Hoover Bloobers

"Man, ya can't beat this type of entertainment," Remy chuckled as he and Piotr sat on the couch in the recreation room watching TV.

"I do not know. It seems to lack a certain style," Piotr remarked.

"Come on! Roger Rabbit is a classic," Remy said. "Well, a relatively new classic anyway."

"I admit the movie plot is very good and the cartoons are funny, but the character is too crazy even for a cartoon," Piotr commented.

"That's the whole point of these types of cartoons," Remy explained. "Although I can see your point. The older Warner Brothers and MGM cartoons had more class. I liked them as a kid but eventually I stopped watching them."

"Roger Rabbit is just so loud and irrational and random," Piotr said. "Plus he is constantly doing stupid things. There is no way anyone could possibly be like that."

"Hello everybody!" Pyro entered the room with a smile while pushing a large vacuum cleaner with a long hose extension in front of him.

"On the other hand," Piotr groaned.

"Hey Pyro. What'cha got there?' Remy asked.

"This is the Black Hole 9000," Pyro grinned proudly while displaying the vacuum. "The most powerful vacuum cleaner on the market. Complete with powered steering, multiple hose attachments and triple layered air filters. I figured that now that our rooms are carpeted we needed something better to clean them with."

"That's a good idea," Remy agreed. "You can't clean carpet very well using brooms. Especially since we shot 'em all at billboards last night using the bungee-powered ballista."

"Where did you get the vacuum?" Piotr asked.

"Oh, just picked it up around town," Pyro shrugged. "By the way, if Mags asks I was here with you blokes the whole time and I don't know anything about the giant exploding salami incident at the mall or how the bus station was flooded with calamine lotion."

"What?" Piotr blinked.

"Oh man. What did you do?" Remy asked.

"Nothing. Nothing anybody can prove anyway," Pyro said. "Besides it was their fault for not explaining what 'fire lane' meant."

"Great," Piotr rolled his eyes. "Please tell me you were not caught doing anything on camera."

"Don't worry mate. I made sure to burn to ashes all the cameras I came across. And a few other things as well," Pyro waved. "Ya wouldn't think aluminum siding would make such efficient smoke screens but if you crank up the heat enough…"

"Well it looks like Bayville's air quality levels are going down again," Remy got off the couch and picked up the vacuum's hose. "So how good is this thing?"

"It's supposed to handle carpets, wet and dry surfaces and…oops!" Pyro accidentally hit the power button.

VROOM!

"Yaaahhhhhh!" Remy yelped as the vacuum's powerful suction was channeled through its hose.

RIIIPPPPPP!

ZOOP!

"Oh my," Piotr blinked as Remy stood bare-chested with a very shocked look on his face while watching the remains of his shirt disappear into the vacuum's hose.

"What the…Pyro!" Remy yelled and glared at him furiously.

"Uh, sorry about that Gambit," Pyro gulped nervously and started fiddling with the vacuum. "Just a little oopsie. Nothing to worry about…uh oh!" he blinked as the power button jammed.

"Uh oh?" Remy's eye twitched. "What do you mean uh oh…AAAAAAHHHHHH!" he shouted as the hose jumped out of his grip and latched itself onto the nearest surface, that being Remy's exposed upper body. "WAAAUUUGGGHHHHHH!"

"Turn it off!" Piotr shouted as he jumped up and tried to pull the hose away as Remy fell over backwards onto the floor.

"I'm trying! I'm trying!" Pyro yelled as he frantically pushed random buttons, unknowingly increasing the vacuum's suction power. "Maybe I should've kept the instruction manual instead of incinerating it."

"AAARRRGGGHHH! IT'S GONNA TEAR OPEN MY STOMACH AND SUCK OUT THE GUTS!" Remy screamed as he and Piotr fought with the hose. "GET IT AWAY FROM THE STOMACH! NO NOT THE CHEST! OW! OW! OW! DON'T LET IT GET NEAR THE FACE! MOVE IT SOUTH! SOUTH…NOT THAT FAR SOUTH! AAAIIIEEEEEE!"

"Sorry!" Piotr managed to move the hose away from Remy's waist. "But the south end of the base is that way…yikes!" the hose unexpectedly wiggled free of Remy and attached itself to Piotr's knee. "Oh no!"

"Thank goodness I usually wear a belt!" Remy panted in pain while lying on the floor. "Pyro when I get up I'm going to pound you!"

"It's not my fault the bloody button's stuck!" Pyro snapped while hitting the vacuum with his fists.

"Can't you just unplug it?" Piotr shouted as he tried to keep the hose from tearing away his kneecap.

"It doesn't have a power cord!" Pyro explained. "It's got some super duper internal battery thingy!"

"Perfect!" Remy groaned painfully and rolled onto his side. "Oh, I think it relocated my spleen!"

"Got it!" Piotr finally pried the hose away from his knee.

RIIIPPPPPP! RIIIPPPPPP!

SLURRRP!

"Oh no," Piotr moaned as the vacuum finished swallowing up the remains of his pants.

"Briefs, huh?" Pyro blinked at Piotr. "I always figured you for boxers mate."

"They do not fit as well underneath my uniform," Piotr grunted as he armored up while holding the hose away from himself. "So how do we turn it off?"

"I know how," Remy painfully got up and walked over to Piotr. He slightly charged up a card, held it near the end of the hose and let the vacuum suck it up. "There. That'll fix it."

BOOM!

The vacuum shook from the explosion but somehow didn't blow up. Instead it started shaking and smoking while sparks shot from its vent slots. "That can't be good," Remy gulped.

