Author's Note: Here it is, another oneshot from... ME! Obviously. -sniffling at the quote at the very end- Sheesh, love's making me kind of emotional. -blinks- Anyway, let me go over a few facts: I love Palex, Palex was why I got into Degrassi, I've always wanted to write a fanfiction about these two, I think Alex is awesome and smexeh, Paige is really frustrating but I can't NOT like her, I hate the episode "Love Is a Battlefield" and I want it to BURN!! ...And it's four in the morning. Whytf do I always write/finish things this late/early? o.O Huh... -rambling-
ALSO... It took me about two godforsaken months to write this. Okay, so, two months ago I started the story (I think it was inspired by a Palex video with the song "Time After Time" by Quietdrive, but my memory sucks, so I dunno), worked on it for several hours, and THEN... I was more than halfway done when I stopped. I got stuck, and suddenly lost interest. Clinical depression, hun, you gotta love it. -temporarily stole "Hun" from Paige there- I HATE my mental state... -.- Not complaining or anything. I'm just explaining why it took two months to write over 2,000 words about something that's kept me glued to Degrassi.
So, anyway, I got back to it a couple hours ago while listening to "Time After Time" and seeking inspiration from the song, despite it depressing me and -- again -- pondering about love. Well, I finished it. Now I just have to finish that Spashley oneshot/songfic, which is also more than halfway done. Pft. -notices she wrote an overly long AN- o.o

"Love is giving someone the power to destroy you, and trusting them not to..."

-- ...?

Bag held tight in her hand, Alex Nunez stood in the chilly night air, her dark hair whipping around her face, lashing at her brown eyes, eyes rimmed with hot tears threatening to spill. The icy cold attacked her; even beneath her coat and scarf she was shivering.

But the teenager barely noticed. She was too busy spitting out muttered, broken curses while the wait for the bus stretched out.

Too busy struggling to keep her weak legs from giving way, not wanting to fall, fall, fall...

She wasn't supposed to fall.

She had been beaten, slammed into walls, received sore jaws with the metallic taste of blood, had broken vases thrown at her, but never did she crumble to her knees. Not since the night her father had been killed and her mother changed into a pathetic alcoholic with the taste for countless abusive assholes for boyfriends, especially Chad, that bastard.

Since then, Alex had taught herself to be stronger, both mentally and physically. She put up living in that pigsty for an apartment, took care of her mother, and ditched her school grades to work at a movie theater to pay rent. Almost every night, she couldn't find sleep for the longest time because of the screaming and crying in the next room; instead got up to try and fix her mother's broken state. In fact, she had developed a kind of numbness to the trauma in her life. It just kept driving by in black and white. Her heart became ice. Her eyes utterly cold.

The girl had never been in love, though. Not until she had gotten to know Paige.

Paige Michalchuk, the Queen Bee. Cheer-bitch. The chick she had loathed, the chick who had detested Alex.

Then they found each other working together at the same movie theater. They gradually overcame their differences and became close friends. Alex realized Paige wasn't such a shallow snoot, after all, and Paige found out Alex wasn't the world's worst person.

Out of the darkness came a flame. Because she had been making her way along some rocky path blindly, the sudden brightness took her by surprise. She didn't understand. Somehow, the blonde taught her to smile. As in, happily and sincerely. Alex Nunez had forgotten what it was like, after so many years of hardships, depression, and hanging around the 'wrong group'.

What was it in Paige that made the brunette start looking forward to seeing her at school and at work? Why did her heart start melting, becoming softer, swelling with eagerness and longing at the sight of the lovable cheerleader, the Miss Popular? Why did she come to love the scent of vanilla and strawberries? How come Alex felt lucky to meet Paige's hazel orbs? She could feel her own eyes become brighter and warmer.

Everything came in colors, then.

It scared her. It really did. But she said nothing, showed nothing, nothing about the unusual attraction she felt... towards another girl. Especially one that was as straight as a goddamn line; a perfect line, mind you.

But it happened. That night of the premiere, and after-party, where they danced. Even now, in the cold, Alex could suddenly remember Paige's touch, their heat mingling together, the tingling on her pale-dark skin, and the moment their gazes locked. She could recall the way her heart beat faster and her stomach began flip-flopping everywhere.

It all truly began later on... It was perfect, when her lips met Paige's... She'd always remember every detail...

Grinning bitterly, shifting from foot to foot, Alex came back to the present. "Goddamn it, you fucking bus driver, can you be any fucking slower?!" she burst out upon seeing -- yet again -- no sign of her transportation. The frustrated girl didn't bother acknowledging the middle-aged couple glancing at her in a startled and disapproving manner as they hurried on past.

