Sunburn

In which goblins wear sunscreen and the lubricative properties of said product are much discussed. In no way kinky, despite the way that sounds.

WARNING: LOTS OF INNUENDO (In yourendo!) AND IMMATURITY

Edit - not quite sure what this is, found it in a random file under the name 'Sun hurts. Stupid sun. Ouch' so I'll hazard a guess and say I wrote it under the influence of sunstroke or something. It would explain a lot.

Disclaimer: I own the sun screen, that is all

The only warning Severus Snape got was the woosh of the fireplace and the barely stifled coughing as a soot covered Bill Weasley all but fell out of the fire. The dark eyed man sighed in annoyance but that was it – surprisingly, he was rather used to this particular Weasley appearing in is rooms unannounced. A habit that had been acquired very early into Bill's curse breaking career where – more often than not – he was required to work in hot and sunny conditions.

As a red head, that did not bode well.

'You simply cannot have run out of sun screen already'

'Actually I can and I have'

Bill gave one last cough and grinned up at his almost permanently sneering friend. Yes, friend. Neither of them were quite sure how that had happened.

'I gave you enough for nearly half a year last time – how could you have possibly used so much in so short a space of time?'

The tanned red head shrugged sheepishly,

'I'm not quite sure, but I think the goblins have been helping themselves to my stash – I set up traps and everything but, you know, they're curse breakers and rather good at what they do'

There was a short space of time where they simply blinked at one another.

'You're telling me that goblins are using sunscreen despite the fact that they are genetically evolved from African, sun worshipping djinns'

'Yeah,' the red head grinned again with his teeth a startling white in comparison to his tanned face, 'personally I think they take it and use it as lubricant'

There was a heavy pause in which Snape slowly raised an eyebrow whilst simultaneously trying not to physically show his disconcertion. Bill just snickered.

'Man, I would not want to be inside your head right now. What I mean is the sun screen is very slippery and so is useful when opening up tight spaces...oh Merlin...I mean...you know...stubborn cracks – doors! I mean doors!'

Snape smirked as the usually self assured man lost his composure and blushed heavily.

'Yes well I suppose sun screen can be very...slick. I can see how the goblins may be desirous of its... lubricative qualities when encountering stubborn...doors'

The eldest Weasley turned as red as his hair and busied himself taking off his robe to reveal a horribly clashing orange t-shirt bearing the legend 'Red-heads do it better',

'See this is why I don't have more conversations with you, you always end up twisting my words.'

'What's to twist? You did that quite well by yourself – you and your slippery sun screen'

Bill sighed heavily,

'Look, can we just forget the whole slippery thing? Stuttering in the face of goblins is practically an invitation for them to lock you in a tomb, but stuttering is pretty much all you can do when faced with mental images of goblins and sun screen. I'm sure they can read minds too'

They both visibly shuddered at the thought of goblins peering into their minds.

'You never know, they might find the idea entertaining –'

Bill held up a censoring hand before he could continue,

'We are not going there, I do not want to imagine my colleagues attacking each other with slippery sun screen any more than you want to imagine your colleagues doing the same'

There was a momentary silence then both went pale and had to sit down.

'Is it possible to obliviate yourself?'

'No'

'Not even –'

'No'

The fire crackled as the red head thought this over.

'...Damn'

'Quite.'

Snape stared traumatised into the fire trying not to think; even for a skilled occlumens this was surprisingly difficult. In fact the only time he ever didn't think was when -

'Firewhisky?'

'Bring the bottle'

Sunburn hurts. Use sun screen, its slippery but it hurts less. R&R if you want.