A/N: Hello everyone: Well it's been a long time but this is one of those stories that I was just not happy with. Keep in mind as you read it, if you read all of it. That it was written as part of an angst story challenge. Anyway, I took the time from the book I'm working on to finish this. I hope that it satisfies. If I would have had more time I think I could have made it really good but I'm pleased with it as it is. Hope you are too.

Better to Have Loved

Chapter Six

It's Sunday afternoon and I'm where I've been for the past five years on Sunday afternoon, in my condo in downtown Boston. Around my dinning room table are the five people in this world that I've grown to love like I'd never thought possible. Without exception, I trust every one of them with my life and conversely, I would give my life for all of them.

A little more than six years ago, upon leaving Chuck and Carina's home, I thought my life was over. But Chuck challenged me to make a new life for myself. Something about what he said and the way he said it, touched me. And so I've dedicated myself to finding happiness. This may not be the ultimate happiness I could have had all these years with Chuck, but I am happy.

Oh, it took a while. First, I had to figure out what I wanted to do as a second career. I had taken Chuck's advice and left the CIA. I needed to find something to do with my time. I went back to school and became a web designer. It was actually at B.C. that I met Dennis. He was taking a welding class because he wanted to build his own elevator. He lived on a cliff overlooking a river and wanted a quick and safe means to get to the bottom. He couldn't find anyone to do it so being the mechanical engineer that he was, from Purdue, and he never missed an opportunity to tell you how good the engineering school is there, he built it himself.

Dennis introduced me to Bill, Jeff, and Jennifer. We hit it off immediately, having shared a love for adventure and the means to pursue that love. We met Kristen that same summer white water rafting. Three months later, Kristen moved from the West Coast to Boston and we've been together ever since.

Kristen is some kind of Materials Engineer, Jeff, and Bill are Computer Engineers and Jennifer is a travel magazine editor. Jeff went to MIT so all anyone has to do is talk about any school and Dennis and Jeff will argue for hours about who had the harder curriculum.

Chuck told me that I needed to find a way to be happy and he was right. I've thought about it many times over the years. I have five of the closest friends anyone could have because deep down in my soul, I know I could not have been as happy with a lover. I had given all of my heart to Chuck. There was no taking that back and there was nothing left for anyone else.

So I had to the best of my ability, forgot about what I had lost with Chuck. Not to say that I didn't think about him. I did, and often, but I chose to remember the good times. I had even come to terms with Carina moving in and stealing him away from me. Because, deep down, I know she didn't steal him, I gave him away. And when I think of it like that, I'm glad it was Carina that got him and not some random girl.

But everything changed sixty seven days ago. When sitting in our little neighborhood bar like we do on most Saturday afternoons, I heard a news report about a writer and his family being involved in an airplane crash.

I went to see him, and as broken as he was, when we touched, I felt that same old shiver run down my spine.

He promised to call me when he got out of the hospital and took care of some business. My first week back in Boston went pretty good because I did not expect him to call that soon. By the end of the second week, I began to have doubts that he would call.

Thankfully, I got a call from Ellie in the third week which was merciful because I was going out of my mind waiting on the phone to ring. Ellie told me that Chuck had mentioned it numerous times that he was going to call me and most likely come out to see me. That gave me the assurance I needed to wait the next three days until he finally called. But Ellie said something else that gave me hope. She said that Chuck was still distraught, but the only time she sees that old spark in his eyes is when he talks about me.

Chuck's call came on a Tuesday night. It was about 8:00p.m. my time. We talked until 4:00a.m. the next morning. To this day I can't think of one thing that we talked about. But I know the conversation was easy and even at 4:00 a.m. when I couldn't keep my eyes open; I hated the thought of hanging up. I must have laughed more that night than in the previous year. And I know that he laughed as well. I'm sure he's not done much of that recently. But what pleased me the most was the next day, I got another call from Ellie who told me that whatever happened between Chuck and I did him a world of good. Not that he wasn't sad sometimes but she said it was like having the old Chuck back. That made my heart sing.

