Oh my gosh guys, this chapter fought me the WHOLE WAY. If I were not on exam leave and in possession of stupid amounts of free time (most of which, I'll admit, I should be using for revision), this would have been really, REALLY late.

Even now I'm not totally 100% happy with this chapter. I could really, really use some constructive critiscism. Be mean to me, I don't mind! I really want some help :(

Symphoniafan: HUGE GENERAL THANKS. ^^

Dieuwtjin: Hacking, eh... You have a good point, where do he computer skills come from? Probably the first 12 years of her life, I guess, which were spent in Tethe'alla (Heimdall?), so maybe she did get the word there...
True... Uh... It's a person in ToS *shifty look* I actually spent a long time thinking it was named after a person, sooo... But yeah, you have a good point, noted.
Eh... Maybe it is *helpless shrug* Maybe Lloyd was just looking for a way out of the telling off XD
There's been little bits... I've been trying to put them together quite a bit in the past chapters, they often have talks about the archaeology they're around, and things like that. But eh, maybe the little bits really were too little...
It's a good point, once more. I dithered over that section for a while, it went through a lot of changes (just ask my beta, XD). And I don't mind you sounding overly harsh, it's not like you just said "This sucks, fool!" Which would have offended me somewhat XD I really do appreciate the time you take to review. Thank you ^^

LikeaGlintofLight: This chapter, my friend ^^

Sholay: Yay! A new reviewer! And such a long review, too! I've tried to put Genis in more like you said, in fact, I'll have to admit that I do forget that Colette exists, period Genis is... A very hard character to write, I've found so far. The thing with Kratos, Lloyd, Forcy, Raine and Sheena to an extent is that they speak to me. I find it somewhat easier to... Get under their skin? It's kinda hard to describe... I usually use a lot of hand gestures when I try, so I'll giv eup now XD But yeah, I've taken your comment and tried to act on it.
The Lloyd's Shirt Enigma is dealt with in the chapter ^^ And the Masker... I did think that I'd written him taking it off, but, on rereading, it appeared that I'd only thought it and not typed it, which does happen on occasion Either way, it's no longer on his person. Sorry about that
And, of course, THANK YOU. Your review was a very pleasant surprise ^^

Kohaku: Thanks ^^

Ethargh: I've tried. ^^
The thing with Kratos and Lloyd is, would you instantly think that Kratos is your father? The fact remains that Lloyd still believes that Kratos is 24. They don't actually learn that angels don't age until they go to the Latheon Gorge, I believe. So, for Lloyd at least, it's somewhat nonsensical to think "oh yeah, maybe he's that father that ran off and left me all those years ago." That's not to say Lloyd didn't pick up on those hints (despite dying at the time, for some of them), it's just that he doesn't jump to the correct conclusion from them.
And all that for someone who was probably just joking XD

Finally... THANK YOU TO MY BETA, freakyanimegal, for her help with this chapter. Oh boy did it need it. Anyway, I'm posting this and going to bed now, for I have TWO exams tomorrow. That's over three hours straight in the exam hall. Doing MATHS. Heaven help me.

Disclaimer: Do not own.

Chapter four: Those Who Cannot Cry

Lloyd sat in the ruins of a Luin house, a needle and thread in one hand, slowly stitching back together his torn top. The front of it had stained a dark red; even the buttons had crusted brown with his own blood, to the extent that it was impossible to tell that it had ever been a lighter red. It made Lloyd feel strange, slowly stitching together something possibly permanently died darker with his own blood, and made him think long and hard about his own mortality.

He'd never really considered that any of the group might die, not even when he'd been attacked by the giant plant. They had Kratos, they had Forcystus, they had Raine, all of whom were strong, the strongest people in the world in his eyes; but kneeling there, in front of Kvar, defeated partly by his own stupidity, partly by circumstance but mostly by bad luck, and seeing Kratos hover, hesitate, unable to move had reminded him that they weren't perfect, they were only human, they could be cut, they could die, and there was a chance that the healing magic might not be enough.

Kratos had given up a part of his own life for him.

