Ok…so I was listening to the Jonas Brothers' new album on YouTube…coz stupid England don't have it :(
So, I totally burst into tears listening to this, Sorry and A Little Bit Longer. But, listening to this and Sorry I just had awesome ideas for the perfect one shots/ songfics.
So, here it is.
Disclaimer- I do not own anything to do with the Jonas Brothers; including the song 'Can't Have You' or Camp Rock. I'd love to have Joe sing it to me though ;)
Can't Have You
"Shane…we have an interview."
I look up and Nate's smiling at me sadly. I nod and stand up. Like my life can't get any worse right about now I have to do a stupid interview with the reporter asking me constantly if I'm dating this girl, or that girl, or heck, even that girl! But, today…only one question will be on their lips.
"So, Shane…care to explain as to why you and Mitchie Torres ended your three year relationship?"
I sigh. Yup, that question. "No comment." I say in my 'new' voice as Jason has been calling it. Is it honestly my fault that I'm depressed? The love of my frickin' life just left and I'm supposed to be all peppy about it? So not happening.
"Not even a little comment for all those Smitchie fans out there?" I wince at the word Smitchie. That just brings back memories of when we both found out the world was calling us that.
"Smitchie?" she giggled. I shook my head throwing aside the stupid magazine. "What? They didn't want to call us 'Mane' or something?!" she laughed.
"Would you like me to call you Mane?" I asked. She looked at me with a blank expression before bursting out into her Mitchie laugh.
"Only if I get to call you…" she thought for a moment. "Shmitch."
I laughed at her face which she was trying to not show any playfulness. "Sure…Mane." I smirked and kissed her gently.
"Okey doke…Shmitch." She grinned and it's just contagious so, I soon found myself grinning with her.
"No." I say with an angry tone. The reporter leans back and brushes a hand through her hair, obviously scared or nervous…or both.
"Ok…so, your new song? Care to tell us anything about it?" The reporter asked timidly.
"Well Shane wrote it with the help from us." Nate said as I placed my head in my hands. I knew the reporter was looking at me funnily but I just didn't care. "It's…important…to all of us." I look up at Nate and frown. How was it important to him?
"Was there a muse for it? Or anything? Does it have a specific meaning?"
"Yeah," I say, my voice lower than usual. "A really important message."
It does. I just hope she'll listen.
"Well thank you. Unfortunately our time's up so, good luck for the future guys." She says slightly awkwardly. We all nod, shake her hand, and watch as she leaves. Nate and Jason sit back down and I turn to them who look at me expectantly.
"How is it important to you guys too?" I ask. Jason stands and begins to walk to the door to his room (we were in the living area of our hotel suite).
"You lost your girlfriend." He stated. He took a deep breath. "We lost out little sister." He sighed and turned to enter his room.
I never thought about it like that before. Sure I had lost Mitchie but, they had too.
It's a weird feeling to lose someone. Sure I had lost like my grandparents but, they were never coming back. Whereas, there's always this chance that I will see Mitchie again and it scares me. Simply because I know I'll never ever be able to get over her. She was just so…Mitchie. Different, stunning, gorgeous, talented and smart. She was completely different to any other girl I have ever dated. And it actually lasted for three years. I met her when I was eighteen and we dated…then three years later…three of the best years of my life, it was over.
…
"Shane…they need you in hair and makeup." Jason said coming into my dressing room. I glanced at him and noticed he was dressed for the interview and the performance. You have no idea how much I hate live chat shows.
I get up from my comfortable couch and make my way to the stupid hair and makeup room. What? I do my hair everyday…is it not good enough?
"This shouldn't take long Shane." The young woman spoke as I sat down. I nod and look at my lap as she begins pulling my hair about. I absentmindly tap my fingers on my legs as she begins applying my 'makeup'. This is exactly what I hate about being who I am. I'm a guy…not a girl! I should not be wearing makeup.
"Ok done." She smiles at me as I nod and make my way back to my dressing room.
"We're on in five," Nate states as I collapse on the couch once more and run a hand through my hair. Who cares if they've just done it? They didn't even change it. Since when is Shane Gray's hair neat?
"Shall we go then?" I ask stretching and quickly changing my shirt. Nate nods and stands up just as I'm pulling on my waist coat. "What if she doesn't watch?" I ask. Nate and Jason turn to me. I have my back to them as I wipe under my eyes. So what, I cry. You would too if you had lost someone as wonderful and amazing as Mitchie.