Chuck has called me everyday since so that now, here I sit, with my great friends waiting for the doorbell to ring. I'm so excited I can't sit still. I know my friends see a change in me. It's the little things like making eye contact with Kristen only to have her look at her Beer glass with a pleased smile on her face. Or, catching Kristen and Jennifer exchanging knowing glances.

The girls have known for some time that I had and lost the love of my life some years back. I'm sure they know it was Chuck, but no one has actually asked.

My friends don't know anything of my former life having learned long ago that I would not discuss it. I know that there has been much discussion between them about my past. Everything from a wanted criminal to someone in the witness protection program. There was even a time where I heard they were kicking around the idea that I was the wife of a mob boss who was on the run.

I finally had to set them all straight that my past wasn't nearly as flamboyant as they believed but that I would not discuss it. After that, it seemed to go away as a hot topic of discussion.

But I told Chuck during one of our phone calls that he would most likely get drilled about our past together. I laughed at his response. I was married to an ex-spy for six years…I know the routine.

I look at my watch. I can't believe how slow time is moving.

"For crying out loud, Sarah. If you look at your watch one more time I'm taking it off your wrist," Bill said. "You've got me looking at mine every thirty seconds now."

"Leave her alone Bill. She's just excited," Jennifer said.

"Ya think. That's what has us all so weirded out," Jeff said. "Sarah doesn't get excited. Sarah stays calm no matter what the circumstances."

"I'll tell you one thing, I can't wait to see the guy that turns Sarah Walker into a giggling schoolgirl," Dennis said, his mouth turning up as he gave me the eye.

I hear everyone around the table laugh at that. Just at that moment, the doorbell rings and I know my eyes are the size of saucers as I look at each of my friends.

My heart starts to race as I realize how important this meeting could be.

"Are you going to answer that, or just let the poor guy wait outside after flying across the continent to see you?" Bill said.

I hurry to the door, looking back at everyone with a huge grin on my face. I hesitate for only a second when I reach for the door. When I open it, my knees go week at the site of him. There is a sight I thought I would never see. Standing outside the door of my condo in Boston, is the best thing I've ever seen. Chuck Bartowski as I remember him from before, not the broken man I saw almost three months ago.

Our gaze meets and we both smile at the same time. His eyes dance as his smile grows. His hair is cut closer than I remember but it looks great on him. And best of all, I see no scars from the crash.

We stood smiling at each other.

"Let the poor guy in already," Jeff yelled out.

I laugh and quickly step aside giving him a path inside. Again we make eye contact. I honestly don't know how long we looked at each other like this but it had to be uncomfortably long, for Bill anyway because he said in a faux whisper loud enough for everyone to hear," Is he going to kiss her hello or just look at her all day."

Everyone laughed, including Chuck. I know he was as thankful as I was for the levity to ease that awkward first meeting.

Chuck reached down and I knew instinctively that he would kiss me on the cheek so I turned my face to him; he laid his right hand on my arm as he did.

I know that my friends were not aware but Chuck hesitated afterward taking a deep breath and closed his eyes for a brief instant as he took in the smell of me.

At that very moment, and only for a second, I wished my friends were not here.

But I turn him toward the dinning room and we begin to walk.

"Everyone, I want you to meet Chuck Bartowski…a very close friend of mine, I said as we got closer to the table. "Chuck this is; Dennis, Jennifer, Bill, Kristen and Jeff."

Everyone greeted each other pleasantly. The guys shook hands and the girls waived and smiled from their seats.

I notice all my friends scrutinizing him closely. I guess when I think about it, this is kind of a big moment for them given my past position on relationships. They have even accused me of being asexual at times.

"So, Chuck, how long have you known Sarah?" Jeff asked. He was normally the first to jump in.

Chuck looked at me for a clue. Not seeing anything, he addressed Jeff.

"I think it was the fall of 2007 wasn't it, Sarah?" Before I had time to answer, another question came at him.

"Did you meet at work?" Kristen said. Everyone was anxious to learn the details.

