direction "Then I'mma talk to you 'till your ears bleed!"

Shikamaru sighed "You two are so troublesome. Whatever happened to the 'I love him too much to hurt him' your relationship was so filled with?"

"It was never there in the first place, man," Sasuke answered, shrugging "We would beat each other into a bloody pulp every day if we could. Other activities keep us occupied, though."

"I don't want to know nothing about your troublesome life together, so shut it."

"You told me to spit it out!"

Strategy 7: Pretend You Gave Up

Sasuke only found himself changing his mind when Naruto gave him a sad excuse of good-night, because he was a big softie when it came to the blonde. He had charmed his way into Sasuke's heart and wasn't planning on leaving any time soon, and Sasuke now had to deal with the consequences of that.

He knew Naruto was manipulating him, turning his back like that to him to say he was depressed, always with his head down, not trying to make a move on Sasuke when he was cooking dinner, and giving only monosyllabic answers to any questions anyone asked.

Sasuke hated how it worked every time.

"Fine," He growled out "You win."

"Uh?" Naruto mumbled, faking a groggy voice "Didn't hear you…"

"I said…" Sasuke sighed-- he seemed to be doing that a lot lately and he felt more sighing was to come "…That fine. You can meet my fucking family if you want it so badly."

"Really?!" Before he knew it, Sasuke was pulled into a tight embrace he returned half-heartedly "Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you! You won't regret this I promise! We have to call them now, don't we? Tell them you're coming-- don't think I didn't hear those messages from Obito and Rab. Whoever that is… They sounded like the same person, you know? And he called you Rave… Oh, oh, oh! I get it! Those are nicknames!"

"Pass me the phone, Naruto." Sasuke asked, and Naruto nodded vigorously as he did as told. The brunette pressed a few buttons and waited for someone to answer on the other side of the line, swinging his free arm over his eyes as if trying to shield him from an inexistent light.

"Hello, Uchiha residence. How may I help you?" A kind and warm female voice asked. Sasuke almost smiled, realizing how much he had missed her "Hi, mom. It's me, Sasuke."

"Sweetie, hi! You haven't called in a while, and I know what you're calling for: Christmas. Will you be here?"

"Actually, yes. I will be there. And…" He fidgeted a little and made a pause, looking over to Naruto, who smiled reassuringly "…I'm bringing someone with me."

"You are? That's a first."

"Hope it's not a problem or anything…"

"No, no, no! I'm just surprised-- you never made much friends during childhood, sweetie. Konoha has done you good, hasn't it?" His mother giggled, and he smiled nervously.

"I s'ppose. Gotta go now, mom. It's kinda late."

"Oh, of course. You go to sleep now-- if I see you coming with dark bags under those eyes of yours, you're going to be in trouble! Bye, sweetie. I love you!"

"Bye, mom. Love you, too." The line went dead and Sasuke let out a breath he didn't know he had been holding.

"There. It's done." Naruto hugged him again.

"This is going to be great. I can feel it!"

So can I, Sasuke thought, grimacing. It'd go alright, wouldn't it? Naruto was just as insane as his family, so surely they would accept him as one of them. He wouldn't be freaked out. There was no reason to worry.

…Right?

A/N: There! Chapter one! I'm already writing the second one. So tell me what you think and stuff. Bye!

--Not Really Yours