HHHRRRUUUMMMMMM!

The hose slipped free of Piotr's grasp as the vacuum jumped and started zipping around the room sucking up everything in its path.

WHEOOP!

"It just ate the remote control!" Piotr blinked in shock. "And the newspaper! Now the wall socket!"

"Take cover!" Remy shouted as he and Pyro dived behind the couch as the vacuum approached them.

RUWWWP! RUWWWP!

POOF!

"Ahhhhhh!" Pyro yelled as the vacuum sucked up the couch cushions leaving behind a few pieces of stuffing and a broken zipper. "It's alive! Alive I tell you!"

"That or possessed!" Remy snapped as they regrouped behind the TV.

"What the heck's going on in here?" Sabertooth entered the room with an open beer in one hand. "You lunatics are giving me a headache with all the noise…YAAAHHHHHH!" Sabertooth was bowled over as the vacuum ran into him and attacked its hose to his head. "YEEEOOOWWWWWW! THAT HURTS!"

"You know, if my internal organs hadn't been nearly rearranged I'd find this kinda funny," Remy grunted.

"GET IT OFF! GET IT OFF!" Sabertooth screeched and managed to tear the vacuum hose away from his head along with a large chunk of blonde hair. "AAARRRGGGHHH! MY HAIR! MY WONDERFUL HAIR!"

"Well I won't go that far," Pyro commented at Sabertooth's predicament. "Maybe if you washed more often and used some of that coconut shampoo."

"I don't what that thing is but it's going down…WHAT THE?! NOT THE BEER!" Sabertooth screamed as the vacuum swallowed up the can and its contents. "NOOOOOO!"

"At least the vacuum did something useful," Piotr noted.

"Don't be so sure," Remy warned as the vacuum ran over a lamp and sucked up the shade. "With our luck it'll end up getting drunk!"

"We gotta stop it!" Pyro got ready to shoot out some flames. "Good thing I got it for free…HEY! MY LIGHTER!" Pyro cried as it flew out of his hand and was quickly sucked up by the vacuum's open maw. "THAT'S IT! IT'S WAR NOW!"

"I don't believe this!" Remy yelled as Pyro jumped the vacuum from behind and started wrestling with it. The vacuum wheezed and shook like it was suffering from indigestion.

"GIVE ME BACK MY LIGHTER!" Pyro howled while pounding on the vacuum's hard exterior. "YOU STUPID PLASTIC PLATED SAP SUCKER! TAKE THIS!" he raged and accidentally hit the reverse switch.

WHOOOOOOSSSHHH!

"AAAAAAHHHHHH!" Sabertooth screamed as flames leapt out of the vacuum's hose and set him on fire. He started rolling around trying to put out the blaze.

"HAHAHAHAHA! YEAH! YEA…AAARRRGGGHHH!" Pyro yelped as the vacuum started to buck and jump. The hose stopped shooting flames and whipped through the air like a snake with a seizure.

"Hang on! I'm coming!" Piotr tried to catch the vacuum but it was too quick and sped around the room in a very erratic path.

"I'm hanging on! I'm hanging on!" Pyro cried while managing to climb on top of the vacuum. Unfortunately the hose swung around and quickly wrapped him up. "AAAHHHHHH! HELP! HELP! IT'S TAKEN ME HOSTAGE!"

ZING! ZING! ZING!

"Look out!" Remy shouted as the vacuum started shooting out broken pieces of things it had previously sucked up.

"YEOOOWWW! THAT HURTS!" Sabertooth yelped as he was hit in the behind with shrapnel.

SMASH!

"So much for the TV," Piotr glanced at the half of a remote control imbedded into the screen.

"SOMEBODY SAVE ME!" Pyro screamed as the vacuum continued to zip around randomly while spitting out stuff.

"Sorry about this Pyro!" Remy charged up some cards at threw them at the vacuum. Unfortunately, the end of the hose swung around and blew the cards away towards Sabertooth.

BOOM! BOOM! BOOM!

"AAARRRGGGHHH!" Sabertooth yelled as the cards exploded in face.

"Oops! My bad!" Remy called out.

"Ohhh," Sabertooth moaned, now covered in scorch marks. "Watch it Cajun!"

"DON'T BLOW ME UP GAMBIT!" Pyro yelled in fear.

"Be careful!" Piotr shouted at Remy as he prepared to try again.

"Come on lucky lady," Remy prayed as he took out the Queen of Hearts and charged it. "Ha!" He tossed the card as the vacuum came rushing by and it slipped right into a vent slot. "Yes!"

"Bout time…uh oh," Sabertooth gulped as the vacuum headed towards him just as the Queen of Hearts passed near the vacuum's internal battery.

BOOOOOOM!

"AAAAAAHHHHHH!" Pyro screamed as the vacuum blew its top and shot him up into the air.

"Well at least it finally stopped," Piotr groaned as the other three Acolytes lay sprawled around the room from the explosion.

CRASH!

"But the pain never does," Sabertooth moaned as Pyro landed on him still wrapped up in the hose. "I'm gonna take a nap now," he warbled right before he passed out.

"Maybe we can put off cleaning the carpets for a while," Piotr coughed. "Once we finish repairs to the recreation room."

"You mean the wreck room," Pyro said in a funny voice. "Hey, I got my lighter back. Oooh, look at the pretty birdies."

"This is why I don't watch those kinds of cartoons anymore," Remy moaned. "They remind me too much of real life."