Lloyd still couldn't fathom this. Why, why had he done it? As much as he trusted the mercenary now – despite the burning questions that were stuck in his mind and refused to let go until they had answers – he hadn't known him long, in fact if his relationship with Forcystus was anything to go by he'd probably known him for the least amount of time out of the entire group. It couldn't have been more than a month since he'd broken out – he hadn't been keeping a close enough track of that, he admitted, but it hadn't been long, even if it seemed like it. So why, why had he made such a tremendous sacrifice for him? It was just another one of those things that Lloyd didn't understand about him.

He finished the stitching and stood up. The night was wearing on, the others asleep around him – bar Colette and Kratos, both of whom were strangely absent from the little hut.

Lloyd picked his way across the broken floorboards, using a level of caution he hadn't employed since his time in the Ranch to get outside without making a sound, then jogged down to the lake, where he knelt on the grass and washed his top, trying to get the worst of the blood and grime out of it. The fact that its colour when wet was almost identical to its colour when bloodstained was not helpful in that endeavour.

He wrung it out as best he could, unable to see the colour of the water in the dark but hoping he'd at least got most of the blood out, and flapped it a couple of times in the wind. He found himself wishing he had magic once more, this time so he could dry it out with ease. The night was cold, and he was feeling it without any upper-body clothing to speak of.

Shivering in the night air, he slung his shirt over his back, spread out to try and aid with drying, and went for a walk. He couldn't sleep – his mind refused to shut down, almost as though sleep was something it no longer wanted to consider. The feeling was strange, and rather irritating, because Lloyd was certain the shirt would be dry by the morning, and sleep would make that time come much sooner.

He walked over to the closet bridge, one that had been smashed to pieces by Kvar's soldiers and rendered entirely uncrossable. He sat on the broken edge, pulled off his boots and dangled his feet in the water, willing his mind to register his tiredness. He was sure he should be feeling tired, nearly dying would do that to a person, wouldn't it? Yet he wasn't.

Sighing with a mixture of pent-up frustration and anger, he leant backwards, his feet splashing in the lake water with a sound that carried in the empty night. All those niggling little things that had been nothing on their own were suddenly adding up into one huge pile of frustrating, unanswered questions, and whilst normally it would make sense to trust the man who had saved your life several times, Lloyd, for the first time, was finding himself doubting him.

He got up, kicked his feet in the air a few times and rubbed them on the grass to dry them, pulled his boots back on and set off to find wherever Kratos had got to. He needed answers. And he needed them now.

"Kratos!" He called, seeing the mercenary stood in front of the ruins of a house, and Kratos turned to him with an expression more melancholic than Lloyd had ever seen. "…Are you ok?" He asked uncertainly, struck by the sadness in his face. "Is this place… Special, or something?"

"She lived here," Kratos murmured, turning back to look at charred beams, the broken roof, the bloodstained timber. "My wife. She lived here." Lloyd walked up, silent, and looked at the ruins.

"Before… Kvar?" He asked softly. Kratos nodded, once, and sighed.

"Yes, and before me," he agreed. "You should be sleeping." Lloyd twisted one foot on the ground, feeling strangely guilty.

"I couldn't," he replied. "It's like, I know I should, and I want to, but my mind won't shut down." He laughed softly. "Guess my insomnia's almost as bad as yours." Kratos sighed, sensing the accusation threaded into the joke.

"And because you cannot sleep, you have come to me for answers," he responded. Lloyd nodded, his face set now, and Kratos looked up at the stars, his face impassive. "Are you afraid of death, Lloyd?" He asked, not looking at the boy. Lloyd looked back at the ruin in front of them, and at the destruction surrounding them.

"I think everyone is, just a little bit," he replied eventually. "Like, they say they aren't, but I think everyone would be afraid of death, because it's just so… Final. And nobody really knows what happens when they die. I mean, they say you go to be with Martel, but how do they know that's true? How can it be true?" Lloyd scuffed his foot in the dirt once more. "I never used to think about it. Now I've nearly died twice, and I think… I think I respect the power that could cause it, but I'm not really that afraid of death any more. Because… I've seen a lot of people die. Even when I was little there was death around me. We all die, in the end, right? So… There's no use in being afraid, even if you are." Kratos made a small, slight noise.