Chuck began to waiver. "You know, if Sarah hasn't told you about it, there must be a reason. I'll let her tell you."

"Aw, come on. That's no fun," Jennifer said.

"Where do you live?" Kristen said.

"LA or the LA area."

"Have you lived there your whole life?" Bill said.

"Yeah, except for four years at Stanford."

The girls rolled their eyes together at that.

"Stanford huh, what did you major in?" Dennis said.

"Double E," Chuck replied smiling now at the rapid questions being thrown his way.

"Jeff went to MIT and I went to the best engineering school in the country," Dennis said smugly.

Chuck waited for Dennis to continue but then looked at me when it was apparent that he was finished.

"Chuck, Dennis graduated with a Mechanical Engineering degree from Purdue. He just assumed you would know that Purdue was the best Engineering school in the country." Everyone around the table was smiling and some were giggling. I'm sure Chuck realized that this was part of the camaraderie.

"What?" Dennis said in mock surprise.

"Actually, I thought he was telling me he went to Stanford too," Chuck said joining in the fun.

"Don't do that, Chuck. Don't get Dennis and Jeff going about school unless you've got a couple of hours to devote to it. And today…you don't," I said staring down Dennis.

"Well, as much as I would enjoy that conversation, I will heed to the wishes of my beautiful hostess.

I move everyone over and place an extra chair beside me and we set down. When we're seated, Chuck looks at me and the connection is immediate. I know my friends notice. I knew that by their individual expressions after I broke free of his oasis eyes.

"Okay, enough of the easy questions. What I want to know is…" Dennis looked at everyone around the table. "Am I still the only guy at the table to make out with Sarah?" He kept his face completely serious.

Everyone began to laugh.

"Dennis, you promised," I said to him with faux hostility.

As everyone continued to laugh harder, Chuck looked at me with a confused expression.

"Chuck, Dennis and I never made out."

"You remember it your way and I'll remember it mine," he said faking hurt feelings.

I still see Chuck looking for an explanation. Not that he was upset; he just didn't get the joke.

"When I first came to Boston, I enrolled at B.C. I met Dennis there. Before I knew any of the others, we went out on a date. It wasn't even a date really."

"It was too. I asked you out and you said yes. That ladies and gentlemen is a date." Dennis stated the argument as though he was addressing a jury.

"Okay, whether it was a date or not is irrelevant. The point is we never made out."

"What would you call lip locking? In fact, Chuck. If it wasn't for my high morels and good solid character, I'm afraid to think what might of happened." Dennis looked around the room with a perfectly practiced straight face.

"The story gets even wilder every time you tell it, Dennis. Another time or two and I'll end up pregnant."

Without missing a beat, Dennis added, "The abortion cost me three hundred bucks."

Everyone began to laugh again and they laughed even harder when they locked at my expression.

"Chuck, after our date, Dennis gave me a peck on the lips…it was awful, like kissing my brother. I saw the same sentiment on his face too. But, since he's the only one of the group to even do that, he makes a big deal out of it."

"Don't listen to her, Chuck. My advice to you…Don't let her kiss you goodnight. You never know how that might turn out."

"If I had to guess, I'd say your advice is at least six years too late," Jennifer said and the laughter died down as Chuck and I shared a moment.

At that moment, it hit me as silly that I had never shared my life with my friends, that I had never told them about Chuck or my former life. I knew I could trust them. I hesitated for a second collecting my thoughts.

"I fell in love with Chuck around Christmas of 2007," I said and you could have heard a pin drop…literally. I made eye contact with everyone around the table so that I could share this moment with each of them. I had tears in my eyes, but I was smiling.

"I worked for the government and Chuck become involved in a project I was working on." I didn't want to get too specific.

"Anyway, I knew he was in love with me too, but because of job rules and my own insecurities, I let him slip through my fingers. I've regretted it every day of my life since," I said looking at him.

There was an uncomfortable silence as my friends processed this information.

"Chuck, we're sorry to hear about your wife and daughter," Kristen said to fill the silence.

