A/N: So, completely new idea, new story, I know it's totally different to my other story in that it's brucas not leyton but hey, I like to keep myself challenged. Anyway, storyline is that: S3 happens pretty much the same way all the way through except that Brooke and Lucas break up at the wedding and she IS pregnant (and she's not mad at Peyton)- the wedding goes down slightly differently, but all will be explained. So season 4 goes slightly differently in my version... and we're four years on with flashbacks and Brooke is living in New York. Basically this is a Brooke, Brucas story and I hope you guys like it. (I still love the leyton but I love brooke too and I wanted to explore something different so please no angry accusations.) If you like, review please and i'll carry it on...

Disclaimer: I own nothing.

Brooke pushed a strand of glossy dark hair behind her ear and added the finishing touches to her last drawing with a fine liner pen. She scrunched her nose in concentration, oblivious to the noise coming from the television and added the tiny details that made her wedding dress collection so popular. Her latest fall collection was to be unveiled at a board meeting in the morning, and Brooke was nervous, the constant riling her mother had given her in the early years of her company had beaten away at her confidence and now she was determined to show she could handle things alone at the top.

"Momma-" a sleepy sounding voice trailed through from the living room space and her gorgeous five year old appeared dragging his teddy bear behind him. Brooke watched him lovingly and her raspy voice was warm as she reached out to him.

"What is it baby? You ready for bed?" Jayden Sawyer was clearly tired as he clambered up onto his mother's knee and snuggled into her chest. She stroked his hair and felt her heart swell with love as he drifted off to sleep.

"Ok baby come on- i'll carry you to the bathroom but then you gotta do your teeth ok?"

"Mmm uh- don't want to."

"Jayden Sawyer Davis you are doing your teeth before you go to bed! Do you wanna wake up with black teeth?"

"No!"

"Then you clean those teeth sir!" She stood up, her arms slipped around her son and she clacked across their top floor apartment and into the bathroom and gently lowered Jayden onto his blue stool that stood by the sink.

"Now brush!" She ordered, before pulling off her own shoes and relaxing as she watched Jayden sulkily run his toothbrush under the tap. He looked so like his father when he pouted.

"I bet Jamie never has to brush his teeth," he said crossly.

"Are you kidding honey? Aunt Haley runs a tighter ship at the Scott residence than any backstage fashion show- and they run tight ships."

"I know Momma."

"Besides, Jamie is younger than you my lovely boy- and if he doesn't brush his teeth he'll get black teeth before you- so you should set a good example!"

Brooke ruffled his hair affectionately and padded through to her bedroom to pull off her work clothes wearily. It was nice she and Jayden had this time together, she'd been so caught up with arranging the fall line she'd hardly had a minute with him since he'd started school. She sighed and lay back on the bed and reached over for the telephone and quickly dialled a number. She closed her eyes briefly as she listened to it ring out, she opened one eye to survey the room. Her bedside table held a black and white photograph of herself and Jayden taken about a year ago, a massive jotter she kept close in case flashes of inspiration came to her at the dead of night, and a frame that held three more photographs in. There was one of her best friend P Sawyer laughing, holding Jayden up to put his paint covered hands towards the camera, paint smudged across both their faces, another of Haley, Peyton and herself taken at Haley and Nathan's second wedding, one of the most heartbreaking and beautiful days Brooke had ever experienced and a third one of Brooke and Jayden, taken hours after he was born, all wrapped up in blue blankets and Brooke was half smiling- half crying at the camera- and she swore that you could see the tiniest of smiles on Jayden's own face- no-one disagreed with her.

"Hello? Brooke are you there?" Brooke was jerked from her memories when she realised Peyton had answered the phone and was speaking.

"Peyton! Sorry honey I drifted off."

"You ok B Davis?" She heard her friend's voice filled with concern and felt immediately stronger.

"Yeah sweetie, i'm fine, I just wanted to say hi- Jayden and I are just winding down, getting ready for bed- how are you?"

"All good here thanks- lazy man here just fell asleep on my arm so it took me a while to answer the phone cos I was waving it around trying to get feeling back into it!" Brooke chuckled and then felt a lump growing in her throat as she pictured her best friend looking down at her man happily- Peyton had the life Brooke had always dreamed of. She couldn't begrudge her friend- she was happy Peyton had found her happily ever after- Brooke just wished it hadn't been at such personal cost- which her friend knew nothing about. Peyton had come to her when she was about six months pregnant, eyes full of fear and Brooke had known without any words what her friend was going to ask. Of course she didn't mind, no she was sure, she wanted her friend to be happy, it was a long time ago anyway. Promise. I love you too P Sawyer.