"You know so little," he murmured. "Very well. Come with me… Away from here. I'll tell you what you want to know." He looked at Lloyd properly then, worry in his eyes. "Hopefully then your mind will let you sleep."

There seemed to be more than the usual amount of pleading hope in his sentence than Lloyd would have expected.

They went up on top of the hill behind the Inn, Lloyd trying to ignore the ruins that were all that remained of the Katz stand. The Katz themselves had fled before the attack, since they hadn't been seen or found by anyone afterwards, but the reminder of the destruction was still there.

"Ask," Kratos told Lloyd, his voice soft, regretful. "I will answer you as honestly as I can."

"As you can?" Lloyd repeated dubiously, but Kratos didn't seem too inclined to answer that particular question at all, so he picked at the grass absently and thought about how to phrase the many, many questions he had in a way that wouldn't make him seem like an idiot. "…Are you an angel?" He settled for. That seemed to be the easiest way to ask about everything that didn't add up. One question with one answer.

Kratos sighed softly, running a hand back through his unruly hair.

"Yes," he replied, and the simplicity of it stunned Lloyd into a temporary silence. Despite what Kratos had said, he had expected him to dance around it, to deflect him, or even to outright deny it, not to just admit it. He shook his head.

"You…" He murmured, looking over at Kratos. The mercenary – the angel – was looking at the grass beneath his feet, a quiet kind of melancholy reflected in his face.

"I despised them," He told Lloyd softly, still not looking at him. "The angels. I hated them." He looked up at the sky. "I still do." He closed his eyes, and his face looked weary, tired.

"But you eat," Lloyd mumbled, as though wanting to prove his own conclusion, Kratos' own confession, wrong. Kratos nodded. "Oh! Are you… Are you like Forcystus? H-he eats. He's…" Lloyd trailed off as Kratos shook his head, turning his rust-red eyes on Lloyd.

"If you did not want to know," he asked, his voice barely more than a whisper, practically inaudible to Lloyd, "why did you ask?" Lloyd turned away, clenching his fists.

"I just want to be able to trust you," he muttered, his teeth gritted. "I want to know what's going on. Why… Why would you…" Kratos sighed.

"And so the angels bore the Chosen one, who headed towards the Tower that reached up unto the heavens," he quoted.

"Forcystus said she was a lie," Lloyd murmured. "The Goddess Martel. That she isn't… What we think she is." Kratos closed his eyes.

"She isn't," he agreed. "But who is?" He laid one hand over his heart, and his wings spread from his back, casting a soft blue glow over them both. Lloyd couldn't suppress the gasp, clenching his fists so hard his fingernails dug into his palms in an effort to stop his instinct to reach out.

Blue light.

"Go on," Kratos offered, his voice hushed, his face turned away, and Lloyd did start to reach out, but snatched his hand away almost instantly, feeling guilty.

"I can't," he replied softly. It felt so surreal to him, still. Everything was too surreal. "Why… If you're an angel, why are you helping us?"

"Does being an angel make me evil by definition?" Kratos returned. "Is an angel not supposed to personify good?"

"You said yourself that they don't," Lloyd muttered sullenly. "Are you one of Yggdrasill's, then? Another one of his pawns, like Forcystus?" He glared at the elder man, who couldn't meet his eyes, looking away. "How far does being on our side go? For as long as Yggdrasill wants?"

"I am on your side, Lloyd," Kratos responded. "Always." The wings disappeared, plunging them both into darkness once more. "Always and forever." Lloyd shook his head, looking away.

"Why?" He asked. "Why are you on our side? What have we ever done for you?" This question seemed to stump Kratos; he paused, made a sad noise, and turned away.

"Many reasons," he replied eventually. "I am sorry, Lloyd, but… That is not a question I can answer for you fully." Lloyd sighed, kicking the dirt in frustration. His mind still felt awake, buzzing, unable to shut down.

"Explain," he requested softly. "Explain what it means… To be an angel." Kratos sighed wearily.