"Caitlyn's going to force her to." Nate stated talking about Mitchie's best friend and his own girlfriend.
"Mitchie's stubborn though." I mumble.
"And Caitlyn's evil." Jason said. Nate turned to him and glared. "What? She is! She can totally make Mitchie watch it! Just by using her creepy sneakiness!"
Nate continued to glare as he turned back to me and placed his hand on my shoulder. I turned around.
"Mitchie will read it, I promise." Nate said and I believed him. Everyone would, Nate's so honest and he tries to make everyone as happy as possible.
"Let's do this then!" I say suddenly feeling confident. Jason and Nate grin. This has got to work. Cross your fingers for me?
…
"So how are you all? Nate let's start with you. How's Caitlyn?"
"She's great thanks." He smiled. "She's at home watching this…I think." He laughed.
"Jason? Any love in your life?"
"Only my girlfriend Alexa." He grinned. "She's special. But, don't worry fans! I love you all too." He winked and I shook my head at him. He was always so smooth.
"So Shane," the show host sighed. I knew what was coming and for the first time, I was going to tell the truth. "How are you holding up after your break up with fellow singer Mitchie Torres?" she looked almost afraid to ask me…probably due to my reputation.
"To be honest it's hard. You don't realise how much you care about someone until they're gone. I just wish things were different. We both knew it would be hard because of our schedules and I guess…we drifted apart. I got busier and didn't have time to call her. I only regret hurting her…I never wanted that to happen."
The host smiled. "Well…you're going to sing your new song for us, are you not?" Thanks for moving on.
"Yeah!" Jason shouted. The host laughed and indicated to the small stage to her right where all our instruments and band were waiting for us. We walked over and I sat on the middle stool as Jason and Nate grabbed their guitars and sat on the stools next to me.
"This is for someone special. I hope you're watching," I say gently into the microphone. Please be watching baby.
The music begins and I glance at Nate and Jason who both give me reassuring smiles. I nod and turn back to the front and began singing.
"You
warned me that you were gonna leave
I never thought you would
really go."
I close my eyes and remember when she had mentioned us ending. But, I shook her away.
"Shane…this is getting too hard." She whispered down the phone.
"No one said it would be easy Mitch." I sigh.
"No one said it would be this hard though either." I had never heard her voice so quiet.
"Everything will work out fine."
"How do you know?" she asked and I knew she was fighting back tears.
"I don't." she sighed. "But, I'm not going to stop trying."
"I think you already have." I frown as I heard the dial tone. She hung up on me?
"I
was blind, but, baby, now I see
I broke your heart,
Now I know
that I was bein' such a fool,
And I didn't deserve you."
The
words were stuck in my head and I think they had been replaying over
and over for the few weeks she had been gone. I managed to write this
song in like an hour. All the emotions were there. I handed it to
Nate and Jason before walking into my room to cry. Yes to cry. When I
came out a few hours later they had added bits and to be completely
big-headed; it was all amazing. "I
don't wanna fall asleep, 'cuz I don't know if I'll get up "Looking at the letter that you left,
And I
don't wanna cause a scene,
But I'm dying without your
love
Begging to hear your voice;
Tell me you love me,
too.
Cause I'd rather just be alone if I know that I can't have
you."
(The
letter that you left, will I ever get you back?)"
"Mitchie?" I call through my apartment. She was here earlier; even if it was only for five minutes. Only, I don't actually know how long she was here for. I had told her I had to go, kissed her quickly and left.
I walk into my bedroom and frown seeing an envelope on my bed. 'Shane' was written in her writing on the front. I eagerly opened it and glanced over it. My eagerness faulted entirely when I read the contents.
"Shane…I know I'm being weak doing this this way, it's just I wouldn't be able to face you doing it face to face. Hate me if you want to. It doesn't matter anymore. I can't do it. Us I mean. I never see you anymore and when I do…it's for five minutes like this morning. I honestly can't remember the last time we went out just us two, no paparazzi or anyone else. I also can't remember the last time I heard you say you loved me. The thing that makes this so much harder is the fact that I love you. More than you'll ever know. It's just too complicated. Too hard. Too…hopeless. Loving you has just caused me pain and to think or even say that is a horrible, horrible feeling because I thought loving you would just be as simple as actually loving you. Shane, you hurt me. I know you would never mean to on purpose but, you did. Maybe in a few years I could handle seeing you and talking to you about this, our past only, right now…I don't think I could even handle seeing you. Whether it be face to face or even on the TV. Things are just too hard. I guess this is goodbye. X
What? She'd…gone?