"I love you too, pretty girl."

She had discovered she was pregnant as she filled in college applications and her dark eyes fell on the date of the form and her brain started calculating urgently. She had sat back in her chair, staring around the room filled with happy students whose biggest problems were whether they got into the right sorority. Her brown eyes filled as she realised she wouldn't be going to college after all. She had gone home and to make matters worse opened a letter inviting her to a fashion show in New York. She had practically run over to Peyton's, throwing herself onto her friend's bed dramatically and then announcing her news- Brooke Davis was never one to beat around the bush. Peyton had stared at her for a second and then clambered onto the bed beside her and given her the biggest hug ever.

"Have you told Lucas?" She asked softly, Brooke had pulled away from her slowly, her eyes huge, oh god. Lucas. "Is it his?" Peyton had said carefully, Brooke's eyes had met hers, full of fear and regret, "I don't know."

"Brooke are you still there?"

"Yeah honey, i'm here," Brooke said quietly, Jayden came wandering into the room and climbed up onto the bed beside her. Absent-mindedly she stroked his hair, "you still ok to put us up with accommodation for the week?" She asked teasingly.

"Ah ha, yeah who'd have ever thought- Peyton Sawyer- hostess," her friend said darkly, but her voice was light. "But seriously we're all ready and waiting for the fabulous and very famous Brooke Davis to make her return to Tree Hill, even if it is only for the week."

"Well thank you- we're looking forward to it."

"Yeah same- I miss you like crazy B Davis, give my godson my love and i'll let you two sleep now- we'll be at the arrivals gate waving massive banners for you on Saturday!"

"Can't wait- yeah pass on my love to Hales and Jamie and," her voice caught in her throat- "everyone else there."

"Sure thing- " Peyton had missed the catch, "see you Saturday- love you best friend."

"Yeah honey, I love you too." Brooke put the phone down gently and brushed her eyes quickly before looking down at her son- his eyes were full of worry.

"Momma what's wrong?"

"Oh nothing baby- Momma just misses her friends that's all!"

"But you're sad," he clambered up onto the pillows and stroked her hair, "don't be sad Momma." She pulled him closer, breathing in his familiar scent and then smiled, he was everything she needed.

"I'm not sad any more baby, you made me all better, in fact, i'm feeling much better!" And with that she began tickling him, he shrieked with pleasure and writhed around shouting no no! But she showed no mercy until finally, exhausted, she pulled him onto her knees and he tucked under the duvet, happy and content.

"You wanna a story buddy?"

"Will you tell me about daddy?" Her heart began racing and she had to steady her voice as she spoke again.

"Oh not tonight sweetie- how about a story from your book shelf?"

"You never want to tell me about daddy Momma," his voice was reproachful, "why not?"

"Oh it's very complicated sweet heart, but I promise one day when you're older i'll tell you everything you want to know ok?"

"Ok," he said simply and he jumped up and ran towards his room to chose a story. Brooke reached over for her night clothes- a massive ravens tee shirt and a pair of tiny black shorts- and then pulled her chocolately brown hair away from her face.

"The difference is I love you Brooke."

She shook herself, there was no need for a trip down memory lane, she had made her choice. She beamed as Jayden reappeared- relieved she had an excuse to turn away from the past for now, it haunted her enough when she closed her eyes- she didn't need it floating into her waking hours too.

"The Lion, the witch and the wardrobe? That's a really long one baby- I can't read it all tonight."

"Pleeease?" His voice was wheedling- it was so difficult to say no to him, so like his father. She sighed and gave in;

"Ok- only until you fall asleep," he cheered and jumped onto her queen sized bed, his tiny body hardly taking up any space as he buried himself in her cream silk duvet. She began reading, her low voice melodic and her hand stroked his hair the whole time. For them both, this was their favourite part of the day. Jayden loved to watch his Momma's beautiful face as she read- as she laughed at the story, made all the different voices for him and made sure he was comfy. She was his favourite person in the whole world- she was even better than his puppy Walker- who was at this moment, asleep on the sofa. Jayden never felt safer than when he was with his mother, even Uncle Nathan didn't feel as safe- he knew his mother would walk through fire to defend him and he carried her love around proudly like an invisible shield. Brooke dreaded the day when he felt he was too grown up to hug her in public. Peyton teased her and said no-one could not hug Brooke if she demanded it, but Brooke wanted Jayden to stay five forever so that she could always draw comfort from his small arms.

