Summary: There are things every gamer should know. Unfortunately, the Player's Guide and Dungeon Master usually neglect to mention such things. Therefore, I have compiled these sensible tips for fellow players. Stories behind them shall follow. Rated for language.

Disclaimer: I own nothing. Just a copy of the 3.5 Player's Manual, the Forgotten Realms Campaign Setting book, a bunch of old 2.0 rulebooks and suppliments, and a really big box of Dragon back-issues. I miss that magazine. Why, Wizards?! Why?!

Queen's Quornor: There is much insanity to be had when you take your PCs and put them somewhere totally different...

Stories with Morals: How to Mess with Your Players

Once upon a time, there was a group of adventurers. This particular motley congregation did not begin as such, however. They were all from different worlds entirely. Never met before in their lives.

Then, quite suddenly and without warning, they all found themselves in a long, circular corridor with seats on either side of the walls and another row of seats running down the middle, all of which were filled with extremely surprised humans.

Being quite shocked themselves, the adventurers all reacted in various ways. The elf and lumi both remained standing where they were, having failed their Spot checks. The remainder of the sudden companions, one of whom was a neurotic centaur, all succeeded in noticing a door with a strange handle against one of the walls. For some odd reason, the door would not open until the combined strength of the centaur and another PC were put into it.

When the door was opened, the four frantic travelers were met with a strong wind, sucking them outside. The centaur and one other immediately went out the door, and as the centaur possessed the ability to windwalk and the other person was able to haul himself onto his back, they did not go plummeting.

The other two who went out the door were not so lucky.

The elf and the lumi were approached by a young woman wearing a scarf over her hair and around her neck, who convinced them to sit down in two vacant seats and showed them how to secure themselves with a pair of straps around their waists. She also told them they were in an airplane, to which the confused pair replied "Do you mean the Plane of Air?"

The plane immediately began descending, and when the woman translated for them that they were landing in Israel and that it was an emergency, the lumi wondered how it was possible to land a Plane.

They were reunited with their new acquaintances several hours later, after some rather hesitant explanations from the young woman and the gift of two scarves to cover the elf's ears and the lumi's lack of a neck, and quickly discovered that the world they were in was populated only by humans. Shortly thereafter, they discovered that the humans did not have access to magic and had apparently abandoned the art of melee combat, but instead used strange projectiles fired from oddly-shaped metal objects (some of which could be carried around and others large enough for them to ride around in) that could punch straight through armor and cause more damage than sling-bullets or arrows despite their smaller size.

In the end, the confused band discovered that they were in that world in order to find a box. They could not walk away from the quest, because a few hours later they would reappear near the others. This also kept them from dying permanently; the geas was quite unlike any they had ever come across before.

Many other strange discoveries awaited, such as the discovery that these odd humans did not use coins for currency, and whatever they did use was of far less value than gold. They also did not use horses, but rather small metal carts that rolled around of their own accord. The adventurers were quite surprised later when they were stopped by a group of human adolescents waving a small black box that clicked and flashed when pressed. These youngsters asked if they were something known as 'LARPers', and marveled at their 'costumes'. When told that they were not wearing any costumes, they laughed and assured the group that they certainly looked authentic, especially the woman without the neck and the centaur.

All of this was experienced before they even knew what sort of box they were looking for.

And the moral is...

Tip 136: The DM has no better way to mess with the players' heads than to put them in our own world rather than a fantasy setting.

Secondary moral (Tip 137): If the DM enjoys hurling you into strange new places without letting you get there yourself, you will learn to really, really hate the phrase 'quite suddenly and without warning'.