I own nothing
Emmett was watching T.V. I was waiting for it. I waiting for the moment he would say something totally outrageous. Nessie and Jake have finally gotten married (took them long enough) and are living in the house as a couple like the rest of us. Every now and then, Edward throws a shoe at Jake. It is rather funny. At the moment, though, Jake is rolling his eyes at Emmett, which isn't a very uncommon occurrence.
"That would be so cool!!" See? I told you he would say something weird.
"What would be so cool?" Jasper asked over his book. He isn't allowed to watch T.V. today, considering he lost the Ravens-Stealers bet against Emmett.
"To go deer hunting!!" Everyone dropped what they were doing to stare at him strangely.
"Uhhh… Emmett, hate to break it to you, I really do, but ahh… we kind of go hunting every weekend."
"No, idiot!! I mean the human way!!" A big smile appears on Jake's face and I block him out from Edward. Edward didn't notice.
"Emmett," I say, rubbing my hands together, "have you ever been deer hunting? The human way, I mean."
"Have you?" Edward asked. Jake can't contain himself anymore. He explodes in laughter. The curious looks turn to him. Then, Edward notices he can't read his mind any more.
"Bella…"
"What?" Jake explodes again.
"Can't… breathe…" Nessie turns her head to me.
"Uhh… do I want to know?"
"Yes, Bella," Edward says, crossing his arms, "Do we want to know?" Jake is rolling on the floor. I can't contain myself anymore. I laugh also. Even though it happened while I was human, I still remember it like it happened yesterday.
"He fell out of the tree!!" I yell.
"You fell out of a tree?" Alice asked, looking at the rolling mass of werewolf on the floor.
"No!! Mike did!!" This gets a smile out of Edward.
"Why was Mike in a tree?"
"Come, annoying bloodsuckers, and let me enlighten you on when Mike ticks me off and Bella and I torture him legally."
OoOoO
Bella:
"I'm bored."
"You're always bored," I said, looking at the ceiling.
"Jake," Embry said, playing paddle ball, "have you taken her deer hunting?"
"Yep," I said, the ceiling not changing any whatsoever, "It was nice, until Jake forgot to grab the lunch."
"I didn't forget to grab the lunch."
"Then what happened to it?"
"Uhhh… It disappeared mysteriously?"
"Yeah, Bella," said Sam from the couch, "The lunch-nappers strike again."
Alice: Quick question, where was Edward?
Edward: Yeah, where was I?
Bella: Somewhere in South America being depressed.
Edward: Ah. Hay!! OW!! What was that for?
Alice: You Idiot!! If you hadn't left her in the first place, then we wouldn't have to deal with dog-boy!!
Jake: I take offence to that. Now, I shall torture Edward
Edward: Thanks, Bella
Bella: No problem
Jake: Stupid vampire sheildyness
Bella: Back to the story
Jake: Oh, right
Bella:
"I wonder what would happen if we called Mike to come with us."
"Mike Newton?" Quil asked, "Isn't that that really gay dude from your high school, Bells?"
Alice: OMG!! MIKE GOING HUNTING!! THAT'S HILARIOUS!!
Jake: Alice, shut up and let us tell the story.
Bella: Yeah, seriously.
Alice: Fine.
Jake:
So, anyway, we call Mike, and we're like "Hay Mike do you want to go deer hunting?"
"No, not really. Who are you?"
"Jake Black."
"Oh. I don't really like you."
"Uhhhh… thanks. Anyway, Bella's going to be there."
"I'll go."
Alice: So he isn't gay!!
Edward: Alice, you didn't hear his thoughts. About Emmett. shudder
Emmett: That makes me feel weird.
Jasper: HAHAHA!! Emmett had a gay stalker!!
Emmett: Shut up Jasper.
Rosalie: Carlisle, would I be grounded if I went and killed Mike?
Carlisle: Rosalie, we have a very strict rule about killing humans.
Rosalie: Damn.
Edward: EMMETT CONTROL YOUR THOUGHTS!! PLEASE!!
Jasper: And your emotions.
Alice: What's he thinking about?
Edward: Rose, when she's mad
Alice: Oh.
Jasper: That goes for you, too, Rose
Bella: Can we please get on with the story?
Alice: Sorry.
Bella: So, we're walking through the woods,
Jake: Bella's mostly tripping.
Bella: Shut up before I hit you.
Emmett: I've got ten bucks on Bella!
Jake: Fine.
Bella:
Anyway, we are walking to the deer stand. It's about five o'clock in the morning. All is quiet. The sun is almost coming up through the trees, and you can hear the birds and squirrels in the distance. Mike is tripping, also. He is in a bright red shirt, nothing in camouflage.
Nessie: Who's Mike?
Bella: This gay guy who ticked your Dad off a lot when we were in Forks.
Nessie: Why?
Bella: Uhhhh…
Edward: He was annoying. Lets leave it at that.
Nessie: Ew.
Edward: Yeah.
Nessie: So he had thoughts about Mom AND Emmett?
Edward: shudder
Nessie: Double ew
Jake: BACK TO THE STORY PEOPLE!!
Nessie: Fine! Stupid bossy werewolf.
Jake: … stares at Nessie
Edward: Bella, put the shield back over Jake before I kill him
Nessie: … stares at Jake and places hand on his shoulder
Edward: Bella, Nessie, too
Bella: Fine. pushes shield away from her & stares at Edward
Edward: smiles
Jasper: I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE!!
Jake: Back to the story then.
Bella: It's so quiet, well almost quiet.
Jake: Every now and then we hear "SIGH". I'm waiting for the stupid dear to show up, and Mike is making noise.
Alice: What's Bella doing?
Jake: She's reading. Apparently, the first hunting trip was the most boring five h:ours of her life.
Bella: Very boring.
Jake: Whatever.
Jake:
Suddenly, there is a ten-pionter in the distance. I grab my gun and put it to my shoulder. Bella looks up from Wuthering Heights to see it. Mike's face brightens up.
"Awwwwwwww!! That looks like Bambi's daddy!!" Then, he turns to me. His eyes widen. "You aren't going to shot it are you?"
Then Bella goes, "No shit Sherlock." Under her breathe. Mike didn't hear her.
"Well, yeah, Mike," says I…
Alice: What is with this says I stuff? That's wayyyyyyy before your time. That's more Carlisleish.
Edward: Alice, I would back off
Alice: Why?
Edward: Look at Carlisle
Carlisle: smiles ever so pleasantly.
Jake:
As I was saying, "Well, yeah," I said, "That's what we're here for."
"RUN DEER RUN!!"
Then, Bella "accidentally" kicks Mike in the head and he falls off the tree. Into deer crap.
Bella:
He can't get the smell off for weeks. The end.