"Sarah, did you know Chuck's wife?" Jennifer said. She was always the intuitive one of the bunch.

I shot Chuck a quick smile. "Yeah, before he did actually. She was my best friend."

"What!" Jeff said, echoing the sentiment around the table.

"Hold on, guys. I left him. For six years without a means to contact me. He had no way of knowing if he would ever see me again. I've had years to think about this." I look at Chuck before continuing. "I've come to the inescapable conclusion that I'm responsible for the mess I made of my life then."

Chuck covered my hand with his and gave me an appreciative smile.

"Do you like rock climbing, Chuck?" Bill asked.

It probably seemed like an innocent statement to Chuck but I knew that all of my friends were anxiously waiting to hear his response. They realize that Chuck is the Yoko Ono of our group. They know that his impact could be small if he was an adventurer like us or large if not.

"I doubt if Chuck is into rock climbing," I say trying to run interference for him.

"Not true, I've been climbing for more than four years now," he said, smiling at my surprise.

"Great, what else are you into?" Kristen asked.

"I bike, I run, I ski, I'm a pilot," he said but his voice trailed off badly at that.

I knew immediately that it was Chuck at the controls when his plane went down.

"Really, we could have used Chuck two years ago," Bill said.

"How's that?" Chuck said.

"No, no, no, no," Kristen said. "I want to hear more about Chuck and Sarah back then."

I glance at Chuck briefly. "There's nothing more to tell. I go away for six years and when I come back to LA, I find he's married to Carina. That's really about all there is to tell," I said.

"How did you end up out here?" Dennis asked.

"We have Chuck to thank for that too," I said, looking at him and smiling as I remembered that painful time. "I had planned to go back to my old job when I found out about Carina, but something he said to me started me thinking." I look at him. "Do you remember?"

Chuck smiled with misty eyes and nodded his head.

"You said that I deserved happiness and that I should go out and make some of it for myself. I thought about it and the rest is history." I laid my left hand on top of his that was already on my right hand. We look at each other and I go so deep into his eyes that I forget that there was anyone else in the room.

"Hey guys, why don't we get out of here and let them have some time to catch up?" Kristen said.

They all stood at once and filed out of my condo.

"See ya later, Sarah," Dennis said.

"Bye," Jeff and Bill echoed.

"Call me tomorrow," Kristen and Jennifer said at the same time and laughed at the coincidence.

When they closed the door, I felt slightly uncomfortable alone with Chuck.

"You want something to drink?" I asked.

"Sure, what ya got?"

"Corona, Bud Light and Sam Adams."

"Better make it a Sam Adams since I'm in Boston," he said smiling at me.

I got his beer and feel my heart pounding in my chest as I walked back to him. I watch him take a drink after opening the bottle with the opener I provided.

He looks at me with a raised eyebrow and smiles. "Very good," he said and then fell silent as he realized that he/we are trying to hard.

"Look Sarah, Look Chuck, we said in unison and laugh. I'm reminded that we did that a lot when we had something important to say.

"Sarah, let me say this and maybe I can relax a little." He took a deep breath.

"If there's one thing I've learned since I met you, it's that if you want something…really want it. Then you go for it. And, you don't stop until you get it."

I'm not sure but I hope he's going where I think he's going.

"And, well, here's the thing." He took another breath. "I know I don't want to live another day without knowing that you're in my life. I don't know if you feel the same way but I had to tell you-"

He never got to finish that sentence because my lips became a barrier to clear and effective communication.

We kissed passionately, until we both needed a breath.

"Here's the thing, Sarah. I know I've got to get through some things here in the next couple of months but while I'm doing that, I want you to know that I don't intend on being a widower for very long."

I begin to smile as I understand his meaning.

"Yes," I say and we kiss again. But this time we were interrupted by Chuck's cell phone. He broke off our embrace and pulled it from his pocket.

"I don't believe it," he said looking at me and made the connection.

"Casey, you old dog, I haven't heard from you in years. What's the occasion," he says smiling at me.

"I got word that you were headed to Boston. I wanted to give you a message for Walker."