"Fuck, Paige..." whispered Alex, the tears strolling down her cheeks. Fiercely choking back a sob and a wail, she hastily wiped at her face with her sleeve. Her stomach turning, Nunez gave in and sat down on the bench with a thump, placing her bag next to her. As she tried to keep her lunch from coming up her throat, she leaned her head back and closed her tired eyes, biting her lip rather hard. As the broken girl did this, memories of their first break-up scrolled through her mind. It was hard to split, but it just wasn't working. She had never intended to be anyone's lap dog in the first place, following them to some university...

When Alex had found out about her ex and that moron Spinner sleeping together after the relationship had ended, she took it badly. Even though they weren't together anymore, it hurt like all hell. She ended up hanging with Jay again and smoking as much weed as it took to knock her out; her friend was forced to carry her to her trashy apartment. Alex's heart still twisted with anger and disappointment whenever she saw Spinner.

Why do I have to think about this now? she wondered, trying to block everything out. We're over, officially over. She has her career; I'm moving to Ajax... And we'll probably never see each other again. She was right. We're just too different. Who ever thought of Queen Bee and Queen Trash actually making it? Alex rubbed her temples with shaking fingers. The Paige Ship has gotta sail.

There was a slight squealing sound, and Alex looked up to see a distorted image of the bus pulling to a stop; her eyes had gone watery again. Sniffing and rubbing the tears away for the second time, the teenager moved to stand, stomping her feet to get rid of the cold beginning to make them feel like stone, and to try and stop her legs from weakening further; though the latter didn't work much. Her jaw, recently quivering, was set, and her glassy brown eyes quickly became hard as the misty bus doors opened and Alex climbed aboard, silently handing in some coins.

There were only two other passengers, both somewhere near the front. Relieved, Alex walked to the back and settled herself, just as the wheels began moving again. It would probably be another few hours before she reached her destination.

Alone with her thoughts once more, she drew her finger along the frost on the window, making random doodles. When she realized she was making a heart, a frustrated Alex cleared the entire pane free of any mistiness. Choking up again, she leaned her head onto the window and watched the familiar houses and other buildings pass on by. Above her was a black sky. Because of the sharp, irritating lights outside, it was hard to make out the stars.

Jesus, my thoughts just seem to be going in chronological order, aren't they? It was about last month this time. When Alex realized her feelings for Paige still existed and, to her terror, had only gotten stronger over the course of time.

A surge of jealousy and anger set Alex's blood to boil as Paige asked her about Spinner and Jesse. For Christ's sake, the blonde was reminding the other girl of this one friend she had at age fucking twelve...

"I say they both suck!" Alex snapped in response, moving her hands in an irritated manner and glaring at Paige, who stared back in surprise and confusion. "And for that matter, so do you!" Getting up without waiting for a response, the brunette stormed out of the Dot, heading down the alley and stuffing her hands into her coat pockets. The January sun was barely out, and the day felt cold.

She didn't turn as she heard the door she just exited open and feet thumping to catch up to her. "You know what, Alex? You suck, too!" she heard Paige's annoyed voice.

"I'm sorry!" Bullshit.

"Oh, your apology is killing me with its plaintive sincerity!" was the sarcastic reply.
"God, I hate your thesaurus," Alex muttered as she whirled around to come face-to-face with her ex-girlfriend... or friend. Whatever.

"And I hate how you're acting right now! Why are you doing this?!" As soon as the words left an oblivious Paige's mouth, Alex lunged at her and, with hands on either side of the hazel-eyed beauty's face, met her lips with nearly bruising contact.

Pulling away, shaking Paige slightly, she cried, "Because I love you, you idiot!" and pulled away, trying to control her emotions. "So much it scares the crap out of me!"

Still stunned from the sudden action, the other one stammered, "Why? Just... why did you tell me to go on all those dates?!"

"Because I thought you being cas' with guys was nothing serious, and a lot better than you with some other girl."

There was a stifling hesitation. "I just... can't be with you right now." Her words were like knives. "I really do..." Alex stared at her, hope suddenly flaring in her chest. Paige bit her lip, and said, "I really have to go back inside." The hope died away, and she watched her ex-lover turn and head into the Dot once more. Just standing there, her feet rooted to the ground, Alex tried -- and soon failed -- not to cry.

Another fight had resumed between them later, involving Paige making herself the victim and Alex yelling at her about labels; at the time, the brunette was so burdened with the pressure of possibly getting evicted, along with her mother, no thanks to Chad. She didn't really have the time to think about Paige Michalchuk.

"I thought about what you said, about labels." Taking a deep breath, the nervous girl placed a hand on Alex's arm. "Straight, bi, lesbian, whatever. I really, really care about you, and I've decided to try and get over my fears." An uncontrollable smile appeared on her baby doll face, with a hint of fear over the possibility of getting rejected. "So, Miss Nunez, will you be my sweetheart?"