Wonderin'
if I'll ever get you back
Dreaming about when I'll see you
next
(When I'll see you next, will I ever get you back?)
Knowing
that I never will forget
(I won't forget, I won't forget)
That
I was bein' such a fool,
And I still don't deserve you
"Shane…stop calling me."
"Mitch…I know I don't deserve you but, I need you."
"Stop calling me Shane. It's over. I'm sorry but that's just the way it is."
So tell me what we're fighting for
I
don't wanna fall asleep, 'cuz I don't know if I'll get up
And I
don't wanna cause a scene,
'Cuz I'm dying without your love
(yeah! )
I'm begging to hear your voice;
Tell me you love me,
too.
Cause I'd rather just be alone, if I know that I can't have
you
Cause I know that
the truth means so much more
Cause you would if you could, don't
lie.
Cause I'll give everything that I've got left to show you I
didn't mean what I have said
I know I was such a fool, but I can't
live without you
"Mitchie I'm sorry! What else can I say?"
"Shane…" I put my foot in the door as she tries to close it.
"Look me in the ages and tell me you don't love me anymore!" I ordered. Her eyes look to mine and I flinch. I could see the tears that were filling them.
"I don't love you anymore." She choked. She actually said it. she attempted to close the door again but, I wasn't about to give up without a fight.
"Mitchie…I'll do anything." I beg. She sighs. "Absolutely anything. You tell me to end the band I will." She gasps and glares.
"Don't you ever think about anyone but yourself? What about Nate and Jason?"
"I need you!" I shout. "I don't need anything else in my life as long as you're with me!"
"Just leave Shane. Please."
"I can't live without you Mitch…"
"You'll
learn to." I move my foot and the door closes. For good? I
don't wanna fall asleep, I don't know if I'll get up (Yeah!) Don't
wanna fall asleep (don't wanna fall asleep),
I don't wanna
cause a scene,
But I'm dying without your love
I'm begging to
hear your voice;
Tell me you love me, too.
Cause I'd rather
just be alone, if I know that I can't have you.
Cause I don't know
if I'll get up (who knows if I'll get up?)
I don't wanna cause a
scene,
'Cuz I'm dying without your love
I'm begging to hear
your voice (let me hear your voice);
Tell me you love me, too.
(Tell me you love me, too)
Because I'd rather just be alone, if I
know that I can't have you
"Shane…get up."
"No."
"Shane!" Nate warned. I was not about to get up. It's almost as if my life has no meaning anymore.
"Nate," I gulp the tears threatening to fall once more. He looks at me sorrowfully. "I'm sorry, I don't want to cause a scene. I'm just dying without her love." Nate nodded in understanding. "I would do anything to hear her voice again…to hear her say she loves me. You know…I'd rather die alone if I know that I can't have her."
"Then really fight for her man. Those words and feelings would make a great song." He winked and left. A song?
The audience clapped and I couldn't really hear anything. My heart was beating so fast and I couldn't see through the tears that had built in my eyes.
"It's up to you now Mitch." I whisper.
…
One whole entire day later and I've heard nothing from her. Caitlyn called Nate explaining Mitchie had watched it and was just confused and shocked by it all. Caitlyn said Mitchie had wondered about whether I was actually being truthful. Of course I was. She should know me better than to lie about something like that.
"Should I call her?" I asked looking at the phone.
"I think so man. You're the one who wrote the song to tell her your feelings. Now try explaining them." I look up realising Jason was the only one in the room with me and was the one who had given me the advice. And surprisingly it was good advice.
"Thanks Jase." I pick up the phone and begin to dial in the numbers I will never forget. I look up when I hear Jason leave the room and place the phone to my ear as the door clicks shut.
"Hello?" She answers on the fourth ring. Yeh I counted.
"Mitchie." I say gulping.
"Oh…hello Shane."
"I was just calling…" She cut me off.
"To explain why you wrote that song?" Her voice had some anger to it. Was she angry I wrote it?
"Umm yeah?" I squeaked.
"If you're not sure why you're calling me then hang up and actually think about what you're doing this time. Please?"
