Interview with a Rockstar

Author's Note: Hey there, folks! L1701E here! This is set between Chapter 26 and 27 of RogueFanKC's "Kingdom Hearts: Mutants of Twilight". This one-shot is set in Cleveland, Ohio, and it centers on a certain superhuman rocker as he goes on TV to talk about the tragedy in Washington, DC, and he shows exactly why the superhero community can't stand him.

Disclaimer: Kid Razor, Ronnie Rocker, and Raymond Zed are mine. The members of the League belong to DC Comics. And here's your quote: "What does everybody want?!" - Al Snow

Cleveland, Ohio

Kid Razor sat on a chair. It was a bright orange chair with a retro-futuristic look to it. He was on one of Cleveland's most popular talk shows, the Raymond Zed Show. Zed had Razor as a regular guest, and Razor loved being on it. He always loved the cameras on him.

"And we are back!" Raymond Zed announced. Zed himself was a man in his late thirties, his black hair slicked into a 1950s-style DA, and clad in an orange suit with a dark-blue shirt and white tie. His DA and gaudy suits were a signature of the Raymond Zed show. Zed was a local celebrity, and his show was one of the most popular shows in Cleveland. "And welcome back, a regular guest of the Raymond Zed show, the one, the only, Cleveland's resident superhero, the Kid of Rock 'n' Roll, Kid Razor!"

"Great to be here again, Zeddy!" Razor grinned. "We all know why you keep asking me to come on, Ray. It's because you know the Kid of Rock gets you ratings."

"That, and that you make some hilarious interviews." Zed chuckled. "But on a more serious note, as you know, tragedy struck Washington, DC. The city was atomized by a blast of energy that many believe was caused by the Justice League from their orbiting headquarters, the Watchtower." Some boos and hisses were heard from the audience. Razor mentally rolled his eyes. People were so stupid. Why couldn't they be as smart as the Kid of Rock 'n' Roll?

"Yeah, the Kid of Rock heard about that." Razor nodded, frowning.

"And as I'm sure you know Razor, the approval rating of the Justice League went down to practically zero. Many actually believe the League intentionally destroyed the city as a sign of some kind of coup." Razor burst out laughing.

"Oh, that's rich!" Razor laughed. "That's so rich! I knew people in Metropolis and New York and all those other cities were stupid, but geez! I just hope people here in Cleveland are a tiny bit smarter than that."

"So, you don't believe that the League intentionally caused this horrific disaster?" Zed assumed.

"Don't tell me you do." Razor frowned.

"No, I don't." Zed nodded. "I've had Beatriz da Costa, the local heroine of Rio de Janeiro, on this show, and she-!"

"Oh, the Kid of Rock has that episode on his TiVo." Razor grinned lecherously. "She flirted with you the whole time, you lucky devil. So tell the Kid of Rock and all your loyal viewers..." The Fearless One smirked. "Did you two, you know...rock the casbah? Make the beast with two backs? Rock each other's worlds?"

"Razor..." Zed blushed slightly, adjusting his tie. "You know I have a wife."

"Aw, man! I thought you were cool, Zed! I don't believe you!" Razor mock groaned.

"I wanted to save her for you, man." Zed shook his head with a smile as Razor took a drink of water from a table between Razor's chair and Zed's desk..

"Smart man." Razor raised his glass in a toast-like gesture before putting it down.

"Anyway Razor, you have gone on record in the past, talking about your disdain and lack of respect for the Justice League."

The Watchtower

"Oh, dear God..." The Atom groaned. The size-changing scientist was watching Raymond Zed on the TV. The Watchtower's sensors allowed the monitors to pick up television from anywhere in the world. Ray Palmer had grown fond of watching the Cleveland-based talk show. He thought Zed was hilarious. "He put that idiot back on again."

"What're you watching?" John Stewart inquired as he walked up to the Ivy Town native.

"Raymond Zed." Ray answered. "It's a talk show from Cleveland. It's really good."

"Cleveland?" John frowned. "Isn't that where that little arrogant punk Kid Razor operates?"

"Yup." Ray nodded. "He's a regular guest on Zed's show. In act, he's on right now."

"The League never really respected the Kid of Rock, so the Kid of Rock never really saw any reason to respect them." Razor was heard speaking. John groaned.

"Oh, great! We already have enough problems without that arrogant moron running his mouth about how great he thinks he is." John grumbled. He noticed Superman walk by. "Hey Superman, have you been watching this loudmouth Kid Razor?"

