Chapter 1 - The Headmaster

He was the Headmaster of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry.

It had taken quite a long time for it to come about; that added with the fact that he was still unpopular amongst for Albus Dumbledore's murder, even after he had been found innocent on that account. The final battle had taken place almost five years ago, and Minerva McGonagall had remained at Hogwarts to act as Headmistress for three of those years before Severus was offered the job. His name had long been cleared and the order had been behind him the entire time, assisting him in returning to his post at Hogwarts as Potions Master.

While Severus was quite content to remain at Hogwarts, there was still something wanting in his life despite his good fortune. He was miserable without Albus there to take tea with him and talk at him for hours on end – even if the portrait of the late Headmaster was hanging on the wall in his office and chattered constantly. It wasn't the same as the real deal. Minerva still visited sometimes though. That was good for him because although they had often been rivals, they were friends.

Most of the other Professor's before the war had remained at Hogwarts including Filius Flitwick, Pomona Sprout, Sylia Vector, Juliet Sinistra, and Rolanda Hootch. There had been the addition of Angelina Johnston as the Transfiguration Professor two years before, the installment of Remus Lupin and his wife Nymphadora Tonks-Lupin as the DADA Professor's as well as Hermione Granger – his elected Deputy, and current Potions Master.

Hermione Granger puzzled him.

She had been the brightest student in her age group and had scored the highest NEWT since Severus himself had graduated from Hogwarts. She had battled like a warrior in the war, and had been fearless and compassionate with the less fortunate. She was the most understanding person one could ever ask for despite her being an only child, and selflessly gave up her time for anyone in need. But somehow, despite all of her intelligence and potential, she went to College and graduated a Potions and Arithmancy Master, before applying for a job at Hogwarts, and immediately settled into her life at the school.

That had all been five year ago. She was 20 when she had begun teaching, and was currently 25 and content with her position. Severus had given her the job as his Deputy only three years ago. Hermione Granger was the most organized and useful deputy that had ever seen Hogwarts. Minerva had done a fair job, but she was nothing compared to Granger and her unique ability to be more efficient than the job she was working on required. It was uncanny really.

Sighing, Severus leaned back in his chair and closed his eyes, feeling a headache beginning at the back of his head from all of this pondering. This was quite a frequent occurrence, for when he thought of Hermione, he would get headaches, and because she was often at the forefront of his thoughts, he got many headaches. He rubbed his head and summoned a house elf to find Hermione for him – she would surely not have a class then.

'Winky, please get Professor Granger for me,' he said when the elf appeared.

'Yes sir,' she squeaked, disappearing with a pop.

Two minutes later the flames of the fireplace turned green and Hermione stepped out of it holding a vial of clear green liquid in one hand. Severus sat up properly and opened his eyes when he heard her arrive and held out his hand. She sighed and placed the vial in his outstretched hand, crossing her arms as she waited for him to take his headache Potion so she could get back to her class.

'Thank you, Hermione,' he said once he had swallowed the disgusting liquid down – luckily without expelling the contents of his stomach everywhere.

'No problem, though if you're done, I actually do have a class at present,' she said in a slightly exasperated voice. This was the third time he had summoned her in two days, and she was getting a little worried for him. 'If this continues, you may want to go and see Poppy about it.'

'I don't need a nanny, Granger,' he said curtly at her suggestion.

Hermione shook her head and took the empty vial from him. He did that every time she tried to suggest that he might have a medical condition. 'Very well, now may I leave?' she asked.

He dismissed her with a wave, and she left wordlessly. Severus watched her leave with a contemplative expression. Maybe she was right, and he should see someone about it. He realized that he was getting worse as the days drew on, though he was sure it tied in with the little sleeping that he actually did. But that was why he snapped at her – he was afraid that she might be correct.

Severus felt old. He was only in his prime – 43 years was young in the Wizarding world. But he felt older than that, and was tired of life. It wasn't his fault – although he supposed it was in a way. He shouldn't have joined Voldemort to begin with, and he would never have had to spy. It was those years spying that had left him drained and he could never get those twenty years back.

