Welcome one and all! Please to be enjoying this as I destroy your internets painfully and slowly.

And don't ask why this has come to be. Just. Don't. Ask.

Disclaimer: Dear god, I don't own D. Grayman! Otherwise it would be totally seinen with the amount of smut that could be fit into it. THANKS A LOT LAVI.

The mission was supposed to be simple. Surely nothing that could shake the successor to Bookman; the one who let feelings pass through him like water, so as to record the unwritten history of the world without fail.

On a tip from French Finders, the small group found themselves in the desolate wilds of Algeria, where Akuma attacks were said to have been growing due to the presence of Innocence. More frightening, however, was that while there was no definite sign of there being someone controlling the Innocence, some Akuma were found to be destroyed or damaged.

Komui suggested it was possible that the Innocence could be a Parasite-type, which made finding it all that more urgent. While rare, those kind of Innocence were reported to possess living creatures besides humans. General Cloud Nine was the only known Exorcist who could control such Innocence, due to the danger presented by it not being in direct contact with a human host.

Lavi was certain that they had found the Innocence. He smirked as he hoisted Tessai onto a shoulder and sauntered over to where he could hear growling coming from behind a few rocks. It sounded like the Innocence was taking care of the last of the Level 1's that were trying to destroy it; a pair of Level 2's were behind Lavi, blackened and smoking before they disintegrated and freed the souls trapped within.

The red-haired boy was certain the growling and furious gunshots he was wearing were coming from the desperate Akuma, but as he approached the scuffle only the gunfire died off.

"Eh…?"

A scarlet eyebrow rose over his singular green eye. A prickling began from the back of his neck all the down to his spine. Something was not right here.

Lavi turned past the rocks and came face to face with the Innocence.

Bookman looked up from where he sat smoking a cigarette atop a small rock pile when he heard a high-pitched but masculine scream come from the direction the boy went. While the small group of Finders looked around in concern, he merely blinked calmly and exhaled a long stream of smoke.

"Took him long enough," he muttered, reaching inside his long sleeves and pulling out his personally issued golem.

Komui's concerned voice crackled over the radio. "Bookman! What's going on? Have you found the Innocence-?"

"Sir, shouldn't we go help Lavi?"

"That won't be necessary. We've found it, Komui, I'll be restraining it shortly."

"Restrain -? It's possessed an animal-?!"

The little old man sighed smoke as a shrieking dust cloud came into view, headed straight for the Exorcist and group of Finders.

"Sir, that's -!"

"Oh my god!"

"Oh shi- !"

"JESUS CHRIST IT'S A LION!"

"Was that Lavi-?!"

A red-and-black blur flew past Bookman, making his solitary lock of hair flap wildly though he sat there unmoved.

"What the fu-?"

"GET IN THE CAR – SHIT!"

Fun fact: Lavi was going to say 'cart', but apparently one doesn't get to finish sentences when lions are involved.