"I can't worry about him right now." The Man of Steel sighed. "I have to meet Lois at the teleporters." (1)

"I want to hear what Razor has to say." Ray told John. "Knowing him, he'll try and make himself look good at our expense."

The Raymond Zed show

"But the Kid of Rock knows the League." Razor continued. "He knows that they don't give a royal crap about Local Heroes like yours truly, or my pal Sonic Blue in Cincinnati, Winger in Seattle, Armory in Cheyenne, Barracuda in Frisco, or anyone like them. Heck, DC didn't have a local superhero, and they sure as hell most likely won't get one now. And if DC did, that Local Hero would most likely be toast. Do you think the League would've given a damn?"

"Well Razor, I'm sure that the League would've cared." Zed answered. "In fact, some of the League members are Locals themselves. For example, Vibe and Gypsy operate in Detroit, Fire works Rio, Ice works Oslo in Norway, and Commander Steel works in Philly."

"Maybe. If only for the good PR." Razor shrugged, ignoring Zed's reminder.

"The League are killers!" A man from the audience snapped.

"And you're considered legally retarded. Sit down before you hurt yourself." Razor grinned. "Now, the Kid of Rock knows the League. He don't like 'em, he don't respect 'em, and he knows they wish they were me. But they're not killers. They're not monsters. Sure, Superman is hokey. Batman is an ass. The Flash is a retard, the Question needs a straitjacket, and Fire and Ice are probably secretly lesbians. It would be very hot, or cool depending on which one you like, if that was true."

"Trust me, Razor. Fire is straight as an arrow." Zed reassured.

"Maybe the Kid of Rock was thinking of Supergirl and Batgirl, then." Razor shrugged nonchalantly.

The Watchtower

"WHAT DID THAT LITTLE PERVERT JUST SAY?!" Beatriz da Costa, Fire, roared in rage as she observed the monitor. With a fwoosh, she erupted into her Fire form.

"Bea, just ignore it. He says that just to get reactions." Tora Olafsdotter, Ice, tried to calm her friend down.

"You know, I'd like to see him say that to my face!" Bea grumbled.

"I'm sure he would gladly do so, Fire." Paco Ramone, Vibe, grinned. Fire glared at the Puerto Rican vibration-manipulating ex-gang member.

"You better not be daydreaming, you little-!" Fire warned.

"Relax, chica, relax." Vibe reassured, holding up his black-gauntleted hands in a calming gesture. "I know better." A glaring Fire returned to her human form.

"What I'm worried about is what Supergirl and Batgirl are going to do when they find out about this interview." Ralph Dibny, the Elongated Man, winced. "You know those two are going to tear Razor a new one." Ray Palmer groaned.

"Only Kid Razor can defend and insult the League at the same time." The size-changing scientist sighed.

Cleveland

"Razor, aren't you worried that Superman and Batman are going to take offense for that remark?" Zed asked.

"Wouldn't be the first time, Zeddy." Razor grinned. "And those two do have that vibe. And besides, the Kid of Rock ain't scared of Superman or Batman. Superman is a cornball, and Batman was WAY overdue to join the 'Kiss-Kid-Razor's-Ass-Club', the most elite club in Cleveland! And his number-one arch-nemesis isn't as awesome as mine." Razor smirked. "Mine is a hot evil sorceress with a thing for black leather. His is, get this, a clown. A circus clown! A circus clown who is possibly gay, not that there's anything wrong with that. Naw, of course not."

"Razor, do you want the Joker to come down here and raise hell?" Zed groaned. Razor chuckled.

"Zed, you worry too much."

"I'm just saying, Razor." Zed shook his head. "We all know that mouth of yours has gotten you into trouble in the past. Like that one roundtable show you d id with Wonder Woman and the She-Hulk." Razor rolled his eyes.

"Oh, come on!" Razor exclaimed. "The Kid of Rock was complimenting them!"

"You couldn't keep your mouth shut about their racks!" One audience member cracked, making the rest of the audience burst out laughing. Razor chuckled.

"Well, Wondy and Shulkie do have nice racks." The Kid of Rock 'n' Roll snickered. "It's not the Kid of Rock's fault that everyone thinks that way about Wondy and Shulkie. It's just that the Kid of Rock's the only one with the actual guts to say it. To their faces."

"Didn't Wonder Woman throw your loudmouth ass through the wall?" Another audience member heckled. Razor smirked.

"Amazons have a helluva way of flirting."

