Soft

A/N: We are not amused!

DISCLAIMER: I DON'T OWN, FOOLZ.

Sweets fought the smartass grin that threatened to overwhelm his face, a staunch mixture of I knew it! and It's about time, knowing that if he let the emotion show, Booth (who was doing a rather convincing impression of Queen Victoria) would have no qualms with picking up the lamp post and beating him senseless.

"You want to do what to your partner, Agent Booth?" He managed to squeak, keeping his lips pressed in a firm line. Booth narrowed his eyes.

"I swear to God, Sweets, if you make me repeat it…"

"No, no, I mean…er, I…I'm, I just want to set the record straight. For my own clarification." He cleared his throat and glanced at the legal pad perched in his lap "So if I'm not mistaken, you want to touch Dr. Brennan."

"Yes."

"But not in any…sexual way."

"No."

Sweets paused, tilting his head to the side "What I'm still fuzzy on, is, if not in a sexual way, how do you want to touch Dr. Brennan?"

"Just…you know," The FBI agent waved his hands about in the air, as if searching for the words that eluded him "touch her. On the arm, on the cheek, whatever." Booth stopped for a moment, contemplating the next thing that would come out of his mouth. "…she just looks so…soft." He finished sheepishly, hanging his head in shame.

Sweets couldn't hold it in any longer. The laughter came bursting forth like air from a popped balloon, causing the young psychiatrist to bend forward and clutch his stomach, the legal pad falling from his legs. "Soft?" He managed "Like, a teddy bear?" His giggling was cut short by a well-aimed pencil smacking him in the forehead and his companion's stone-cold gaze burning holes into his suit.

"Let's get back on track." Booth gritted out, trying to suppress a smile himself as Sweets grimaced and rubbed his forehead. "How to I stop this?"

"Stop it?"

"Yeah. You know…nip it in the bud."

"Well, Agent Booth, usually when somebody stops wanting something…they either loose interest, or find a way to get it."

"Loose intrest?" He growled "Find a way to get it?"

"In…indeed. I'm sure that if you spend enough time not thinking about it, it will dissolve itself and things will go back to normal."

"…seriously?"

"Certainly, Agent Booth."

The intercom in Sweets's office buzzed loudly.

"Yes, Mandy?"

"Dr. Sweets, Agent Booth is here to see you. And by the looks of it, he's not very-"

"DDGYUC&3SDFOA!" Seeley Booth's string of profanities could be heard all the way into his office, alerting the young man of what was to come "SWEETS." He came bursting through the oak door, nostrils flaring like a bull. Looking into his eyes was like staring down Satan himself.

"Er, hello, Booth." Lance coughed, fumbling with some papers on his desk "What brings you here so unannounced?"

"I tried to ignore it," The distraught Agent advanced on his psychiatrist, like a hungry lion on a limbless baby gazelle. "just like you said. I tried to put it in the back of my mind. You to know what happened? DO YOU?"

"Er, I think we can leave that up to the imagination, Boo-"

"I MOLESTED HER."

"Oh, God." Sweets winced. "What did doctor Brennan do?"

"I'd show you the bruises," His eyes narrowed "But they're in places that I didn't even know I had." Booth paused, inches away from the dwarfed man. His hand flew back, and then reached out-

"EEEEE!" Sweets shrieked, defending himself with his arms. His companion rolled his eyes, grabbed the psychiatrist's wrist, and pulled him to his feet. Lance looked up in surprise.

"Sit in that damn La-Z-Boy of yours and let's get this over with." Booth sighed and plopped down on the couch, the fire having dissipated from his countenance. Lance complied and settled himself across from him.

"Is there anything else, Agent Booth?"

Awkward silence.

"After she had karate chopped me and wrestled me to the ground, she kissed me."

"WHAT?"

"She kissed me, called me a 'man-handling alpha-male skirt-chasing cad' and then left the office. I don't know where she went…but a few minutes later, I heard Angela shrieking repeatedly from her office. So…" he trailed off and shrugged, wringing his hands in his lap.

Sweets let out a laboured, prolonged sigh.

"Make yourself comfortable, Agent Booth. We're going to be here for a while."