A Hat on a Girl on a Stool
Over the years, the Sorting Hat
converses with some lively minds.

Put a hat on a girl on a stool, tra la,
And I'll sort her to a house in our school, tra la!
Take a girl alert and cool,
And her magic mind we'll fuel --
Oh, a gifted witch is such a precious jewel, tra la!

The Sorting of Tuesday, September 1, 1936

Hmmmm. Over the years, I've sorted many McGonagalls, of course. Are you all from one single clan?

I'm not sure. But, one would think.

I ask because nearly every last one has been a Gryffindor till now.

Till now?

You're an intelligent mind with a strong spirit, a leader who can gather a team about her, and quite typical of your family. But, you do have an aggressive side that I have to deal with. Where to put you?

Aggressive? Do you mean because I wow them at Quidditch? Is that bad?

Carrying a quaffle through the fray brings out a lot of ambition. Oh, sure, it's for the team and all, but... to be honest, m'dear, I see you take the adulation very personally.

It's just a game. Or is it a boys' game? Is that it? Can't a girl play, mister hat?

You defend your pride well.

Thank you.

I'm not against aggressive girls, per se.

I'm a modern girl, that's all. It's not the Middle Ages, and we don't burn witches anymore.

Lord knows, two of the founders were strong-minded girls, and they're half of my intelligence.

You do talk and sing about yourself an awful lot. Did you know?

Yes? Well...

You still have to pick my house. Can we get on with it?

Moving on! I see you bend the rules at home a bit, or try. Mum and dad caught you playing Quidditch with your older brothers, did they? A bit of underage magic here and there, some singed eyebrows? Been sent to sit in a corner a few times, have you?

Everybody lets their kids play at magic, so why shan't they? Can I go through your pearly gates of Gryffindor now, or are you determined to drop me into the fires of Slytherin?

Let's not be so hasty, Miss McGonagall. In Slytherin, you'd be with many ambitious companions, and...

Y'know, this silly stool is ever so high, and my feet can't reach the floor, and I'm trying hard to stay upright.

I haven't lost a First Year yet.

Perhaps, but they must have forgotten to brush you tonight, and you're so dusty! I'm afraid I feel a big sneeze coming on, and I'm liable to fall off. "Ahhhhhh..."

Very well, dear. Your wish is granted; I'll let it be... "GRYFFINDOR!" shouted the hat quickly.

"...Chooo!" sneezed little Minnie — landing on her feet exactly where she planned, and in the house she wanted.

On a stool put a hat on a girl, tra la,
With her soul I will dance a merry twirl, tra la!
Let her potent mind unfurl,
Round our magic let it swirl,
To the chain of witches add another pearl, tra la!

The Sorting of Tuesday, September 1, 1992

Ah, a Lovegood! A lovely ancient surname you don't see much.

Hi, Professor Hat! I'm pleased to meet you. You can call me Luna, if you'd like.

Do you know your wand is sitting on your ear?

Um-hum. I try to keep my wand where my head is. It's a long story.

Related to Xeno, eh?

He's my father. I've never talked to a hat before. Are you considered a being?

Beg pardon?

Well, you speak, but you're not human, or a giant, or a goblin, or a...

Oh, oh, oh, I see what you mean. No, technically, I'm a 'charmed object,' they tell me, but what's in a name, anyway? I'm much like the paintings, imprinted with the spirit of wizards and witches, but yet I'm more. For a thousand years, I've...

Has my father ever interviewed you? You must know so much, and met everyone.

Interview me?

For the Quibbler. That's his wizard newspaper. He's an editor, y'know.

An editor, is he now? With Xeno's mind — very much like yours, in fact — he must keep a most inventive and curious newspaper.

Oh, it is! He's very good as a naturalist. Some people think he makes it up, but I don't. Muggle scientists find creatures that other Muggles don't know about, and magicians find many creatures that Muggle scientists don't, so why shouldn't a magician scientist find creatures that other magicians haven't seen?

And has he found many?

Oh, yes! Very many. I have the horn of a Crumple-horned Snorkack that he gave me.

I'm not familiar with it. What does it look like?

Crumpled.

Seems logical.

Uh... Professor McGonagall's drumming her fingers. I think she's getting a bit impatient.

I sense you're right. So quickly, back to the task. Hmmm... clever; open-minded, obviously; friendly; no hackles up about anything. Some frustration over constantly misplacing or losing this, that and... oh dear, your poor mother! I see it all in your memories now. I'm so sorry; I didn't know.

Thank you. I miss her incredibly!

I remember her, litle Ivy Forrest. She was such a darling girl.

Life comes first, and I'll see her again after that.

I'm sure you will; say hello for me when you do. Fare well, m'dear! You have your wits to lead you, so let it be... "RAVENCLAW!" shouted the hat, making Luna very happy.

On a girl on a stool put a hat, tra la,
And we'll have a very introspective chat, tra la!
With her housemates she'll be sat,
Learn the password and all that,
And be proud to wear her house cravat, tra la!

The Sorting of Sunday, September 1, 2019

What! Another Potter!

If that's a bother to you, don't worry. I'll be the last one for a few years.

Sorry, I didn't mean to sound annoyed. You're another of Harry's children, eh?

Yes, sir. My name's Lily, and I didn't mean to sound angry either. Dad said to be nice to you and you'll put me in Gryffindor.

Oh, really? Do the First Years have an instruction book now, on how to manipulate me?

Not really. But Mum said I should be able to twist you around my little finger. I'm not sure what that means, exactly, but that's how my parents talk.

I'm crushed. When have I slipped to this minor assignment of rubber-stamping the house where the students' parents want me to sort their little ones?

You mean they think you aren't needed? I don't. I think it's a way cool ritual.

Do you have a preference to be in Gryffindor yourself?

I think I'd rather. On the other hand, if I get sorted there, my brothers would be watching me like hawks. Well, Al would, anyway. He can be a little twit when he wants to. But they're okay. Mostly.

So wouldn't it be good to have them close?

No! I couldn't get away with anything.

Get away with what?

Oh, y'know. Kid things. Girl things. What if I want a boyfriend?

Your mother had boyfriends, despite her brother's best efforts. Or is that a secret I shan't tell you?

Oh, I know all about them. Mum told me more than Dad knows, but don't tell him.

And kid things, you say. Getting into trouble, you mean?

If I did, I'd have Al and James for company. Al just got here on the train, and he has detention already.

Oh, why should I break this fun-loving family up? Maybe he needs you to keep him out of trouble! You have your wish. Let it be... "GRYFFINDOR!" shouted the hat, and Lily smirked.

You're sweet. And Mum was right. You're such a pushover.

What?!

Bye!

With a hat,
And a girl,
And a stool, tra la,
Together we shall populate the school, tra la!
Magic powers await your rule;
Here's the foremost conj'ring tool--
Put a hat on a girl on a stool, tra la!