The illness ravaging within Alex faded away; she forgot all about the new secret she was forced to keep as she, too, smiled. Hoisting herself up on her elbow, she slid her hand behind her girlfriend's head and kissed her. "There's your answer, sweetheart," was all she said when pulling away. Paige looked ready to burst in joy.

And then, of course, a few days later fate turned around again. Paige discovered the shocking secret: Alex was stripping in order to make good money for the apartment.

The next obvious thing that had happened was a heated argument, Alex refusing to get off her high horse and "swallow her stupid pride," as Paige put it, when help was offered; then the second break-up occurred, serving them both another heartbreak.

Only when Chad came back from jail and it became clear her mom had used the money to bail the scum out did Alex leave, at last seeking Paige's aid and comfort.

"I've screwed up a lot. But if I let you go, it'll be the biggest screw-up of my life. So, please... help me?" she said sincerely, her teary eyes searching those hazel ones. Chatter and music surrounded them, along with Degrassi students moving to the beat with their dates, lights dancing everywhere. And in the dimness, Alex could see a smile grace Paige's beautiful lips.

"Sweetie," she breathed out, "you have me," and she took Alex's hand. Together they swarmed in with the crowd, grinning ear-to-ear, and embraced tightly, letting the song playing wash over them and whisk them away to their own little world. Not wanting to let go. Not wanting to let anything or anyone tear them apart again. And certainly not wanting to stop loving each other.

Paige Michalchuk had promised to be there for her, to help her back onto her feet. But just when Alex was in the process of doing so, her girlfriend decided to choose her job over her when a few incidents happened. They broke up, for the third and last time, and Alex was forced to take her packed bag and leave everything behind.

So typical of Paige... Her and her little pet, Marco, of course had to draw conclusions that I was only lazing around the house and being unable to pay rent. They didn't even bother asking if I had actually done something while they were away each day. So much for the surprise. She knew she could've just told Paige before walking out, that she had been looking for a part-time job and was actually considering going to college, but she didn't. It was like a test, to see whether or not Paige could actually be patient and have faith in Alex -- even if Alex wasn't exactly the smart schoolgirl type, or one who skimmed through life with enthusiasm and confidence.

Being kicked out only proved it: they really were too different, and things just kept getting in the way. "Love conquers all." Oh, yeah. Let me know when Jay turns gay and stops passing around STDs.

These thoughts weren't really helping. It didn't stop the increasing, ever-so-painful thudding in her chest, and didn't keep her stomach from turning. She bit her lip again, and could only hope she wouldn't throw up.

Suddenly she noticed the sign.

You Are Now Leaving Toronto. Thank You For Your Stay!

The realization, as the bus drove past said sign, came in full blast. Unable to contain it any longer, Alex moved away from the window, leaning forward until she was hidden behind the seats in front of her, and cried, muffling any sounds by biting into the thick scarf draping around her neck.

Alex had been abandoned, again. She gave her heart away, and it only got trampled on. Again. This time it was the girl whom she had given many chances, the girl she cared for, the girl who was supposed to care for her.

Countless tears trailed down her pained face, soaking into her scarf and sometimes dripping onto the speckled floor of the bus.

Love was the best thing in the world, but it was also the most terrifying, most painful experience. It had the power to make you feel almost invincible; however, it could crush you and leave you bleeding in the dark, too...

Alex Nunez would know, as the one she'd fallen for came into focus when her overflowing brown eyes closed.

"For one human being to love another; that is perhaps the most difficult of our tasks; the ultimate, the last test and proof, the work for which all other work is but preparation."

-- Rainer Maria Rilke

Author's Note: -points at the quote- Stolen from Loving Annabelle, one of my favorite movies of all time. -seen it maybe ten or (probably) more times- I really like what the Rainer wrote. At least this quote. It's so... -feels slightly choked up- true... It's freakin' scary. -shakes head- Sorry! Prolly freaking you out... Love is just a touchy subject for me...
So, there you go. The Palex oneshot. Angsty and crap, my usual writing style. I wrote the flashbacks 'cause I like them, and I've always wanted to write them down. :)
Let me tell you, I think this story is okay, but for some reason I'm not totally proud of it. Why do I always end up not liking anything I write? Hmmmm... I wonder... -sarcasm- By the way, I might possibly make a sequel to this. Maybe. We'll see, sometime in the next century. Har-har.
And now... I guess I'd better go back to working on one of my summer assignments. Gotta love being in Honors English...
Chow! Toodles! Buh-bye! Hasta la vista! Jaa ne! Auf Wiedersehen! -gets shot-