"What it means to be an angel…" He repeated. "The meaning behind it…" He shook his head. "I don't know if I really can. To be an angel is to be twisted, to no longer be human."

"Will you lose your humanity, then?" Lloyd demanded. "Will you become like Colette?" Kratos frowned slightly.

"Not like Colette, no," he responded. "She is different. She is the Chosen." He rested his head in one hand, looking out over the hill, thoughtful. "The Angel Transformation affects different people to different extents. I believe the Key Crest on my Exsphere might have influenced mine." Lloyd glanced over at the blue gem set into his hand, glimmering in the starlight, and looked at his own, his special Exsphere. The special human… "I eat, but I…" Kratos started once more, breaking off with an unhappy noise. "I do not feel touch, I have no sensation of hot or cold. I do not need the food I can eat, either. I am… I am not human. Not any more." He lowered his head, eyes closed. "The Chosen is different, as is Forcystus. Forcystus is…" He frowned, and shook his head. "Was unique." He looked over at Lloyd. "Lloyd. Would it be too much to ask for your silence?" Lloyd bit his lip, playing with his fingers.

"Why do you want to hide?" He responded eventually. "Why does Forcystus? Why is it so bad to be an angel?"

"To be one of Cruxis?" Kratos replied with his own question. "Think, Lloyd. If you were one of the others, how would you respond?" Lloyd thought of Genis and Raine, and Sheena, then sighed and shook his head.

"…I'll stay quiet," he agreed. "Because… Because I trust you, Kratos." Kratos stood up then, turning to face the opposite direction to Lloyd.

"If you have questions in future, do not come to me," he told him gently. "Go to Forcystus. He will speak to you… He will tell you what you want to know in a far better manner than I." Lloyd nodded slowly.

"Kratos," he started as the mercenary started to walk away. "Your last name. It's Aurion, isn't it?" Kratos looked away.

"Yes," he responded softly. "I'm sorry." Lloyd twirled a piece of grass around his finger until it broke.

"Thanks," he murmured. "For answering." He twisted around to look at him. "I still trust you." Kratos had put his mask back on once more, his face impassive, emotionless.

"I understand," he replied simply, walking away, leaving Lloyd in the dark, still wide awake, to think on things.

He sat there for the whole night, and by the time morning came, he was still wide awake and rather cold, although his top was dry, which was something of a bonus. He couldn't help but think that he had been rather stupid to wash it in the middle of the night.

He was still sat on the hill, thinking, when Genis came up and poked him just after sunrise.

"Hey, Lloyd, Raine's looking for you," he told him. "It's breakfast. Why're you up here… So early in the morning? It's not like you to get up before midday." Lloyd glared at him.

"I couldn't sleep," he replied, standing up. "Eh, I'm not in trouble, am I?" Genis laughed.

"Depends how quickly you get back!" He replied, sticking his tongue out at Lloyd and running off.

"Wh- hey! Genis!" Lloyd protested, running after him, only realising then that his back was soaked with dew, and it wasn't nice.

"Ooh, breakfast!" Lloyd remarked happily, pouncing on the plate Raine had in her hand and wolfing it down, much to Raine's lack of amusement.

"And just where did you sneak off to, young man?" She demanded.

"I was just up on the hill. Sorry, Professor," Lloyd replied in between bites. "I couldn't sleep last night, so I went for a walk." Kratos, who had been cooking, sighed softly at this.

"You haven't had any sleep?" Forcystus repeated. "That's not good for you, Lloyd." Lloyd shrugged, putting the now-empty plate down.

"My brain was awake," he replied lamely. "'Sides, I'm fine." Raine folded her arms.

"If you keel over due to lack of sleep today, don't expect any sympathy from me," she threatened. "I'll be watching you tonight, and I expect you to get some sleep, young man." Lloyd swallowed nervously.

"…Yes Professor…" He responded in a small voice.

"Are you sure you're ok, Lloyd?" Colette asked, her face a picture of concern. Lloyd looked away.

She is different. She is the Chosen.

"Yeah," he replied. "Just fine."