She glanced down at him now and smiled to herself, he was fast asleep. She bent down and kissed his cheek, pulled the duvet up around him and slipped out of bed- Jayden rolled over into the warm patch his mother had been occupying and snuggled down into the pillow. Brooke padded back into the kitchen and switched on the kettle, she leant back against the counter and her eyes fell on the calendar. The 21st was circled, it was the day she flew home for Haley and Nathan's second babies christening. The day she returned to the place her heart had been for the last five years. She had shut out any feelings she had, locked them away in a place no-one could see.

"I love you Brooke, I don't know how else to say it."

Only Nathan had suspected her for not being entirely truthful about her reasons for being alone but he hadn't said anything once she'd warned him not to. He had watched her pack up for LA, helped her with last minute details and then promised if she needed anything he could be there in record time. Peyton had joined her in LA after her graduation- Brooke had graduated in absence and Peyton had told her there hadn't been a louder applause when her name was read out. Over the next four years Peyton had been Brooke's rock, which made things so much more complicated and heart wrenching for Brooke. They had spent long nights together passing Jayden between them, comforting him, soothing him. When Peyton had decided to create her own record label Brooke had offered to back her and since then Peyton had been able to pay her back with double interest- but still Brooke felt guilty. She was harbouring feelings she should have told Peyton about long ago- but she had been there, done the whole triangle thing long ago and Peyton was happy- she didn't want to make her best friend rehash the past- open up old wounds and look to a shaky future. What Peyton had done for Brooke had been more than enough to make Brooke sure her best friend was sticking around but still.. she couldn't risk the most important friendship of her life.

The kettle boiled just as the phone rang again, "oh crap," she muttered, diving for the phone to silence it, she had forgotten to unplug the one by her bed and she prayed it didn't wake Jayden.

"Hello?"

There was a silence and then a crackly voice, "hello?"

"Yes hello?"

"Brooke?" She closed her eyes, she knew that voice, hundreds of miles and a bad connection couldn't take away that jolt of recognition, she couldn't move, couldn't speak, "Brooke?"

Slowly she put the phone back on the hook, not tonight. She realised she was crying and angrily knocked a mug onto the floor in her desperation to find a tissue, "dammit!" She crouched down to the floor trying to pick up the pieces, "dammit!"

"I am not pushing you away Lucas, I am holding on for dear life."

She was afraid of going home, afraid of what she would see, who she would see, what ghosts would rise up and confront her. Here in New York she was safe, her life was in a little bubble here- she and Jayden lived happily- phone calls with Peyton, Haley, everything at home held at arms length, and now she couldn't avoid going it.

In the darkness of his bedroom Lucas lay staring up at the ceiling. The figure beside him slept soundly and he listened to her breathing, so even, so unbroken, so peaceful. His own mind was far from peaceful, far from content. He knew he should be happy, his life was everything he could have asked for, everything he wished for, but now he had it, he had discovered that all along he needed something else, someone else. And she was far away from him. Cut off after he betrayed her, he had messed up. Lucas Scott was used to messing up, but normally he could win the subject back over, but not this time. She was stubborn, so beautiful, so strong, so stubborn. And now she had left him forever. And now he couldn't sleep. She was coming to him next week and he didn't know how he was going to handle it. Just the mention of her name sent him into a dizzying panic. He needed to impress her, but how do you impress someone that hates you more than the fire of a thousand suns? She had liked that line when they'd watched the movie, said it was passionate, she had always had passion- she had loved him fiercely, and he her, and then he had broken her. He hadn't meant to, everything had just been happening so quickly and he'd freaked out and then she'd gone, left Tree Hill and he'd had to pick up the pieces. An old love had been rekindled and he's thought he was happy, but it was a temporary fix, and now he didn't know how to fight his way out of his own tangled web. He sighed and rolled over frustratedly. When he'd heard her name tonight- a tingling had shot up and down his spine and he'd had to climb out of bed and leave the room. He hadn't been able to control the impulse to talk to her, to hear her voice.

"It's ok, i'm here for you."

"Hey," he whispered softly, "i'm just going out," he kissed a shoulder briefly and then pulled on a hoodie before swinging out the door- he knew where he was headed. Into the darkness, the blackness, to escape to anywhere that took away his thoughts- filled with visions of her hugging him, kissing him, holding him, watching him, being with him, they were all he had now. Images.

"I keep that stuff as a reminder of how badly I screwed up, with you. To remind myself if I ever get a second chance... i'd never let you go again."