Introduction

(Author's Note: Opinions expressed in this story about the illogic of time travel, the smelliness of hyumans or the intelligence of this story's readers are not necessarily those of JoeMerl or FF-dot-net.)

Time travel. Alternate realities. Horrific character death. And of course, rubber piggies, because the person who came up with this fandom and all of his followers are a bunch of inbred human morons.

Hello. Allow me to introduce myself. I am Mike, and I will be your host for this story. Don't like me? Well, rest assured that the feeling is mutual; but don't worry, I'm mostly just a framing device. I will appear in the story proper, but my part, sadly, is minor; your human author, in yet another show of his immense lack of common sense, has decided to choose a different focus for this tale, arguing that I am simply a secondary character to these events, and that anyway, I do not come off as, shall we say, a "likeable character." Hmph. That's your problem, not mine, philistines. But fear not; we shall be getting to your oh-so-precious canon characters, with their insane delusions and burning meats, soon enough. Feel free to just ignore my little intrusions of rationality.

But I digress. The reason I am here is to explain to you ignorant boobs what this story is about. You see, JoeMerl--though insisting I am just not the right person to tell this story in its entirety--does agree that I am the most suited to explaining some of its details, as spatio-temporal polydimensional physics are just not his forte. So, allow me to explain.

This story, "Death of the Dib," is an alternate timeline version of the Invader Zim episode "Bad, Bad Rubber Piggy." This forms the beginning of the tale, but afterwards it digresses from the episode, allowing an entirely new story to be written based loosely on that episode's events. Does that mean that this is an alternate universe, or, as you humans so adorably shorten it, "AU" story? Not really; as you will see by the end of this tale, it is more like one extremely long deleted scene JoeMerl has developed, but for all intents and purposes, you may consider it as breaking continuity if you wish. Perhaps you can already figure out the distinction, and what JoeMerl is planning for this story; I honestly do not know, it all depends if you are just as stupid as he is or even more so. In any event, I am assigned the task of helping to explain this story, so if your tiny human minds get confused about anything— why this change to the timeline causes that result, or whatever— just put your query into a review, and I'll try to find a way to translate it into terms your pitifully inadequate brains can understand.

JoeMerl will try to update this story fairly frequently, but then, he already has two other Invader Zim fanfictions going, and another story in another fandom, and he is starting this one two days before he has to return to university from summer break. See above RE: his immense lack of common sense. Those other Zim stories, incidently, are titled "Endorsements of the Doomed" and "Dib in the PITS," and he begs you to please go and read them as well. And I do mean beg, he is very needy. He promises that they are good, though. And they are. I mean, you can just tell by the geniuses who read them...

Ahem. Mike?

Ugh. What is it?

Didn't I tell you not to stop insulting me and my readers?

Probably. You didn't actually expect me to listen while you were talking, did you?

Okay, Mike? If you're not going to do this right, I'll just get somebody else to--

(SLAP!)

OW!

Hm-hmm. Anyway, time to begin our little tale. We start off on the date of August 24 (1), in the year Zim began his invasion, and also simultaneously August 24 three years earlier, when Dib met a boy named Sasquatch Lad and got into a terrible accident. Or didn't, actually, except for when Zim changed the past in order to manufacture it. (Yes, you see why this story is going to be confusing now, don't you?) So, to satisfy all you insane fangirls out there clamoring for my nonexistent blood, let us turn to these sophomoric imbeciles your favorite show is based upon, and see what idiocy comes from their reckless meddling with the fabric of the universe itself.

(1) Which also happens to be the date the "Bad, Bad Rubber Piggy" episode first aired, and that JoeMerl is publishing this story. He's just so clever, isn't he? If only I had eyes to roll...