Dear Readers,
I feel guilty about just leaving the stuff that happened to Alex and Spectrum during the war out of the fic. So behold:
One shots: The Military Misadventures of Spectrum and Alex.
They are being created in no particular order, so if you have questions, feel free to ask me. I don't bite! Hard…
ENJOY!
Meatloaf Day:
The troops were clearly terrified as they filed into the mess hall, formerly known as the Ritz. The air inside the mess hall reeked of sweat, fear, and meatloaf. Today was meatloaf day. Every month for an entire year, in protest to the fact that the meatloaf resembled more of a steaming pile of week old table scraps, Alexander Stark would grab a pile of meatloaf, hurl it through the sweaty, fear stink filled air, and begin a food fight of epoch proportions. And every time he did, no one was safe. Several times, the battle had escalated to such proportions that orders for more rations had to be filled out. Twice, the battle had carried outside the mess hall, into the streets.
As Alex and Spectrum entered the mess hall, everyone became silent.
"What the hell did you do now?" Spectrum muttered.
"You know damn well what I did! Every Meatloaf day, I throw the crap around and start a food fight! But the general said that if I do it again he'll punish me."
Spectrum sighed, crossing his arms and staying by the door. "I think I'll go eat with House. I don't trust that look on your face for all the money that's no longer in my wallet," he said.
"What if I were to give some of it back to you?" He asked, taking out a very large wad of bills, waving it in front of Spectrum's nose.
"I would promptly reply that I don't care. If you remember correctly, I'm dead. Monetary funds are of no use to me. Have fun getting in trouble," he said, waving his shoulder as he turned to flee to House's tent.
"Fine. I tried to be nice about it but you leave me no choice. I'll tell all the troops who you do find attractive." He whispered, a sinister smile on his face.
Spectrum had to control himself from visibly cringing. Damn whatever genetics made Alex an extortionist. He glared over his shoulder, sending some of the surrounding soldiers fleeing to tables further away. "If you want to tell them, go ahead. It'll just give them one more problem to worry about," he growled.
Alex frowned. "I'll tell them where your secret mailbox is." He whispered even lower, a very unhappy look crossing his face.
Spectrum growled in his throat. "Do I have to be visible?" he ground out.
Alex smacked himself in the forehead. "See, I thought you were supposed to be smarter than me!" He growled, hugging his best friend tightly. "Even I'm not cruel enough to make you do it while you're visible!"
"But you are distinctly cruel enough to hug me in public," he muttered, trying to wriggle out of the embrace.
He sighed and released his friend, his face sad and somber. "Well get going then." He mumbled, walking to the front of the line, grabbing a plate of the disgusting slop the cooks called meatloaf.
Spectrum rubbed the bridge of his nose, walking out the tent and letting his appearance slip from sight. Phasing through to the kitchen, he took a hand full of "meatloaf" and weighed it in his hand. If he threw it right, he could just his the lady lieutenant that had been bothering him lately. Taking steady aim, he hurled the soggy "meat", watching the seasoned soldiers duck as it hit the lieutenant square in the face. Phasing the remnants from his hand, he fled the tent, going back around to the main entrance to watch the mayhem.
The lieutenant screamed, thinking that Alex had done the deed for her recent advances on Spectrum. She hurled an equally large glob of meat at him, catching him off guard. He stood up, ran behind the food line, and tossed and entire crate of the grease coated crap into the middle of the mess tent.
Spectrum cringed, smiling wickedly. "This isn't going to end well," he muttered.
A large pile of food moved towards Spectrum. It shook itself, dislodging a large chunk of meatloaf, revealing the lump to be Alex. "Ouch..." He said, wincing as a barrage of meatloaf embedded itself in his spinal area.
"Why do you do this anyway? I know we have to be masochists to even do this job, but this is just... crazy," Spectrum said, chuckling.
"Because if I, or we, don't do it then this place would be boring. We'd be like...actually doing military crap! Does that sound like fun to you?" He asked, raising an eyebrow as a cloud of spaghetti embedded itself in the lump of food on top of Alex's head. "Well they got into last week's leftovers. 'Bout time. That shit was starting to reek."
