The Big Love

Chapter One: In Which We Set the Stage

Because of the fact that the majority of the Akatsuki were men, people generally assumed that they were all gay. However, such was not the case.

"Pein, you lazy loser! Take out the trash!" Konan barked. Pein sighed and ignored her. "You lazy bastard, did you hear me?"

"Make someone else do it. You married ME first!" Pein replied irately. "Since I was married to you first, someone you married more recently should be the one doing the menial tasks!" Konan rolled her eyes.

"I'm busy, or I'd do it myself, and Itachi is busy mowing the lawn. Plus, the order I married you all in has nothing to with whether or not you have to do work. If it was like that, YOU'D sit on the couch the whole day and Tobi would keep this whole place running!Now TAKE OUT THAT TRASH!" She punctuated her remarks with an angry hiss.

Now, reader, you are probably quite confused. What is Pein talking about, married first? Well, allow me to elaborate. You see, this group is a rare example of a polyandrous group. What is polyandry, you ask? It is simply the practice of one wife taking many husbands. And that is precisely what Konan did.

It all started a few years ago when Konan's mother came for a visit. "Look at you!" she had exclaimed. "A woman still unmarried, at your age! And you're living with so many men... it's deplorable!"

"Well, mom, what do you want me to do?" Konan had asked. Her mother stared at her with a glint in her eye.

"Oh, Konan. What are we ever going to do with you? And I thought I had educated you well, too! Obviously the only option is for you to get married!"

"All right, mom," Konan had said. "I'll marry."

Two weeks later, she wed Pein in a Jashinist ceremony performed by Hidan. Once the blood was spilled and the rings exchanged, she and Pein were now wife and husband. But something still didn't seem right. She was still living with eight unmarried men, and they all had nothing tieing them to the organization. And that's when she began to formulate a plot.

Once the honeymoon was over, Konan rushed back to propose to the first person who walked across her path, who just so happened to be Kakuzu. Three hours and quite a bit of paperwork later, Konan and Kakuzu exited the courthouse, wife and husband in the eyes of the law. Needless to say, Pein was less than pleased at the realization that he would have to share his wife.

The other marriages took place in very much the same way as the first two. Hidan officiated the ceremonies for Konan and Deidara, Konan and Itachi, and Konan and Zetsu. When she married Hidan, Sasori, Kisame, and Tobi, they traveled to different areas to get their liscences. Several weeks later, it was official. The entire Akatsuki was married to Konan.

That was all three years ago. Although it would be nice to say that things had been tranquil ever since, it would be a complete, baldfaced lie.

To Be Continued!

Author's Comments:

Uh... I really have no idea where the idea for this story came from... but the title comes from the HBO television series 'Big Love' about the polygamous family.

This story is rated 'T' for now, but the rating could change. There might be some mature jokes later on.

-Kaboom