Sheena awkwardly offered the option of going to Hima, the journey there being shorter than to Asgard. Kratos and Raine had a quiet, but nevertheless heated, discussion about it, and eventually agreed that doing so was the best bet.

Lloyd found himself on Noishe's back, much to his irritation. No amount of protesting that he was perfectly fine in every way would convince Kratos otherwise, and once he had Raine and Forcystus on his side, Lloyd had been doomed. Genis and Colette walked with him, chatting to him as he glared at Kratos as evilly as he could manage.

"Welcome to Hima!" a cheery-looking man greeted as the group walked into the town, the sun setting on the horizon. "The Inn is just down that way, on the left. Enjoy your stay!"

"Everyone is always so cheery," Forcystus remarked, clearly not impressed by this fact. "Well, I suppose I'll go elsewhere if you're all headed to the Inn. They won't want filthy half-elf scum in their respectable establishments, after all!" He smiled cheerily, and walked away before any of them could protest.

"…I've been here before," Sheena admitted. "They know me at the Inn. If you want, I can go and get us rooms." Raine nodded.

"This is an ideal opportunity to re-stock our supplies," she decided. "Kratos and I shall visit the vendors. The three of you may do what you wish – but keep an eye on Lloyd. I don't want him falling asleep where he stands." Lloyd muttered something sulky at that.

Colette dragged them to the Church of Martel, and prayed in front of the altar whilst Lloyd and Genis sat in the pews, watching her. Lloyd thought of all the things she was hiding, the way she must surely be suffering, everything Kratos had told him…

She can't feel any more, he thought, hearing the low murmur of her prayer but unable to actually catch the words. She doesn't feel pain, or hot, or cold, she doesn't sleep, she doesn't eat… She can't even cry. He clenched his fists. She's… She losing her humanity. Genis turned in the pew to look at Lloyd, concerned by his behaviour.

"Everything ok?" He asked, clearly thinking that the lack of sleep had caught up with Lloyd at last. Colette stopped praying to look over at them

"That's what being an angel means," Lloyd whispered, despite Colette's gaze. It means no longer being human. Despite how soft Lloyd's tone had been, Colette looked away. Her enhanced hearing, another angelic transformation. "Yeah, Genis, it's nothing," he replied at a more audible volume. "Just… Thinking about things." Genis seemed sceptical, but shrugged and didn't push the issue. And I… I'm just letting it happen! Lloyd realised, looking up at Colette, who was still stood, but turned away. "Colette," he called across, and she turned to look at him, worry in her eyes. "Are you… Ok?" She seemed perplexed by this.

"I don't know what you mean…" She replied uncertainly.

"That makes two of us," Genis remarked wryly. Lloyd sighed.

"The others will be back at the Inn by now, right?" He asked Genis, who nodded, not sure where this was leading. "Right. Come back to the Inn with me, will you both? There's… There's something I need to talk to you all about." The two of them nodded, Colette saddened and Genis confused, and followed him out of the Church.

When they got out of the Church, they found that it was raining, a semi-torrential downpour that somehow managed to be muggy and warm at the same time.

"Bah! Now I'm all wet," Genis complained when they reached the Inn, shaking his arms to try and get the rain off them, and trying to find something dry on him to get the water off his Kendama, which would apparently be less useful when soaking wet.

"Hey guys," Sheena greeted. "Is it that wet?" Raine and Kratos came in through the door as she said that, both of them soaking wet and Raine looking very irritable about it.

"It is very much 'that wet'," Raine agreed. "And I am in dire need of a towel." Sheena rummaged around in the packs, which she had been looking after, and eventually produced one which she passed over to a very grateful Raine.

"Hi," Forcystus greeted, sticking his head in through the window. "You think I can sneak in? It's soaking wet. The weather is clearly trying to live up to your presence, Raine." Aforementioned teacher glared at him for that comment, and Kratos helped him to clamber in through the window. "Phew!" He remarked, brushing a hand over his hair to try and get rid of the worst of the water. "Not my kind of weather." Lloyd looked around.

