AUTHOR'S NOTE: So Happy Christmas, another Book Of Chessler has come to its final page. Ergh. Some very difficult things to write in this one... both the dramatic rain scene and Libby's discovery of hidden truth weren't easy to get right, but I tried my best. Ended up fairly well. Is this the end? Nuuuuup... but the next one probably will be. We'll see what I come up with. Bonus Points to anyone who figured out how Adymm got hold of the letter. Love and holiday wishes to you all!

Chapter 15: Cheer, Interrupted

"Come again?"

"This is the end of us," he said simply. "Hey, it was a fun ride while it lasted."

"No, no you can't be doing this," I raved desperately, shaking my head. "Y-you don't know what you're saying, this is-"

"Hey!" He grabbed me by the shoulders, still wearing that bleak smile. "It's okay, you don't have to make a scene for me! Just... just go be with who you love. I'll be okay."

"But I won't, you idiot!" I screamed, suddenly angry at everything. "Why do people keep doing this, doing what they think is best for me, not asking me thing one?! Can't somebody sit down and listen for once?!"

Adymm only sighed as his arms dropped. "Fine. You want to do this the hard way? I'm listening."

"No, you're not!" Breathing slowly and deeply, I tried to make myself calm down, but it wasn't working. "I came over here to tell you Sabrina and I had this big fight, and that now we're not speaking to each other, and that Roxie and Ophelia might be thinking we're dealing with some kind of love... rhombus, or something! But I was hoping I could spill all this on you and that you'd actually absorb it! And that's not to mention what I found out about Sabrina last-"

"LIBBY." He was starting to get angry. "Please, just stop. This isn't helping your case, all these stories."

"But they're not stories! This is what's going on! Why doesn't anybody care what's really happening?!"

"Because no matter how it's happening, it is." He sighed, punching the wall. "Fact is, I've always been able to tell you and Miss Spellman had a thing going... even if you couldn't, which is a big 'if'. But I was hoping that it was an old high school crush that would fade in time."

"There's no crush! I've never-"

"What happened in Westbridge at Christmas?! And no more games, Libby!"

The time had come at last, it seemed. I knew this would only weaken my chances of getting him to listen to reason, but I couldn't stand all the deceit and mistrust anymore.

"One little kiss," I said flatly. "We were at a rave, somebody spiked my agua with some hefty meds, I was flying like a Boeing and I kissed her. That's the entire story."

"That's all, huh?"

"Isn't it enough?! You have no idea how freaked out I was - we were! It's not like it meant anything, but it was so strange to even think about!" I took a hesitant step toward him, reaching outward. "You have to believe me, nothing else is going on, it all stems from-"

"Roxie called me this morning."

Oh, for Chrissake. "What?"

"She told me something went down between you and Sabrina this week... and Ophelia, too, huh?" He turned to look at me, smiling this almost demented smile. "Actually, she was trying to figure out if I knew what was happening, and of course I knew. She helped me connect the dots, that's all. But Ophelia? Are you out of your-"

"So what, you two are ganging up on us, now? Deciding what our lives mean, who or what we're in love with? That's real nice, y'know!"

"Dammit, Libby, stop avoiding the issue! She slept over at your apartment! How am I supposed to think that's anything but-"

"You and I slept in the same hotel room, too," I countered. "But we're both still virgins - or I am, at least! Where do you get off telling me-"

"Do you or do you not love Sabrina Spellman?!"

In retrospect (I know, that's seldom followed by anything positive), I realise I should have answered sooner. But I didn't; I hesitated. Why? I knew the truth. But something about everything going to shit in the past couple days was messing with my head, and I was incredibly stressed, and- well, anyway.

"Answer me!"

"Of course not! I- I love you, Adymm, why can't you see that?!"

He blinked for a moment, almost as if I'd convinced him, before he shook his head. "I don't believe you. You may not think I know you by now, but I do, and I can tell when you don't believe what you're saying. Mostly because... that's the first time you've ever said it, and it sounded pretty forced."

My eyes flashed. "How dare you. I know I've told you how I feel before, and don't you dare-"

"Not like that. You'll say you can't live without me, or that I make your life so much more complete, or a million other things that sound real nice... but never once have you told me you love me. Not once."

"But... but I do!" Suddenly, I was saying this more to myself. "I- I am head over heels in love with Adymm Koriander, I know I am! Why... why doesn't anyone care?!"

"If you're only fighting this because you don't want to be outed, you don't have to worry; I'll keep your secret if you want me to. I hope you know I wouldn't be all vengeful like that."

"Outed? What-" And now he had hit a nerve, one that was very raw of late due to repeated abuse. "I am not a lesbian! Why does everybody keep trying to paint a rainbow on me?! There isn't a single bone in my body that likes girls, not no way, not no how! I am not the horse of a different colour!"