"I think we are getting off topic, Razor." Zed realized. "Now, as for what some are calling the 'Disaster of DC', anti-mutant organizations, as well as those who are anti-magical and-!"

"Anti-mystical, anti-Democrat, anti-Republican, anti-Blah blah blah oh, gimme a break, Zed." A visibly bored Razor rolled his eyes. "The Kid of Rock has seen that Graydon Creed dude, and let's just say if it weren't for that mouth of his, he'd have nothing going on for him. The man is an obvious loser." Several people in the audience snickered, making the Kid of Rock 'n' Roll smirk. "See? These people know what I'm talking about. But since we do want to stay on topic, the Kid of Rock can't help but wonder..." A smirk formed on the face of the Kid of Rock 'n' Roll.

"Wonder what, Razor?"

"What the hell were the League doing with a giant fusion cannon, huh?" Razor smirked. "It does make one wonder..."

"What are you getting at, Razor?" Zed frowned.

"Think about it." Razor smirked. "The League has all that power in just the Big Seven alone. Why in the name of Judas Priest would they need that big ol' fusion cannon?"

"I'm sure the League had a reason for that thing." Zed countered.

"Sure they did." Razor snickered. "Let the Kid of Rock tell you something, Zed. Distrust for the League is running high. The Kid of Rock can understand why. How do you think we Local Heroes are being viewed?"

"Well..." Zed brushed his hair back. "From what I heard, many people still trust their local superheroes. I haven't seen many protests against you here in Cleveland."

"And why do you think that is, Zeddy?"

"My guess is that you share their distrust of the League."

"Yeah." Razor shrugged. "The Kid of Rock never had much use for the League, nor did he ever have much respect for the League, especially Super-Retard. All that power in the hands of a guy with an IQ lower than 20. It's sad." Razor chuckled. "But then again, none of those other heroes ever really worthy of the Kid of Rock's respect. The Avengers, the Fantastic Four, the Teen Titans, even those puny wimpy GI Joes. If those monkey-asses are America's finest, then God help this country! Hell, the Kid of Rock could think up better uses for the female members of the team, if you know what he means." Razor smirked lecherously.

"Razor, I highly doubt GI Joe will take those insults lightly." Zed sighed.

"What're they gonna do, sue me?" Razor laughed. "I'd like to see 'em try!"

The Watchtower

"You know, if I were Superman, I would've given that little arrogant pain-in-the-ass a taste of heat vision a long time ago." Fire scowled. "What is his problem?"

"Kid Razor thinks that he's better than everyone else, that's what." Ice shook her head. "I also found his remarks about Captain America distasteful. Claiming Cap belongs in a nursing home."

"So Cap is technically in is eighties." Fire shrugged. "The ice did him well." She grinned lecherously, make Ice roll her eyes.

"What I'm worried about is the cannon." The Atom frowned. "Razor's talking about the cannon. And you know he'll take any opportunity to insult the League."

"He feels the Justice League has no respect for him." Ralph Dibny snorted. "He claims that the League thinks of all the Local Heroes as expendable cannon fodder."

"I knew the damn thing was a bad idea." Vibe frowned. "I didn't like the idea of that big thing on this tower. And Washington, DC was exactly why. This never would've happened if we didn't have that damn cannon. The Organization could've used that thing to nuke Detroit! My home, my family, my friends, all dead in an instant." The Hispanic ex-gang leader shuddered. "They should've never even considered putting up that cannon." Vibe crossed his arms and scowled.

Cleveland

"I see you still hold a grudge against the Man of Steel." Zed frowned.

"Damn right." Razor scowled. "The big dumb bastard tried to punk me out. He had the audacity, the audacity, to disrespect the Kid of Rock in his hometown. In front of his fellow Clevelanders. I never disrespected him in front of his fellow Metropolitans , even though personally, the Kid of Rock feels that Supes has done nothing to earn the Kid of Rock's respect. I think that Lane chick could do better than him She needs a rock 'n' roll hero, not a Kryptonian zero."

"Lois Lane and Superman? Oh, come on!" Zed laughed. "That's rich! That sounds like something out of a 1990s comic book." (2)

"Weirder things have happened." Razor shrugged. "Anyway, back on track. The Kid of Rock would like to know what the League was doing with that big ol' cannon in the first place." Razor turned to the camera. "Viewers, you can trust the Kid of Rock on this, no Local Heroes have a gigantic fusion cannon pointed at you. And that's why the Kid of Rock is better than the Justice League."