"Guys… I have something to tell you all," he started. "Colette's been hiding. She can no longer feel, or sleep, or eat. Every time she releases a Seal, she becomes less human." Sheena gasped in surprise, and Colette looked away as all of the eyes in the room turned to her. "That's what becoming an angel means!" Lloyd started, determined once more. "It means losing all of what makes her human!" Forcystus looked away as Kratos made a sad noise, regret in his eyes.

"Losing her humanity…" Sheena murmured.

"Colette…" Genis started. "Why didn't you tell us?" She looked away.

"And by the end… I don't know what's going to happen," Lloyd mumbled, looking up at Kratos and Forcystus. Forcystus seemed openly troubled, but Kratos was looking away, his face an impassive mask once more.

"She'll be the only angel in the whole world," Genis murmured. "It'll be so lonely…" Kratos made a slight noise.

"Not… The only angel," he responded, walking swiftly across the wooden floor of the Inn and brushing past Lloyd, pausing with one hand on the teen's arm. "Take care of her, Lloyd."

"I will," the teen promised, determination in his eyes, and Kratos sighed and walked out, into the rain, the door slamming with a kind of finality behind him.

"Ah… That's…" Raine started uncertainly, and Forcystus sighed softly, closing his eyes with a shake of his head. Colette sighed.

"Don't worry, Professor," she told her. "I'm sorry to worry everyone! Right now, everything's a little difficult, but once I become a real angel, things will be a lot easier. So don't worry." She smiled, looking at everyone brightly as if to try and reassure them. Forcystus frowned.

"That's…" He murmured. Sheena stood up properly.

"But it's too hard on you!" She protested. "If you're tired, don't you want to sleep? If you see everyone else eating, don't you miss what they taste? Don't you miss feeling that someone is by your side when they hold your hand? It's crazy!" Colette sighed, and Lloyd bit his lip. Was that how Kratos felt? What that what he'd lived with for… However long he'd been an angel?

Lloyd wondered if it had been before or after Kvar that he'd made the choice.

"Thank you, Sheena…" Colette murmured. "But I can't stop. If I do, everyone throughout the world will suffer. I was born for the sake of this, so I'll do it properly, ok?" Forcystus sighed.

"…That is the fate of the Chosen," he murmured sadly. "One side stops suffering…"

"Colette," Lloyd started suddenly, making her look up at him. "I promise you that I will find a way to make you human again… To stop you suffering. There has got to be a way. I won't let anyone else suffer for this, especially you!" Colette bowed her head.

"Th… Thank you, Lloyd," she replied. "But I… I'm going to finish this journey. For Sylvarant. I'm going to become an angel. It's what father wants."

"Which one?" Forcystus asked, almost absently, and Colette cringed.

"…I'm sure… Both of them do," she responded softly, not meeting anyone's eyes.

"If you're sure…" Raine murmured. "But, Colette, this path isn't going to be easy, you know." Colette nodded.

"I know," she responded. "But I have to do it. For the world." That made Forcystus make an angry noise, the others looking at him in concern.

"For Sylvarant," he spat bitterly, turning and storming up the wooden stairs. Raine sighed and shook her head, and Colette looked over at Lloyd, her usual smile on her face.

"Please don't be sad," she begged him. He looked away from her.

"…I'll cry for you," he told her, his voice soft. "I'll taste for you; I'll feel the warmth in another's hand for you. I'll live for you if I have to, Colette. You're not alone." He walked up to her and put his hands on her shoulders. "Just remember. Even if you become an angel… You're still you, ok? You'll always be Colette." He smiled at her. "One of the only people who'd be friends with a kid found with his dead mom and raised by a dwarf." She hugged him.

"Lloyd…" She whispered. "I would cry… I want to cry… But I can't… I can't!" Lloyd couldn't help but be reminded of Kratos, when he'd been dying in the Human Ranch, disgusted with himself for being unable to cry.

"I know," he soothed. "It's ok. Just don't forget, I'm here for you. All of us are." Colette nodded.

"I won't, Lloyd… I won't," she responded, her eyes shining, the closest she could get to crying any longer.