"She's right here; I'll put it on speaker."

"Casey, is that you," I ask.

"This is good timing. Walker, do you remember a conversation we had before you left LA?"

I begin to smile because I know exactly what he's going to ask. "Yes, I remember."

You didn't figure it out in time back then but I was hoping that maybe now you've had time to think about it."

"What are you two talking about?" Chuck asks.

I smile and shake my head at the memory. "Casey told me not to over-think men. He said there are only two things they desire from a good woman. The first is easy…sex. But it took me a long time to understand what the second one was. But I can tell you what it is, John."

"Yes, I believe you can, Sarah. Treat him and yourself well." Casey didn't say goodbye he simply disconnected the line. We never even knew where he was calling from.

Chuck looked at me with a puzzled expression. "What was all that about?"

"The secret to happiness, Chuck. You want to know what it is?"

"The secret of happiness from John Casey, you bet," Chuck said a little awestruck.

"Like he said, the first key to happiness for a man in a relationship with a woman is a lot of hot, steamy sex," I say as seductively as I know how. It must have been effective because Chuck starts to actually sweat.

"And the second?" he said, his voice a half an octave higher.

"Mind you this is one of those secrets found right under your nose. It's amazing to me how simple it is, but rarely practiced."

"What are you talking about, Sarah?"

"Respect," I say simply. "Respect a good man for what he is and he'll be better than he was.

"Oh," Chuck said a little disappointed in the answer it seemed to me.

X=X

We talked for most of the afternoon when I noticed Chuck getting antsy. "Is something wrong?" I asked.

"No, I just need to think about getting a hotel room."

"Nonsense, you can stay here for the night."

"I don't know, Sarah. I think I'd be more comfortable getting a room tonight."

I wanted to ask him again to stay with me. But I recognized his need. "Chuck, I would really be happy to have you stay with me, but if for some reason you'd be more comfortable at a hotel, we'll get you one," I said.

I see him thinking. "You really want me to stay?"

"Very much, but I'll understand if you need to go to the hotel." I watch him silently go through whatever issues he's dealing with. I know that if he chooses to go to the hotel, I will need to be Okay with that.

"Maybe it would be Okay, if I stayed here. That way we can spend five more minutes talking."

"That's right; in the meantime, I'll show you your room."

X=X

John Casey walked into his apartment in Washington, DC. It was 4:00 a.m. and he was exhausted. He hadn't been there for over three months. He threw his bags in the corner and went into the kitchen to get a drink of water. He noticed the answering machine light flashing which was unusual because only three people had this number, other than himself.

Not really wanting to go back into the field this quickly, he grimaces as he hits the button.

"Casey, it's Chuck., Sarah's here with me. We know this is a long shot but it's the best we could do. Sarah pulled a few strings she still had and got this number. We're getting married on October 10th, in LA. We would love for you to come. We're getting married on the beach, you know the place. Hope to see you."

Casey smiled. "October 10th, huh," he said looking at his watch. "Oh shit, that's tomorrow." He walked over and picked up his bag. Pulling his phone from his pocket, he dialed a number.

"Yeah, I need a ride to the West coast. No, that's too late. Goddamnit, I'm not going to miss this appointment because someone hasn't had their beauty sleep. I've not been to sleep in thirty six hours so you tell somebody to get their ass out of bed and fuel up a 16 or I'll have my boot up someone's ass."

Casey closed the door to his apartment and walked to the elevator. As he did, he passed a young man just walking out of the elevator. He looked despondent.

"Cheer up, Pal. I guarantee you that miracles happen. What seems to be the problem?"

"It's this girl."

Casey stopped him mid-sentence. "Do yourself a favor. Go get her. If you want her, tell her. If she says no, then that's all you can do."

The young man seemed to brighten at the advice. "Thanks mister."

Casey stepped into the elevator. "Go get her kid. I guarantee today, after the news I just received, today is the day. Go get her."

The kid watch the older man as the elevator doors slip shut.

"I wonder what story he has to tell," he muttered to himself as he dialed a phone number.

The End.