Disclaimer: The rights to Naruto are on my wish list for my birthday. I'll let you know how it goes.

It wasn't an uncommon occurrence to come across Madara glaring. What was unusual, however, was who he was glaring at.

The girl simply looked back at him.

"What?" she finally wanted to know.

"You," Madara hissed. "Who are you, why are you here, and where's Tobi?"

The girl's lips twitched as though she were trying to hold back a smile. "I thought you hated Tobi."

"I do."

She shrugged. "Then why are you complaining? I would've thought you'd be happy he's not bugging you."

Madara had no reply to that, so he simply glared at her some more. "I'm going to kill you," he informed her tartly after a long moment's silence. The girl shrugged from her seated position on the Akatsuki's couch.

Minutes passed.

"Why don't you sit down so we can talk?" the girl suggested, grinning.

Madara sat.

"Why did I sit?" he demanded to know.

"I asked you to."

"But…" Confusion was a state that Madara was used to, but this? This was something that had never happened before.

"Oh, it has," the girl said cheerfully in response to his thoughts. "Trust me. Stuff like this happens every day."

He blinked. "What."

"And not just to you," the girl continued. "This type of thing happens to all the characters in Naruto, and to all the characters from thousands of other fandoms."

He wanted to ask just what she was going on about, but the girl shushed him with a look. "To answer your questions, I'm a writer, I'm here to talk to you, and I'm not sure where Tobi is. I just made sure that he couldn't bother us."

"WHAT?"

"No need to get so huffy. Basically, I'm the person writing every disaster that happens with you and Tobi – and you're not going to remember this after I leave, so don't bother trying to hunt me down and kill me, especially as it wouldn't work anyways – and I thought it'd be nice to talk to you for a few minutes. So I'm doing what's pretty much considered an amusing writing taboo and writing myself in the story." She paused. "I ramble too much, don't I?"

For his part, Madara was still stuck at the 'person writing every disaster' part. He stared at the girl in front of him. This person, this, this whelp of a girl was responsible? By simply putting a pen to paper? It was unthinkable.

"Actually, it's more like fingers to keys, but you get the point."

Madara groaned and brought his hand to his face, only to discover that his mask was gone. "Where—"

"You look better without the mask," the girl said matter-of-factly. "Much more evil."

"Thank you?"

"You're welcome."

There was a slight pause.

"So," the girl said, getting right down to the point of why she'd decided to show up in the first place, "Your feelings on this collection of connected oneshots?"

He looked at her. "Am I supposed to know what that means?"

She rolled her eyes, exasperated. "The whole 'Tobi versus Madara' thing. What do you think of it?"

"I hate you."

"So very much?"

Madara nodded dumbly. How had she known he was going to say that?

"I told you, I'm a writer," she said. "I'm writing this right now. I know exactly what you're going to say and do."

He stared. "Please tell me this is a dream."

She considered this, tapping her fingers against each other. "Well… I could do that, I suppose… I was just going to erase your memory about this, but odd dreams work just as well."

"Get out the Akatsuki hideout."

"You're so dull." The girl rose from the couch, stretched and looked down at him. "No wonder people enjoy reading you and Tobi fight. He brings out the awesome and entertaining in you. None of this insane with power stuff – just good old humor."

"Humor." His response was deadpan.

"Mm. You're actually pretty entertaining, once you let go."

He could think of nothing else to say, other than, "Why are you doing this?"

She shrugged again. "Boredom, mostly, though this little project started out as a birthday present. It's fun. I enjoy it. And even if you don't, well, you should see what happens to you in canon. I'm pretty sure you're going to die. You're definitely insane, in a 'muahaha, I'm going to take over the world using an absolutely insane plan and probably going to die in the process' type way. Isn't this more fun than that?"

"Get out."

The girl sighed. "Broken record. Ah, well. I'll see you later, then, but I doubt you'll be seeing me."

She vanished.

Madara blinked. What had he been doing a few seconds ago?

"Tobi's a good boy!"

Facepalm. "No, Tobi. You aren't."

A/N: Uh. Yeah. I have no idea where this came from. I know it's not really Tobi vs Madara-ish. So... Think of this as an experiment and let me know what you think?