Third Wheel

Yugao

Summary: He knew that they were going to just be InoShika and Chouji someday, and he had no idea what was taking them so long.

Author's Note: Okay, so my best friends kind of/sort of got together, and they're a lot like Shikamaru and Ino. Not as individuals, since they're as different from the characters as seems possible, but they're always fighting and stuff that it seems only natural for me to dedicate this to them. Though neither would ever get to read it. Haha. Please read and review, love lots.

Disclaimer: I don't own InoShikaCho.

"What the hell are we still doing here? Ever heard of efficiency, genius? It means doing our job and not wasting our time."

The bag of chips crackled with that distinct plastic sound as I tore it open and dipped my hand in to fish for a crisp plain salted potato chip. I picked up a perfect, round, golden brown chip and smiled bemusedly to myself as I put it in my mouth. It was only mid-chew that I recognized Ino's shrill statement as another starter for one of their famous battles of wits. (I had no doubt that if it was merely that, Shikamaru would win hands down; but Ino was better with persuasion – which was exactly the reason I'd given up betting on who would win an argument long ago.)

I fished out another potato chip when I heard Shikamaru groan and mumble, "Bothersome woman," under his breath. I snickered. Despite Shikamaru's efforts, Ino would hear anything and everything he said (though whether this selective heightening of her sense of hearing was conscious or not has always been unclear to me).

Sure enough, Ino exploded. "Who are you calling bothersome?" she asked irately. "You're the one who ordered that we sit on our asses until sunrise with absolutely nothing to do!" I would've loved to see the look on their faces, but my back was turned to them and I was preoccupied munching on my chips. Besides, I had seen similar scenes play out in front of me before, and I could visualize everything even though I couldn't actually see anything. Shikamaru would be sitting down by the fire, his eyes bored and his brow borderline frustrated; Ino would be standing across from him, her arms on her hips obstinately as she glared down at her teammate. My mental diorama made me grin as I put another chip in my mouth.

"Last time I checked, I couldn't see in the dark," I heard Shikamaru reply dryly, in a tone that would have yelled to anyone else 'I'm right, you're wrong, so shut up already'.

Ino, though, didn't hear that little subliminal message. At this point I imagine that she must have folded her arms over her chest and tapped her foot impatiently. "It's not dark yet," she pointed out, and that was true to some extent. It was five in the afternoon and things were still pretty much visible, and if we hurried we would have probably got the mission completed before nightfall.

Score one for the blonde.

"It's not going to take just ten minutes, either, Ino," Shikamaru countered, a slightly hard edge to his voice, as if he was on the verge of losing his temper. I knew he wouldn't, though; he never did. It was far more likely for him to get mad at me that it was for him to get mad at Ino. I've always wondered about that, though I never got the courage to ask either of them about it. I'd probably get skyrocketed to Mars anyway, if I ever tried. He went on with, "This is a B-rank mission. The enemy isn't going to bend over and let us kick their asses. We've got to be careful about this."

One, all. As per usual.

I sighed as I moved my attention back towards the bag of potato chips in my hand. The chips went up to only half of the bag now, though there was no accounting for the fact that the potato chip industry didn't quite fill their bags, instead putting chips to about three-quarters of the bag at most. I scowled for a moment before I decided not to let it bother me. My thoughts wandered to different things, most particularly to my teammates who hadn't yet stopped bickering.

I'd always known that our famous team – InoShikaCho – was someday just going to be InoShika and Chouji. I just had no idea what was taking them so long.

It was pretty obvious, even from the start, to be perfectly honest. We'd known each other since we were in our diapers. We were each other's first best friends, and that stuck around until now, a bit more than fifteen years later. We were an unlikely bunch, even as babies. I for one would spend more time in a corner of the playpen with my bottle. Shikamaru would lie down somewhere and eventually fall asleep, while Ino, the little princess, would always have a shiny new toy or something to play with every time our parents put us together.

'Some things never change' sounds like an appropriate cliché.

I doubted that either of them remembered it, but Shikamaru and Ino were, in a way, first sweethearts. They were four years old when they had their first kiss. Sure, it was just because the head came off of one of Ino's more expensive dolls and she was bawling to no end, and ever the brainy one, Shikamaru went over and fixed it before she could bat another eyelash. In girlish gratitude she'd squeezed him tight and kissed him on the cheek – to which the little Shikamaru turned a tomato shade of red and walked away.

The memory made me chuckle.

That wasn't the best of them, though. Four years old was a good age for Shikamaru and Ino, I guessed, because a couple of months later Shikamaru asked Ino to marry him. The ring was made of plastic (and completely nontoxic, the label swore!) but she said yes all the same. The Inuzuka dog – Akamaru's mother, I supposed – ate the ring a couple of days later and the proposal was completely forgotten. But that still makes them engaged, doesn't it?

I knew it probably wasn't any of my business, but I thought they'd be good together. They were so different that it was funny and almost unthinkable that they'd ever get together, but that was the whole charm in it. Shikamaru was quiet, intelligent, reflective; he preferred lying back and watching the clouds to anything else, any day. Ino, on the other hand, was loud, street-smart, confident, though oftentimes rash; she could never sit still, because she always had to be doing something.

Talk about polar opposites.

I was sure, though, that someday InoShikaCho was going to be InoShika and Chouji. I didn't much mind the thought of being a third wheel; after all, they were my best friends, and by all rights they deserved each other whether they knew it or not. It was a good idea that needed to happen, and I knew that it has been waiting to happen since we were four years old.

So why was it taking so goddamned long?

I sighed as I reached into my bag of chips when I realized that it was empty. I must've finished it in my aimless daydreaming. I was still hungry, but that was okay. I kept a few extra packs in my knapsack. Time to get up, I supposed.

I stood up and headed over to where Shikamaru and Ino were still squabbling about whether or not it was practical to be waiting before they got into the heart of the mission. They were both standing to 

the same side of the fire; obviously, Shikamaru must've been made angry enough to get up and face her, and she must've been made angry enough to come closer. I rolled my eyes, not wanting to get in the crossfire. I saw my knapsack a short distance behind Shikamaru, so I walked towards it as quietly as I could. I bent down to pick up my pack and leave quietly, when in the bending I had bumped (none too gently, too – sorry for my size, Shikamaru) into my teammate.

I turned around, ready with an apology – but things happened way too fast for me to get a word in edgewise (though I swear it all looked like it was happening in slow motion). The impact pushed Shikamaru forward mid-sentence, and in an attempt to get back his balance he'd put out his arms. However, all that did was have him push Ino against a tree, and his head moved forward (inadvertently, no matter how much I wanted to believe that it was no accident) so that his and Ino's lips met.

The standard awkward silence.

I saw Ino's blue eyes widen in something akin to shock, before in another split-second she pushed Shikamaru backward, backhanded him across the face before screaming, "What do you think you're doing?"

"What was I doing?" Shikamaru answered, trying but failing to keep his voice calm, as he massaged his sore, red cheek with his left hand. He pointed out, "You saw it was an accident!"

"Oh yeah?" she yelled again, and I knew this was the start of another one of their fights.

I rolled my eyes and picked up my knapsack to retreat to my quiet place.

They'll get it someday.

Author's Note: Hahaha. That was fun. The plotbunny was originally born for a NejiTenten, but I'm pretty sure that their dynamics would not have worked for a story like this. Plus Lee would probably have done it on purpose, haha. I loved writing this, so I hope you enjoyed reading it!