"Well, Razor..." Zed frowned. "As I said before, I'm sure that the League had a good reason for putting up that cannon."

"For what, zit removal?" Razor snorted. "Camahn! A weapon like that just begs to be used! They didn't build the atomic bomb just to say they could do it. They built the bomb to blow up stuff, which they did. Two of 'em blew up Japan. It surprised the Kid of Rock that they'd build the damn thing in the first place. Surprised the Kid of Rock also that it was fired at a city that had no Local Hero."

"The League has said that they weren't-!" Zed tried to remind.

"The Kid of Rock is well aware the League ain't responsible for nuking Washington, Zed." Razor told the 50s-style host curtly. "But the real culprits did know about that cannon. And thanks to the League, they got a chance to use it."

The Watchtower

"He's making it look like it's the League's fault Washington is a crater!" Fire yelled.

"You shouldn't be surprised." Ralph snorted. "You know that pain-in-the-neck Kid Razor. He's loving this. He'll take any opportunity he can get to insult the League."

"And considering that Razor feels the League has no respect for him, you can bet that he'd love seeing the League being dragged through the mud." Vibe sighed. "And he does have a point."

"What?!" Fire's jaw dropped. "You actually agree with that little-!"

"I'm saying he has a point, Beatriz." Vibe sighed. "You all know how I feel about the League having that damned cannon here. Razor's saying that because we had the cannon, the Organization had a reason to attack this place. They wanted the cannon. They wanted to use the cannon. They knew that if they use the cannon, the public will blame the League. Razor's has a point. The League set themselves up for this by building the blasted thing!" The Puerto Rican Detroit native sighed, shaking his head. "The Organization knows they have the League on the ropes, and all they need to do is throw one more blow, and we are down for the count."

Cleveland

"So, you're saying that you hold the League responsible for the destruction of Washington?" Zed blinked.

"Nah." Razor shook his head. "The League built the gun. The Kid of Rock is saying that by building the gun, they gave the real bad guys something they can use to drag the League through the mud. They set themselves up for it. And the Kid of Rock is loving it!"

"You actually are enjoying seeing the League go through this?" Zed's jaw dropped.

"Who wouldn't?" Razor smirked. "The League always looked at this city as an unworthy chunk of land not worth caring about. They also thought of the Kid of Rock as a joke. And they always looked upon his fellow Locals as a buncha wannabe clowns that they can use as expendable cannon fodder. And we all know if the Justice League had the choice between helping out the Locals during a crisis and holding a barbecue, they're gonna bring out the steaks!"

"Razor, do you really believe that?" Zed sighed.

"Wouldn't surprise the Kid of Rock if it did go that way." Razor scowled. "But the League ain't killers. I know that they didn't nuke DC. In fact, the Kid of Rock was shocked they had such a weapon up there in the first place. Didn't think they had the cojones to build such a thing. For the life of the Kid of Rock, he can't think of a reason why anyone would want one of those things."

"Well...to be honest, I can't think of a reason, either." Zed admitted, scratching his head.

"Exactly." Razor smirked. "The idiots of the world, aka most of the people, blame the League for firing the gun. They built the gun. But somebody fired it, and that's who we should go after."

A few minutes later

Kid Razor flew over the skies of his native Cleveland. The Fearless One looked down at a busy street.

Man, to think... Razor mused. That if those Organization guys wanted to...they would've nuked this. All of this...all these people...my parents...Joan...the Cavs...Polanski and Briscoe...Larry... The Ultimate Rockstar shook his head. Nah, not Larry. In fact, I hoped he was in DC before it was nuked. Also that vulture woman. God, the Kid of Rock hates that old buzzard. But everyone else, I'm glad they ain't microwaved by fusion cannon. He noticed Ronnie Rocker, his ghostly mentor, appear next to him. Oddly enough, the ghost rocker looked like he had been run ragged. "Hey, Ron. What happened to you?"

"So many spirits..." Ronnie sighed tiredly. "All those people in Washington...I didn't think a ghost could be exhausted, but...god, get all those new ghosts in line...man, I never want to do that again."

"Thanks, Organization." Razor rolled his eyes.

"You been alright?" Ronnie asked.

"Yeah, the Kid of Rock's just been getting some stuff off his chest." The young rocker smirked to himself.

Thanks for reading!

(1) – See Chapter 27 of "Kingdom Hearts: Mutants of Twilight" for the meeting between Superman and Lois Lane.

(2) – Ironic, because in the comics, Supes and Lois are not only a couple, they were married in the 1990s comics.