Adymm blinked. "Why are you quoting 'The Wizard Of Oz'?"

"Shut up!" My fingers clawed at my scalp. Vaguely, I felt every mishap and disturbing revelation of the past week twinge like open sores. Senses began to fail; I couldn't hear, couldn't think, couldn't feel anything. Desperation had crept up on me, and it was straining to break loose and wreak its own particular brand of havoc - and worse still, it was winning. "J-Just shut the fuck up!"

"Libbs-"

"God, you- why can't anybody understand me anymore?! Am I not enunciating well enough? Do I need to brush up on my vocabulary? Everything and everybody is out to confuse a-and destroy everything I hold dear, and I- and I can't take it! There isn't one damn thing in my life that doesn't hurt anymore, it's t-too much for me to handle! It has to stop - I have to make it STOP!!"

Without thinking, without allowing time for anything else to make things even worse, I grabbed one of Adymm's spiked collars hanging on his bedpost and cut open my left wrist violently, spraying thick, red fluid all over his sheets.

"LIBBY!!"

"Stay back!" I screamed, poised to slash the other one as the pain throbbing up my arm and behind my temples threatened to send me further into the abyss. "Don't you dare touch me! The only way anybody can be happy is if I'm removed from the equation, right?! Sabrina hates me, you hate me, Roxie hates me-"

"I don't hate you!" he shouted, grabbing my forearms and standing fast against my thrashing; his eyes were so wide a Hummer could have gone in one and out the other. "Now, drop the collar! Drop it!"

As he said that, my eyes focused on it; there was a drop of blood hanging from one of the spikes, and as I shook with my extreme rage, it fell down and splattered on the tip of his sock. Agonisingly, I forced my gaze to move to my wrist and see the ugly gash flowing silently.

"Oh God..." My breath caught in my throat as the collar fell from my hand and rolled across the hardwood. "What- what am I doing? Why are these things happening to me? So much... nobody's helping, and I can't help myself! I need help, Adymm - please help me!!"

And I broke down completely, a quivering mass of emotion and despair. Try as I might, I couldn't roll back those tears, and he didn't even try; he just held me, kissing the top of my head and patting my back, squeezing my wrist to help stop the flow. It must have lasted for hours, but time no longer had meaning - there was only me, him, and a bloody collar.

- i o i o i o i o i o i o i o i -

It was exactly 10:47 PM when Adymm and I walked into my living room, his hand in the small of my back, leading me gingerly. Don't ask me why I remember the time; I glanced up at the huge, blue-lit digital clock on the wall and it stood out for some reason. All the weeping and blood loss combined had left me fairly drained, and the bottle of orange juice in my other hand had only helped so much, so I wasn't quite up to my normal level of activeness yet.

"You should get some rest," Adymm was saying for the hundredth time. "For like, a few days."

"But I'm fine," I growled. "You keep trying to make a bigger deal out of this than it is."

"Libby, you-"

"Dad?" I asked weakly, looking around. "Are... are you home?"

"Libby."

When I looked over, it wasn't my father, and their faces were so somber I almost didn't recognise them. "Sabrina? Roxie, what are you two-"

And then my dad walked in from the kitchen, and I knew immediately. This was bigger than everything that had been going on, whatever it was. Bigger, and not better.

"Daddy?"

My friends (ex-friends?) stood rigidly. "We should go," Sabrina breathed.

"No, don't," I blurted; whatever was going on, I desperately wanted them to stay. What if this was my last chance to see them? Deliberately, I met Sabrina's eyes before I spoke again. "Please."

They glanced back at my dad, who only shrugged - so they returned to the couch.

"You may want to sit down, too, Libby," he said. Then, his eyebrow furrowed when he spied the bandage. "What happened to your wrist?"

"Just a scratch," Adymm told him quickly; I silently thanked him for that.

"Dad, what's... what happened?"

"Come on," he whispered; it was then I noticed how bloodshot his eyes were. "Let's sit down and-"

"Tell me!" My lip quivered. "Dammit, I can't take this from anybody else this week!"

For a moment, he watched me, watched the laboured way I was breathing and the ageless pain building up behind my eyes. Finally, he knew holding back wasn't going to make it any less horrible.

"I'm sorry, Libby," he said, laying his hand on my shoulder. "It's... your grandmother."

"Gran?" I breathed, clutching wildly for Adymm's hand. "Wh... what happened, is she okay?"

When after a long, eerie silence he only shook his head, I collapsed to the floor, and this time - sometime after 10:47 - I knew for certain that nobody would ever stem the river of tears.

- i o i o i o i o i o i o i o i -
To Be Concluded...