Kratos had retreated up to the top of the mountain that Hima was built on, not caring that the rain had rendered him drenched within a matter of seconds. He couldn't feel it. Even as he sat there, looking at the Exsphere set into his hand and the raindrops bouncing off it, knowing he should feel something, anything, he couldn't.

"Hey, Kratos, you alright?" Lloyd called. Kratos turned, surprised, as Lloyd clambered up to the top of the mountain to join him, also soaked to the skin.

"…Lloyd…" He murmured, standing up and walking over to join the teen. "…What are you doing out here?" Lloyd grinned at him.

"Well, in case you didn't notice, it's raining, and you're standing out in it," he replied. "I just wondered… If you were ok." Kratos sighed, looking up at the clouded sky, wishing he could feel the rain hit his skin and run down his face. It would be so nice to be human again.

"…I am fine," he responded eventually. "You need not concern yourself with me, Lloyd." Lloyd tilted his head, looking thoughtful.

"Is it 'cause of Kvar?" He asked. Kratos turned his eyes on the boy then, confused and surprised by the sudden question. He had thought that already behind them. "Because of what he did?" Kratos' eyes automatically went to the stitching on Lloyd's top, which was barely visible and a testament to the boy's skills, reminded painfully of the gaping wound, the blood running so freely, Lloyd begging him to help, the pain, the tears…

"Kratos… Please… Kill me… I don't want to… Hurt Lloyd… Gghh…"

"She…" He whispered, reaching out for him then stopping himself. "…It is nothing." He closed his eyes and turned away, looking up at the darkened sky, questions in his heart as potentially dangerous as those Lloyd had asked him, the previous night. "…Lloyd…" He started, swallowing. "Your… Your father killed your mother." The words cut him even as he said them. "Can you truly say that by killing Kvar you have avenged her?" He dreaded the answer. Dreaded hearing Lloyd denounce his hatred of him. Dreaded the rejection.

"…Yeah," he responded, and that one word lifted one of the heavy burdens on Kratos' heart. "I know dad killed mom, but…" Kratos turned to face him once more, looking at the look on the youngster's face, the sadness in his gaze. "It was Kvar's fault." Lloyd clenched his fists, anger dominating now. "He created the situation that forced dad to kill mom. I know my dad loved her… I know he did." The Exsphere in his hand glowed blue, a testament to his words if only he knew it. "How can I blame my dad? He… Well, I…" He sighed. "I did the same thing… With Marble… She turned into a monster… I killed her… It's not the same, it can't ever be the same, I don't think I could raise my sword to any of my friends…" He looked up at Kratos. "I think that's why. He loved her so much… He couldn't stand to see her suffer… With no other way… I've seen no way… He gave her all he could. Maybe it killed him in the end, or… Well, I don't know why he didn't come for me, but… I still love him. And I don't blame him at all!" A smile somehow formed itself on Kratos' face.

"Lloyd," he started, and Lloyd looked up at him. "Last night, I asked you if you were afraid of death. You told me that you were not afraid to die." Lloyd nodded, uncertain where this was going. "But you could not kill someone to save their soul, or the life of another, if it was someone you loved." Lloyd frowned, clearly confused now. "Fear of death and fear of dying are not the same thing," Kratos clarified. "I will admit to you freely that I am afraid of death, of both kinds. What you must do in order to become strong is conquer that fear… I know that you want to save Colette from her eventual fate. But even if you cannot, you cannot let it destroy you. There are many kinds of death. Physical death is just one of them. You can also die inside." He turned away, looking out over the rain-clouded horizon, at the tall white tower still visible despite that, stretching up beyond the limits of the sky, a reminder of everything they were there for. "Do not let yourself break, no matter what happens. Promise me that."

"I promise," Lloyd responded softly. "I promise… If you'll promise the same." Kratos turned back to him, surprised. "I'll stay alive," he vowed. "I'll stop this, I'll find a way! But I want you to do the same!" Kratos couldn't help but chuckle at that, a reaction which clearly surprised the teen.