"I'm sure "military crap" isn't nearly as important as morale," Spectrum said, agreeing with a smile. It was then that the dimensional guardian got a face-full of week-old spaghetti sauce. The mess hall went quiet as the Captain wiped the sauce from his face, pooling a bit in his hand.
Alex ran faster than anyone could ever remember seeing him run. "You fucking idiots!" He yelled as he ran, dislodging the food with his speed.
Giving a truly demonic smile, Spectrum hurled the sauce at the nearest officer, the sauce coating his face and dripping onto his neck. He picked up a biscuit, smirking evilly at the other officers who dared remain close. "Who's next?"
"How about you and Alex?" General Howards roared as he strolled onto the scene. Suddenly, it was only Spectrum standing there. Everyone else seemed to have vanished to the laundry areas.
Spectrum smiled at the man. "Morning sir. Come in for lunch?" he inquired, a dry smile on his face.
Alex appeared beside Spectrum, a very sad smile on his face. "Hello sir."
"I suppose you started this?" He said, glaring at Alex with a force that could obliterate a block of vibranium.
"Supposing is something no general should do, sir. No offense. It was actually my intervention that spawned this mess," Spectrum said calmly. "Morale was low, and was in desperate need of intervention."
Alex raised an eyebrow at Spectrum. "Cut the technical crap. You have no proof that either of us did anything, and we both plead the 5th." He said, crossing his arms, returning the General's glare.
"So you did start it?"
"Ya, wacha gonna do about it?" He dared, narrowing his eyes at the general.
The general's shoulder slumped and he whispered. "Nothing."
"What was that?"
"Nothing."
Spectrum sighed, shaking his head. "I'm going to go clean this stuff off. I look like I've got an infected head wound," he muttered.
Alex sighed and looked up at the general. "I'll clean it up. The Janitorial staff left all their crap here anyways."
Spectrum paused, shrugging. "Well, I'm already dirty. Might as well be presentably dirty," he said, grabbing a mop and leaning on it, waiting for Alex.
Alex nodded, waving good bye to the general as he grabbed a mop. As they entered the filthy area, Alex sighed. "Sorry Specs..."
Spectrum snorted. "For what? Getting me dirty? Dirt washes off Alex," he said, taking his mop and beginning to scrub at the floor, only after having rolled up his sleeves.
"No, I mean for always dragging you into my crap, mostly by force. Not much of a friend type thing to do..."
"Well friends deal with it anyway, so you don't have anything to worry about," Spectrum said, smiling.
"How long do you think it'll take us to clean this crap up?" He asked, returning the smile.
"Long enough. Wanna just vaporize it all and call it good?" he asked, a playful smirk on his face.
Alex removed two gauntlets from his pocket. "Sure. Wish I had my powers...it's not the same without them." He mumbled, powering the gauntlets, raising his arms to aim at a particularly large pile of food.
Holding out a glowing hand, Spectrum frowned. "I know. I'm sorry," he said, watching the food on the table dissolve beneath his fingers.
Several quick, neat blasts of energy dissolved larger patches of food. "Not your fault I was too damn stupid to listen."
"And I was too damn tired to fight back, so we're even," Spectrum said, leaning back. The mess hall was spotless, relatively speaking. The kitchen just wasn't their problem.
He nodded. "Hey. About the surgeries...House says there's a chance they could kill me..."
Spectrum leaned forward, his chin on the handle of the mop he had failed to use. "Now I'm in a pretty mess, it's getting warmer, I confess. My horoscope said you'd come back I had my doubts it's true. And as I watched the mercury and thought about the prophesy, a new moon and an early thaw I left the door for you," Spectrum said glumly.
Alex tilted his head, and screamed when a lump of meatloaf fell on his head.
Spectrum looked up at the ceiling. "Oh... snap," he muttered. "We missed a spot."
Alex's right eye spasmed. "Oh, ya think?"
"Yar. Want me to get it?" he asked, letting his legs devolve into his foggy tail.