"No!" I shout. "Sorry I mean I know why I'm calling."
"Go on then." Why is her voice harsh?
"I wrote the song because it's all true so if you don't think it is you're incredibly wrong; it's all from my heart. I wish you'd understand what I'm going through. I know you're going through something too and obviously I don't know what that is. I just…miss you." I sigh. My mind wasn't working. I had no clue what to say.
"Missing me is not enough Shane. We've been through all the missing me stuff and it just doesn't cut it."
"Mitchie…I'm begging."
"And as hard as it is for me to say this…I'm through listening. I can't do this anymore Shane ok? I can't keep being put last on your list. I can't wait around for you to call or call me back. Life's not about waiting…you taught me that! I'm sorry. I know you're hurting; I am too. It's just too hard for me." she sobbed.I would give anything to hug her. "Goodbye Shane."
And once more she said goodbye. Am I supposed to live without her? because I can't. It's not that easy! And it can't be over! I won't let it be.
I love her…
…
Life is not easy when you're alone. When someone you love breaks your heart because you broke hers in the first place; it's the worst pain in the world. Simply because…it can't be fixed.
No matter how much I can try to fix it…nothing will work and I just give up.
I know I sound weak, I just can't handle anymore pain and heartbreak. And as much as I love and miss her I guess, I have to continue with my life. Only, it'll be extremely hard, seeing her promoting her new album and just seeing her beautiful face in pictures.
"Shane?" I look up and see Nate entering my room. "Caitlyn said to turn on HotTunes. It's important."
I frown and switch the TV on. I look through the channels until I find the correct one.
"Welcome…Mitchie Torres!" The hot tunes reporter literally just stopped me breathing. I glare at Nate and he sits on my bed, along with Jason. We all turn back to the TV; as much as I don't want to.
"So Mitchie…you're new album's coming out. Excited?"
"Umm…yeah." Did that sound really not excited to anyone else? I share a confused glance with Nate before turning back to the TV where Mitchie was speaking again. "I mean…obviously it's really exciting waiting for what the response will be from the fans. Hopefully they'll like it." she laughed weakly and plastered a fake smile on her face. I could tell. Trust me that is the fakest smile ever. She was never good at hiding her real emotions.
"So, after your break up with Connect Three star Shane Gray is there any new guys in your life?" My eyes widened and I crawl so I'm sitting right in front of the TV screen.
"No." she states and I let out the breath I wasn't even sure I had been holding.
"Still reeling from the break up then? I mean, a pretty girl like you should have millions of guys running after you."
I gulp. That's true. The amount of times I have wanted to punch some guy's lights out for checking her out. Even when I'm there. It angered me.
"Umm…I guess. But," She sighs and takes a deep breath. "I suppose…that I'm scared of another relationship. I don't want to get hurt again. Not that Shane meant to hurt me of course. It just happened and breaking up with him hurt…a lot. So I guess I'm scared of that and ending up loving someone so much that when they are gone…you just want them back."
Whoa…did she just say that? Did she mean me? Or it hypothetically? By the looks on Nate's and Jason's faces I take it they think she meant me. Should I be happy?
"Does that mean Shane?"
"I…don't know." Mitchie shrugged.
"Well…it looks like it's your performance time now. So, go get yourself ready." I noticed she smiled nervously before making her way to the stage. She sat down on the stool that was situated in the middle, grabbed her guitar and got ready to begin. "Ladies and gentlemen…Mitchie Torres!"
"Hey," She spoke shyly. "This isn't an original of mine, it's someone else's. And, it's to someone so important to me…I just hope your listening."
My ears perked up hearing a very familiar tune. I pinched myself to see if I was dreaming. It hurt like hell so...I guess I'm not.
"I
don't wanna fall asleep
Cause I don't know if I'll get up
And
I don't wanna cause a scene
But I'm dyin' without your love
I'm
beggin' to hear your voice
Tell me you love me too
Cause I'd
rather just be alone
If I know that I can't have you."
"Oh."
"My."
"God." I grin. "I do love you." I whispered.
"So
tell me what we're fighting for (CHORUS) (CHORUS)
Cause you know that truth means
so much more
Cause you would if you could, don't lie
Cause
I'd give everything that I've got left
To show you I mean what I
have said
I know I was such a fool
But I can't live without
you
Don't wanna fall asleep
Don't know if
I'll get up
I don't wanna cause a scene
But I'm dyin' without
your love
I'm beggin' to hear your voice
Tell me you love me
too
Cause I'd rather just be alone
If I know that I can't
have you
Yeah!