"If you can reach the end of your own journey with all of those you value still around you, still alive…" He started, putting one hand on his shoulder and making him look at the mercenary in wonder. "Then you will be stronger than anyone else I have ever met. But if there is one person who could do it… I believe it could be you." Lloyd grinned at that.

"Don't stay out in the rain too long," he warned. "I don't know if angels get sick or anything, but it's not good for you." His grin widened. "Ha, now I sound like the Professor!" He turned away. "Thanks, Kratos." Kratos shook his head at the teen as he scrambled down the mountain path, and turned his back on him once more, looking out into the rain and wondering.

"Lloyd," Forcystus greeted when the teen made his way back into the Inn, so sodden that he left a wet trail along the floor, and a wet patch on the wooden chair he flopped down into. "The others are upstairs. Here." He threw a towel at Lloyd, which hit him square in the face, much to the teen's dismay. "Dry off as much as you can, else Raine will kill you."

"It's warm out," Lloyd remarked once he'd peeled the towel from his face, grinning in his usual way. Forcystus laughed slightly, noting just how like Kratos' hair Lloyd's got when wet. "Doesn't seem to bother Kratos, though." He tried to towel his hair off somewhat. "Does he always get philosophical when it rains?" Forcystus shook his head with a laugh.

"No, he just…" He started. "Well, he's been through a lot these past few days. As have you." Lloyd nodded absently.

"Forcystus," he asked, pausing in towelling his hair to look properly at the half-elf, "what's going to happen to Colette?" Forcystus bit his lip.

"Well… The journey of Regeneration, it's…" He started, uncertain. "You're worried about Colette, I understand that. But if she wants to do this, let her. It is her choice, and she understands what will happen. I won't interfere, and neither should you."

"You won't interfere because you're afraid of Cruxis," Lloyd grumbled. "Isn't there another way? Please, Forcystus, you know about this! About Cruxis, about the Regeneration…" Forcystus shook his head with a sigh.

"Lloyd, the only other way would be to reunite the worlds and release the Great Seed, a task which is impossible for you," he responded. "No, don't give me that look," he continued, seeing Lloyd glare. "The worlds were split with the Eternal Sword, which is bound to Yggdrasill. You'd have to kill its seal to release Origin from the pact, and even if you could form a new one with a summon that has suffered four thousand years of mistrust and betrayal… Only half-elves can use the sword." Lloyd looked up at him.

"You're a half-elf," he murmured softly. Forcystus grimaced at that.

"Then think about the other items in the list. Origin resides in Tethe'alla, for Kharlan's sake!" Lloyd sighed.

"I guess… You can't get us there, huh?" He remarked. Forcystus shook his head with a slight smile.

"No, I cannot," he responded. "Currently, only Cruxis has that technology. And the Renegades." Lloyd frowned.

"Maybe…" He started, but Forcystus shook his head vehemently.

"No, Lloyd, we are not seeking help from the Renegades," he told him sternly. "And that is my final word on it. Besides, they'd kill Colette as soon as look at her. They're opposed to the World Regeneration." Lloyd sighed.

"You and Kratos are both the same," he complained. "You always try to find the problems so we don't do something. There has to be a way! We'll get to Tethe'alla somehow; we'll find a way to get the Eternal Sword, anything! Whatever happens, I won't let Colette lose who she is!" He slammed one fist into his other hand determinedly. "And I don't care how much of Cruxis I have to go through to do it."

"You couldn't go through half of Cruxis on your own," Forcystus responded bluntly as Lloyd stood up. "You are no match for Lord Yggdrasill." Lloyd glared at him.

"I won't be on my own," he responded. "I've got all of you to help me. Right?" Forcystus made an uncomfortable noise.

"…Right," he agreed. "Of course you do." Lloyd gave him a long look, then sighed and trailed up the stairs to the sleeping area, still dripping water everywhere he went.

A/N - I read a book called "Blue Light" once. It was about a man who was hiking in the desert and got transported to another planet courtesy of the titular light. It was a good book.

Hopefully Kratos' wings aren't in the habit of doing that, however XD

COMMENTS AND CRITIQUE GREATLY APPRECIATED. Thank you all ^^