Disclaimer: Saint Seiya is not mine, but if it were, I'd protect them better against the Sues of the world.

Notes: Ya, so. If you like MarySues, this is a MarySue parody. You are forewarned. The first set is five mini-Sues about the Bronze Saints. The next one will be the Gold Saints, and then, there will probably be a combined one for the Godwarriors of Asgard and a couple of the Poseidon's Mariners, and then one for the Hades Spectres. So. Again, this is making fun of Mary-sue fics, so if you write marysues, or have ever been said to write marysues, please don't read this; it'll just offend you. Really.

1. Nadia Midori was the prettiest girl in the whole wide world, but she could never find a man who didn't love her only for her looks. Until Seiya. "I'm sorry, Midori-san," he said the first time they met, "The only reason I don't love you for your looks is because I really don't love you."

2. "Let me help you, sir," said Emily, a gorgeous blond girl who was, for some odd reason, working in a convenience store in Tokyo to support her ailing mother and three younger siblings. Everyone in her life was always so unkind to her, but Shiryuu was different.

"I really don't need help buying shampoo," he told her very politely, "and I do not quite have the time to listen to your terribly tragic story."

3. Natasha, who was the most gorgeous girl in her high school class, fell in love with Hyoga at first sight, and proceeded to tell him so. "We must be made for each other," claimed Natasha, "because we're both blond and half-Russian!"

In reply, Hyoga sighed. "One, I don't know you," he said, "two, just because you're blond doesn't mean I'll like you, and three, you have the same name as my mother, which just makes it especially awkward."

4. In a flurry of purple sparkles and pink hearts, Crystal Eleinika Jones's wish came true and she fell into the world of Saint Seiya. The first thing she did was find Shun, who she had learned to love even through the cold glass of the TV screen. "I want to be yours forever!" she shouted passionately to the Andromeda Saint.

Shun started crying. "Nii-san, there's a lunatic lady here and she's scaring me!" Both Ikki's arrival and Crystal's demise were very immediate.

5. When Samantha Victoria Manchester approached Phoenix Ikki, his first instinct was to run away. Ikki was not one for lots of human contact, after all. However, Sam was so rich that her father owned half of New York City, and she was totally in love with Ikki.

Ikki's second instinct was…to run away. Or kill Samantha. He was still trying to decide.