Don't wanna fall asleep
(Don't wanna fall asleep)
Cause I don't know if I'll get up (Who
knows if I'd get up)
And I don't wanna cause a scene
'Cause
I'm dyin' without your love (Yeah!)
I'm beggin' to hear your
voice (Let me hear your voice)
Tell me you love me too (Tell me
you love me too)
Cause I'd rather just be alone
If I know
that I can't have you."
"Thank you." She whispered. "Oh and Shane? I lied when I said I didn't love you."
My mouth hung agape as she rushed off stage and to what I supposed was Caitlyn.
In about two minutes my life had changed. How the hell does that happen?
"What do I do?" I asked still watching the now blank screen.
"Uh…go get her!" Jason shouted like it was the most obvious thing in the world. I didn't need to be told twice. I jumped up and ran through my bedroom door and then the main one.
Nate and Jason were hot on my tail as we raced for the elevator and waited impatiently for it to arrive.
"Come on, come on, come." I whispered as I anxiously watched the numbers light up. The elevator finally dinged and we ran in.
"Is that Connect Three?" We heard whispering going around the incredibly packed elevator. Usually of course we'd be signing autographs…unfortunately we had no time. The one thing on my mind was Mitchie.
As soon as the elevator doors started opening I slid through them before they fully opened. I ran through the lobby ignoring the shocked faces of other guests. We all ran through the front doors and looked from left to right.
"There are no taxi's!" I shouted running a hand through my hair.
"Crap!" Nate swore next to me. "Wait! Here comes one!"
I glance to where he's pointing and look around. There were loads of people waiting for taxis. What the hell is going on at this hotel? Why so many frickin' guests?! The taxi slowly came to a halt a little way away. We ran forward and pushed in front of the line of people waiting.
"Hey!"
"That's our taxi!" People started shouting at us.
"You go. I'll sort it." Nate said turning to the people and apologizing stating how important this was.
"There's no need." Jason whispered. Nate and I turned around and watched as the passengers of the taxi climbed out. I held my breath as she stepped out. Her face look flushed and her makeup was halfway down her face in large black smudges. Only, I didn't care. She would always look beautiful to me.
She glanced around at all the people who were still shouting at us before her eyes finally landed on us. Our eyes locked. She stepped forward and then stopped.
"Are you going to have the taxi or what?" Someone asked stepping in front of me. I craned my neck over them so I could manage to keep my eyes locked on her gorgeous brown ones.
"I don't think he'll need it now." I smiled when she spoke. The man turned, muttered something before jumping into the awaiting taxi.
"I saw you on HotTunes." I said.
"Where were you heading?" she asked glancing to the taxi that was pulling away from the curb.
"To you." I whispered. She smiled before launching herself at me. I grabbed her and swung her around as her legs hooked around my waist. I stepped away from the crowd who were all 'awwing' at us. I glanced at the others. Nate had his arm wrapped around Caitlyn and were smiling at us. Jason on the other hand was getting shouted at by some stranger. I laughed before turning back to look at her.
"To me huh?" she whispered.
"Where else would I ever go to?" I asked. She shrugged as I placed her back on her feet. "What made you change your mind?" I whisper as she places her forehead against mine.
"I listened to my heart. And saw your performance of that song again and noticed you looked like me." I furrowed my forehead in confusion. "You looked lost, lonely…and heartbroken."
"I was." I whispered, my voice cracking slightly.
"Well…so was I."
"Where do we go from here?" I asked.
"Well…you kiss me." she giggled. I didn't need to be told twice. I slowly leant down and gently began caressing her lips with mine. God did I miss her.
"Beggin' to hear your voice,
Tell me you love me too,
Cause I'd rather just be alone, if I can't have you." I sung quietly as we pulled away.
"I love you." She whispered.
"Good…because I love you too."
"Let's…make it work this time." She stated.
"I was planning on it." She grinned again and leant up to kiss me once more.
There's no need for me to be alone anymore…because I can have her…
If I'm being totally honest. I liked it. And I was crying…simply because I've been listening to the song over and over again now and I could actually imagine how they both felt.
Did you like?
Review please?
That was like totally the longest thing I've ever written! 16 pages! Woo!