He looked around the office, now bare of all of the other portraits of Headmasters save Albus. He had moved them to a new room that he had constructed in order to display them next to the trophy room. They were bothersome, and the last thing he wanted was the portrait of Armando Dippet reporting messages from the current Minister for Magic, Arthur Weasley. He didn't have anything against the man; it was merely that he liked to do his job without being disturbed. If the Ministry wanted to contact him, they could bloody well do it the normal way.

'Severus,' said a soft familiar voice.

He spun in his chair around to face the singular portrait that remained in the room. 'What is it Albus?' he answered wearily.

'You are troubled. What is it this time my boy?'

'Nothing of concern Albus,' he lied poorly. He knew very well that even in his portrait form Albus could see through him. 'I feel terribly old – beyond my years. I know you've probably heard it before.'

'Not from you,' Albus replied. 'You've always hated Christmas. The season is getting to you.'

Severus didn't reply to that. Albus knew why he hated Christmas. Christmas was two short weeks away and he had to plan the Yule ball for this year as the Tradition had begun. They held a ball every three years, and the students would return home for the holidays the following day for two weeks. This year, four students could not go home, because they did not have homes to return to – another fatality of the war – students that became orphaned.

'There are four orphaned students remaining this year,' Severus said with a heavy sigh. 'All of the others have accommodation with the families of friends.'

'You feel bad because the remaining are the only ones that don't have an escape?' Albus questioned.

'Of course I do you old coot,' he bit out tersely.

'The staff is remaining at Hogwarts this holiday then?'

'Yes, the most of them are remaining. I believe Hermione may be going to the Weasley's on Christmas day as per usual, but the rest of them are staying here,' he answered automatically. 'I was invited to the Weasley gathering.'

'Why are you not going then?'

'Because of the remaining students – how would it look if the Headmaster of a school left his students on Christmas day?' he demanded.

'Filius and the others are all very capable. Take a couple of days off and enjoy yourself for once Severus. They wouldn't mind. Bring it up at the next staff meeting,' Albus insisted.

'I'll give it some thought,' he agreed reluctantly.

Albus nodded and quieted, leaving Severus to his thoughts. Being unable to concentrate now, Severus left his office and wandered around the castle while all of the students were still in class or in their common rooms or the library studying. Somehow he managed to end up in the Astronomy tower and found a comfortable position leaned up against a pillar as he looked out over the school grounds, vaguely recognizing what was actually there underneath all of the snow. The lake had completely frozen over, and for the last two weekends, it had been deemed safe to skate on by Filius who took the liberty of offering to monitor the lake at certain times so that the students could ice skate with supervision.

He had to remember to thank Filius for that at the next meeting too. In fact, he had to enlist some help in planning the Yule ball, and he imagined that Hermione would be the most ideal to fill the position of ball coordinator. She was his assistant really, and was obviously the most organized person on his staff at present. He would have to remember to give her a raise or extra weekends off or holidays or something to make up for all of her help though.

He sighed when he realized the list of people he had to thank for certain things was growing and demanding more from him. He had a hard time as it was saying thanks, and now he was required to dish them out constantly. He supposed that one day he would grow accustomed to it; but he had all the time in the Wizarding world to master that skill, so why hurry? He turned to leave the tower then, when he saw Hermione standing in the doorway watching him with her arms crossed over her chest.

'How did you find me?' he asked and then he almost kicked himself for asking such a stupid male question.

She chuckled at this and unfolded her arms. 'Well I should think that answer was obvious, however, if you are having difficulties, I suggest you see Poppy about it,' she replied.

'Did you want something?'

'Just to see if you were feeling any better since earlier when you interrupted my class,' she answered. 'You did read the timetable I gave you of which Professor had classes and when, didn't you?'

He shook his head simply with a scowl and walked to the doorway. They left the tower together and returned to his office. Just before she was about to Floo back to her office, he called out to her. 'Schedule a staff meeting for Thursday,' he said simply.